Help ... So confused on how to explain to my husband that size does not matter ...

[Carbella 19]

My husband and I were in the lifestyle. Long story short, we hit a bump in the road caused by me not asking and doing things I never really had done with him. This guy had a little bit bigger size on him and now my husband feels small and not good enough for me even though I find him perfect! He fucks me real good!!!

 

The problem is he thinks I felt this guy more, when in fact, I didn't feel him more. What I did feel was him smooth like because his dick had no ripples or definition to it it was just smooth. I did enjoy the first part of sex with this guy, as basic sex should be, but he never did anything different just the same thing over and over like a robot. I got bored of it real fast; however, I did not make it look like that. I played it off like he was doing just fine when in fact he sucked.

 

Problem one: I never really moaned before. I always had to worry about kids and stuff so I was always quiet with my husband. But when this guy and I started, he stopped and asked why I was so quiet I blamed my kid habit and he said, "Let it go," so I faked it since I am not a moaner really.

 

So now my husband thinks I was all real with him and it was because of his size. There is some other things as well but now my husband thinks he is small and is insecure with himself and it is destroying our marriage. Nothing I say or prove to him will stop.

 

Problem 2: is there any other women out there that have fucked a guy a little bigger then their man and not tell the difference? Just need advice. I have no women to talk to about swinging and issues. I know I sound confusing so please as any ?? I just stuck.

[padoc 1,703]

Read him your post. Tell him what you told us. Fact is, size is highly over rated. Comfort and ability is much more important. Best part of your post is that you faked it. Tell your husband that you never faked it with him. Then prove it.Mrs Doc is happy with 6-8 inches, much less and she feels less, more than 8 plus gets uncomfortable. We've been in this hobby for over a decade and have had situations much like you described. Just be honest and demand the same from him. BTW…while you were doing this guy…was his wife there? Did your hubby have fun with her? If so, did she remark on a difference or did she enjoy the moment?

[enhancer 1,585]

I am not a woman, just a man that is with a woman, but honestly if your husband has insecurities about penis size I don't know that the lifestyle is such a great idea for you! There is going to be all sorts of shapes and sizes of cocks out there and there will always be someone bigger out there. Unless you screen all potential guys penis size and only choose partners smaller then him this insecurity will pop up again. All you can do is keep reassuring him that the size of cock doesn't mean anything to you. A big cock is really not as big of a deal in the lifestyle as some seem to think it is from what we have seen and heard on our journey so far.

 

As for the moaning thing if it is not your thing don't fake it for someone just, because they comment about how quite you are! If they can't appreciate the way you react to being fucked they can go fuck themselves. There is nothing that turns me on about a woman sounding like they do in the fake porns. Just be you always. The real people appreciate it.

 

I hope you two can just take a step back and work this out! Tell him you have no interest in moving on with the lifestyle seeing how he reacts and how much it hurts him. Be honest with each other about both of your feeling, don't hold grudges, understand and spend some time rebuilding your bond together.

 

Good luck!

[Carbella 19]

He does not believe me that I faked it. He says I respond more with my body to this guy then I do with him...I still don't get that one. Like I said there was so much more to this. He thinks his girth is the problem, his length he is fine with. He is very honest with me. I was so confused for a while thinking I was crazy, I should of felt the difference. I did remember his smooth feel so why not the girth feel? idk It was my first swap with a man we had always been with women...and yes she and my husband were in another room and he asked her. She said she felt the difference in size but she also loved the moment with him because again my husband is amazing in bed, very observant to women's needs. My only thought on her comment was that yes I have had 3 kids, she has not had any and I know things do tend to shift down there some.

[Carbella 19]

We have taken a step back. As I mentioned in my other comment this was the first guy experience with me, we had always had women before... I have learned so much now about myself and my confidence. Before I didn't know how to react. I felt like I was in an awkward position and that will never happen again I can count on that. He never showed insecurities before and we've been together 17 years.

 

Thank for your comments...I feel like I was trying too hard, showing off to make myself look good like I knew what I was doing. The biggest mistake was the people never knew it was my first time like that until a few times after when I had stopped the sex with him because it was not worth it. He couldn't make me go anywhere and after a few minutes I was so bored and couldn't take the faking no more...

