GF is scared she'll like him and leave me for him after a threesome.

[Oclafsti 16]

So my gf (21) and I (28) are very much in love. We see our future together. We both share very deviant sexual fantasies. My biggest are MMF and watching her get fucked. She recently said it's her biggest fantasy too. Anyway, tonight she said she doesn't want to do it because she's scared she will possibly start liking the guy. I dug deeper and she said she's only been either me and one other guy so she's scared she will enjoy the sex better with him and she'll leave me for him. How would you take this? I thought we were on equal fields and this thought never crossed into my mind if we had a FFM threesome so I figured it was the same for her. So it was shocking to hear. I take it as she doesn't enjoy me too much in bed and in her head knows there's much better. I'm not huge. I'm just under 7 inches long and 5 inches around. I'm confused and this really ruined things and shocked me. How could she be scared to leave someone you love over a random sexual encounter with a guy you've never met? Any ideas how to take this as I'm feeling super insecure and may end things over this?

[Guest sandraandalex]

Wow, you're thinking way too hard about this. First off, five inches is the average size. Second, a large cock does not define skill quality in bed. If she is concerned about linking amazing sex to leaving you, well, the amazing sex should be with you. No extra participants. Maybe her concerns will pass. Maybe they won't. Lastly, fear is never equivalent to reason, that's why it's called 'fear'. Just leave this alone for a while. It'll be fine.

[Oclafsti 16]

I meant 5 inch "around"as in the circumference and 7 inches long. I didn't know 5 was average if you mean length. I guess I always compare others to the way my brain works. My brain never even thinks for one second I'd leave her for another girl so it's hard to fathom when she says that's a concern she'll like a guy. I guess we all think different though. Thanks for your time.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

I believe that before a couple starts swinging, we need to have a strong, secure relationship... one based on trust, honesty, communication and emotional intimacy. Those bonds are immeasurably strong than mere sexual pleasure. The truth of the matter is, you and your partner probably will end up with someone who is "bigger" or "better" or "hotter" or pick-your-ideal. But at the end of the night, you will still go home with the person you love... because no matter how great one sexual encounter might be, it is never a match for the trust, honesty, communication and love you share with your partner.

 

I speak from experience. My wife and I have both had earth-shattering, mind-blowing sex with strangers and friends... but in the end, we love each other and our love is so much more than mere sex. That we can share those fantastic sexual explorations with each other at the end of the day only makes our relationship stronger.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

 

First off, welcome to the board.

 

Second, I suspect that this thread will soon be moving from "Introductions" to "Curious About Swinging".

 

Third, if SHE is scared that she will leave you for another guy because he is better at having sex...you are not ready to go here. Love is LOVE and sex is JUST sex. You can have sex with almost anyone, but you can't be in love with just anyone. If she thinks that great sex will 'force' her to leave you, she isn't ready (and if she isn't, then you shouldn't be either). Work on your trust in your relationship and then maybe revisit this in a few years when you are both ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that your relationship has the strength to withstand anything.

[Oclafsti 16]

I believe that before a couple starts swinging, we need to have a strong, secure relationship... one based on trust, honesty, communication and emotional intimacy. Those bonds are immeasurably strong than mere sexual pleasure. The truth of the matter is, you and your partner probably will end up with someone who is "bigger" or "better" or "hotter" or pick-your-ideal. But at the end of the night, you will still go home with the person you love... because no matter how great one sexual encounter might be, it is never a match for the trust, honesty, communication and love you share with your partner.

 

I speak from experience. My wife and I have both had earth-shattering, mind-blowing sex with strangers and friends... but in the end, we love each other and our love is so much more than mere sex. That we can share those fantastic sexual explorations with each other at the end of the day only makes our relationship stronger.

 

This is just how I felt and how I thought she felt. I wasn't insecure at all about her leaving because I'm confident in my skills as a lover in and out of bed. That's why it was so shocking to hear her bring this up.

[Oclafsti 16]

 

First off, welcome to the board.

 

Second, I suspect that this thread will soon be moving from "Introductions" to "Curious About Swinging".

 

Third, if SHE is scared that she will leave you for another guy because he is better at having sex...you are not ready to go here. Love is LOVE and sex is JUST sex. You can have sex with almost anyone, but you can't be in love with just anyone. If she thinks that great sex will 'force' her to leave you, she isn't ready (and if she isn't, then you shouldn't be either). Work on your trust in your relationship and then maybe revisit this in a few years when you are both ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that your relationship has the strength to withstand anything.

