Is Swinging Addictive? Are we sex Addicts?

[DeesireCpl 15]

I was speaking with a friend of mine who is in the lifestyle and she was saying how she and her hubby are getting out of swinging. I found myself saying oh really wow it's going to be tough don't you think? Now listening to myself and thinking back, I honestly feel that I would not be able to quit the lifestyle. I love the clubs , parties , the friendliness of lifestyle people. How open and free they are and not uptight. I almost feel addicted to the lifestyle or at least to the feeling the lifestyle gives me. My life would be missing a piece of my freedom if I was not in Swinging. Even if Mr Deesire and I were not together I would still lifestyle as I am sure he would too. Now unless for some family /health /or relationship issue I /we would definately have to put a hold on it but never quit it totally.

My questions to the board are:

 

Are you addicted to the lifestyle?

Do you feel we as a community are sex addicts being in the lifestyle?

Could you quit it totally never go back to it ever?

Have you ever gone 1 day without thinking about swinging?

 

Thanks

Deesire & MrDeesire

[Elusive BiFem 70]

You've posed some really interesting questions and I am looking forward to seeing the various responses. Sometimes, when you read a post, you just see it coming...one that will hang around for a really long time and will frequently be brought up time and again! I think this is one of those.

 

Coming from a single woman...

 

Are you adicted to the lifestyle?

I would have to say I am addicted to the idea of the lifestyle rather than they lifestyle itself. This thought addiction stems, in part, from my personal feelings of wanting to be able to openly discuss sexualilty and experiences with others rather than be bound by the normal restrictions society imposes on us. Here, on this board, I've seen and read more things than I even knew existed just a year or two ago. I don't agree with all...I certainly have no interest in all, but I have enjoyed the learning experiences and for the most part, have come to understand that there are more commonalities among us than differences. Another part of that thought addiction is having had the opportunity to make friends - men and women - with similar interest. It doesn't leave one wondering if they are "alone" with their thoughts and interest.

 

Do you feel we as a community are sex adicts being in the lifestyle?

Some probably could be defined as true sex addicts, but the vast majority, I would say are not. Just like others outside of the lifestyle, there is a mixture of people. I think the only real difference is the way those with an interest in the lifestyle perceive sexual freedom and sexual play. Most lifestylers can separate the sex of love and romance from the sex of playfulness. Even in stictly monogamous relationships, there are times of passion stemming from love and other times the passion stems from pure lust and playfulness. That combination makes for wonderful sexual experiences. In the lifestyle, maybe we take it just a step or two further by experiencing the latter with our spouses and others. From what I've seen and read, most in the lifestyle are not any more sexually active than those outside the lifestyle. Maybe here...we just talk about it more. I think that is what would give it the appearance of an addiction.

 

Could you quit it totally never go back to it ever?

Absolutely. The lifestyle is only one small aspect of me and my life. However, this goes back to your first question. Could I quit thinking about it...never think about it again? No. In part because I have friends that are lifestylers and the topic would always be part of our friendship. Could I quit having an interest in it? No. Again...a however in terms of totally quitting...if I abandoned the lifestyle completely, then maybe 5-10 years from now, met someone (a couple in my case), could I easily slip back into the lifestyle. You betcha! Without a blink of the eyes. I think that is because I have been a lifestyler...it is now just the way I look at things.

 

Have you ever gone 1 day without thinking about swinging?

Yes. In fact, I've gone weeks without thinking about (tho' not since joining this board! ). Pre-board days? Certainly. It would drift in and out of my thoughts like many pleasurable things do. I love chocolate...chocolate anything. But do I think about chocolate everyday? No. Just when I have chocolate cravings!

 

Good questions...and I reserve the right to change some comments after reading others.

 

Thanks! - EBF

[biblonde 22]

This is a great question...never thought about it before.

We arent into the clubs or the party part of the lifestyle. But,

am I addicted to the rest? Well i would have to say kinda. We have meet some great people in this and we dont play with many of them. It is nice to be able to be open about everything with someone knowing they wont think you are crazy or wierd.

Have we gone a day without thinking of it....Well no but we have only been in the lifestyle for 10 months so still new and exciting to us. It has given us a chance to explore our desires to the fullest without any worries. It has given us a chance to become even closer as a couple (although we had a great marriage to start with) It adds some newness to the relationship and has made us feel as thought we are dating in high school again.

