Do you play with cheaters?

[enhancer 1,585]

Do you or would you play with someone knowing they are cheating on their spouse?

[Bob250 74]

Personally, no I would not. I feel that honesty and trustworthiness are a huge part of what makes swinging the activity it is. I suppose that if you just view a partner as a dick or a pussy with a body attached, you could rationalize it away, but I could not.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

No, many people have guns and I prefer to limit my chances of getting shot.

 

Also, it goes against the trust and communication we feel is necessary to be in the lifestyle. There are plenty of loving couples and singles to play with. There is no reason for us to engage with a cheater.

[BuiltForSin 66]

No - While we don't walk around advertising the LS we do like a little bit of PDA and fun in the clubs and we don't want to have to worry about drama. We have had a few approach us and we have had to ask some of them several times about their status after getting politician-worthy vague responses. We eventually settled on "Is there anyone who would feel upset or betrayed if they found out either of you were engaging in this activity?" as our no-way-to-wiggle-out question. This is one of the reasons we gave up on the "FWB" couples..

[enhancer 1,585]

Great responses so far! We agree with all the points made so far.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

No, I would never play with someone who was cheating on someone. Swinging is fun, but that fun is not worth causing anyone any unhappiness. And I also agree with the fundamental notion that the lifestyle is all about open and honest exploration of sexuality with others. Involvement in any way with dishonesty goes against that fundamental idea.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Agree with all...no way. It just goes totally against the grain of what we like and respect about swingers and swinging.

[Alura 2,774]

Agree with all...no way. It just goes totally against the grain of what we like and respect about swingers and swinging.

 

I agree with this ^. However, Oklahoma is a "concealed carry" state and one never know who might be packing a shootin' iron, and not have the sense on when to use it.

[EastInWest 1,524]

I agree with this ^. However, Oklahoma is a "concealed carry" state and one never know who might be packing a shootin' iron, and not have the sense on when to use it.

 

Once saw something along these lines:

 

Frontier Safety Tips

 

- Stay out of fights.

 

- Stay out of seedy bars.

 

- Stay out of married women.

[njbm 2,880]

We would not. Contrary to the zeitgeist of swinging. We once played with a couple that we later suspected of cheating (they can only play on Mon or Tues night, lots of texting, we had to host,etc.) and we were one and done. Want no part of drama, hurt, deception, etc.

[shy_couple 459]

Never knowingly. Seems like since we blocked single males from viewing profile, we have tons of married couples interested because, you guessed it, guy has a hall pass. Sorry, couples profile is a couple or a lying cheater. Either way no thanks.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Never knowingly. Seems like since we blocked single males from viewing profile, we have tons of married couples interested because, you guessed it, guy has a hall pass. Sorry, couples profile is a couple or a lying cheater. Either way no thanks.

That's your decision of course, and I respect it. But I'm here to tell you that not all guys in that situation are cheaters- for example, I'm not a cheater!

 

The Mrs and I play together sometimes, and we allow each other to play separately sometimes, too. As it happens, my wife's appetite is not as high as mine these days, so I'm nearly always the one playing solo when we're not playing together. We take care to assure anyone who I contact solo that the Mrs. is onboard with my solo play, and is available to talk, write, or to join in a first get-together, in order to reassure people that she is cool with the situation. We feel that we are doing everything we can to prove that this is not a cheating situation. But I admit that sometimes even this completely transparent offer to provide any kind of assurance that's needed is not enough.

[Alura 2,774]

Once saw something along these lines:

 

Frontier Safety Tips

 

- Stay out of fights.

 

- Stay out of seedy bars.

 

- Stay out of married women.

 

One could add, "Don't take your guns to town, Son."

 

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Absolutely not! We both know how much hurt can occur when it is finally known that a spouse has been cheating and we don't want to be a part of that pain.

 

I recently found out that a long time playmate is planning on making it "official" to announce that he is dating another girl. Since finding out, I have him scratched off the list even though it's not "official" yet. So, even the hint of impropriety is enough for me to respect a (budding) relationship.

[Mbgdallas 203]

Absolutely not! We both know how much hurt can occur when it is finally known that a spouse has been cheating and we don't want to be a part of that pain.

 

I recently found out that a long time playmate is planning on making it "official" to announce that he is dating another girl. Since finding out, I have him scratched off the list even though it's not "official" yet. So, even the hint of impropriety is enough for me to respect a (budding) relationship.

 

Is it possible that she knows he plays around and is OK with it.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Is it possible that she knows he plays around and is OK with it.

