How do you feel about kissing in the lifestyle?

[MarniJohn 172]

It seems many couples we meet have rules about kissing. Is it too personal? I can't help but feel that it's ok to have sex but you can't kiss? Really??

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

Some couples make that a rule, not sure why.

 

In our opinion here is nothing sexier than two women kissing, even if that is all they do

[M1F2KTJ 473]

It seems many couples we meet have rules about kissing. Is it too personal? I can't help but feel that it's ok to have sex but you can't kiss? Really??

 

Kissing is VERY personal. Don't you agree? A connection made during kissing is what made a bond for many couples enough to get married. Every married person knows this.

 

That doesn't mean that married people can't have fun playing. It's just that when you see your wife or husband having a very passionate kiss with someone it puts that same feeling in your gut that you experienced when you kissed her or him and felt that bond that can't be explained.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

We don't think it is too personal, after all, we're about to have sex with them, right? We understand that's just our opinion though and others are certainly entitled to have their opinions too and they are just as valid. I will add we will pass on playing with no kissing rule couples. At least from our end, it would feel too detached for us to have sex without kissing, and the other reason is that for us, it's such an integral part of sex, that we would have to be constantly on guard that we wouldn't slip up in the heat of the moment and break one of their rules and potentially cause them problems. We wouldn't want to be the cause of that, and honestly, having to concentrate on what not to do instead of just enjoying what you are doing takes away the fun for us.

[Alura 2,775]

Kissing can say, "I love you, Darling."

 

Kissing can also say, "I'm gonna fuck you silly, Mr. Playmate. Lemme suck that hot tongue of yours!"

[smokinnurse 30]

We have a kissing rule... I (Mrs.) can kiss other women, but no kissing the other person in the swap. It's sooooo hot to make out with a woman for the guys!! But I have no desire to kiss the other man and I definitely don't want to see hubby kissing another woman. Way too intimate.

[enhancer 1,586]

We don't have sex with people that we can't kiss. Not sure how putting our lips on another persons mouth is any more intimate then putting them on someone else's sex organs. If people want that rule it is their call, but it is enough for us to look elsewhere if they do. It is such a natural part of foreplay for us that it would just be a burden having to stop ourselves from doing it in the moment. Personally a good kisser will get me hard faster then anything. If I wanted to have sex with someone I could not kiss I might as well just start hiring hookers.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I agree that the less "rules" the better the experience. Watching my wife experiencing an emotional bond with her playmates is disturbing and exiting at the same time.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

If there was an ironclad "no kissing" rule in swinging, then Mrs two4you wouldn't swing.

 

One of the very few times we have experienced drama in swinging was because the female half of a No Kissing couple decided that since she was drunk and flirting at a swinger's party it would be OK to walk up and lock lips on me. Husband saw it and flipped out.

[padoc 1,704]

Part of our selection process eliminates couples with "no kissing" rules. If you're going to plant your tongue on Mrs Docs clit or wrap your lips around my dick yet won't kiss us because its "too intimate' than you probably ought to take up bridge for recreation. The fun of this hobby for us is sharing intimate encounters with friends. That includes erotic exploring with our partners and THAT includes kissing. What's even more difficult to understand is the possibility of achieving oral orgasms. Mrs Doc can cum all over a guy's tongue or I may cum in the woman's mouth or on her face (if she's not a swallower) but that's somehow less intimate than a kiss? Give me a break!! We've also found over the years that couples with a hard and fast no kissing rule tend to have lots of other rules as well. Worrying about a checklist of does and don'ts tends to be a mood killer. And, generally speaking, the more rules a couple has invariably equates to much more potential drama, something which is also a mood killer.

[SAMnTINA 362]

Sex without kissing just falls short. We know who we are going home with and while sex between us is great our relationship is about a lot more than sex so we don't feel threatened.

[smokinnurse 30]

Kissing is VERY personal. Don't you agree? A connection made during kissing is what made a bond for many couples enough to get married. Every married person knows this.

