New Couple Need Help Flirting At Clubs (Date and Vanilla flirting going well though?)

[TwoNewbs 18]

We've been in the LS for 2 and a half months and we've played with 6 other couples so far (and some groping and that sort of thing), so we seem to be likable. We're also very young (24 and 23), but married.

 

I(Mr.) am good at flirting and headgames and before I was swinging I got very good at baiting women to flirt with me (and women still flirted with me before I practiced mental games). Now mental games aren't abusive like you might imagine, but just a certain way of talking and subtle things that I do during conversation.

 

We are both in college and I recently convinced a very attractive classmate to give me and my wife lap dances shortly after we agreed to the lifestyle. My wife declined after we took her on a date and felt that she was too emotionally immature, and now this woman is disappointed and still wants to do it.

 

Dates have usually ended in play, and when there wasn't time or there was an emergency, there's usually been some under-the-table groping and other overt expressions of interest in play at a later date. I'm a tall guy with square features and a faint six pack and she's a cute Latina chick with an awesome butt. We're both fairly assertive people (except for me when I space out), but are both also very friendly and she's very bubbly and cute in a quirky way.

TL;DR We're attractive people who do well in the vanilla world and on dates.

 

 

 

Swinger events and club meets are another story, however...

 

 

At clubs events (there are no "swingers' clubs" in our state) and takeovers we feel like outsiders and I feel very awkward without the Mrs. around. I've been complimented on my dancing in my vanilla life many times and usually once I dance with any woman, there's some grinding and kissing. However, more than half of women decline to dance with me both with and without the Mrs. around.

 

We've been to one takeover which ended in disaster because we both did not have thick skin about the lack of success. We did get an offer for a 6-way, but my other half declined, but most of the night we were getting rejected or shut out. We were both frustrated and confused and I remembered seeing a woman who was in a couple that shut us out, who was younger like us and very attractive, later grinding on an older chubby guy with a grey handlebar mustache.

 

It was confusing and I felt like I was working with a different set of natural laws than I was familiar with. My wife also dragged me up to someone I wasn't really sure I was attracted to, but she rejected dancing with me before I could even object.

 

At club meets we sometimes establish a friendship with a couple that later leads to communication and play weeks later, but we haven't "taken home" any couples after about 6 or 7 club meets. I feel like everyone knows and has played with each other and usually doesn't give us a huge amount of time and that we aren't a part of the "inner circle." We don't think we're being ignored because we're too young as we don't look as young as we are.

 

I'm aware that this post might sound immature because it's written out of frustration, but I'm really to figure things out. I have ADD that cannot be treated without triggering my PTSD and a lot of lights and music cause me to space out very badly and I look like a lost puppy when my wife and separate for short periods of times. Do we just suck at club environments? Sucking at that is not really an option for serious swingers like us who have really been trying to build a social circle. If so, what are good resources on this? Regardless, we're going to keep going to clubs and events until we get good at this. Something needs to change.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

From what I read here nothing needs to change except your expectations for what might or might not happen at a club. You are already far more successful in making hook-ups than the average couple. Go to a club expecting that nothing will happen except a enjoyable night out on the town with your wife. Anything else that happens will simply be icing on the cake.

[kikonkrome 844]

Yes I think the rules are different in LS circles than in vanilla circles. It's a trickier situation to get all four people aligned than just two.

 

If you are being friendly outgoing, etc. You are definitely doing all you can do. We basically do just that.

 

As stated before you are getting pretty good results, every night is not going to be successful!! So first and foremost enjoy a sexy atmosphere with your wife.

 

Also make sure people that don't want to play, don't monopolize your time. It's a drag, but people will chat you up just to have somebody to talk to while their partner is busy or whatever.

 

Good Luck Have Fun

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Six couples in 2 1/12 months seems like quite a good start to me. Perhaps host a gathering of the 12 of you and play more with them? Next time ask each couple to bring a new couple and you will end up with a good size group of like-minded people.

[Alura 2,775]

from Oklahoma, TwoNewbs! Thanks for a great introduction! There are lots of fine folks on this board who can help y'all, but my late wife and I weren't club goers.

 

Laura had made a study of body language in college. She would have pointed out that body language (both sending and receiving) are the best tools to be used in flirting. For instance, if a potential Mrs. Playmate keeps stealing a glance at your lips, you're doing well. She's thinking of kissing you. There are several good books out there on body language.

 

Thanks for joining us!

[TwoNewbs 18]

from Oklahoma, TwoNewbs! Thanks for a great introduction! There are lots of fine folks on this board who can help y'all, but my late wife and I weren't club goers.

 

Laura had made a study of body language in college. She would have pointed out that body language (both sending and receiving) are the best tools to be used in flirting. For instance, if a potential Mrs. Playmate keeps stealing a glance at your lips, you're doing well. She's thinking of kissing you. There are several good books out there on body language.

 

Thanks for joining us!

 

 

What are some good resources for the body language stuff? Also, it's pretty cool that you can find swingers even in a place as sparsely populated as Oklahoma.