 

I am assuming from the OP that the person is cheating--not allegedly or speculatively but that the person states they are cheating on their spouse.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Nope, not going to happen. Too much potential for drama. There are enough great couples to play with that makes taking a risk like that silly to us.

[asncpl 729]

I recently found out that a long time playmate is planning on making it "official" to announce that he is dating another girl. Since finding out, I have him scratched off the list even though it's not "official" yet. So, even the hint of impropriety is enough for me to respect a (budding) relationship.

 

I had a similar situation with a playmate that I had known for a long time and was single at the time we met. I didn't know about his change of "status" until he showed up one time with a wedding band. It was an obvious slip up and when I confronted him, he admitted to dating and then marrying a girl during the time we were playing together. That's the end of that. It's a matter of respect for both me and the other woman, and also it's a question of honesty, which I demand in this lifestyle.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

As for cheaters: HELL no! We are doing this as a couple to have fun together and to bring us closer together. We base everything on open honesty and communication. Cheating from the start is based on deceit and deception. If you are lying about something as big as this, then how many other things are you lying about? If we can't trust you, we sure aren't going to play with you. In addition, we don't want to get dragged in to the drama when the other married partner finds out.

 

When we were first starting, we met a couple that we enjoyed spending time with. After awhile, they introduced us to a second couple that they were seeing. We quickly found out that this second couple wasn't really a couple at all. He was married to another woman and she was a co-worker that he was seeing and the two of them were then swinging together. Of course, we also found out that they were lying about their age and where they lived (not the crime of the century, but it still goes towards credibility) as well as several other things. Of course it didn't help that the third male was very crude and crass and didn't respect others limits. Not only did we not see them again, we didn't see the original couple after this either (they thought this third couple was just great). It might not seem like a big thing to some, but we just don't need the drama and this is just begging for drama...(and it eventually led to big drama for both couples).

[Bob250 74]

I have no objection to somebody carrying a firearm, as long as they don't point the end with the hole in it, in anybody's direction. Besides you never know when you are going to be attacked by Lions, or terrorists or Zombies, on the way to the mall.

[AskMeOk 148]

Do you or would you play with someone knowing they are cheating on their spouse?

 

Absolutely not.

 

Over the long period of time we have been in the lifestyle, I think that is the only rule that has steadfastly remained.

[AskMeOk 148]

Never knowingly. Seems like since we blocked single males from viewing profile, we have tons of married couples interested because, you guessed it, guy has a hall pass. Sorry, couples profile is a coue or a lying cheater. Either way no thanks.

 

As a guy with a hall pass, I would expect the other person(s) to ask to see it....

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I recently found out that a long time playmate is planning on making it "official" to announce that he is dating another girl. Since finding out, I have him scratched off the list even though it's not "official" yet. So, even the hint of impropriety is enough for me to respect a (budding) relationship.

 

Is it possible that she knows he plays around and is OK with it.

 

 

 

Forgive me, Mbgdallas. For some reason, I thought your question was about the OP's question about cheating and not about the situation I brought up.

 

It would be best to ask if she knows he's a swinger but all clues point to this being a vanilla relationship. And even if she is aware that he is a swinger and might be okay with him playing, I am of the opinion that new relationships need time to focus on one another without anyone else involved so I would still steer clear, even if everything was okay with the new girlfriend.

[lizard-lix 32]

Absolutely no!

 

Several reasons:

1) I don't want to get shot (as others have said)

2) I don't want to be part of a lie (as others have also said)

3) an expansion on 2. My wife and I have been married very happily for 37 years and intend on forever. But I am a bi and kinky slut, she is straight and vanilla. I did it her way for 25 years, she tried mine for 10 (we went to swing clubs, even full swapped once, went to fetish clubs, etc). But it turned out that she is just not interested in swinging or even that interested in sex. So she gave me a hall pass since she is amazing.

 

In all of our years together, having about a 5 to 1 difference in libido and with me traveling for work since we got married, I never cheated, she never cheated, we always talked about it and even building up to the hall pass, we always told the truth. It set a standard we live by.

 

The first person I met said he was also on the same plan (I'm bi, so I wanted to play with a guy again first) and lead me on for almost two months before it became obvious it was a lie. He vanished and never came back, so fuck him (not)!

 

It all has to be honest!

[intuition897 2,179]

That's a big nope. We work at our relationship, so we don't put up with bullshit excuses from play-around dickheads about how she "just doesn't understand". Fix it or get the fuck out. Or if you are playing with a legitimate hall pass, I AM going to get it straight from her. That's just us saying we respect others' relationships and the people involved, and we wish no harm to anyone by our actions. Other reasons not to play with cheaters:

 

1) Zero integrity which a) is a total turn-off, and b) means they would lie to you as soon as look at you because they have no stake in your well-being. FFS, they don't even care about the wellbeing of someone they've vowed to be faithful to; what makes you think their boy scout promise that they are disease-free is worth a damn? Hello gonorrhea.

