Do you prefer same or separate rooms when playing, and why?

[intuition897 2,179]

I didn't see a poll for this one, so thought I'd add it. Mr. intuition and I have discovered that we are more of a separate room couple. This is fairly uncommon in our experience. We have put this in our ads, because we do want couples to know we're open to that - and even prefer it - but it may be a bit of a deterrent for couples who are same-room-only. We have to explain our rationale, that it's not that we don't care what our partner is doing, and it's not that we can't bear to watch it happening, it's that we like to focus on one partner at a time!

 

We're not into that sensory overload thing that some people like about group sex. It's a little distracting. We're also not big into having an audience, either, even if it is our own spouse. We were just talking about this on the way home from a playdate last night, where we were all together in the same room. Mr. intuition mentioned the awkwardness of trying to "keep pace" with one another. If they're doing this, I guess we should be doing this, if they're doing that, we should be doing that. I mean, we know we don't HAVE to, but you feel a certain pressure to keep pace with one another's energy. After one half has worn themselves out on a go-round, they want to just take a break and recover, get a drink of water, get a snack to recharge, find out what the score is on TV, curl up and cuddle for a bit (yes, we love to cuddle), talk to each other, etc. Give it about 5-10 minutes and we're back at it again. But when everyone's in the same room, it's hard to relax like that if the other half is still going at it.

 

We love the relaxed pace of each doing our own thing in separate rooms, giving each other a friendly slap on the ass on the way to the bathroom, poking our heads in the door and giving each other a smartass thumbs-up seeing they've fucked their partner into a state of blithering oblivion. ("Way to go, Hon!") And we like the kink of listening to the sounds coming from the other room, and how hit gets us going again, too.

 

What's your preference, and why?

[MrsHidalgo 25]

Hubby and I also prefer separate rooms. BUT ... we also like to get things heated up initially in the same room. We like to see each other get fondled, kissed, and partially undressed by our lovers. It gets the juices flowing and also plants the seeds for thinking about each other getting pleased while out of sight. The mind and our imagination is a wonderful libido booster if you let it work for you. Some of my best orgasms have happened while having sex with my lover while also wondering how Mr H is getting pleased! Imagination and fantasy are fine while with another person as long as you pay attention to what you are doing with them also.

[Fundamental Law 2,882]

Separate rooms imply a level of trust and sense of safety and security-- especially for the ladies-- that can be hard to achieve.

[Guest]

We started with same room only but have learned its a bit of a trade-off. I feel safer with same room, and sometimes feel that I am performing for him. However, I’ve found that with separate rooms, I’m a bit more of nasty girl, can better express myself and, if the guy is really hung, can enjoy that with no concern that hubby might feel jealous or concern about my enthusiasm for something a bit bigger than I am use to. Also, at times, I find it distracting or disconcerting when I hear that his lady is obviously enjoying things more than I am.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

We enjoy both, but I suppose if it gets right down to it, we probably lean towards separate room a bit more. The ability to focus on the person we're with being the difference.

[cplnuswing 4,712]

We're a little bit out of the norm in that we started off preferring separate room, and now have worked our way to will do both, but like two4you said, and for the same reason, do lean a little bit toward separate still. That's if we are forced to choose though. Our ideal playdates are at a house or somewhere where you can just switch back and forth between all being together or going off on your own, all getting after it at the same time or taking a break while the others still are playing, and so on. We really like that flexibility since it just makes the whole thing feel more natural and less scripted in terms of having to worry about trying to keep everyone in sync all of the time. It does take a couple that we feel really comfortable with to get that though, so usually that's a repeat playdate type of thing.

[angelkin 1,326]

One option left out of the poll is same room, separate beds/areas. We prefer same room but will split off to a couch or floor or whatever if things are getting crowded on the king size bed.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

The Mrs. and I are happy with either same-room or separate room play, and we see the advantages of each.

 

We began with a same-room rule, which lasted for exactly one play date! The Mrs. and the other guy happened to finish first. While I was still working on my play partner, my wife and the other guy decided to sit at the other side of the bed and give a play-by-play of the goings-on, with color commentary! That, along with some discussion with that couple about same-room vs separate rooms, and our feeling that we would both be comfortable playing in separate rooms, convinced us to give separate rooms a try. And we have Lund that we enjoy that a lot!

 

Over time, we have become relaxed enough that we are good playing in the same room as well. These days we are better able to balance the attention we give to our spouse (and their play partner) vs paying attention to our own play partner. For us, that balance is on the overwhelmingly on the side of our play partner, giving just enough attention to what's going on across the bed to get turned on by it.

