Her interest wasn't really interest?

[intuition897 2,179]

If I may comment on what I'm seeing here, as much as you love your wife, I am afraid you're at risk of developing "tunnel vision", where getting into the lifestyle becomes paramount. If you're interested in getting your wife to understand your interests, you need to back up quite a few steps.

 

Take the profile down, because you are just NOT there yet. Frankly, I'd be a little pissed if I found out my husband put up a profile on a swingers website without having even discussed that interest with me. Start by describing what turns you on about swinging, and how you see her in that fantasy. One of the common reactions is that she may feel hurt, that you don't respect, love or value her if you're willing to share her. You will need to carefully discuss this with her. I am assuming that none of these things are true, and that you do indeed love, respect and value her. She just needs to know how you can be okay with this and still have these feelings for her.

 

Discussing these feelings is a crucial step, and is probably the biggest stumbling block to getting into the lifestyle. It is one of the hardest thing for a previously-monogamous person to digest mentally and emotionally, and it often takes a lot of time and patience. If you try to rush her, you will only reinforce her feelings that you can't be trusted. This is like somebody trying to shove you off a cliff and telling you not to worry, you'll sprout wings on the way down.

 

Slow down, relax, and invite her to explore this as an option, at her own pace. Enjoy whatever interest she shows, letting her know you're willing to try whatever she wants to try. She calls the shots. Let her write up the next profile, pick out the couples, send and answer email... She needs to feel in control. And definitely bring her to Swingersboard to let her browse around. We are a friendly bunch and love to help.

 

Good luck!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I agree with the too much too soon assessment. And the reason it was too soon was it was too one-sided; in fact, it was almost entirely one-sided. Although it's almost always one or the other that first brings up the idea of swinging, rarely do both arrive there simultaneously, but bringing up the idea and actually starting down that path are two entirely different things. The swinging journey is one you must take together. By not only putting up a profile without her being part of that, but then even worse, solo masturbating to other profiles, the message you have sent her is swinging is all about you and your satisfaction. That might not be the case, but based on what she had to go on, I think it's understandable if that is what she thought.

 

The only thing to do now is go all the way back to square one, continue to talk about this together and learn where each other is coming from, and then just see where that takes you. It may never leave square one, or the idea may start to grow into something more, but that progress will have been made together, and that is what is vitally important.

[CravingForLS 18]

Thank you all for constructive advice.

 

I have deleted the account on swingers site. I am also going back to square one and that is to openly and slowly discuss my fantasies for swinging.