 

2) It's just bad karma. That shit comes back to bite you in the worst ways.

 

3) This is willfully walking into a hornet's nest of trouble, especially if discretion is something you're concerned about. The first thing the Mrs. is going to want to do is slash some tires and graffiti you car, and then maybe take the liberty of researching you (thank you Facebook) and systematically screwing your life with the social media equivalent of being paraded through town naked and stoned to death. No thanks.

 

4) We don't have much in the way of guns up here in Canada - it's hard to conceal-carry a hunting rifle, and you have to call the police ahead of time anytime you want to transport a hand gun - but violent deaths are not unheard of here. I'd rather avoid it, thanks.

 

5) I just don't want to hurt anyone! No piece of ass is worth the pain someone feels when they've been betrayed. I want no part of it in any way, shape or form.

[willyoats 324]

I suspect we have since we had singles at our club, but we never did it knowingly. Now that I think back, we once had a guy who told us he had been married only a month. We didn't pry, but I'd bet his wife didn't know where he was!

[Mrsexcited 16]

No, as the mr and I have btdt in our relationship and I would never want to do that to someone else. So we have a rule as we just kinda ran into this with a guy. He presented himself as single then let out he has a wife then kids. We said well we would all need to meet. We set up a time but they conviently cancelled in terms of oh hey sorry we fell asleep. Which we knew would happen. Just as he said well here's her Kik but I still said if we are to go further we need to see face to face, just because I don't trust easily. And he already started off on the wrong foot so it left me going sorry not a priority.

Just as since we do play with single men my husband always remains open to meeting them and when they've come to the house my husband is always here.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

Trust is the cornerstone of the lifestyle. It is a no go for us.

[Napoleon 230]

I've had 3 past experiences that I've had sex with single women I met only to find out later they were cheating wives. This is one reason why I don't have sex with married women even if they are in an open marriage and their husband is "supposedly" ok with her having sex with other men.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Napoleon, I don't understand your logic here, would you please explain?

 

You had sex with three women who you thought were single, they later turned out to be cheaters. Okay, that happens.

 

Why does this disqualify women who are not cheaters; i.e., their husbands are okay with them having sex with you?

[adamgunn 1,460]

We like MFM threesomes, and are often contacted by men who may or may not be married. On our profile, it says we do not want to be intimate with men who are cheating. Some of the men say they are married and have a hall pass. We might meet them at a bar, we always ask if they are really in an open relationship, if they say they are we don't check with their wives, we assume they are telling the truth. (Assuming we like the other things about them . . .)

 

And every once in awhile we'll meet with a guy who says he's single, but either I or Mary get the idea he's actually married. We challenge him - "Is your wife okay with you playing around?" Then we wait for their reaction. If they come off guilty or suspicious, we don't play with him. But if he is suave about it and says he isn't married , yeah, we might ignore our concerns and allow him into our bedroom once. And afterwards, we don't worry about it - if he was cheating (we don't know he was for sure,) it's his marriage, not ours.

 

Two collieries of that of that is if we go to a house party and get into an orgy situation, we don't check with everyone who's there and find out if they're cheating. And a guy who we thought was cheating would never become an FWB, he won't be invited back; the chance of drama is too high.

[Napoleon 230]

Napoleon, I don't understand your logic here, would you please explain?

 

You had sex with three women who you thought were single, they later turned out to be cheaters. Okay, that happens.

 

Why does this disqualify women who are not cheaters; i.e., their husbands are okay with them having sex with you?

 

This has been my experience and the experience of many men I know. The easiest women to have sex with and cheat with:

 

1st place - Married women. Married women are the easiest women to have sex/cheat with. I've crossed paths with far more cheating wives than cheating girlfriends. Sexually I completely avoid married women, I don't want to unknowingly be part of her destroying her marriage and the breakup of her family. Also in Texas, the state I live in, a husband can file a lawsuit against the man she cheated with and actually win the lawsuit. Also currently 50% to 70%(depending on location) of wives cheat, 50% to 75%(depending on location) of all marriages end up in divorce, 80% of all divorces per year are initiated by women, just a few reasons why I will never foolishly get married. Married women are the most unfaithful of women.

 

2nd place - Girlfriends are a little bit harder to have sex/cheat with. I've crossed paths with slightly less girlfriends than wives willing to cheat.

