No kissing???

[Sjmar 141]

Is a "no kissing" rule a common thing? We are just starting to explore girl-on-girl swap (with boys watching and participating with own partners only). A couple who plays exactly the same way found us, the Mrs and I have built some great rapport over the past couple days, lots of chemistry and dirty talk, talking about meeting for drinks......and then I found out that she has no plans to kiss me? Correction lol, she can kiss my pussy but kissing my mouth is too intimate. Ummmm......

 

Is this common? I feel like that might be a dealbreaker for me. Kissing is such an integral part of foreplay. And she mentioned separating "emotions from just fucking" but, call me a big ol hippie, I just can't do that. Seriously, love is my life. I feel connections and love with all kinds of people every day. That doesn't mean it's anything close to what I experience with my husband, but "shut off"? I can't do that (and I can't help but think our swinging predecessors, the free love generation of the 60's and 70's, would be appalled by people talking about no kissing and shutting off emotions). It's all about the love, man!

 

Thanks for making your way through my fairly long post- lol as I sort this out in my head and decide if this is a dealbreaker. Any input appreciated

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

It's not common, but not unprecedented by any means. We've tried playing with couples who have a "no kissing" rule, and it's just plain awkward. I'm not really a fan of playing that way. Besides, I don't get how that is any more emotionally intimate than "kissing" anywhere else. I'm not knocking anybody else's choices of how they want to play, just saying that it's not for me.

 

Whether it is a dealbreaker for you is, of course, something only you can decide. Maybe give it a try once, and see how you feel about it afterwards?

[njbm 2,866]

No kissing is a no go for us. I know some people have this rule, but it's going to limit their partners.

[enhancer 1,582]

We can respect that others have this rule and it is their choice!

 

We can also take a pass on playing with them, because kissing is part of the deal for us when it comes to sex. It would feel awful cold being with someone you can't kiss.

[Sjmar 141]

No kissing is a no go for us. I know some people have this rule, but it's going to limit their partners.

 

Thank you guys for echoing what I was already feeling. I'm so glad this isn't going to severely limit our potential play partners (lol our own particular boundaries will do that plenty). I think it really is a dealbreaker for me, not just the no kissing rule itself but the psychology behind it. Couples who are looking to make such a clear separation between any emotion at all and "just fucking" are probably not the right play partners for us. I am a Yogini, and live my life through love and connection

[intuition897 2,179]

Like you, Sjmar, I'm not afraid to connect with people. While I respect other people's limits, I feel like saying, "Sex is intimate. Get over it." And if they feel some random sexual experience with a virtual stranger holds some risk of competing with the relationship they have with their own spouse, they should probably not be going down this rabbit hole in the first place.

 

I love everybody, but I'm not poly. By that, I mean that I feel love for and connection with everyone, and at the saame time, I am tied to no one but Mr. intuition. I have no interest in forging a deep, life-long bond with anyone else! I just don't have anything left in my heart for that. That part is completely occupied by my husband. But I'll be your friend. I will do everything I can to show you that you are loved - even by strangers - because you are a unique soul, full of unimagined potential, a carrier of a divine spark. I believe yogis and yoginis express this to one another with the customary "Namaste." They just keep their pants on, is all.

[econobiker 165]

I recently found and presented my wife Red with this quote:

 

"Making love with a woman and sleeping with a woman are two separate passions, not merely different but opposite. Love does not make itself felt in the desire for copulation (a desire that extends to an infinite number of women) but in the desire for shared sleep (a desire limited to one woman)."

Milan Kundera,*The Unbearable Lightness of Being

 

Which sums up my feelings about kissing my swinging partners (always) and sleeping with Red (always). Red appreciated the sentiments in my feelings related to the quote. And we sleep very well together...

[Mrsexcited 16]

As we were kinda figuring stuff out I was one who said no kissing, but the Mr said seriously your lips are going to be around his cock. How is that any more different. So now kissing is whatever.

 

I don't think it would be a deal breaker for us at this point but maybe.

[Sjmar 141]

"And if they feel some random sexual experience with a virtual stranger holds some risk of competing with the relationship they have with their own spouse, they should probably not be going down this rabbit hole in the first place."

 

^i agree completely!

 

Ultimately I had to tell her it was a dealbreaker. Not just the absence of kissing (which is a big deal, it really is such a huge part of foreplay for me) but the mentality behind that. I don't want an experience "disconnected" from emotion. I am a loving, emotional person!!! I experience love and intimacy with people every day on all different depths and degrees. Love is the essence of who I am. Maybe I just need to find another free loving, heart centered hippie chick like myself as a play partner

[kikonkrome 844]

I have tried and it's a pretty tough rule to abide by. You wind up with an overwhelming desire in the heat of the of the moment. I must admit at this point it is a 'deal breaker' for us.

