Guidance for a newbie - swinging solo?

[NY2CALI 23]

My boyfriend and I are on a swing site as a couple. We have only met one couple. He claims he took one for the team. We clearly have different taste in who appeals to us. He has suggested going on seperate hot dates...do I even open this box?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Generally not recommended before you have learned the lively art of swinging as a couple. I recommend that you do some reading on the Swinging Separately & Open Marriages forum. It can be a minefield and it is important to know what the hazards are.

 

WELCOME to Swingersboard.

[njbm 2,906]

Separate swinging is an advanced practice. You need a lot of confidence in your relationship.We enjoy swinging together. The odds of a four way match are daunting, but we try and hope!

[NY2CALI 23]

Thank you!!! Any recommendations in how I can offer him something else? What do you do if no 4 way match? Do you wait it out or take one for the team? He's into bbw women and that turns me off. I enjoy height weight proportion people. I don't want to stand and watch. I need some loving too!!

[The Fuse 1,012]

Speaking from experience, I can say "Be careful" with this.

 

Backing up for a second: I think that in order to give you useful advice, it would help me to know a little more about your relationship and your history with approaching swinging. How long have you been together? Do you feel secure in your relationship? Is it a permanent relationship, or just for fun? Are either of you the jealous type? Are you both into swinging for the fun you'll have together, or just exploring because it's sexy and titillating? Whose idea was it? Did you talk a lot before meeting the one couple? Did you choose the couple together? And many more questions, but you get the idea.

 

Usually in swinging, it helps the man to have a woman with him. Males swinging alone can have a more difficult time, because the ladies are generally more in demand. Does your boyfriend want to *swing* alone, or just have an excuse to mess around while keeping you in his back pocket?

 

Whatever you decide, best of luck, and I recommend coming back here to discuss things with the members of this board.

 

EDIT: I just saw your new post. Thanks for coming back! If you and your boyfriend are into different physical types, that's fine. It shouldn't be too hard to find couples where the woman is to your boyfriend's taste, and the man is to yours. You may have to put in some time looking at profiles together, or you can go to parties and meet a lot of people at once. If there's no four-way match, I believe your best bet is to wait things out and keep socializing until you find the right couple. Again, it can take some time. Keep talking to one another and meeting new couples. Parties and clubs are a good way to meet a lot of people at once.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Welcome!

 

You've received great advice already, so I'll just briefly add to the choir by recommending you save the swinging separately until you have some experience together as a couple.

[NY2CALI 23]

Thank you for the useful information...some answers to your very important questions...he and I have been together 3+ years...we met on the very same site back then, but as single members...he had a lot more experience than I.. I was attracted to his sexual confidence..I mostly met single guys...had a few multiple partner situations and attended 1 club...never been to a house party....when we met we both wanted a serious relationship so we got off the site together...over the years we talking about going on as a couple..the excitement swinging would bring (he learned how sexually free I am over the years of being together but thought they were only words)..but I've been the one that's jealous..how can I share something I'm not getting myself??... over time the sex between us has mostly died and we are great "friends"....it was my suggestion that we sign up online again....I think my words were "honey what do we have to lose...we both aren't getting laid"....we both love sex and without it the emotional connection is breaking down at home.

 

I mention again because the summer of 2015 we had met a couple...and shared the experience together...I was thrilled as a calm...I felt sexy for days after...my new confidence was something I hadn't felt it quite some time...he told me it wasn't a woman he would chose but he did it so I could have the experience...he later said "we don't need this site" and we canceled our profiles...I feel in my heart he couldn't see me with another man..but I could be very wrong (but woman's intuition)..well almost one year to the day we were having the same discussion. So I'm thinking as a newbie "can swinging reignite the passion between us"..."will we desire each other again"....

 

And so I see who he sends messages to...women I'm not attracted to...(I enjoy men and women)...not to mention their husbands aren't to my liking either...so we are both getting frustrated...he thinks I'm being too picky but how can I get turned on without the spark? So he wrote 1 email to a single 285 lbs woman and said "maybe she'll let me out so I can play with all of that" and to another couple he wrote he "was ready to play"

 

Hence my post!

[NY2CALI 23]

Update....last night we went to a house party, my first...better than I expected....once the nerves passed I was on fire...then we fucked like rabbits when we got home, until the sun came up....and again 3 hours later....this morning over breakfast his comment "I don't need solo play....this is what I've been waiting for"

As so I welcome myself into the world of swinging!!

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Rule two should always be 'Never take one for the team'. If you are not both attracted, then keep looking. Finding the right couple isn't easy, but it IS worth it.

[NY2CALI 23]

Update: last night we attended a hotel party. I didn't enjoy it at all... Why is there a difference with a hotel party and a house party?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

What kind of differences did you experience?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Update: last night we attended a hotel party. I didn't enjoy it at all... Why is there a difference with a hotel party and a house party?

You did not say whether the house party where you played was a private party or an open party. If it was a private party, the guests were probably hand-selected by the host and/or hostess. No klinkers. If at the hotel party anybody and everybody was allowed to sign up, there might have been the usual host of people who feel "entitled" to have sex owing to the fact of paying an admission fee. And the members of that tribe can be pests. Is your disappointment related to the fact that you were pestered? Or is it related, rather, to the fact that you received no attention.

[enhancer 1,586]

You have received a lot of good advice from everybody here already!

 

I would add that it seems like you two have been very active in jumping right in, but it doesn't seem like you have takin the time to really sit down together, figure everything out and be on the same page of what your wants are. The most positive thing I have read is that you connected sexually with each other again after the one party. IMO that is what you two should be putting your efforts into. Swinging when you are not looking for a fix for something else that is lacking is such a better experience for everyone involved.

 

Whatever path you choose good luck to both of you!