Swinging know-it-all's worry me

[Primalcafe14 18]

I have always been leery of people who state they are experts in any chosen lifestyle. I believe we all have a continuous learning curve. Most of my encounters have been with meeting single men who falsely state that they are part of a couple...only to find out they are not. Or they make the claim that all meetings need to go through them first before meeting their female partner.

 

This makes me very uneasy and skeptical about the lifestyle and why people really are in it and their motives. I am a single female in the lifestyle and have distance myself because of such said behaviors.

[Baconheads 438]

I played in the lifestyle as a single male moderately successfully before I started going with my (really hot) girlfriend. There didn't seem to be any reason to purport myself to be anything other what I really was. I agree those dudes are sad. Ironically we don't play with single guys because my GF is bi-curious and we are more interested in couples for softer encounters. Softer being G-G, and watching, touching and oral between couples...

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

We're not experts at anything but we have had some experiences (and possess a now rare thing called 'common sense') so we try to help others by sharing our experience. Any day that we do not learn something new is a day that we consider a failure. Never stop learning, never even think you know everything about anything. There's always someone who knows more.

 

However, we hope that a single female ever finds it necessary to distance themselves from us...they are rare and hard enough to find as it is.

[Alura 2,775]

"X" is an unknown quantity. "Spurt" is a drip under pressure.

[Tahoecple 319]

I have always been leery of people who state they are experts in any chosen lifestyle. I believe we all have a continuous learning curve. Most of my encounters have been with meeting single men who falsely state that they are part of a couple...only to find out they are not. Or they make the claim that all meetings need to go through them first before meeting their female partner.

 

This makes me very uneasy and skeptical about the lifestyle and why people really are in it and their motives. I am a single female in the lifestyle and have distance myself because of such said behaviors.

 

 

It seems from the content of your post that you’re making the argument that being there are guys in the lifestyle that lie to meet single women, the lifestyle is bad. I think that in everything you do in life you have to be cautious, because the fact of the matter is that there are people out that who will try to take advantage of you in just about anything you do.

 

The fact that you are a single woman will make you a target for some unscrupulous individuals. Therefore, you will have to be extra cautious in meeting people. That caution isn’t limited to the lifestyle; it would apply to any activity involving meeting strangers.

 

I know that in the lifestyle, the same as anything in life, you will run across people that will lie to you. That doesn’t make the lifestyle a bad thing that makes life in general an endeavor in which caution is a necessary element.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

I have always been leery of people who state they are experts in any chosen lifestyle. I believe we all have a continuous learning curve.

 

I agree. There's always something new to learn.

 

Most of my encounters have been with meeting single men who falsely state that they are part of a couple...only to find out they are not. Or they make the claim that all meetings need to go through them first before meeting their female partner.

 

This makes me very uneasy and skeptical about the lifestyle and why people really are in it and their motives. I am a single female in the lifestyle and have distance myself because of such said behaviors.

 

It is unfortunate that you've clearly had some bad experiences. Sadly, as with any group, there always a few assholes.

 

If you'll forgive a suggestion, have you tried attending a swingers club in your area? Meeting people in person, it's usually pretty obvious whether or not they are what they say they are (at least in terms of couple, single, male, female, etc.). Also, many clubs - rightly or wrongly - restrict or outright prohibit single guys while warmly welcoming single women. It seems to me that if you really want to know that your getting what your looking for, and if you want to avoid single guys, that might be a good way for you to go.

 

Just my $.02, take it for what it's worth.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Just to make sure we understand you, Primalcafe14, are you saying that you don't want to meet single guys, and are disappointed by the dishonesty of single guys who claim to be part of a couple? Or are you saying that you are OK with meeting single or solo guys, but you just want them to be honest?

 

I'm sorry to see that it seems like you've had some unhappy experiences. I know from personal experience that there are lots of great people in the lifestyle, and it's a shame that you haven't been lucky enough to have met more of them yet! Of course, there are also a number of less-wonderful people, too. We've tried to develop a thick skin about disappointments like that, though after two years in the lifestyle, we are still learning how to do that!

 

By the way, I hope you haven't had any know-it-alls here on SwingersBoard put you off by claiming to be experts! We are all learning as we go, and though people have accumulated and shared a few lessons learned, there is so much more to learn. I think that is part of the fun!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I think your best bet would be to find a nice club, hotel takeover party or meet and greet and only meet people there. That way you will only meet couples where both parties are present. You'll be able to tell if they are both into it, into you and vice versa. You'll be able to witness some of their relationship dynamic. This will save you a ton of time and aggravation.

 

I'm not an expert, but we've been doing this a long time and have met and continue to play with some wonderful single girls.

[lnw 145]

GoldCoCouple hit it right on and felt that we wrote that. We continue to learn something new from each event we attend and usually with each couple we meet. There is a thing about "gut instinct". We just have to learn to trust it. We just had another meet at a recent event that gut told us to walk but we didn't. We should have walked and learned another thing to look out for.

 

Some great advice about attending some events in person rather than trying to size up a profile and then through emails/txt messages. Don't give up and don't judge the whole community by a few that tarnish the lifestyle with their antics.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Maybe a change of location might help? Where do you meet these men? Are you looking for a FFM encounter? It might be best to flirt with a couple and not single males.

[econobiker 165]

I have always been leery of people who state they are experts in any chosen lifestyle. I believe we all have a continuous learning curve. Most of my encounters have been with meeting single men who falsely state that they are part of a couple...only to find out they are not. Or they make the claim that all meetings need to go through them first before meeting their female partner.

 

This makes me very uneasy and skeptical about the lifestyle and why people really are in it and their motives. I am a single female in the lifestyle and have distance myself because of such said behaviors.

 

Primalcafe14,

I thought that it is always customary as a minimum for the females to voice verify together just to limit the male in a fake couple shenanigans as described here. Surely digital voice changers cannot be good enough to disguise a man's voice yet. You could try to trip up any suspect voices by asking "female specific questions" that would trip up most men like clothing sizes, daily wear panty and bra brands, period and period product specifications, hair care products and other stuff like that most guys don't have a clue about.

 

There's always a group of wannabe swinger men who try to set up scenes (with a M or F) for their unknowing wife/girlfriend. These men who pull the line "meet us at a vanilla bar without her knowledge that I worked on setting this up and we'll see where it goes if she's drunk enough" bullshit. Sure all its most likely going to be is a frustrated swinger with a bar tab in a lame vanilla bar or nightclub.

 

Also you could pull the reverse ploy of being the F of a M/F couple as to discourage the single men who target single females. Then if you get a cool M/F couple with a Bi-F, after vetting her, you could reveal that it is just you a single female and your reasons why. Most M/biF couples will never refuse a single bi-F from joining them!