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kinkycplm

We went to swing club and finally did it!

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There may be some hesitation from those reading this to offer opinions or advise. Most swingers start out later in life, certainly not at 21. I get the impression she is going to be going through a type of college period where she is very adventurous.

 

The fact that she has no problem engaging in unprotected sex, while forbidding you to have any contact might raise a flag. It's not that rare, my wife and I have an exclusive mmf swing system due to her jealousy. But we've been married for decades and I understand why this situation exists.

 

My input is simply, I do not know your situation past what you wrote but it looks like she is not as committed to this relationship as you. If your goal is to simply have as much fun as possible for as long as possible, great. But be careful if you plan on making a life with this girl. Good luck!

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There may be some hesitation from those reading this to offer opinions or advise. Most swingers start out later in life, certainly not at 21. I get the impression she is going to be going through a type of college period where she is very adventurous.

 

The fact that she has no problem engaging in unprotected sex, while forbidding you to have any contact might raise a flag. It's not that rare, my wife and I have an exclusive mmf swing system due to her jealousy. But we've been married for decades and I understand why this situation exists.

 

My input is simply, I do not know your situation past what you wrote but it looks like she is not as committed to this relationship as you. If your goal is to simply have as much fun as possible for as long as possible, great. But be careful if you plan on making a life with this girl. Good luck!

Hey and thank you for your reply.

I think it might be a college phase. My question is what is the problem of going through it together. What should i be careful about? As long as we have this fun together, it could in theory make our relationship stronger.

Def. it is something I have to consider.

 

regards,

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I think it might be a college phase. My question is what is the problem of going through it together. What should i be careful about? As long as we have this fun together, it could in theory make our relationship stronger.

 

Relationships are complicated at the best of times. Adding in additional people, even casually, increases the complications exponentially. I know that when I was in my 20's, I simply didn't have the maturity to handle a swinging/multi-partner relationship like I can now that I'm in my 40s. I thought I did, but I was very wrong. OTOH, I know some folks today who are in their 20s who can and can do it pretty well.

 

All I can say is the usual... communicate, communicate, communicate.

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I guess my only fear for you is a broken heart. You seem pretty attached to her and there is a chance, however slight, that she may do what very young girls sometimes do. You know, rip your heart out, stomp on it, kick it into the trash. But hey, if it's all for fun, don't sweat it, just enjoy it!

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A couple of things to point out. First, that you said you wouldn't have sex with another woman but you did...bad. NEVER violate rules regardless to what is going on 'at the time'. Don't do that again. What you have kind of said is that the rules don't matter...which leads us to the unprotected sex she had in violation of the rules. You both need to talk about this, reset your rules, and STICK TO them. Second, as already pointed out: you are both still young and (for lack of a better word) not totally mature yet...she is VERY young and inexperienced. Be VERY careful here. Even though you have been together for almost three years, that still doesn't mean that the two of you are totally committed to each other. She is still at an age where she is very emotionally (once again, for lack of a better word) unstable. When you are in your late teens/20's it's very easy to fall 'in love' (since you hardly know what the word means at that age). I would NOT play with the same guy again. I would have never let him know where you lived. Emotions for a young woman can be very confusing at her age and you don't want her misunderstanding what she is feeling. If you want to continue down this path, find different guys and make it a one time event. This guy is...smart, nice, attractive, muscular, attracted to your gf, and hung. Warning flag! I really think you would be better off finding guys for a one nighter and meeting in a neutral location in the future. If you read between the lines of the other responses, they are saying the same think: be very careful, this could be relationship ending if you are not. Until then, as already said, communicate, communicate, communicate.

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Hi kinkycplm!

 

I read a couple of things in your story that raised questions in my mind.

 

Firstly, I agree with the others who expressed concern that your girlfriend is VERY young. I think it is no small thing to be emotionally mature enough to have a secure relationship, and also introduce additional sexual partners with whom you have no romantic feelings. That is graduate-level relationship stuff! It requires mature judgement, keen emotional awareness, and the ability to look ahead and see pitfalls coming before they arrive. Swinging also puts strains on a relationship that are just not a problem for monogamous people. It requires a solid relationship, with a high level of trust and security in each other, open and honest communication (of both fantasies and fears, sexy dreams and insecurities), and enough history together so that you are both comfortable and able to forgive the transgressions that may come along with entering the swinging lifestyle.