Could i walk away from the lifestyle....YES! Although right now i dont see why i would. But it is only a small part of my life.

Are we sex addicts.....Well, i would have to say NO! (we had lots of sex before we got into this!!!!!!) LOL We dont play with everyone that we are friends with in this. It is more about being friends with perks to us. I feel that people in the lifestyle are in it for some Adult Fun!! Adds extra excitment to your life.

The people in this lifestyle (for the most part) are so much more open with their lives and you tend to learn alot from others. No one is going to say you are sick if you want to play with other. I feel it has enhanced me and my hubby ....We are even happier than we were before this and we feel more comfortable about discussing our desires with each other now.

 

well that is my 2 cents for the day.....s:kiss:

[thump29 16]

Are you addicted to this lifestyle?

 

I dont think we are addicted to the lifestyle, but it is a big part of ourselves. We have been in this lifestyle for 8 years now and for 4 of those years we were not active due to having a child and etc. Yes we came back to this lifestyle because it is something that we enjoy. We have made alot of good people in this lifestyle and we have made several friendships along the way.

 

Do you feel we as a community are sex addicts being in the lifestyle?

 

I think you need to define addicts here. I dont think we are sex addicts, we are just open minded people but I dont think we are addicts because we swing. We have went for over 4 years without swinging with anyone before so we are definetely not addicted to this lifestyle. Yes we do like this lifestyle and have no plans to leave this lifestyle but I dont think it makes us a addict. So no I dont think that we as swingers are sex addicts at all.

 

Could you quit it totally and never go back to it ever?

 

No I dont think so we have been swingers for a long time and it is somthing that we have no desire of leaving.

 

Have you ever gone one day without thinking about swinging?

 

Yes we have gone more than one day without thinking about swinging just like alot of others swingers I know. We dont think about it all the time it is something that is added to our lifestyle not something that controls our life.

[StacyCat 30]

Am I a sex addict? No. Am I addicted to the swinging lifestyle? No. Am I poly by nature? Yes.

 

I can see never swinging again in my life, and it wouldnt be that big of a deal. However, I cannot see living my life completly monogomous to my partner. I crave other partners and other emotional partners.

 

Swingers tend to really seperate their emotions from their sex live. Thats not what i crave and like about the lifestyle. I would be much happier with a small group of friends that I can create emotional attachments than with large crowds of fucking people. Though, the latter sounds nice :-)

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

For me I wouldn't say that I'm addicted to the lifestyle. BUT, I've never been one who dealt well with monogamy. So, I don't know that I could ever put myself in a situation where it was required. Granted I did attempt to when I first got married but within a year found that it wasn't necessary.

 

So while I think I could give up swinging per se, I don't think I could commit to a strictly monogomous relationship.

[thekolonel 15]

I can quit any time I want...

[troufault 15]

It is so depressing to see the results of the kind of Christianity since around the year 760 AD, I think, that tries to tell us we are guilty whatever we do, but especially if what we do is out of the usual.

If something that is wholly natural can possibly be viewed as abnormal, it must be viewed as such!

Let us remember that Christ taught love.

[TymKeepr 16]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie

For me I wouldn't say that I'm addicted to the lifestyle. BUT, I've never been one who dealt well with monogamy. So, I don't know that I could ever put myself in a situation where it was required. Granted I did attempt to when I first got married but within a year found that it wasn't necessary.

 

So while I think I could give up swinging per se, I don't think I could commit to a strictly monogomous relationship.

 

When we first started dating 4 years ago, hubby was quite up front about not being totally monogamous. At the time, I wasn't quite sure what that would mean, but as our relationship grew and we were married, I was the one who brought up swinging.

 

The difference for me is that we do this together, neither of us is looking for a poly relationship. I would have a problem dealing with a deep emotional attachment to another woman, and he's well aware of that. Which is probably why we will never swing separate.

 

Swinging has been great fun, so far, and has given us both an outlet outside of our own bedroom.

[DeesireCpl 15]

It's quite funny to hear people repond to this thread ... "No way we are not addicted at all" " we can quit anytime" ......

Ok so how often do you play?

Do you have something to do with swinging everyday ...whether it be on-line chat rooms , posting boards , look at ads etc.