 

That doesn't mean that married people can't have fun playing. It's just that when you see your wife or husband having a very passionate kiss with someone it puts that same feeling in your gut that you experienced when you kissed her or him and felt that bond that can't be explained.

 

I am fascinated by this thread!! I also just have zero desire to kiss other partners beside hubby... I can fuck them, suck their cock, whatever, but I have no desire to kiss them. That's a bond with only one person and so intimate to me. But I realize others are different. We aren't super in your face about us having a no kissing rule. If they ask, we tell them. Otherwise we just avoid it. We've had play partners try to kiss me and I just change it up and avoid it. I do enjoy making out with another woman though... there's something about that that's just SO hot for me. Unlike another poster observed, we don't have any other rules. Just that we prefer no kissing. We kiss when we make love, when we swing, we're fucking.

[Li2for2 18]

We have no problem with it...to us, it's just part of getting hot with our swing partners. Having said that, my wife and I frequently have romantic date nights where we are totally focused on just each other and kiss passionately in a way that we reserve only for each other.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

We aren't super in your face about us having a no kissing rule. If they ask, we tell them. Otherwise we just avoid it. We've had play partners try to kiss me and I just change it up and avoid it.

If you don't want kissing, it seems like it would be good to go ahead and mention it up front. Nobody wants to do anything with you that you don't want done, but we won't know this if you don't tell us, or we ask you about kissing in particular. I don't see that as you being "in our face"; rather, I would appreciate your clear description of your rules and boundaries. If we had not discussed this particular boundary of yours, and we were playing, it would seem like the most natural thing in the world to kiss you at some point. If I see you avoiding it, that will make me wonder if I have a problem with halitosis or something!

 

Do you feel that some couples would pass on playing if they knew about your no-kissing rule in advance?

[smokinnurse 30]

If you don't want kissing, it seems like it would be good to go ahead and mention it up front. Nobody wants to do anything with you that you don't want done, but we won't know this if you don't tell us, or we ask you about kissing in particular. I don't see that as you being "in our face"; rather, I would appreciate your clear description of your rules and boundaries. If we had not discussed this particular boundary of yours, and we were playing, it would seem like the most natural thing in the world to kiss you at some point. If I see you avoiding it, that will make me wonder if I have a problem with halitosis or something!

 

Do you feel that some couples would pass on playing if they knew about your no-kissing rule in advance?

 

I meant if they ask us if we have any rules, we mention it but we just stay casual about it. I basically phrase it as "I'll kiss the other woman and hubby, but that's it.." We've had couples bail after they know our rule, but have never given us a reason for bailing so we have no idea if they're related. We've also had a few guys try anyway which doesn't end the play, I avoid it, but it bothers me.

[Guest]

I see it perhaps in reverse, not kissing when being passionate seems strange. We started with a no kiss “rule” but it didn’t even last through our first experience. We both agreed afterwards that it is very impractical. If a girl is going to feel turned on by taking a big dick in her mouth, she should have the freedom to take a nice tongue as well as a bit of an appetizer.

[Guest FunintheSnow]

Kissing can say, "I love you, Darling."

 

Kissing can also say, "I'm gonna fuck you silly, Mr. Playmate. Lemme suck that hot tongue of yours!"

 

 

This. :-)

 

That said (however briefly), I can understand people who find kissing more intimate than fucking. To me, it's about having your face in someone else's face. Likewise, I would rather go to the ob/gyn than to the dentist, because I hate having strangers literally in my face.

 

When we started (a pretty short time ago), we thought we'd rather not kiss but were willing to give it a try. I'm glad we did. Kissing is such a nice bridge between flirting and fucking. Plus, it's a way to really test the chemistry before you're naked.