 

Speaking of transgressions, I think you both committed some during your first swinging encounter. As was pointed out earlier, you had promised her that you would not play with other women. The wisdom of making such a promise when entering the lifestyle is, in my view, debatable in general- but if you're going to make a promise like that, it would be a really good idea to keep it! Your girlfriend may have been hanging a lot of comfort with the whole idea of swinging on the idea that, whatever happened, she could count on you to "stay faithful" to you. When you broke that promise, I am concerned that it might have caused some real hurt on her part. Thinking back on your overnight encounter with the other guy, do you think it is possible that she decided to go without a condom with the guy in order to "punish" you for doing what she may consider to be cheating on her?

 

Hopefully, you two have really talked this out (clothed, maybe around the kitchen table, rather than naked and in the heat of passion), both shared your feelings about this first encounter, and agreed for real on a set of rules and limits that you both pledge to follow going forward.

 

I wish you luck in your relationship, whether it includes swinging or not. Keep on talking, to each other, and to us!

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Sounds to me like there is a lot more communication to be done. Also you need to determine if you really are fine with her getting a a partner & you not. I'm guessing that in the long run that is not going to work.

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Thank you so much for your replies. It is nice to sed the advice and all of it is really good.

We believe a lot in communication, we do it a lot on our daily lives and prob. the way I wrote it all it did not particularly came across like that, but we do.

That being said after the dust settled and we discussed things with one another we are just so incredibly good right now. She is a very balanced person and explained exactly why she did it and what she felt. I on the other hand had such a zen week where I felt really balanced.

That said we had him again on the weekend. The way we click with him is great, and there is no jealousy from my side. He is very respectful as well and I trust him around her.

She has an incredibly high sex drive, we literally had sex for 8 hours in 3 and we could not worn her out. She had some pretty wild orgasms alternating from me and him. Not for one moment did I feel jealousy.

We will see how things developed. We've been for drinks at the swing club and a guy approached us asking how much for the hour, which demoralised both of us about doing it with others for a while.

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...A guy approached us asking how much for the hour, which demoralised both of us about doing it with others for a while.

Now that is a new one on me! I've never heard of something like that happening, especially in a swinger club. I can see how that must have put a damper on your enthusiasm, but I really think that was a rare anomaly- or just a disfunctional club! I might tell the club management about that incident, because having a person like that roaming around the club sounds like a bad idea.

 

Otherwise, I'm really glad to hear that you two are both good with how things are playing out. I do feel like you took an unnecessary risk in breaking your rules, though I'm relieved to know that it seems to have caused no damage to your relationship. But I hope you two will agree on a new set of rules going forward, and try to stick to them this time- don't tempt fate again!

 

Speaking of rules, would you both be OK at this point of you were to play with a woman while she plays with another guy? I know you said that this was not a particular interest of yours, but if it happened once, it seem like it could happen again. It would at least be good to know if she is open to having it happen again.

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. . . We've been for drinks at the swing club and a guy approached us asking how much for the hour, which demoralised both of us about doing it with others for a while.
I am pleased to read that, apart from the incident of being solicited for money, that you both had a good time. I agree with what CoupleinMD said. You should report what happened to the club's managers. It is completely out-of-line.

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Hey guys, it is so interesting to reread your replies after a few years! Wow am i seeing things in a different light now!

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Hey guys, it is so interesting to reread your replies after a few years! Wow am i seeing things in a different light now!

 

So how about an update? Are you two still swinging? How has your relationship evolved? What do you like to do these days?

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So how about an update? Are you two still swinging? How has your relationship evolved? What do you like to do these days?

Many, she ended up with him quite a lot and i think she wasn't ready for all that. She started saying she wants something else and wants to experience more. We broke off a few months ago. I am still talking to the guy and they remained fuck buddies.

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On 10/14/2021 at 5:23 PM, kinkycplm said:

Not sure how active this site still is! But we stumbled on it again! Hope everyone is staying safe and good! :)

 

Still here!  It's great to have you back!!!

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On 6/1/2016 at 8:09 AM, JandKinBoise said:

Most swingers start out later in life, certainly not at 21. I get the impression she is going to be going through a type of college period where she is very adventurous.

 

On 6/1/2016 at 9:02 AM, kinkycplm said:

I think it might be a college phase. My question is what is the problem of going through it together.

Exactly.  We started our lifestyle journey in our early twenties, and it turned out well.  As a matter of fact, I recommend it because

On 5/31/2016 at 1:37 PM, kinkycplm said:

The freedom this has given to our relationship is incredible!

Humans are not sexually monogamous and it's good to develop serious relationships recognizing and practicing that fact.  It's better than all the stories here asking "We've been married 30 years, how do we overcome [whatever] and get into swinging? "

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