What if I see someone I know at a party

[FairyNaughty 15]

I have a dear male friend and he and his uptight wife occasionally attend clubs and parties in my area. If she saw me at a party I don't think it would go over well. Is there etiquette to avoid an uncomfortable situation?

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

It's tough to know just the right thing to do without knowing a little more about the situation. Are the other couple experienced swingers? Is the guy someone you've played with before? What do you think is the reason behind her presumed dislike of you?

 

Those questions notwithstanding, I would tend toward wanting to clear the air. If you think there is any reasonable chance of reducing the tension by talking things over, I might take that opportunity (perhaps at a separate time from the party, though- if you think there might be an argument!).

 

There is no reason for you to feel you cannot go to clubs where you have as much right to be there as they do, or to parties where you have been invited just like they have!

 

(By the way, thank you for your question- it prompted me to make my 1000th post!)

[Lionheart72 2,191]

I think the etiquette for avoiding an uncomfortable situation in swinging is much the same as avoiding it in vanilla life... avoid it. If you can at all politely not approach the couple in question, don't approach them. If you can't, then limit your interaction to, at most, a polite: "Hi, how are you? I'm fine. Have fun. Excuse me." followed by removing yourself gently from their area and not approaching them again. No reason to make it more complicated than that.

[FairyNaughty 15]

Thank you so much! The only other thing I could think of is telling my friend, the husband, what events I'd like to attend so he can make the decision to stay away. I'm still very new and they are experienced so I feel I'm the one who needs to be proactive.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Thank you so much! The only other thing I could think of is telling my friend, the husband, what events I'd like to attend so he can make the decision to stay away. I'm still very new and they are experienced so I feel I'm the one who needs to be proactive.

It would be unreasonable to expect them to stay away. Turn it around the other way. He can tell you that he and his wife will be at a certain place and you can politely stay away.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Can you give us a little more information about the nature of the problem here? Honestly, I don't think avoiding is the best way to handle this. It is unfair for either you or the husband to feel like you're being chased away from certain events, just because the other is there.

 

Why is this wife so unhappy to see you? Did you play with the husband? Is there a jealousy issue? If they are experienced, they should not be so fragile that she makes a scene just because you are at the same event.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Honestly, I don't think avoiding is the best way to handle this. It is unfair for either you or the husband to feel like you're being chased away from certain events, just because the other is there.

 

I agree. This feels like a hassle all the way around, and everyone hates dealing with hassles when swinging.

So yeah, give us some more input. Right now it sounds like you are trying to own her problem, and that isn't fair.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

Can you give us a little more information about the nature of the problem here? Honestly, I don't think avoiding is the best way to handle this.

 

Respectfully, sometimes, people just don't get along. Sometimes it isn't even for any clear or rational reason. In such cases, I find that while avoidance might not the best way to handle it, it is the only way.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Respectfully, sometimes, people just don't get along. Sometimes it isn't even for any clear or rational reason. In such cases, I find that while avoidance might not the best way to handle it, it is the only way.

While I agree with you, I'm not yet convinced that this is the case here. I believe that it's possible that the OP might yet be able to talk it out, and we don't have enough information yet to know whether they have reached the point of no return. This is why I am asking for a little more detail.

[Tahoecple 319]

If your desire was to get an answer to your question, you need to ask a question with enough information about the circumstances to formulate an informed answer.

 

I don’t know if I’m right on my assumption or not but with the limited information, you provided, I will tell you what it sounds like to me.

 

You started by saying that you had a “dear male friend,” who had an “uptight wife.” Just by what you wrote it sounds like the wife at the very least had concerns about just how dear of a friend her husband is or was with you.

 

Whether you are talking about a straight couple or a couple that are into the swinging lifestyle, cheating isn’t something which is most often “handled” all that well by the spouse that was cheated on.

 

Whatever the reason it sounds like there is some drama happening between the three or at least two of you. Nothing kills the fun in a gathering faster than drama.

 

Now if you and he had something going on between you that the wife is upset about, and you want to avoid trouble, I would stay the hell away from her if I were you.

 

Now if the problem were that the wife is just a bitch, then I would just stay the hell away from her.

 

There are a number of nonjudgmental people on this site and if you would like to detail the problem that you are having, tell them the whole story, then you most likely would get some very detailed and helpful answers to your question.

[The Fuse 1,012]

The only clue is that the OP has described her friend's wife as "uptight", but yet they attend swinging events. I'd like to know what the OP thinks might happen if they turned up at the same event. What's the worst thing that could happen? If the wife is unhappy, but wouldn't make any trouble, then I don't think that should keep the OP away. If there could be trouble or someone could be outed, that's another matter.

 

OP, what do you think might happen if you all turn up at an event? What if you just met in real life somewhere?

[Baconheads 438]

If the wife swings with her husband, it doesn't sound like she's that uptight. Again, what other drama is cumming to the table?

[enhancer 1,586]

Without knowing what the problem is with you and the wife I really don't know what advise to give you!

 

We go to big private lifestyle parties in a neibouring city two or three times a year that are also attended by people that have rubbed us the wrong way! We do not let the fact that they might be there stop us from going and having fun. We just avoid them and carry on talking with the people we know and new people we want to know. They have just as much of a right to be there doing the same.

 

In the perfect world everyone would get along and be friendly to each other! It's not a perfect world so this kind of thing will come up. Don't let it stop you from living life the way you want to.