How to bring up the idea of swinging to my wife.

[UmaVida 16]

Technically, we're not married yet. We're common-law right now but we both refer to each other as husband/wife, fiance. Anyways, I've been reading about this lifestyle and I'm intrigued. I'd like to bring it up and see if my wife would consider it. I'm really not sure how she'll react, and here's why.

 

1. On one hand, she is the more sexually adventurous one - by far. She did porn before we were together. She even told me that when she changed in her bedroom that she got excited when she noticed a neighbor looking through the window (from their own house) and didn't mind. There's no doubt she loves being admired and is comfortable in front of other people.

 

2. On the other hand, there is this timing issue. We just found out we're having a baby. No, I don't plan on getting into this lifestyle before the baby is born. However, I'm wondering if I should wait until after it's born to even bring it up. I know she's becoming more self-conscious about her body and I don't want her to think this is about me wanting someone else. It's really about something to spice up our life together.

 

3. We're both a little insecure and jealous. I've read that this sort of lifestyle, if approached properly, can help alleviate those feelings of jealousy and couples become closer and more comfortable. I'm an open-minded guy but I've always told her a hard limit for me was bringing more people into our sexual equation. I'm not sure what's come over me lately but the thought of the two of us sharing each other with like minded people really turns me on. I really have to force myself to imagine her with someone else, to try to imagine the sensation. I'd hate for it to backfire in a jealous rage but I don't think that will happen, though it may take some getting used to. It's about personal growth.

 

Anyways, would love to hear your thoughts on this. How you got started. Did it help with jealousy or make it worse? Did it help or create any sexual insecurities?

 

Hope to hear from you.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

First off, welcome to the Swingers Board!

 

Neither one of us are really the jealous type, so we didn't really have that to deal with much. What few twinges we felt of what I guess you could call jealousy were more just the strangeness of what you were seeing...your spouse having sex with someone else, with your encouragement, and thoroughly enjoying it! The first time or two, that can be hard to get your mind wrapped around. You know it's happening, you know you both wanted it to happen, you know you both are totally ok with it happening, but it's just so far outside the envelope of what your relationship had been up until this point, it almost seems a bit surreal. That soon passes though.

 

I will say though that if you both have jealousy issues, then I'm not sure jumping into the deep end of the pool and hoping from that you will learn to swim is really all that wise. There are ways to ease into swinging though that will give your feelings enough of a test without the potential of causing too much harm. Attend an off-premise meet and greet, talk to other swingers, and maybe flirt a bit or be flirted with. Dance with some other people. See how all of that goes, and if everything is still cool, then maybe step it up to an on-premise club. The dancing is going to be dirtier and the whole place will have more of a sexual vibe. Go to the play area, check out what is going on, and then have sex just with each other. If you pass all of those tests and you both are still feeling ok about the swinging idea, then you can start to take things further and start looking for playmates.

 

I really wouldn't think right now is a good time to be bringing this up. She has lots on her mind, and recreational sex with others probably isn't anywhere near making that list. After the baby comes, don't expect her to be in a rush for that either. This is going to be a huge change in your lives, and depending on what kind of support system you have for help with babysitting, etc. it may be an earth-shattering change with lots of lost sleep, feeling overwhelmed, feeling tied down 24/7, and everything else that goes with becoming a parent for the first time.

 

When will the time come? Hard telling, but I would just use that time between now and then to just talk about it in general with her when it feels right. Just in general, nothing specific or about you two specifically, just the concept and what she thinks of it and what you think of it. You'll both learn a lot about each other in having those conversations even if they never actually lead to swinging.

[Alura 2,775]

I think it would be good to postpone the lifestyle until after the baby is born.

 

The meantime can afford you an opportunity to communicate more closely. Learn about her. Ask her questions that begin, "Sweetheart, how do you feel about ...?"

 

Begin with "... The Sooners' Running Backs?" and a hundred other questions until "... group sex?" gets to the top of the list.

 

Tell her you're trying an exercise to improve y'all' communication. It's true.

 

Good luck! Keep in touch and updated, please.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Swinging is all about love communication and trust. You need as much as you can of all three, and never stop trying to give more (not get, give). Since you aren't going to start until the baby is here, you have some time to start working on all three. As you move forward, start talking about fantasies and what she enjoys. Later see if she wants to make any of those fantasies come true. Keep moving forward until you are where you want to be (see, it's simple!). Once the baby is born, you will most likely not have the time to pursue much more for a year or two (or 18). Still, I haven't met a relationship that more love communication and trust didn't make it even better. Take your time, sounds like you are going to be busy for awhile. Just remember, you have the remainder of your lives to get there...

[DaveScott 15]

Technically, we're not married yet. We're common-law right now but we both refer to each other as husband/wife, fiance. Anyways, I've been reading about this lifestyle and I'm intrigued. I'd like to bring it up and see if my wife would consider it. I'm really not sure how she'll react, and here's why.

 

1. On one hand, she is the more sexually adventurous one - by far. She did porn before we were together. She even told me that when she changed in her bedroom that she got excited when she noticed a neighbor looking through the window (from their own house) and didn't mind. There's no doubt she loves being admired and is comfortable in front of other people.

 

2. On the other hand, there is this timing issue. We just found out we're having a baby. No, I don't plan on getting into this lifestyle before the baby is born. However, I'm wondering if I should wait until after it's born to even bring it up. I know she's becoming more self-conscious about her body and I don't want her to think this is about me wanting someone else. It's really about something to spice up our life together.

 

3. We're both a little insecure and jealous. I've read that this sort of lifestyle, if approached properly, can help alleviate those feelings of jealousy and couples become closer and more comfortable. I'm an open-minded guy but I've always told her a hard limit for me was bringing more people into our sexual equation. I'm not sure what's come over me lately but the thought of the two of us sharing each other with like minded people really turns me on. I really have to force myself to imagine her with someone else, to try to imagine the sensation. I'd hate for it to backfire in a jealous rage but I don't think that will happen, though it may take some getting used to. It's about personal growth.

 

Anyways, would love to hear your thoughts on this. How you got started. Did it help with jealousy or make it worse? Did it help or create any sexual insecurities?

 

Hope to hear from you.

 

 

Good Luck but it is best to talk with her first and then chalk it up to drinking or drugs it goes bad. Act kinda hype when you ask he so that excuse goes over smoothly.