Unfaithful desires

[countrygal803 36]

Female half:

 

I've been swinging with a male partner who is over twice my age and not my husband. Never considered it a big deal for other people to know until it became an issue for some that the man I have a sexual relationship with is not my spouse. I like keeping my marriage and home life separate from my sexual exploration. Sometimes it's even a turn-on for me to come home after having fun for my husband to get the sloppy seconds later on. I love my husband very much but unfortunately crave sex from someone other than him more. Unfortunately this is unpopular in the lifestyle. My husband is also very traditional and conservative when it comes to sex. Condoms, missionary, less aggressive. While my partner is very rough, sloppy, and dominant with me. I need both in my life.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

The only issue I would have is if you are actually being unfaithful... by which I mean, if you husband isn't aware and approving of your outside sexual relationships. If he is aware and approves, that's fine by me. That's just a form of swinging or open relationship. If, however, he is unaware and/or does not approve then what you are doing is cheating and that's unacceptable. Cheating is the antithesis of swinging.

[JandKinBoise 859]

People will always judge if you aren't just like them. We can't help it. If people's opinion of you is important, there is the unicorn option. Then you go from 'that cheating sl_t' to rainbows and sunshine and a very full in box. You'll have to lose Mr. Roughntumble though.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

There are dozens of threads here that all say the same thing: Cheating isn't swinging.

 

If you are cheating, if your husband doesn't know and approve your outside activities, then you are not putting all of your effort into you and your husbands relationship and less than 100% commitment will eventually lead to failure. Love isn't everything in a relationship...in fact, at times it doesn't really matter..."we love each other and everything else will just work out" almost always ends up with finding out that no amount of love could save the relationship. You love your husband, but if he knew what extra curricular activities (and I'm assuming that he doesn't know) you were doing I think that there would be big problems (and eventually he will find out). Relationships are either a match or they are not, you are a team or you are not. If you aren't working together as a team, if your partner doesn't fulfill most of your needs and wants, then it isn't a match. You are playing on too many teams.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I think you just have to decide what you need and then let the cards fall where they may. It's not clear how much your husband knows. If he knows all, or at least as much as he wants to know, then no problem with that at all. If you hide it all from him, then that's cheating, and yes, most swingers have a problem with it. Doesn't mean you need to care, but that's just the facts. I suspect he knows though, at least on some level. If you haven't already, maybe it would be a good time to sort of formalize that unspoken acceptance/agreement by directly talking about it if you haven't already?