Advice for single bi male seeking threesome?

[crimsonfur82 15]

Hi, I'm 34yo and used to think of myself as gay - but in the past year or two I've accepted that I'm actually bi instead. I've come to the conclusion that I REALLY want to experience an MMF three-way hookup sometime soon; in fact, it's my most immediate priority in terms of overall dating/sexuality.

 

Is swinger culture a good choice for a single bi male seeking a threesome, to find what he's looking for? Or is single male swinging only for those guys who are patient enough to spend lots of time in the social scene? Because I live in a small town and only get to the city about once a month, and I'm looking for the easiest way to find what I want: a willing bisexual man AND woman who want to do a three-way with me.

 

If not swinging, where should I look? I'm having no luck by contacting gay/flex/bi guys on OKCupid, most of them are "too gay" to agree to anything involving women.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I think swinging may in fact be a good way to find what you are looking for. It's going to take both work and patience though.

 

Using the online route to finding playmates you have good chemistry with is always work, and then there are two other things working against you that you will just have to be patient enough to not get discouraged about. Neither one is insurmountable, you just need to invest the time in forging relationships with people to get over that initial hump.

 

One is being a single guy. Single guys don't have a great rep in the Lifestyle, so you have to be willing to prove you're not one of those single guys that give the whole group a bad name; you're you and you are respectful, always put your best foot forward, understand your role in swinging, pay equal attention to both halves of the couple, and so on.

 

The second is male bisexuality is becoming more accepted...but it's not totally there yet. Given the swinger love of anything girl on girl, then hypocritical without a doubt, but it is what it is. It's out there though, it's just those cards are just held a little closer to the vest. You do see some profiles where the guy identifies as bi, and those obviously would be ones to target, but my guess is for every one of those you see there are many more where the couple may be up for that but aren't willing to come right out and advertise that they are. So what to do about that is to put together a really good profile and then hope those people come to you.

 

Good luck, and do everything right and be patient, and I think you will eventually find what you are looking for.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

You've gotten some really great advice from cplnuswing, and I wanted to echo that good information.

 

I'm here to tell you that the kind of thing you seek is definitely possible. In fact, I had the exact scenario you described, just last weekend! Well, almost the exact scenario. In my case, I am a married guy, sometimes playing solo. But I was the solo guy last weekend. So I know it can happen!

[crimsonfur82 15]

Cplnuswing said "put together a real good profile". What would that look like for a single bi male?

[kikonkrome 844]

You could probably try and find an all bi-sexual party or club night. They are out there and definitely bring what you are looking for.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Cplnuswing said "put together a real good profile". What would that look like for a single bi male?

 

The stuff I mentioned above would be a good start - respectful, always put your best foot forward, understand your role in swinging, pay equal attention to both halves of the couple, etc. That means don't talk about how big your dick is, how you are the best fuck either of them will ever have, how you're going to to fill that gap that is missing in their sex life, etc. Basically, act like you understand they are doing you a favor by including you in their sex life, not the other way around.

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

As a single bi male who loves threesomes & groups I have to say everything is posted so far is dead on. A few things I can add..

 

If you feel comfortable in bars spend a little time in pick up venues. A couple Hotwifing can turn up & if the husband is bi or ok with male contact it's a bonus.

 

Not clear if you have had a female partner one on one. Be open to a open minded lady should one turn up. With her that locating another bi male is easier. I know Unicorns are supposed to be rare, but I've also noticed women can be intrigued with the idea of sex with a 'gay' male.

 

Set your standards by personality, not physical attributes if you can. A BBW, chubby couple, or experienced & dedicated older couple can be a lot more satisfying than 'attactive' who are constrained by too many limits, their own ego, or drag around drama.

[crimsonfur82 15]

 

If you feel comfortable in bars spend a little time in pick up venues...

Not clear if you have had a female partner one on one.

 

I'm not comfortable flirting with strangers in a bar/club setting, at least not at this stage in my life.

 

Yes I have had two female sexual partners so far and would like to experience more.

[crimsonfur82 15]

Thank you for the suggestions so far. I have two other concerns/fears though:

 

1. I made myself a promise that I would not date/hookup with any more guys until AFTER I experienced an MMF or two. This has put me in the awkward position of bringing up MMF immediately when first-messaging guys online. I've only had one or two remotely positive replies so far, though - and the conversation hasn't kept up well even with them. My biggest fear is that finding an MMF is going to take so long, that I could spend a lot of time rejecting attractive male partners simply because they can't do what I want them to do. Hopefully my "promise to self" doesn't turn into a self-imposed deprivation that goes on for a year or longer!

 

2. The flip-side of trying to find something more elusive in the dating world (like MMF), is that when an eligible partner or couple finally does come along, he/she/they may be a major compromise in terms of appearance, personality, and even sexual chemistry. I know I felt this way with the first woman I slept with; she was far from my ideal choice in terms of body type or demeanor. I felt I was only choosing her because she was the only one who replied "Yes" to my show-me-the-ropes message I sent out to dozens of local girls.

 

The second lady I met was a better match, but I had to travel to the nearest big city to meet her.

 

All in all I'm worried that when an MMF threesome finally happens, there are going to be so many "compatibility compromises" involved that it won't be enjoyable. I hope my fears in this regard are not going to be confirmed, because nothing makes me angrier than confirmed fear!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I think you are trying too hard...there's a difference between goals and absolutes. If you are self-imposing some absolute on yourself like no other sex until the MFM thing happens, then that's just setting yourself up for frustration and failure. It's the same as when experienced swingers counsel new swingers to not have any expectations since making whether or not you play that night the tipping point between a bad time and a good time is just going to mean you end up with a lot of bad times. Then there is the thing about the harder you try to find something the harder it is get.

 

Make it your goal to experience a MFM threesome, and then just go with the flow and live your life naturally and whatever happens, happens.

[freddymike 18]

I would go for an MFF threesome. Just saying thats all. You mentioned 2 women. And you mentioned being ex gay. I speak as a trans here with size A tits and a size 19 cock Ok? Also I am not gay if you can work that one out. But in the trans scene there are basically 3 sexes and so the 2 element of bi sexual becomes a different term. I wont bore you with my thoughts though. But you going with two women would seem a wiser first step I think. And not necessarily bi women either. All the advice here is sound though on this thread. Good luck.

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

I have to agree, turning goals into hard limits make life more difficult & reduces serendipity. I found having a bi male sex buddies led to meeting more women, & the reverse as well. Relax, just chat people up & be ready to accept unexpected opportunities you never thought of.

 

Bars are not my favorite place to hang out, but thats where the people are. Generally I'd just stop in a place for a single drink, watch the people without any intent to try to meet anyone & work my way up to a evening as I became more comfortable with a place.

 

And, remember you are lucky you enjoy both men and women, that can double your opportunities as you gain experience, so if some interesting guy wants to get naked with you dont be silly & pass. Maybe he has a lady friend he can introduce you to, or maybe you'll run across a lady who wants to play with a pair of bi guys. The possibilities are endless.