 

3rd place - Single women. Of course single women can't cheat because they're single and they're far more harder to have sex with than girlfriends and wives.

 

For legal reasons, I'm not banging a wife regardless if she and her husband are "supposedly" in agree with each other having sex with other people. I won't let myself be possibly dragged into a courtroom because of their nasty divorce and having to explain and embarrass myself in front of a full courtroom why I was banging the wife.

[NC_Seniors 518]

Do you or would you play with someone knowing they are cheating on their spouse?

 

No ...

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

No, never. Swinging is all about trust and respect. Cheating is the exact opposite.

[adamgunn 1,460]

>>Also currently 50% to 70%(depending on location) of wives cheat,

 

According to current statistics, the actual reported usage of women who have *ever* slept with a man who is not their husband is approximately 16%. (Institute for Family Studies, https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america)

 

With no-fault divorce being prevalent in this day and age, it seems unlikely that any man will be dragged into testifying in a divorce court because he slept with a married woman. But if you have that worry, I understand your concerns.

[Napoleon 230]

>>Also currently 50% to 70%(depending on location) of wives cheat,

 

According to current statistics, the actual reported usage of women who have *ever* slept with a man who is not their husband is approximately 16%. (Institute for Family Studies, https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america)

 

With no-fault divorce being prevalent in this day and age, it seems unlikely that any man will be dragged into testifying in a divorce court because he slept with a married woman. But if you have that worry, I understand your concerns.

 

Yeah, ok, keep believing "only" 16% of girlfriends and wives have screwed around instead of at least 50%.

[Numex 2,420]

What I want to know is why so many single women pursue married men? Is it the same reason women want to eat off other people's plates?

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Do you or would you play with someone knowing they are cheating on their spouse?

 

Yes. We have played with someone we know is playing without their spouses knowledge. Do we approve of it? No. It is not something that would keep us from playing. We don't get involved in other peoples personal lives.

[NC_Seniors 518]

We don't get involved in other peoples personal lives.

If the spouse ever finds out what’s going on, you’ll be involved.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

We once met a couple where one of them was cheating. He was married to someone else, she was his secretary at work. We didn't see them again after that. Risk/reward...too much risk that this would end bad and he was too much of a jerk to worry about any reward.

[Fla-swing99 136]

That is a very difficult question and at least for us has an answer of yes and no. We have met guys online that in their profile they indicate they are married but their wife is not in the lifestyle or that they are married but separated. If someone is upfront and honest with us from the beginning as to their marital status then we are more apt to consider playing with them even though they are married. Their honesty about it and not hiding it has a lot more weight to us than someone who hides it all together.

 

We have met people that claimed they were single and when we actually met with them one indicated he was married but his wife has health issues and can't have sex so he does this and she lets him (which we think is BS) and we continued to have lunch with him but then explained we don't play those games and nothing else happened.

 

Another man told us he was single and his wife passed away and he raises his son alone. When he came over we noticed a wedding ring on his finger but at first we just thought it was from his deceased wife and he just never took it off. Nothing much happened that night other than me, the wife, giving him a little oral sex, but then he left. My husband and I just had a strange feeling about the whole situation. Needless to say, we looked him up on Facebook and found his Facebook page with him, his wife, and their 3 kids. We never saw him again.

 

If a married guy claims to have a "hall pass" to play alone we tell him that's great, all we need to do is speak to your wife and let us hear it from her before we can meet/play with you.

 

The more honest you are with us up front about your marital status, the better chance you have with us.

[couplers 4,654]

As for cheaters:..

Here in the Boston area, it could be mistaken for a Cheetah, a type of cougar perhaps.

[Anon321 523]

Wow I didn't know this board was so against this. We have messed around with cheaters A LOT. Mostly my GF fucking married men or guys in relationships. Our feeling is that everybody is an adult and makes their own decisions.

 

Just this summer we were bar hopping with a couple (friends of ours) and we were at a bar/club and my GF and buddy went missing for a while. His wife was like "I wonder where they went." So I pull out my cell to call her and I see 3 pics my buddy had just texted me of her sucking his dick. Apparently they were in the bathroom of the bar across the street. It made the rest of the night a little awkward as the 3 of us were kind of laughing and very drunk but it was incredibly hot for us.

[Guest]

 

 

I now find this a really tricky question, you see for many years I was DEAD AGAINST the idea of playing with a cheater, however now in later years I understand a lot more / have experienced a lot more and know I'd be more interested in their reasons and what kind of cheater they are.

 

Kind of strange really I mean obviously some cheaters are bad people, others are just stuck in bad sexless relationships and end up staying for the family. You know some guys, even cheaters would be dam thankful for a little private friendship that doesn't explode in their face like dating can.