[Guest]

In my estimation,your hubby is simply not ready for you to be with other men. None of us select are hubby because he is the absolute best in bed; its less about him and more about the dynamics between the two of you. There are always going to men who are longer, thicker, or just different enough that the experience is different for you. Consider something as simple as circumcises or not. I went quite crazy with a guy that had a significantly larger dick then my hubby, first orally, then vaginally. It all start as part of an MFM which included hubby. My immediate concern afterwards was OMG, I was too expressive, hubby is going to be jealous or have issues. But, no, he didn’t, he liked the fact that I enjoyed it so much and that he would never, ever hear again that size didn’t matter.

[cplnluv1 872]

You need to discuss the fact that all peoples bodies are different. Size is more visual than physical. While most men are attracted to large busted women, my husband prefers smaller breasted women. Some men like large butts, some like small. Part of the sexual experience is what the other person finds attractive. When I was younger, maybe I was a little wild and I was with a number of guys. Women find attraction in things other than sex organs. A smile, eyes, and yes a cute butt. We can't chose a man based on penis size, though sometimes you can only imagine by the bump in a guys pants. Does size matter? In the sex act, to me, in 90% of the cases the answer is no. Am I visually attracted to size? To me there is something there. But how many men are so big that one would say WOW? Most men are normal size. On the other side, a man doesn't know what he is getting into, pun intended, until he is in. My husband has told me that this one was tight or that one wasn't. With a woman, you can't tell. My husband is average, in my opinion. I am lucky that e love each other and he still rocks in bed. I know he likes when I am vocal and I talk dirty. I can only do that when we are alone. We learned that quiet sex when the kids are home is just as enjoyable.

One quick story on size. Our FIRST couple we met was on line. Part of what attracted us, other than they were a good looking couple, was the guys size. We were writing back and forth and only exchanged G rated pictures. Then they sent us an X rated. We thought it had to be a hoax and figured another fake couple. We played along and decided to meet never thinking they would show. They did and they were real as in the picture. He was big and I thought it was exciting to see and play with and if I can say fascinated and worried. BTW he was a jerk. Oral sex was funny to me and my husband who was watching. When he was putting it in me, I did feel the size but it never hurt because it was over that fast. So much for Mr. Big. Since then I can honestly say, once in me most men feel pretty much the same but each man has something different in the way they do it. Viva la difference!

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

First, always remind him that you are going home with him. Sex is sex and love is something else all together. Second, most of the men I have talked to, while they do notice the size of the other man, is usually more excited about the enjoyment that they are allowing their woman to experience. Finally, size doesn't matter. It's not the size of the wand, but the skill of the magician.

 

We met another couple and the guy had what appeared to be a baseball bat between his legs...it was huge. When he started with his woman, however, he only had one move: hard and fast (or is that two moves?). He just repetitively slammed it into his woman over and over again. The look on HER face wasn't what I would call ecstasy, however. He thought that because he was huge, that's all that was needed, but this isn't true. Paying attention to you lover, responding to her, changing things up all have an impact on how good one is. Not just slamming away and telling her how much he knows she is enjoying it. And, on top of everything, the guy was a total A hole who we made sure to never be at the same place as he was again.

 

Bottom line: If you husband is still having a problem with this, you may need to take a break and work on improving your love/trust/communication. If he doesn't believe you when you say he wasn't very good and that you were faking it, it sounds like there is room for improvement. Good luck...

[padoc 1,703]

@ Gold…You're so right. We've found that some of the biggest dicks are, well….just big dicks!

[wanderer_1969 27]

Wife has been with many much bigger than me and she reminds me often. I find it quite sexy that she feels comfortable enough to tell me about her former bf's and that I'm confident enough in our relationship to be ok with all of it. In fact it makes us that much more closer I think. Tell him exactly how you felt, perhaps he'll enjoy hearing the truth.

[GoNatural 104]

I dated a woman that had 2 other male lovers with

bigger cocks, and one trans male with a bigger strapon. I had threesomes with her and her trans lover.

She did admit to me afterwards that she can usually reach orgasm a little more easily with the bigger sizes of her other lovers, but that my cock (actually an ample average) was still wonderful and that she loved my cock. In all cases, she needed direct clitoral stim with her fingers to orgasm. The extra pressure of more size just got her there quicker.

So, she more often asked for me to add a thumb up her butt. That pressed my penis more towards her g-spot and put pressure on her parineum too. This nearly equaled things out.