 

That's what I thought. How could you be scared to leave me when we are madly in love just over sex? So you can see how it was so shocking for me to hear right ? :-/

[Lionheart72 2,190]

That's what I thought. How could you be scared to leave me when we are madly in love just over sex? So you can see how it was so shocking for me to hear right ? :-/

 

Forgive me for being blunt (it's what I do)... but you need to not be madly in love. Madly in love is about passion and desire. You need to be comfortably in love. Comfortably in love is what happens when that crazy bonfire passion of madly-in-love burns out and leaves behind warm, glowing coals that endure. This is why the median age for successful swingers is generally rather high... most swinging couples are in their 40s or 50s... because it usually takes that long for a relationship to reach that stage of comfortably-in-love. Not to say that it can't happen younger, but it is rare and usually hard won.

[Oclafsti 16]

Forgive me for being blunt (it's what I do)... but you need to not be madly in love. Madly in love is about passion and desire. You need to be comfortably in love. Comfortably in love is what happens when that crazy bonfire passion of madly-in-love burns out and leaves behind warm, glowing coals that endure. This is why the median age for successful swingers is generally rather high... most swinging couples are in their 40s or 50s... because it usually takes that long for a relationship to reach that stage of comfortably-in-love. Not to say that it can't happen younger, but it is rare and usually hard won.

 

Very true. I feel like their is too many feelings and insecurities involved at a young age and it can be destructive. What do you suggest since we both have these very strong fantasies then as an alternative ?

[Oclafsti 16]

Forgive me for being blunt (it's what I do)... but you need to not be madly in love. Madly in love is about passion and desire. You need to be comfortably in love. Comfortably in love is what happens when that crazy bonfire passion of madly-in-love burns out and leaves behind warm, glowing coals that endure. This is why the median age for successful swingers is generally rather high... most swinging couples are in their 40s or 50s... because it usually takes that long for a relationship to reach that stage of comfortably-in-love. Not to say that it can't happen younger, but it is rare and usually hard won.

 

Very very true. Way too many emotions and insecurities at young ages and new relationships. Will lead to demise .. What do you suggest then as an alternative since we have such strong urges and fantasies to do this , as an alternative ?

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I think you are making a huge mistake in the way you are communicating. You bring up the fantasy. Your girlfriend brings up a valid concern, expressing her fear that she (or maybe you) might fall in love with a sex partner. You think, "My dick is not good enough" and "That's not the way I think, maybe I should dump her." You want her to tell you every concern, every worry. When she sees that you can't handle her thoughts and emotions, she will close herself off to you. Then you are really stuck.

 

You need to get to a place where you can accept what she says without jumping off the deep end. No single thought, word or act should be a nuclear bomb in your relationship. Things will happen in swinging that will rattle you. It needs to just be a rattle, a conversation, an understanding and then moving on. If just discussing what-ifs makes you question her fidelity, you are not ready.

 

You both need to understand that you will throughout your relationship crush hard on other people, people you aren't even having sex with (co-workers, friends, etc). This is normal.

 

Her fear is common. It does happen that swing partners fall in love. You need to be able to discuss that possibility rationally. What happens if she does feel romantically attracted as well as sexually? Can you live with that and put it in context in your relationship? It could happen to you as well. You never know until you try. But, you shouldn't try until you are completely at ease discussing the possibility, until you both can effectively reassure each other.

 

There are two great books you might read together. The Ethical Slut and Opening Up If I remember correctly, both have exercises and ideas for improving communication.

[Oclafsti 16]

I think you are making a huge mistake in the way you are communicating. You bring up the fantasy. Your girlfriend brings up a valid concern, expressing her fear that she (or maybe you) might fall in love with a sex partner. You think, "My dick is not good enough" and "That's not the way I think, maybe I should dump her." You want her to tell you every concern, every worry. When she sees that you can't handle her thoughts and emotions, she will close herself off to you. Then you are really stuck.

 

You need to get to a place where you can accept what she says without jumping off the deep end. No single thought, word or act should be a nuclear bomb in your relationship. Things will happen in swinging that will rattle you. It needs to just be a rattle, a conversation, an understanding and then moving on. If just discussing what-ifs makes you question her fidelity, you are not ready.

 

You both need to understand that you will throughout your relationship crush hard on other people, people you aren't even having sex with (co-workers, friends, etc). This is normal.

 

Her fear is common. It does happen that swing partners fall in love. You need to be able to discuss that possibility rationally. What happens if she does feel romantically attracted as well as sexually? Can you live with that and put it in context in your relationship? It could happen to you as well. You never know until you try. But, you shouldn't try until you are completely at ease discussing the possibility, until you both can effectively reassure each other.

 

There are two great books you might read together. The Ethical Slut and Opening Up If I remember correctly, both have exercises and ideas for improving communication.