 

Don't get me wrong we haven't played with many cheating people (that I know of) but as I get older I am actually leaning more towards this option, just because in some respects it kind of feels a bit safer. You know in my younger years we played with a lot of single guys ans really a lot of them had nothing to lose, they didn't have good jobs / homes / marriages / families and often wanted to become too close with my partner or tried to push boundaries.

 

You know most married guys do have a job, home, car, marriage, children to lose so you would imagine such a man would not cause trouble, would keep things quiet, would have a shared interest in safety and security. Not always the case, but sure you could say a lot of cheating guys are not going to want to cause trouble, that they should keep things discreet.

 

In many respects I know a single man may have a motivate to try and steal my partner, where as a married man may have to much to lose to mess around, more likely just to view it as fun whilst it last. I also like the added security because basically if he causes shit there is nothing stopping us finding his wife, that he will not want to risk possible blow back and even if they turn out nice a few well placed threats and promises should seem them scurrying off with their tale between their legs.

 

I do find there are a lot of problems with cheating men, hygiene perhaps been the biggest as basically a lot of them want to sneak around at meet you at silly times where they haven't been able to bath for hours, you know they want to meet you straight after work stinking of a hard days labour, or want to meet you after a two hour gym session in smell gym gear.

 

I find they lack hygiene body wise as well, you know after 12 years of marriage the pubic hair is like untamed jungle, put in very little effort to shave / be clean / be fresh because after all their use to kicking back in their relationship and if they change anything the wife will notice.

 

You know if your average man gets in a bath and starts shaving all his pubic hair / trimming / grooming / shaving straight parts of his body / wearing better clothes / putting on posh after shaves then sure a wife is going to notice, so instead you kind of just end up with the “Married Guy” who has moderate hygiene at best.

 

I do find cheating guys annoying in the fact that many of them only want to meet you on their time table, that the cheating guy is asking you to meet at 7am before work or at 23:40 at night when his wife is sound asleep.

 

They also expect every meet to also be a “Quickie” you know they walk in and the first thing they will always say is.....

 

“Cant stop long”

 

In other words I have 30 minutes to unload my penis into your wife then have to dash home before my wife realises I'm late home.

 

I never expect meets with cheating guys to last longer like that 1 hour. Can actually be really annoying, I remember once we arranged to meet a single guy and booked a really nice hotel room and the guy only stayed 40 minutes half of which he was checking his phone and watch every two seconds before quickly running off to the wife, sure entire hotel room for nothing basically another liar who said he was single and obviously wasn't.

 

Its always easy to stop a cheater because like stated the second they walk in your door the first thing they will ALWAYS SAY is something like.

 

I can't stop long..... Meeting friends later.... Got my mother coming over later so only have a quick hour..... Got to be somewhere soon so only have an hour. You know the cheating man always has to be somewhere / always is on a time limit / you know its really annoying because it kills any of the social side, married guys don't have any time to be social, simply fuck and run.

[Alura 2,774]

Oklahoma is a "Constitutional Carry" state. Not long ago, a "wronged" husband burst in on his wife and her friend (in a motel room) and shot them both. 

 

[two4youinswva 3,068]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alienation_of_affections

 

North Carolina members definitely want to take notice.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Let's just pretend:

 

You play once with a cheater. Somehow his wife finds out. She wants a divorce because he is cheating on her. You get called into court as part of the divorce proceeding. Court records are public record (as well as whatever the wife tells...everyone). Now your wife is either outed as a cheater or the two of you are outed as swingers.

 

Add to this that swinging is all based on trust and mutual respect and cheating is the exact opposite.

 

Risk/reward. Not worth the risk.

 

[Numex 2,420]

Since we are part of a closed group of married couples, we don't play with cheaters.  But before, when we were doing more open swinging, the only rule I had for my wife was no married men (or women).  Not because of the cheating per se, but the danger of an enraged spouse or becoming involved in divorce proceedings.

 

Before my wife and I became exclusive with one another and got married, she had relationships with plenty of married men and a few married women.  She preferred it because the relationship was limited by his marriage (married men don't leave their wives), and they were extremely appreciative to be getting what they weren't at home (it wasn't always (or at least just only) sex).  But she agrees now it isn't worth it. 

[Guest]

Not on purpose. I have cheated though. My ex-husband was in love with a bottle and I found intimacy with other men. This is how I learned about swinging. My friend introduced me to her husband when I was going through an emotional and ugly divorce. They are swingers and they have included me in their life.

[tkntd 59]

We would never do that. Had more than one opportunity, but no. Just not right.