 

 

Also, I like the input. One of the couples we played with, it turns out the female wasn't comfortable seeing her man with another woman so we won't be seeing them again and I don't know that all the couples are compatible. Our priority right now is getting a strong reputation as oppose to finding wild orgies (although those would be awesome). We (mostly me) actually grudgingly decided to give up a six way to show up to a club where a lot of swingers were going to be a particular night, even though we both knew it probably wouldn't end in playing. I seriously got lost in people, danced with someone who notice I was dancing with her so I actually did the lame tactic of pretending to check my phone to not look like I was awkwardly standing around. We chose not to go to the sixsome, not only to meet new swingers but because I believe we need to get better at the environment, especially since hotel takeovers are so similar and can be huge in the Twin Cities scene. We're trying to build both a nest of friends and people we can have sex with in an easy-going matter. Orgies are just a bonus that comes with all of that.

[Alura 2,775]

Here's a link that might help: The Definitive Book of Body Language: Barbara Pease, Allan Pease: 9780553804720: Amazon.com: Books

[gingerandwasabi 39]

Hi and welcome. If I may offer a reply to your question it would be to slow down, relax, and enjoy each other. It feels like your driving this thing like a for profit business. Swingers aren't different than anyone else except they are honest with their spouse about their desires. It sounds like you have more success with people your own age in vanilla situations and that probably holds true with swingers as well. If you two are young 10's some of these other couples may be going home and fantasizing about you but not completely comfortable with playing. I know this sounds rude to rate people but My wife and I sometimes feel that as 8's we sometimes don't fit or don't want to fit with the 9/10 crowd. But I don't always want to play with 5/6's. We sometimes feel there aren't a lot of people in our zone and despite our occasionally willingness to try and get out of our zone it doesn't mean others are feeling comfortable at the same time. One thing that can be different with swingers is that there are usually fewer games to the seduction and what games there are are usually controlled by the ladies not the men. Perhaps just relax and enjoy and let the girls determine the pace of flirting. just try to stay available and focus more on being polite and making friends rather than flirting in a gamelike way or even playing you will probably come home successfully meeting new friends and the rest will fall in place.

[electrics 45]

We answered your question on Living Sexy Radio. As a result you have won a 3 day 2 night vacation at a city of your choice. If you'd like to listen to our discussion, just check out this show: Sexy Add-Ons - Everything Else | Living Sexy - Taking Your Life To A Very Sexy Place We talk about it 1/2 way through the show. Thank you for your post.

[TwoNewbs 18]

Hi and welcome. If I may offer a reply to your question it would be to slow down, relax, and enjoy each other. It feels like your driving this thing like a for profit business. Swingers aren't different than anyone else except they are honest with their spouse about their desires. It sounds like you have more success with people your own age in vanilla situations and that probably holds true with swingers as well. If you two are young 10's some of these other couples may be going home and fantasizing about you but not completely comfortable with playing. I know this sounds rude to rate people but My wife and I sometimes feel that as 8's we sometimes don't fit or don't want to fit with the 9/10 crowd. But I don't always want to play with 5/6's. We sometimes feel there aren't a lot of people in our zone and despite our occasionally willingness to try and get out of our zone it doesn't mean others are feeling comfortable at the same time. One thing that can be different with swingers is that there are usually fewer games to the seduction and what games there are are usually controlled by the ladies not the men. Perhaps just relax and enjoy and let the girls determine the pace of flirting. just try to stay available and focus more on being polite and making friends rather than flirting in a gamelike way or even playing you will probably come home successfully meeting new friends and the rest will fall in place.

 

 

Interesting. Part of flirting in the vanilla world and just non-sexual contexts in general feels like breaking the person's daily monotony and playing games with their head to stimulate them and melt them before seducing them (the speed depends on the context). I felt like the hot unicorn, who my wife friendzoned for being too immature, was wrapped around my fingers in a way almost like a pet.

 

I think another important factor is that I get overwhelmed in places where there are a lot of lights and I can't hear what people are saying. We're talking to several people we met at a takeover, but didn't play with. In fact we wouldn't have played at all if I hadn't run into a woman who walked up to me and just started making out with me later on in the Jacuzzi and decided to start sucking on her body. Before that though, I was almost crying because I ended up stuck in a room with the bottom of the barrel. There was another couple that was insanely hot in the room that felt out of place and my wife and I sucked on her nipples. This hotter couple almost played with us, but they got invited to an orgy by the host and we can't find their profile right now.

 

We also let a couple slip through our fingers because I let my wife lead entirely and she later said she should have made out with the couple when they were having drinks in our room before the party... and I almost asked if they wanted to make out. It was actually kind of painful seeing another couple snatch them up.

We keep going to club-like events, however, until we're good at dealing with it.

 

 

However, at quiet meet and greets and BBQ's and other low-key events, we usually get a lot of attention. At our last one, which wasn't overly overtly sexual since there were a lot of vanillas around, one tipsy woman started trying to kiss and make out with me despite only a few other people being too sexual. There are just too few low-key environments.

 

We answered your question on Living Sexy Radio. As a result you have won a 3 day 2 night vacation at a city of your choice. If you'd like to listen to our discussion, just check out this show: We talk about it 1/2 way through the show. Thank you for your post.

 

Cool! I'm glad I've brought up an interesting topic. I also should have mentioned that I can have a very serious look on my face when triggered.