 

Our thinking on this question is that same-room play has the advantage of allowing you to get turned on by the sights and sounds of your spouse going at it, as well as simple happiness of seeing them enjoying themselves. On the other hand, separate rooms allow each play pair to go at their own pace (avoiding the "unconscious synchronization" that intuition897 mentioned), feel more uninhibited about being passionate, and perhaps be a little more verbal/vocal than they might otherwise.

 

So, we might be in the mood for either way on a given day (and, by the way, we're not averse to having a bigger audience sometimes, too!). But most of the time, if we're given a choice and the other couple has no preference, we will opt for separate rooms.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

Good question.

 

In our on-line profiles we say same-room or separate-room. We indicate no preference in an on-line profile but we prefer separate-room play. Allows for better attention to the play partner. We can share stories of what happened later.

[Shore2Please 605]

We started in separate rooms when we met a couple on vacation. Maybe it was being on vacation never thinking I would see these people before. It started when we visited a nude beach with them, also a first for us. Looking back I can't believe we did it. I gave my body to a stranger. I knew my husband was with the wife but didn't want to know. Since then we have been with them and others. I am not comfortable watching or being watched. Due to circumstances we have had sex in the same room but I prefer the intimacy separate rooms gives me.

[AngelandTiger 364]

This is an interesting question, and one that we discuss off and on. There is a lot to be said for both same room and separate room play, but for us it comes down to practicalities.

 

I do agree that there is a good bit of distraction going on in same room play. I LOVE to watch Angel get fucked; it's one of the hugest turn-ons there is! She's incredible and gorgeous in the throes of sexual ecstasy, and I love watching that. That said, being near and watching that can be a bit distracting, as is the impulse to "keep up" with whatever she and her partner are doing. This distraction COULD be handled by separate room play, if not for one physiological fact: When Angel is aroused, she loses all awareness of her surroundings save the partner she's with, and can simply not attend to anything else. She is so absorbed by the sexual connection that she is completely unaware of what's going on, and once playtime is over, she has absolutely no memory of what went on.

 

This can be problematic on two fronts: One, it makes for some safety issues if I'm not there, and she feels that she needs me there to make sure that she doesn't do anything she normally would not be in favor of doing. The other issue is simply that, since she has no memory of what went on, if she plays in a separate room with her partner, she's unable to convey the story of what happened... and this is very exciting for me. I'm not comfortable if her only description of her playtime is "I have no idea what we did", and if we don't play in the same room, that's the only description she can provide. Those of you who want or need to hear the details after your partner has had separate room play will understand how that feels... LOL.

 

Anyway, that puts us into the category of same room play. The only downside is that since Angel is so absorbed and has no awareness of what's going on around her, she also has no awareness that I'm even present, so we can't check in with each other to see how we're doing.

[intuition897 2,179]

Separate rooms imply a level of trust and sense of safety and security-- especially for the ladies-- that can be hard to achieve.

 

This was brought up by our playmates, actually, the safety factor. We agreed that we all felt very comfortable with one another. In fact, I hope this turns into a long-term friendship! We love these two and their easy-going attitudes. But I hear what you're saying.

 

I don't know if I've ever really worried about my safety. This subject is actually worth its own thread, though. The thing is, I trust people. Yes, some people can really suck and do their best to crush my faith in humanity, but try as they might, that faith is unsinkable. I am determined to see the good in people. The ones who would do me harm set off my 'ick' alarm long before anyone's pants come off, and I do not find them attractive anyway. If they've made it as far as the bedroom, with or without Mr. intuition beside me, they're not the type who would do anything harmful.

[AdamGunn2 373]

The easy answer is that we seemed to gravitate to same-room, but sometimes did separate rooms. It depended on circumstances.

 

Mary and I liked seeing each other and both (or all, if it was a moresome) of the partners. The visuals are astounding, the sounds enthralling. Even the smell is intoxicating.

 

But there were two situations where we would gladly do separate rooms. The first was that if the other couple wanted separate, we would bow to their wishes. (Notice I said ‘couple’, we never believed a single male had a vote in it - if he didn’t want me to be present, he didn’t want sex with my wife enough.)

 

The other was when we’d played with the other couple previously, and we realized we were mismatched. It’s no secret that my wife was a hang-me-from-the-chandelier type, I could be romantic. So if the other man wanted that, and the woman wanted to be wooed, we’d break off for an hour or two.