Would that make you an addict if it was on a daily basis?

Me myself I know I am addicted without a doubt !!!

[Brit_Pair 62]

Need . . . . . fix . . . . . now . . . . .!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

(not that I/We are addicted in any way/shape/form! )

[Alura 2,775]

Originally posted by DeesireCpl

My questions to the board are:

 

Are you addicted to the lifestyle?

 

Seems to me, to be addicted to anything one would have to have it regularly for a long period of time. In the twenty years since our first playdate, that's never happened. Nope, not addicted, but maybe, if we play our cards right, someday we can be...

 

Do you feel we as a community are sex addicts being in the lifestyle?

 

Probably y'all are, but we aren't. We really don't search for partners, but we don't turn them down if we like them and have the opportunity.

 

Could you quit it totally never go back to it ever?

 

We've quit for long periods of time because we didn't know anyone we wanted to play with (or maybe anyone who wanted to play with us). We've never had to go to counseling because of a need for a fix. Making love helps...

 

Have you ever gone 1 day without thinking about swinging?

 

Well, let's see, there was that day when our older son was being born and that day a couple of years later when the younger one chose to pop into this world...

 

 

Mr. Alura

[BradAndJanet 70]

Are you addicted to the lifestyle?

I don't think so. I don't want to stop, but we haven't been at this very long and we are still very much in the exploratory phase of it. Addiction would imply that we couldn't do without it, and I doubt very much that is the case with either of us.

 

Do you feel we as a community are sex addicts being in the lifestyle?

Not as a community, but I am sure that some among us would probably fit the clinical definition. For most it seems like a pleasant hobby that is shared with others, like, say, tennis or something.

 

Could you quit it totally never go back to it ever?

Yes, we could. We learned to have great sex as a couple before we started and we still do. Being only with each other would not be a step down. Swinging is the icing on the cake, but the cake itself is delicious.

 

Have you ever gone 1 day without thinking about swinging?

Not in a long while As I said, we're still fairly new and it's exciting. Plus, I'm here multiple times a day, so how could I help it!

 

-B

[OhioCouple 41]

Are you addicted to the lifestyle?

 

I would say no for us. We are, however, attracted to the open minded people in the lifestyle, which we have chosen to make friends with.

 

Do you feel we as a community are sex addicts being in the lifestyle?

 

I am sure that there are some that are, however most everyone we have met or come across, consider it as an extension of their lives, not a priority.

 

Could you quit it totally never go back to it ever?

 

We have stopped swinging on a couple of occasions, neither of us would have been upset if we never resumed it again. We would probably just say, "Hey we had some fun didn't we?" and then cherish the memories.

 

Have you ever gone 1 day without thinking about swinging?

 

LOL...it's kinda hard for me as I visit this site daily, so I suppose in a way it is on my mind, however I come here for many reasons and many have nothing to do with swinging itself. As for 'thinking' about the need to be swinging on a daily basis, no.

 

Ok so how often do you play?

 

We play about every six weeks or so on average.

 

Do you have something to do with swinging everyday ...whether it be on-line chat rooms , posting boards , look at ads etc.

 

Mr. O likes to view our ad sites daily and I like to view here. I don't know that I would consider it an addiction though as we have plenty of other sites that we view every day that aren't even remotely swinging related.

[angihay 15]

We started swinging six years ago for a short while. We stopped 5 years ago and at the time never looked back. we are now back here as we have both decided it is time to give it another go so I know we could stop again and it would be ok for both of us. We are not addictited know that for sure.We do enjoy this lifestyle and will be sticking around for a while again but know someday we will most likely stop again.But until that day going to have as much fun as we can with it !

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

After more than a year of being completely inactive when it comes to the lifestyle (except for living vicariously through you guys), I don't know where I fall on this anymore. In a way, I don't know that I would ever be able to be in a position where the (future) possibility of swinging/ non-monogomy wasn't there, but at the same time, this is the first time in my life I have been monogomous for any period of time. I will always be open sexually, I will always be a flirt and enjoy that closeness with friends, being able to make out with a hot girl or guy I find attractive, but I don't really have that desire to have sex with anyone else (at least not at this point).

SO, I guess in a way yes I'm addicted, but I don't know that you should really call it that. I think some of us are just made that way.

