Erection problems with other people

[chazo82 20]

Hi there, my hubby and I are quite new to the swinging scene, been doing it for about a month now, have had a few soft swaps and 2 full swaps. At first we thought the problem was to do with condoms, we never use them at home but it is a big must for us while playing with others, so we have been practicing at home with them and now we have kind of mastered them, however when swapping hubby struggles to keep his erection after putting one on. He has tried Viagra...didn't work. We have tried drinking, not drinking, but it always ends the same way, he can just about keep it up to penetrate the woman for a brief time but then loses it, as of yet no other woman has managed to make him cum.

 

I always try to be reassuring for him but I am struggling now to come up with things to try or things to suggest for him to try. I feel like when he has managed to cum with another woman thing will be easier (I could be wrong) but I don't know how he can keep himself hard enough to get that far. He knows I can get him hard again quite easily and quickly so when he know he is going soft on him he comes straight to me to get him going again.

 

Does anyone else have this problem or does anyone have any suggestions to help us get past this? We would hate for our swinging lifestyle to be cut short as other than this problem we really are enjoying it.

 

Thanks for reading.

[njbm 2,868]

He could try another ED med, such as Cialis or Levitra. One does have to be sexually stimulated for those meds to work, so hopefully he is playing with women who he finds attractive. Instead of you bailing him out, he should ask the other woman for more oral or manual stimulation. He should also take his time and not rush intercourse until he is erect. This is a common problem, in that I never have a problem with my wife, but sometimes I do with other women.

 

Finally, if he is attracted to a woman, I find that I do better on subsequent sessions, as I know them better and am more confident.

[chazo82 20]

Thanks for the reply, I didn't bail him out with the last couple, and she did manage to get him hard again, he has no problem what so ever staying hard by oral or hand it only ever goes soft for penetration. I think he does find the women attractive but his thing is making sure we all click, have just been reading a few other posts to get some ideas and it seems like it is a very common problem. Reading some of the replies has definitely opened my eyes, and I get what you are saying so far we have never been with the same couple again maybe we should try that. I'm definitely not complaining that he doesn't cum as our session together after is mind blowing but would just really like to help him stay hard long enough to enjoy penetration with another woman.

[JandKinBoise 858]

This is a problem that can feed off itself. 2 great pieces of advise you have gotten is to swing with the same couple, hopefully your husband does find her attractive and try a different med. Other than that all I can say is to hope he doesn't stress over this, worrying can make it worse. Also, as stated, take your time. If he spends a lot of time in foreplay and gets himself really worked up, it can be a big help.

 

As you have found, it is not an uncommon problem. Just a very unfortunate one for him as it can be emasculating.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

This problem comes up all the time (actually, the problem is it doesn't come up). Then once it happens, it can get into a guys head and then it just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Here's another thread that this is also an issue with (and there are dozens more) - New, but after three hookups with same couple, feeling unsatisfied.

 

Most important is to note that nobody gets upset when this happens and that there are other ways to please a woman. Once he starts feeling more comfortable with what is happening it will become easier. Until then, however, this can really suck. Just let him know it all okay and show him some of these threads so he knows he isn't alone.

[Alura 2,774]

Yes, this is a common problem, Mrs. Chazo. I had it myself from time to time. I found it was usually caused in my own mind: I really didn't want to be doing what I was doing. It will be necessary,if this is your husband's problem, to dig into the basic cause. That means talking at length about the problem in an effort to zero in on why he isn't comfortable.

 

When circumstances cause such a discussion to be impractical, I found that eating Mrs. Playmate's pussy was often an effective cure for the problem. If it didn't work, Mrs. Playmate didn't seem to care.

 

Good luck to you both!