 

By far the best answer I have received in here. Especially the first part. Thank you so much for this I needed to hear it.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

What do you suggest since we both have these very strong fantasies then as an alternative ?

 

Fantasy is a wonderful thingy. I say have fun with the fantasy... talk dirty while you're having sex, sharing imaginary scenarios. Break out a dildo and play to the fantasy that it's another guy. Etc. All of that can be fun. In some ways, fantasy can be more fun than an actual threesome. In actual threesomes sometimes the chemistry is off. Sometimes someone can't get it up or someone says or does something stupid that ruins the moment. That kind of thing doesn't happen in a fantasy.

 

Enjoy where you are in your relationship.

[Guest]

I have had my fair share of threesomes with other guys and whilst I was never that concerned that my girlfriend would fall in love with one of these men, I was however concerned that one of these men would try to steal my girlfriend, and over the years several men have tried. I guess you could say that in the beginning I was to trusting towards these men, for example I gave these men my telephone number AND my girlfriends telephone number, I also discussed our working patterns with these men, for example telling them what hours we worked and what days we had off work.

 

What followed was simply these guys bombarding my girlfriend with text messages / flirty messages / requests to meet alone for sex / requests to start affairs / they even propositioned my girlfriend to leave me and run away with them. We also had several guys turning up at our house uninvited when they knew I was working, or shall we say when they knew my girlfriend was in the house alone, usually such guys will knock on the door with a lame excuse such as:

 

"I was just in the area so thought I'd knock on your door for a chat"

 

"Last time I was here I think I left something in your house, think I left my hat, think I left my wallet, so I have just banged on your door to check"

 

Its fair to say that in the early years we had a few bad experiences with swinging.

 

From that point I decided to take action which would:

 

A) Help us be more secure.

B) Make it difficult for men to communicate alone with my girlfriend.

C) Cut the possibility of my girlfriend communicating with these men alone even if she wanted to.

D) To reduce the risk of any feelings growing or affairs starting.

 

 

I guess the first question is to understand how feelings grow and how affairs start?

 

The simple answer here is by free communication / private communication.

 

 

Lets say for example that you and your wife fuck a man together, the sexual meeting lasts maybe one hour during which your wife isn't alone with this man at all. You have a slightly nervous chat for 15 minutes, you jump in bed and spend 45 minutes fucking before both guys shoot their loads, you catch your breath for a while and the man says thank you and leaves. Is your wife likely to have fallen madly in love with this man? Is your wife likely to have organised an affair with you stud their watching every move?

 

Okay lets say you meet a guy and this guy gets your wife's phone number, over the next few months this guy can text your wife whenever he wants, not only that but during your threesome meetings this guy gets to spend 10,20,30, or even 60 minutes alone with your wife. To give your wife a treat and to help her relax with this new man you decide it might be fun if they had sex totally alone a few times, so sure on some afternoons this man is spending several hours slamming your wife all over the bedroom, they spend hours talking, hours cuddling, they spend their time kissing, discussing each others lives / desires / dreams / history / and asking each other questions.

 

You actually find out that whilst you have been at work on a 10 hour shift YOU have actually sent your wife 1 text message asking her to pick up some milk on the way home. This other guy in the same 10 hour shift has sent your wife 47 hot steamy text messages, in fact they are having entire conversations that you don't even know anything about. During all of this "Time Alone / Free Communication Time" your wife and this man actually find out they share things in common, they like similar foods, like similar music, have hobbies in common, have similar beliefs.

 

Not only can your wife message this guy whenever she wants, not only can she email this guy whenever she wants, but also on occasion gets to fuck him alone. If that is not bad enough during your threesomes she often gets left alone with this man for extended periods of time. Maybe work calls and your on the phone 30 minutes whilst your wife and this other man are chatting away and sharing deep personal details in the living room, or maybe you decide to cook some food for the evening and spend 20 minutes preparing a meal, during which this other man is sat in your living room swapping phone numbers with your wife, asking for her email address, asking personal details that really your wife shouldn't be giving out.

 

In all fairness this other man is probably speaking to your wife more than you do, your wife has totally free access to speak with this man whenever she wants, and over the weeks or even months of flirty secret conversations she not only finds she likes this man / fancies this man / but also that she shares a lot in common with him. Is your wife likely to fall in love with this guy?

 

Putting it simply if your wife can not communicate with this man in private, can not spend time alone with this man in private, lacks the relevant details to communicate with this man in private, and every second she spends with this man you are also there, then chances are she is going to struggle to fall in love with this man or discuss the things that would allow feelings or affairs to begin.