[cplnuswing 4,712]

Ultimately I had to tell her it was a dealbreaker. Not just the absence of kissing (which is a big deal, it really is such a huge part of foreplay for me) but the mentality behind that. I don't want an experience "disconnected" from emotion.

 

It's a dealbreaker for us too. "Disconnected from emotion" is a great way of putting it...that just doesn't sound fun and enjoyable, and fun and enjoyable is what we are looking for in swinging.

[intuition897 2,179]

Yeah, being "disconnected from emotion" is like dancing with someone who is counting the steps between clenched teeth. What the hell is the point?? Trust the process!

[padoc 1,703]

Over the years we have been involved with this hobby we've encountered a few couples with the no kissing rule. As others have said, we can't understand how sucking my dick is somehow less intimate than kissing us?? For us, kissing is part of foreplay and a big part of the discovery process with new playmates. It's also part of the process of elimination for us because there are good kissers and not so good. If a guy does it well, Mrs Doc's toes will curl and her clothing will fall off, if he doesn't, the evening becomes mechanical or simply doesn't happen. We've lamented that kissing is becoming a lost art. Remember making out in a car in your high school days and beyond??? Didn't it always involve kissing? And didn't kissing evolve into more? Just because we're pretty sure we're going to boink another couple doesn't mean that we don't want the erotic stimulation kissing provides. On a side note, we've found that couples with this rule often have more rules than just that. It becomes way too complicated and not a lot of fun to have to work through a check list of do's and don'ts. So for us, a no kissing rule really is a deal breaker.

[Baconheads 428]

I was at the Red Rooster solo one time and doing quite well with a nice couple with a single girlfriend. Mr. couple asked if I would like to do it with his wife and she interjected that I had to kiss her first. Well I did and it was game on at that point. Glad I passed the test. Certainly, if you are turned off by someone's kissing, good things will not follow.

 

Another time before that, I was there and did an MMF with a nice couple who had a "no kissing" rule. I licked her pussy 69 fashion while he fucked her and then sucked him, followed by me fucking her. The no kissing part didn't seem to bother me at the time.

 

Bottom line, as a previous poster said, That rule is bound to lead to others, and interjects a bit of drama to the encounter.

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

When we started we also had a 'no kissing' rule (since we didn't know how we would feel about it beforehand and thought it was too emotionally connecting). Once we got to this point, we found that neither one of us had a problem with kissing so we set that rule aside (as we have done with most of our rules, but they were all necessary at the time in order to get us to where we are now). Our rules were set to protect our relationship since it is impossible to predict how we would feel about different actions. They also gave us a chance to talk about the things that were happening and make sure that we were always on the same page. I don't believe that anyone else had a problem with our limits, especially once we got to them and reset or eliminated them. Looking back we did have a bunch of rules, but that is only in looking back. They served a purpose and then were set aside once we realized that they were unnecessary.

[Baconheads 428]

When we started we also had a 'no kissing' rule (since we didn't know how we would feel about it beforehand and thought it was too emotionally connecting). Once we got to this point, we found that neither one of us had a problem with kissing so we set that rule aside (as we have done with most of our rules, but they were all necessary at the time in order to get us to where we are now). Our rules were set to protect our relationship since it is impossible to predict how we would feel about different actions. They also gave us a chance to talk about the things that were happening and make sure that we were always on the same page. I don't believe that anyone else had a problem with our limits, especially once we got to them and reset or eliminated them. Looking back we did have a bunch of rules, but that is only in looking back. They served a purpose and then were set aside once we realized that they were unnecessary.

 

So what rules did you go through? Any left?

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

Haha, most all of them. The ones that remain are the Golden rules:

 

No means no

No taking one for the team

Do unto others as you would hope they do unto you

 

...can't think of any others right now.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

"And if they feel some random sexual experience with a virtual stranger holds some risk of competing with the relationship they have with their own spouse, they should probably not be going down this rabbit hole in the first place."

 

^i agree completely!

 

Ultimately I had to tell her it was a dealbreaker. Not just the absence of kissing (which is a big deal, it really is such a huge part of foreplay for me) but the mentality behind that. I don't want an experience "disconnected" from emotion. I am a loving, emotional person!!! I experience love and intimacy with people every day on all different depths and degrees. Love is the essence of who I am. Maybe I just need to find another free loving, heart centered hippie chick like myself as a play partner

 

I have found quite a few free loving girls like yourself (and me). You'll find them and it will be wonderful. Don't settle for no kissing or connection.

[JB 140]

We read a lot about it, but only encountered it once in five years, and then, that rule went out the window by the second time we got together.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Is a "no kissing" rule a common thing?

 

And she mentioned separating "emotions from just fucking" but, call me a big ol hippie, I just can't do that. Seriously, love is my life. I feel connections and love with all kinds of people every day. That doesn't mean it's anything close to what I experience with my husband, but "shut off"? I can't do that (and I can't help but think our swinging predecessors, the free love generation of the 60's and 70's, would be appalled by people talking about no kissing and shutting off emotions). It's all about the love, man!