 

Communicating well and completely....worked well for us.

[Erik13 157]

If he's that insecure, you shouldn't be doing this. We had a MMF the other night and the guy went down on my wife and made her cum like never before...I thought it was awesome and wasn't jealous at all.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

It's not the size of the wand, but the skill of the magician...

[luvin eye full 140]

So this is a older post but i wonder how are you guys doing now?

 

The advice here is good - though it's more about how he is reacting to you now he thinks his willy is not good enough for you is it not?

 

The internet came be a big part of that thinking with all the videos of girls saying how good a bigger cock is - then you have the girls one here telling the husbands size matters, or worse one wife says it then others agree ( yes look in the posts )

you can go to any amature pic and vid posts like say zorig and the comments are some to the effect of big cock = powerful manly blha blha. average cocks = nice lovely no mention of the other words lol.

 

And there is so much more - i mean how many times even on here does a wife say anything great about there guys - lol, listen to the podcasts of swingers oh man it does not stop.

 

Yet all of this is not suppose to get to your husband who has just seen his wife reacting ( whether real or not ) more hotter then he has ever seen her do with him.

 

Now i wounder why he has a problem lol, some people are not cut out for this and that's not bad - in fact it's great for them.

 

Lastly i have been on some sites where young men are thinking of never dating because of this kind of rubbish and some have taken there lives over it.

 

I think it is time we all just stopped hurting each other over some thing that can not be changed. and no i am talk as a society not to any one on this board.

[cplnluv1 872]

Explain to him that size might be a visual excitement more than a physical one. Explain why you were quiet at home. I understand the silent home sex. I think most couples who have kids have been quiet with kids in the next room.

[Initwithher 40]

We have played with one couple ( soft swap ) and 2 experience with SM all 3 times I had seen other guys package all three was considerably larger than me by far and I am considered average I been told, although my wife says I am above average, any how I actually enjoyed it when I saw my wife looking very surprised and exited about it I was very turned on by that.and never saw any issues with that,as my wife says I am the only one she will ever go home with.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

The problem is he thinks I felt this guy more, when in fact, I didn't feel him more. What I did feel was him smooth like because his dick had no ripples or definition to it it was just smooth. I did enjoy the first part of sex with this guy, as basic sex should be, but he never did anything different just the same thing over and over like a robot. I got bored of it real fast; however, I did not make it look like that. I played it off like he was doing just fine when in fact he sucked.

 

I always love to hear a woman's perspective. Thank you! There are many men posing as women in posts but my feeling is this seems genuine. (i could be wrong:))

 

Problem one: I never really moaned before. I always had to worry about kids and stuff so I was always quiet with my husband. But when this guy and I started, he stopped and asked why I was so quiet I blamed my kid habit and he said, "Let it go," so I faked it since I am not a moaner really.

 

I LOVE screamers! ... and I have been with women who have had orgasms quietly. I'm happy that I have succeeded in bringing them to an orgasm but my favorite are "screamers" (very vocal.)

 

So now my husband thinks I was all real with him and it was because of his size. There is some other things as well but now my husband thinks he is small and is insecure with himself and it is destroying our marriage. Nothing I say or prove to him will stop.

 

Have you had sex with your husband since you're experience with an incredibly large cock that he'll never be able to compete with or that he'll never touch you in places he'll never touch?

 

 

There is no cure like "reclaiming" sex. "It's not the size of his cock that makes me cum it's the way he fucks me. I LOVE getting fucked by both of you!"

 

Problem 2: is there any other women out there that have fucked a guy a little bigger then their man and not tell the difference?

 

My wife refuses to participate in these forums. I remember her rolling her eyes when I posed a similar question to her years ago.

 

Please let me know if i missed one of your points.

 

Like this ...

 

The problem is he thinks I felt this guy more, when in fact, I didn't feel him more. What I did feel was him smooth like because his dick had no ripples or definition to it it was just smooth.

 

I didn't know women felt things like that.

 

Thanks for sharing!

[Guest]

Meet someone with a slightly smaller dick than your husband which will show him a lot of men out there are actually smaller.

 

I remember in my younger years I was concerned that my dick wasn't "Huge" like you see in some porn films, then I joined my local gym which was a large brand name gym and witnessed loads of different guys showering and was shocked to find about 80% of them had a much smaller dick than mine.