 

With this in mind I put together a basic list of security protocols aimed at stopping feelings growing / stopping affairs starting / stopping guys trying to steal my wife/girlfriend, ECT:

 

The rough outline would be as follows:

 

 

1: Phone Numbers: I do not allow other men to have my girlfriends phone number. I explain to this other guy that for safety reasons we do NOT allow guys to have my girlfriends phone number. I explain to this new guy that if he did have my girlfriends phone number it could cause jealousy or paranoia to grow, that it could cause temptation to grow, that it could cause mixed communications and crossed wires, that overall my girlfriends phone number is for her family / work / close friends, NOT for random guys we meet to fuck. I make it very clear that if this guy asks for my girlfriend phone number OR offers his phone number to my girlfriend then the sexual friendship between us will end.

 

I also take great care to speak with my own girlfriend about this subject, I tell her my concerns, I explain my worries about safety, I make it ONE OF OUR RULES and ask my girlfriend not to give out her phone number and not to accept a guys phone number if he offers. The truth is these other guys are not bothered about my relaitonship, they are not bothered about our family / mortgage / future / children and really their prime motivation for wanting my girlfriends phone number is so they can attempt to bang her pussy alone for a while before they get bored and move on.

 

I also remind my girlfriend that if this guy is willing to break our rules, if this guy is willing to lie / cheat / break up couples / have affairs, then even if she did run away with another man then he would probably be cheating on her within 2 or 3 months. That actually about 90% of relationships that start by cheating and affairs crash and burn within six months. I strongly ask my girlfriend NOT to give out her phone number, and NOT to take another mans phone number if he offers. Not to fall pray to a man trying to break our rules and cheat, not to fall into the clutches of a player and cheating relaitonship wrecker.

 

Plus lets not forget that when we do meet this man my girlfriend isn't left alone with him hardly at all, at worst I might have to pop to the toilet for 60 seconds, but in general I try not to leave them alone long enough to swap phone numbers. I have also found that its dam hard for someone to swap phone numbers when they are laid in bed naked, that basically a guy will meet us and we will perhaps spend 15 minutes chatting, we will jump into bed and spend anywhere from 1 to 2 hours playing with my girlfriend together, we will kiss her, lick her, fuck her, try all the naughty things we like and then as my girlfriend and this man are laid their catching their breath totally naked I will choose that moment to grab a drink from the fridge or use the toilet, knowing full well my girlfriends phone is downstairs on the table and this guys phone in his in jeans thrown at the bottom of the bed, even then I'm only gone a matter of seconds.

 

In some cases you could simply say "Can we turn off our phones please / can we leave our phones downstairs so were not disturbed during sex" Basically I not only ask for numbers not to be swapped, but make it dam difficult for that to happen. Basically if someone is only alone with my girlfriend for a matter of seconds its dam hard for him to start a big meaningful conversation or offer to swap details. I already know if this man can not text or call my girlfriend, and that my girlfriend can not text or call him then it will put a big wall directly in between any feelings or affairs starting.

 

 

2: No Emails / Face Book / Chat Programs: This really is exactly the same as above, I ask this guy NOT to offer my girlfriend any email addresses / social networking details / chat program details and so on. I also ask my girl not to offer any guys her details and not to accept their if they offer, I again make this ONE OF OUR RULES.

 

If this random guy wants to speak with anyone, then he can speak with me. If he wants to arrange a meeting with me and my girlfriend, then he can arrange it with me. If he wants to ask any questions, then he can ask those questions to me. That actually this guy DOES NOT NEED my girlfriends details, and like stated without such things my girlfriend will find it much more difficult to fall in love or get sucked in by offers of affairs, that it will help stop any feelings growing.

 

 

3: Hotels / Outdoors / Car: When meeting a totally new guy we always have a social meeting first, sometimes 2 or 3 social meetings first. However if we do like this guy and decide to have sex with him then often I will book a hotel room so this guy doesn't actually find out where we live before we have had chance to assess him. Alternatively in the summer months you can suggest some outdoor fun, basically sneaking off somewhere private and both playing around with my girlfriend.

 

I guess that could sound a little dangerous but in fairness by this point we will have various messages on our computer from this guy / will have pictures of this guy saved on our computer at home / will have undergone 1 or 2 social meetings, so sure if we decided to play we could ask this guy to take a drive with us into the country, to find a private bit of land, to have a "Sexy Picnic" to find a sunny grove in the forest or area of long grass and layout a few blankets ready for our sexy picnic.