[plzrs4fun 16]

Some very good responses here. It is a common issue and it does get in a guys head. Some refer to it as performance anxiety and given he has no problem performing with you this may be the case. He knows how to please you. All your secret spots. When faced with a new partner some guys put too much pressure on themselves to be a fantastic lover. Becoming more comfortable in the lifestyle should help as would couples who enjoy 3 on 1. It takes the pressure off of the individual. Another suggestion would be a simple cock ring. The meds such as Ciallis and Viagra may help attain an erection.. a cock ring helps maintain it. Good luck and hopefully knowing it is not an uncommon issue helps

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Chazo82, here's my man's perspective. It comes naturally to me. I am thinking, "I want that woman! Man, she's a sexy bitch. I want to fuck her senseless!"

 

If you husband is not able to gain this frame of mind, he's going to have a tough time of it. What role does he have in choosing your playmates?

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

chazo82, it is certainly easy to imagine that your guy is getting inside his own head with this, and thinking too much. And thinking too much does not go all that well with SW_PA_Couple's suggested "she is so hot, listen to that noise she's making, look at her tits bouncing around, I want to fuck her senseless and fill her with my cum!" mindset. Once it turns into, "she is so hot, listen to that noise she's making, hey, am I taking too long to cum? Look at her tits bouncing around, am I still hard enough? Shit, I'm getting in my head again! Stop it, stop it! I want to fuck her senseless and... Dammit, I'm thinking again! This is the third play date where I've had trouble, I wonder if she's getting bored..." Aaaand, you're done.

 

It seems like your guy might need a confidence-builder, a way to feel like he can "reach the promised land" successfully, and without relying on you to switch partners temporarily in the middle of things to help him (that switching thing might be good sometimes, but it seems like it can leave both members of the other couple wondering what's wrong with them!). One suggestion might be to have a play date with the couple you know well, as others have recommended, but make it a soft swap play date right from the start. And you, chazo82, are NOT allowed to go "help out" your hubby! Let him please the other woman with his fingers and his mouth, give her a full orgasm's worth of pleasure, and also have her use her hands and mouth to bring him to orgasm. If he needs some help to stay hard or to cum, let him stroke himself, with the other woman watching, helping with maybe an extra hand caressing his balls while he strokes, or a tongue on the tip of his penis in time with his stroking, and offering sexy encouragement. Getting him to be hard and cum this way, with her, and also having made sure she had a good time, may help give him a bit of confidence and ease his mind for future encounters, when he'll be more comfortable.

 

I hope this works out!

[chazo82 20]

Thank you for all your replies, We did have a long conversation over the weekend, and he is definitely 110% into this, so its not there in the back of his mind that he doesn't really want to do it. As for picking the play mates, its either after talking to people on fab for a while or couples we meet in the club we go to. We both have a big say in who we play with, Its not usual for one of us to take one for the team (although I have once) we both have to be comfortable as a couple with the couple.

[cplnluv1 871]

We have met many first timers. I like to think of ourselves as the no pressure couple. We were the new couple not that long ago and we enjoy new couples for many reasons but primarily we are drawn in by trying to get these couples who want to try something new without all the pressure thay might be feeling. All of the couples we meet are looking to enjoy a bi curiousness by the female. Even though we discuss the male to enjoy, there is never pressure on anyone. Every man wants to get involved at some point. We have found many of the men with the same problem. It's a nervousness I am sure. I have seen men totally hard watching their wives go soft when they want to join. As others said, oral by me or the wife usually brings them to life, but not always. I always feel bad and try to calm them down. I am not a therapist but have tried all different things. I have even had a man penetrate his wife and switch to me when he was hard. I have always tried to make a man happy one way or another but never blame him.

[austxmark 41]

The problem is with condoms. I can get hard easily but if I put a condom on it becomes a struggle. Totally psychological reaction. I KNOW I am not really touching her wearing a condom and I KNOW I never will so I lose interest. With the wife I can wear them KNOWING I can take it off anytime. All about the mind, not the body.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

I find knowing I have taken something helps me not be anxious about performing. Known partners help. Limited Drinking. A cpl drinks to be loose is good to decrease anxiety. Too many, and it is Mr. Floppy