 

I would probably not play a second time with a couple who had a no-kissing rule but did not state it, just avoided kisses. That, to me, is too coy, and leaves it up to me and my husband to play a guessing game about what the other couple wants. That gets us into our heads and out of the moment. No, thank you. Life's short, and so is playtime--why waste time playing "guess what makes me uncomfortable" with playmates?

[smokinnurse 30]

 

I would probably not play a second time with a couple who had a no-kissing rule but did not state it, just avoided kisses. That, to me, is too coy, and leaves it up to me and my husband to play a guessing game about what the other couple wants. That gets us into our heads and out of the moment. No, thank you. Life's short, and so is playtime--why waste time playing "guess what makes me uncomfortable" with playmates?

 

I guess I wasn't clear, sorry... We always tell people before we play that we have that rule. But there are people who try anyway and that's when I avoid it.

[Guest FunintheSnow]

Sorry for the misunderstanding! In that case, I hope *you* don't play with *them* again (unless, possibly, it's a momentary blunder on their part that they correct.)

[smokinnurse 30]

Sorry for the misunderstanding! In that case, I hope *you* don't play with *them* again (unless, possibly, it's a momentary blunder on their part that they correct.)

 

Haha exactly! We do not! one time I can tell he just caught up in the moment. No biggie.

[JandKinBoise 859]

So there are basically 2 schools of thought. One where kissing is just foreplay and a basic part of sex, and the other where it is a very personal experience.

We find it to be very personal, but we are in a very personal situation so we feel it is just part of the overall act.

J did ask me to speak with one lover about the amount of kissing. She felt it was out of hand and distracting from the overall feel (moving from fucking to making love). I tried to be as diplomatic as possible and reassuring but he was butt hurt. He didn't play with us again. I got the impression he felt he was being treated like a 'stunt dick' and not a person. I also think he was falling in love.

Kissing can bring on rather urgent emotional issues. J wanted to back off on kissing to avoid an entanglement. We lost a really good lover due to him falling in love with her. Lots of kissing in that relationship and the results were negative.

I completely understand how a couple can have a no kissing rule. As stupid as it sounds, there are good reasons.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Hey, everybody is perfectly free to have their own rules and limits, and they can be based on whatever makes you feel comfortable and helps you have a good time. This is supposed to be fun, after all! And the best way to ensure the most fun, and the least "unfun", is to make those rules and limits clear up front, as smokinnurse says. That way, everybody can know beforehand if their rules and limits are compatible with yours.

 

Kissing-wise, it seems clear that there are many people who would rather not play if there are differing attitudes about kissing. For the vast, vast majority of "kissers", the act of kissing is not necessarily a sign of deeper feelings, but rather a natural part of sexual play with lifestyle friends. On the other hand, it appears that the majority of "non-kissers" cannot kiss without seeing it as a sign of deeper feelings, whether the other person means it that way or not. Rather than trying to force a match where there is a basic mismatch, it's probably better to agree to disagree, wish each other success, and move along.

[MrsHidalgo 25]

Let me get this straight .......

 

Some of the ladies will let a gentleman enter them anally, but think kissing is too "personal"?

 

Whatever works for you, I guess.

[76dragonflies 21]

My boyfriend and I are exclusive with another couple and are lucky in that we all feel that kissing is a no go. For us, when it comes to the lifestyle, it is about sex. It's about the fun and we all feel there is too much emotion behind kissing. Even between us girls ( who are both bi), we won't kiss.

[AngelandTiger 364]

For us it's easy. Kissing is part and parcel of a great sexual experience. Barring kissing, which is, in many cases, and automatic impulse when you are aroused and physically interacting with a partner, places land mines all around the room....one moment of solid focus on NOT kissing my partner, and I'm going to break someone's rule and cause drama...something we studiously avoid. Most importantly, Angel LOVES a good kisser, and orgasms from kissing alone. One of her criteria to play with someone a second time is how well they kiss. So..........

 

We pass on any couple with a no-kissing rule.

 

T

[JessicaJamison 864]

I have an oral fixation and I like making out along with other oral activities.