 

I have actually done the outdoor thing a fair few times, it fairly nice laying under the sun with me and another guy both playing around with my girlfriends pussy, kind of nice feeling the warm summer sun on my bum as we take turns ramming our dicks into my girlfriend. In other cases and if you have the right vehicle you could even have a threesome in the car (hence why my car is a family van where all the seats remove and the back windows are tinted privacy glass) but sure you could meet up with the guy / let your wife have a few drinks / let her begin to feel comfy and confident and then could sneak off to a dark and private car park somewhere, the type of car park that would be packed in the day but virtually empty by 20:00 at night, and sure push the seats forward, get comfy in the back seat and let your wife have a good double hand job session / give you both blowjobs / have a good ride on your dicks.

 

The point been, it can be a good idea to actually test a guy out sexually 3 or 4 times before rushing him back to your house. That if for whatever you reason you have sex with this guy a few times (in a hotel / outdoors / in the car) and for whatever reason he turns funny / turns out to be rude / pushy / aggressive / weird / or you think he might try and steal your partner then basically you can break off the friendship and this guy doesn't actually know where you live.

 

Its kind of hard for a guy to steal your wife if he doesn't even know where she lives, kind of hard for your wife to fall in love with a guy when she doesn't even know where he lives. In this example using hotels / outdoors / car can give you a little breathing space whilst you actually get to know a guy a little and see if you can figure out his intentions.

 

One thing you do have to be careful about is meeting a random guy who SAYS he is okay with having a threesome, but actually all he really wants is to bang your wife and freaks out when another man is naked. Some guys don't even want to be in the same building as another naked man, some guys are strongly homophobic and really have only agreed to a threesome so they have a chance at banging the women and become uneasy and freaked out just by seeing another man naked, doing things in hotels / outdoors / car does give you a chance to weed out such people before inviting them home.

 

Like stated if a man doesn't know where you live its harder for him to try tempting your wife into affairs, harder for any communications to begin. If for whatever reason you don't like this guy / don't trust his word or intentions then you can simply break off the friendship without him knowing your home address.

 

 

4: No Meeting Alone: I do take the time to explain to this new guy that my girlfriend is NOT looking to meet him alone, that doesn't just include SEX, but I make it clear that that my girlfriend doesn't want to meet him alone for drinks / doesn't want to meet him alone for dinner / for hobbies / for days or nights out / or just to chat. In fact a lot of guys who try to start affairs will ask the women to meet them, and when the women asks what for? They reply by saying "Just to talk / just to chat" so sure I make it clear my girlfriend doesn't want to meet this guy alone for any reason and kindly ask the guy not to ask my girlfriend to meet him alone.

 

I explain all of this to my girlfriend, that sure a man may ask her to meet him alone, that they may say things like:

 

- Just for dinner.

- Just to chat.

- Just to talk.

- Just for a few drinks.

 

In reality we all know what the man is asking is to meet my girlfriend alone and then have bare back cheating sex with her. I remind my girlfriend that meeting such a man alone could be very unsafe, that he could turn nasty, could turn out to be violent, that meeting him alone could ruin our relaitonship / family / home / and so on. This again would be ONE OF OUR RULES that she doesn't meet guys alone, not unless we knew the guy very well indeed and had done for some years.

 

 

5: No Work / Personal Information: The other big thing I warn my girlfriend about is not sharing any personal information such as:

 

- Where my girlfriend works.

- What hours my girlfriend works.

- Where my girlfriend hangs out.

- The gym my girlfriend attends.

- The hobby hang outs my girlfriend attends.

- Who my girlfriends family or friends are.

- My girlfriends date of birth.

- Names of our family, friends, or workmates.

- Pictures containing family, friends, workmates, work uniforms, easy to recognise locations.

 

Like stated when meeting another man I'm basically with my girlfriend 99.9% of the time, that I strongly avoid or side step any questions about where my girlfriend works or hangs out. If a man finds out where your wife/girlfriend works there is a chance he will turn up at her workplace looking for her. If he finds out what gym she attends or what clubs she goes to then this guy may appear there looking for her. If such questions come up I either avoid them or simply say "Sorry we don't really give out that kind of information" and quickly move on to a more neutral subject.

 

Sure chat about what you food you like / what music you like / what holidays you like / what colours you like / what films you like / what wines or beers you drink / chat about the weather / the latest TV hit program / talk about sex / talk about swinging / talk about virtually anything other than things that will allow this man to track down your partner.

 

Its also a good practice to explain this to the other guy before having sex. That in many cases you can simply send the guy a message / email or explain it during a social meet. Basically saying that FOR NOW we would prefer it if we didn't go into detail about where HE WORKS or where WE WORK, or other personal things such as what gyms we attend and so on. Keep in mind that if a guy figures out that he can not get your wife's phone number / can not get your wife's home address / can not get details of where she works / can not get her private email, then instead he will try to divulge lots of information about himself, he will try to tell your wife his full real name hoping she searches for him on Face Book and messages him in private, or he will tell her is workplace details and job title hoping she calls him at work to chat.