[curious24 17]

I'm not addicted. It's hard to be addicted to something you aren't getting lol

[Guest clem]

After more than a year of being completely inactive when it comes to the lifestyle (except for living vicariously through you guys), I don't know where I fall on this anymore. In a way, I don't know that I would ever be able to be in a position where the (future) possibility of swinging/ non-monogomy wasn't there, but at the same time, this is the first time in my life I have been monogomous for any period of time. I will always be open sexually, I will always be a flirt and enjoy that closeness with friends, being able to make out with a hot girl or guy I find attractive, but I don't really have that desire to have sex with anyone else (at least not at this point).

SO, I guess in a way yes I'm addicted, but I don't know that you should really call it that. I think some of us are just made that way.

Julie: Your comments are appropos to the seperate topic "Men's Issue" going on right now. Our primary sex organ is between our ears. Once upon a time in our lives, we thought flirting and "making out" was doing it,and the potential of the lifestyle is that (to the open-minded) any thing or combination of things might be considered sex, so enjoy. Clem

[cutecplco 15]

Personally, I think there are just alot of people with very high sex drives. I'm sure there may be some who are sex addicts too. There is a difference.

For us, if we had to give up the lifestyle for some reason, we would. We don't need sex with other people, we just want to sometimes.

[De and Ci 19]

Underneath DeesireCpl it says "flamer/banned", Has this person been kicked off?...

 

Oh I just noticed the original post was 2 years ago. Okay!

[TXLadyBug 15]

Good morning guys,

This is a good question. "Addiction" According to some well known recovering addicts' groups, addiction is defined as, anything having a negetive inpact on your life. Are your actions having a negetive inpact on your relationships (family and friends), your career, your health, etc, etc? EX: eating can be condsider harmfull to you, if, it is negetively affecting your health.

My hubby and I are just recently getting back involved with the lifestyle, after a 2 yr break. I hated it. I think couples need to take a break sometimes, but never truely leave it. I enjoy being around with other like minded people and find others to be boring. It just isn't the sexual part of it, but how different, people in the lifestyle, handle life in general and I like it.

Greg&Elizabeth

[Mike and Jan 20]

Are you addicted to the lifestyle?

 

Addicted just might be too strong a word. I feel more that I'm 'suited' and that I'm 'correct' for the lifestyle.

 

Do you feel we as a community are sex addicts being in the lifestyle?

 

No, not at all. I think there's a real difference between enjoying something, and being addicted to it. Being addicted to something usually means you have to have more and more and are never satisfied. I've just seen too many swingers who find that comfort zone and relish in it for a long time. And, an addict will sneak off behind their partner's back for more of whatever it is. Isn't it wonderful how swingers seem to be much more faithful spouses than the 'vanilla' population?

 

Could you quit it totally never go back to it ever?

 

OK, my wife and I haven't done much at all for years. She tried but she, evidently, just couldn't find a comfort zone with swinging. I've accepted this as best I can but I always look for that perfect 'other' man or couple that might bring her back around. I quit out of necessity. I hate cheating and remember someone here years ago saying "swinging means never to have to think about cheating again".

I've missed swinging more than anything I've ever done, and I've done some pretty exciting things in my life. I think the only way I'd ever consider leaving my wife of 33 years is if I stumbled across a woman who I liked, was compatible with in other areas, trusted and enjoyed her companionship, then found out that she, too, was very interested in swinging as part of a relationship.

 

Have you ever gone 1 day without thinking about swinging?

 

Probably not!

And, Julie, it was really interesting to hear your responses. I've wondered how you felt. After all, this is your business as well as your lifestyle. I so envy your husband.

[xxoticangel 99]

I don't think addicted is the right word but for the life of me I can't think of a better one. The thrill of the chase, the suduction, the freedom to have multiple partners while maintaining a steady stable relationship with your spouse, the excitement of being with a new partner the first time, etc. are all very "addictive" feelings. The best I can do is to equate it to riding a motorcycle. I rode for years and had some great times riding solo and with friends. It's been 10 years since I rode and I still miss it. Sometimes more than others but when I see someone riding on a sunny afternoon I remember the feeling of freedom that I expierenced but not having a motorcycle has not negatively effected my life and I am still a happy person.

 

So could I give up swinging? Sure. If circumstances put us in that position I could and would still be happy but I would really rather not.