 

When we first started the first time I witnessed them kissing was disturbing for me. My fantasy was to watch them fucking. I was prepared for and expecting them to have a very satisfying physical experience. I wasn't prepared to watch them have a deeply emotional connection.

 

We never had a no kissing rule. There never any "rules". It just happened.

[intuition897 2,179]

I'm so glad our playmates last weekend enjoyed kissing as much as we did. Frankly I can't imagine a complete experience without it. Very cuddly couple. They didn't have any problem with emotional displays at all, like kissing or hand holding. You could tell they were a very together, in-love couple, and such things were natural because it obviously didn't threaten their relationship.

[EastInWest 1,524]

While we aren't "in the lifestyle" and are just considering, I think Mrs. EastInWest and I are both of the mind that this wouldn't be compatible with us. I've had empty, physically distant sex without kissing, massaging, eye contact. It's fun. It's fine for what it is. For both of us though, while we don't have an interest in cultivating emotional bonds with others, we prefer vigorous, high-contact sex. Kissing is fun, pleasurable, arousing, and deep kissing is physically "invasive". To both of us, our mouths are a very natural part of all sex acts. If she's having her breasts touched, she's having them licked and exchanging deep kisses for much the same reason she can't imagine ever using a condom to give head. That stimulation and contact is important for some of us to fully enjoy ourselves.

 

I get that for a lot of people it's not just enthusiastic sex, it's just as strongly tied up with a lot of other ideas about intimacy, love, exclusivity, and morality, and I don't think there's a "right" or "wrong" answer there, just what works for you. In some cultures, Americans can unwittingly make people uncomfortable because hugging is considered to be reserved for intimate relationships. Much of Mrs. EastInWest's hesitation about swinging has to do with the difference between what she wants to do and what she was taught she should want to do. If it bothers you, it bothers you, but it's probably good to try to understand why.

[Shemurmurs 36]

I think people need to remember that there are just as many varieties of emotions attached to kissing as there are types of love. Before I married I loved others but it was never the same love. It felt different for each person, which is why chemistry is so important to swingers. I love my kids and my pets in a maternal way but still very different. With kissing it's the same, I'm going to kiss my swing partners with passion, lust, and even some love but none of that compares to the amazing love I have for my husband. The little love I have for swing partners is more in line with respect, compassion and a gratitude that would share themselves with me in such an intimate way. Remember folks, it isn't the physical act that gets you in trouble it's the emotion you attach to it.

[udsarge 119]

My wife and I had fun with one couple with a full swap. Kissing was allowed (or so we thought), but she would not kiss me. Everyone else was able to kiss, but I felt kind of left out in the cold. Kissing is just part of the fun of having fun, and being the only one not to be able to partake in that part of the action left me feeling a little left out.

[Scaredstiff 129]

When we started we also had a 'no kissing' rule (since we didn't know how we would feel about it beforehand and thought it was too emotionally connecting). Once we got to this point, we found that neither one of us had a problem with kissing so we set that rule aside (as we have done with most of our rules, but they were all necessary at the time in order to get us to where we are now). Our rules were set to protect our relationship since it is impossible to predict how we would feel about different actions. They also gave us a chance to talk about the things that were happening and make sure that we were always on the same page. I don't believe that anyone else had a problem with our limits, especially once we got to them and reset or eliminated them. Looking back we did have a bunch of rules, but that is only in looking back. They served a purpose and then were set aside once we realized that they were unnecessary.

 

My wife has ruled out kissing opposite sex but is quite happy to kiss girls, obviously it feels very different to being kissed by a man, so I can see why she wants to do it lol but I'm all for kissing , we're just starting out so I think it is important for us to have rules and boundaries for now and ease ourselves in and find our comfort level, but yeah I hope that no kissing is the first rule that gets torn up, I'd find it quite impossible not to kiss someone in the moment. Your post was a comfort to me lol

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

Thanks. When we first decided on this rule, I didn't think it would be set aside, but once we got to where we were approaching this limit, we both quickly realized that we were okay with it. In hindsight, we laugh about it, but when we put the rule in place it was needed to make sure that we were both good with what was happening. I think that you will eventually find the same thing...or you may not, either way, it's all good!

[empress 19]

to me. kissing is more intimate than any act of sex. that's just me. When i was a runaway teen and lived on the streets I had survival sex on occasion and NEVER kissed the man. It's easy to have sex without kissing.

[jeff111 44]

It might be fine for those more experienced, but for those starting out its a defensive barrier that gives some comfort to newbie couples.

Don't be too quick to judge as experienced players - as others have said, that rule quickly melted away but was there initially!

[oc1234 435]

My feeling is that if you are not willing to kiss, you are not ready to have sex with others.