 

Its not just a case of protecting your girlfriends information from this guy, its also a case of protecting your girlfriend from this guys information.

 

 

6: No Uninvited Guests / The Police Lie: When meeting a new man I nearly always say the same thing, I explain to this man that if we do invite him back to our home then under no circumstances do we want him to come to our house unless he has been invited be me first. We do not want him banging on the door because he was in the area, do not want him banging on the door because he left something in our house, basically for NO REASON AT ALL do we want him banging on the door without it previously been arranged by me.

 

I then say something along the line of:

 

"This is perhaps a bit weird but if we do invite you around to our house then please do NOT EVER turn up at our house unless you have been invited by me first. Sure we have our reasons for not wanting people to come round, but secondly the fact remains that my brother and my uncle are both police officers and they often visit out house with their families, and sadly they get very suspicious indeed if someone is at our house that they do not know and will end up grilling you for 30 minutes and wanting to know who you are and how we met. I know their hearts in the right place, I know they are just trying to protect us, but basically its really embarrassing when they interrogate my friends so please do NOT come to our house under any circumstances unless you have been invited by me first"

 

This serves various purposes, it acts to scare off men from appearing at your house without been invited, but it also make them thick that you have "Police Backup" that you are a "Police Family" that if this man hurts you or messes you around in the slightest that your police brother and uncle will come storming in the house guns drawn and will arrest him. Basically I like any new guy to believe that if they hurt us / if they mess us around then my police officer brother and detective uncle will mount a city wide search, that within hours my house will be a full on CSI crime scene location with guys in white protective suits dusting for his finger prints / scraping skin samples off the bedding / hoovering the carpets to get samples of his hair / checking local CCTV for his car / scanning the entire garden for his boot prints.

 

Really I want this guy to think that if he hurts us / if he messes us around / if he puts us in danger even for a second then half the cities police force will be hunting him down. Really its all total bollocks, none of my family are in the police force, but sure I'd rather give this random guy an incentive not to visit our home without been invited, and not to cause us any trouble.

 

 

7: Home Security: Now as it stands my house has a burglar alarm / two security lights / a panic button switch in the bedroom / and four CCTV cameras that are motion activated. Within the next year were getting a new high security fence installed so people can not even get into our garden without pushing the door bell at the gate.

 

Now as it stands if anyone tries to get into our house my girlfriend can run into the bedroom and slam the door shut using both high security deadlocks and bolts, and within seconds can press a button which activates the entire house alarm with has two external sirens and one internal siren. The CCTV cameras I got installed a few years ago have been so good that we recently got another two installed, in fact for 99% of average people it would be hard to even approach my house without been recorded on CCTV, both front and back of the house are fully covered.

 

If you OWN your property then sure adding extra security is never a bad thing and in the right circumstances will scare off guys from approaching your house without been invited. I have been very impressed by the CCTV cameras (it is worth buying good ones 5 mega pixel or higher) however if you set them up right they can actually send alerts to your phone whenever the camera detects motion. Say for example you had a camera that only covered your front garden / back garden, then the second it senses movement it can ping your phone or laptop which is great to catch out guys sneaking around your land or trying to catch your girlfriend in the house alone ect.

 

I paid a fair bit of money to get window sensors fitted on nearly all the windows in my house, if someone breaks a window the alarms instantly activates. Like stated if nothing else it would help to scare away problematic guys if they turned funny.

 

 

8: The Guys Information: Whilst protecting your personal information from this guy is a good thing, it doesn't actually hurt if YOU can get some of this guys personal information. This is a true story but some years ago now I was dating a really horny German girl who very happily let me explore MMF / MFM / MFF threesome to my hearts content. However when we first met she was still sleeping with another guy that I didn't know about for some time, this guy happened to be a semi professional boxer, a 6,2ft tall hard man.

 

When he found out this girl had moved into my house and was fucking me he actually sent me a threatening message on face book, he threatened to smash my face in, blarr, blarr, blarr. Now in reality face book don't give a shit about such things you can waist your time reporting the message but they will just tell you to block the person. However this guy made it clear he was going to travel to my city and attack me. Funnily enough I wasn't scared at all because I had his NAME. I had his real name.

 

What actually happened was he threatened me and within 12 hours I had used his NAME to track down vast amounts of his past. Within a matter of hours on Google and using various programs and websites I not only found out his home address / his mother and fathers home address / what school he attended / the names of every friend he had on face book / about 5 of his family members / I could even tell you what school he attended and what grades he got in his exams.

 

I kindly messaged the guy back and said "Sure me and my friends will pop over to see you tomorrow at the following address, we will be there by 2pm" and then gave him his mother and fathers home address including post code and telephone number. The guy soon backed down, the next 2 or 3 messages was groveling apologises.

 

I'm not proud of that but basically I spent 10 years working for the British government and a big part of my job was finding people / tracking peoples details (I guess that guy didn't know that) so sure within only hours of his threatening me I could nearly tell you his family tree. It actually solved the conflict without violence and without wasting police time.

 

From that point when we meet a new guy I make sure to collect some details, for example:

 

- I save their pictures onto my computer, including any face pictures.

 

- When a man leaves I often try to spot what car he gets into and take a note of the registration number / make /model.

 

- If I ever get a lift in their car I look for bills or letters in the car that hold his address.

 

- I obviously complete face book searches using the name he has given us.

 

I remember one time we met a single guy and after 3 or 4 meets in hotels we invited him back to our house, we chatted for a while, we began playing on the living sofa, basically us guys tuck off our jeans and my girlfriend sat in between us playing with our dicks / kissing us / sucking us after which I said "Shall we head upstairs?" so we all ran off upstairs and sure a few moments later my girlfriend was having both our dicks. It was a really fun night and great sex, once we had finished the man collapsed on the bed and was sweating and catching his breath so I asked if anyone wanted a cold drink? Both my girlfriend and this guy said yes so I popped downstairs to grab some cold drinks, whilst I was there I sneaked a peek at the guys wallet that was in his jeans, it not only confirmed his home address but also that he was not lying to us and had given us his real name, I popped his wallet back and headed off upstairs and he was never the wiser.

 

I guess that sounds very weird but actually I have my relationship to protect / my home to protect / mine and my girlfriends life to protect / my children's lives to protect / and sure finding out a little information about a guy can seriously help if things turn bad. Finding out their real name / home address / car licence plate number / the make and model of car their drive / their family members details can all very quickly lead police to the right place if this man does turn seriously nasty or dangerous.

 

Lets say for a wild example that you sleep with a guy and within a few months he becomes obsessed with your wife and you decide to break off the friendship in a nice and respectful way. That guy suddenly sends you messages saying he is going to stab you to death. Then sure you can reply to his message and basically say:

 

"Cool Mr Adam Fox we have your threatening messages do you want us to send the police to your house or your parents?" > Insert names and addresses.

 

"Just to double check you do drive a white BMW 3 Series car with the licence plate XXXXXXXX? The police are asking for the correct details you see"

 

 

Lets say your fears do come true, lets say you meet a man who tries to steal your girlfriend, or that your girlfriend becomes too close with this man, that you believe she has real feelings for this man, then obviously you try and end the friendship and the man in question becomes hostile or tries forcing his will onto your life, then sure something as simple as his car make model and registration number can quickly bail you out of trouble. If he makes even 1 threat you can call the police who can find him within seconds using such details, getting a random knock on the door from several police officer and been given official harassment warnings or been arrested for threatening behaviour can seriously put off a guy from trying anything silly.

 

I never condone violence, I avoid it. However what you can do is work within the law. Its not illegal to note down someones number plate, its not illegal to Google search someone, its not illegal to face book search someone. If a guy threatens you its not illegal to call the police. If a guy attends your house without been invited its not illegal to ask him to stop, if he continues, refuses, or becomes aggressive then its harassment or threatening behaviour, same if he turns up at your girlfriends workplace specifically looking to speak with her about sexual affairs. Its also not illegal to ask someone where they want to meet their house, their parents house, their sisters house, really you just want to talk your not the one making threats.

 

I guess some of the above sounds really silly but over the years I have had enough men trying to steal my girlfriend, and have dated a few dishonest cheating women who have invited the wrath of other men into my life. Getting a little information about the guy you are actually meeting can go a long way to protecting you.

 

 

OVERALL:

 

My feelings overall are:

 

- If your girlfriend is never actually alone with this guy then how is she going to talk to him enough to fall in love, to arrange an affair.

 

- If your girlfriend doesn't actually have this mans details such as full name / home address / phone number / face book / email then again how is she going to speak with him enough to actually fall in love or start some affair.

 

 

In some respects letting your girlfriend fuck another guy is like dropping her into shark infested waters, many guys are predators and will happily lie, cheat, destroy just to shove their dick into a new women. However giving this guy your girlfriends phone number is like slicing her wrist and then dropping her into shark infested waters. Giving this guy your girlfriend email or work details is like slashing open her leg then dropping her into shark infested waters, its really NOT a place you want to be.

 

If my girlfriend want to get dropped in shark infested waters then I'll make dam sure she has a shark cage / chain suit / and a fucking harpoon gun.

 

I guess overall I'm trying to say nothing can totally stop your girlfriend form falling in love with someone else, if she wants to she can leave you anytime she wants without group sex even playing a part, for all you know she could meet a man tomorrow who ends up charming his way into her heart. However where swinging is concerned you can actually make it DAM HARD for a guy to get that chance with your girlfriend.

 

You have to understand that a threesome is not a friendship, when you have a threesome with a guy you don't see him everyday, don't see him every week, don't spend your life in his pocket, you meet up, you have some general chatting for a while, then you fuck. Sure some afternoons me and other guys have spent 5 hours fucking my girlfriend all over, some of my ex girlfriends have been fucked 10 or 15 times in a single afternoon, but actually I have been there virtually every second, the other guy hasn't even had chance to communicate alone with my girlfriend, not for long enough to fall in love or start an affair.

 

 

I am always quick to remind my girlfriend that actually if a man asks her to cheat / asks her to leave / if this man is a home wrecker / wants to steal other peoples partners / is willing to break the rule / lie / cheat then even if she did run away with him how long would it be before he did the same to her?

 

 

I also remind my girlfriend that a lot of guys in the swinging world might want to steal a swinging wife not because of love but because some guys basically convince themselves that....

 

"Hey this women is willing to have threesomes, if she was with me, if she was mine, then she would allow me to sleep with as many women as I like. I could steal her then she wouldn't mind me fucking other women, she is a swinger after all"

 

Really a lot of guys don't want to steal a swinging women to love, they want to steal a swinging women because they think she will allow them to fuck any other women they desire which is often not true.

 

I'm not saying don't communicate with your girlfriend, some of the other people have probably given much more sound advice than me. However what I am saying it yes it is possible to create barriers that would stop your girlfriend from even having chance with falling in love with this other guy. Sure you can fuck them but also keep them at arms length, also install rules and protocols that would make it very hard for your girlfriend to start communicating with this man.

[JandKinBoise 858]

I get your gfs feelings. I avoided affairs and wouldn't swap with couples. As an emotional 11 year old, I fall in love at a smile. I avoid contact with other women for fear of tossing a beautiful relationship out for a 'new love' feeling. Has nothing to do with sex, she is the most adventurous and uninhibited lover that Ireland ever produced. This is a problem with me, and your girlfriend may feel the same. She is really too young to be swinging. Her concern is valid. Maybe to fulfill the fantasy go to a club?

So I have to ask, are you a good lover? What is your sex education level? Street? School? Penthouse forum? Do you understand her body? Can you name every part of the vagina and find them all? When you make love, can you read her signs, react to them and give her a great experience? If so, no worries! If not, subscribe to Penthouse Forum.

[Bluespruce1 706]

If she leaves you for better sex or a bigger cock, there are other problems. My husband is no porn star and I have been with plenty of guys that could be and I have watched him with women that were absolutely stunning. What we get from swinging is the thrill of playing with others while coming home to our rock. If he's not satisfying me, I tell him and he does the same. Furthermore, I tell him what I want and how he can make it happen. I don't ask him to grow an extra three inches or to thicken up, but I do tell him exactly where to put the head of his cock so I can cum. If I do want some length and girth Ill tell him.and we'll either hook up with a well endowed guy or he'll wear a nice cock extension and give me a hard and deep fucking. If he wants to have two women sucking his cock, I bring a friend home. It's all about communication, limits and commitment to meeting each other's needs.

[10thBadger 25]

On 8/22/2016 at 11:53 PM, Oclafsti said:

So my gf (21) and I (28) are very much in love. We see our future together. We both share very deviant sexual fantasies. My biggest are MMF and watching her get fucked. She recently said it's her biggest fantasy too. Anyway, tonight she said she doesn't want to do it because she's scared she will possibly start liking the guy. I dug deeper and she said she's only been either me and one other guy so she's scared she will enjoy the sex better with him and she'll leave me for him. How would you take this? I thought we were on equal fields and this thought never crossed into my mind if we had a FFM threesome so I figured it was the same for her. So it was shocking to hear. I take it as she doesn't enjoy me too much in bed and in her head knows there's much better. I'm not huge. I'm just under 7 inches long and 5 inches around. I'm confused and this really ruined things and shocked me. How could she be scared to leave someone you love over a random sexual encounter with a guy you've never met? Any ideas how to take this as I'm feeling super insecure and may end things over this?

I would just be happy that she is honest. If she is telling you that there is a chance that she might leave you if she has sex with somebody else. Take your word for it it don’t do it. She is simply letting you know and if you love her, just don’t do it and force her to do it