We want to swing, but we need Help!

[Teased007 15]

Hello everyone. Hope this forum post finds you doing well. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my problem and for any advice you may give.

 

Me and my wife are a super happy married couple. We have a good everything. But I am a male that was not blessed with a fire hose at birth. And thus we have came to my problem. I want to allow my wife to have sex with other men that do have fire hoses. I have just yesterday told my wife about this. She loved the idea but does not think that she could actually do this. I understand she needs time to process this info and actually think this through but the questions have done started. Things like, how do we find someone? (our only option is online) How do we know it would be safe? That he would be std free?....etc

 

We both are very limited in the sex department. And neither of us know much of anything about any of this. I have done research but I am much more of a hands on type person but in this you can't be that way. I need some experience here. Thanks again.

[JM153 346]

Welcome. You have come to a good place to gain information. I would suggest that you and your wife spend some time reading posts in the various forums. Then as you develop specific questions post them. You will be very pleased with the response. Good luck in your journey.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Usually what you describe is called "hotwife' or 'hotwifing'. As far as finding men...lol, try throwing a rock in any direction and you will hit one. Most swinger websites (see Find Swingers in the top bar) have a HUGE excess of single men (most with big hoses...just ask them) who are ready and willing to help.

 

How do we know it would be safe? That he would be std free?

 

Ask him. With so many willing men, YOU get to set the ground rules. Make them provide testing that they are STD-free. Do whatever you need to do to feel 'safe'. If one isn't willing or able to do what you want, there is another more than happy to replace them.

 

Of course, first you have to make sure that your wife really wants to move to the next stage. Keep talking with her and keep the lines of communication open. Let us know if you have any more questions.

[luv2was 117]

This message forum is the best place I know of (on the Internet) to get educated on what you are looking for. As was suggested, spend some time here. Read. Ask. Talk to each other about it. Make the journey fun.

 

Trust is #1. One person or couple that you can trust, who is experienced in these matters will go a long way to improving your comfort level as you explore this new world. They do not have to be a play partner, just someone willing to help you along.

 

Take it slow... or at least no faster than the collective comfort level of everyone involved. There are lots of ways to ease into the "Lifestyle" (LS), and they are frequently discussed in these forums. Take the time to find your own way.

 

The Internet allows a pretty decent buffer for maintaining some degree of anonymity as you begin to dip your toes in these waters.

 

One thing I can specifically suggest, to answer your question on how to find someone, is to setup an e-mail account just for that purpose. Do not use "real" information on this account, such as your legal name and birth date (something close is OK, within your astrological sign and birth year for example). Do not use that e-mail account to communicate with one of your personal accounts (as a test for example). Many free services are all tied together now, especially through social media.

 

Gmail is my personal favorite. But I tested one of my "play" accounts one time by sending to my personal account. At the time you could use the webcam chat feature (a must for me) only if you signed up with Google+ (their social media service). Imagine my surprise when my play account started suggesting folks I may know, who were associated with my personal (vanilla) account. Yikes! So much for my clever attempts to remain anonymous.

 

On the other side. I have received messages from folks (mostly single women) who had a benign ID for what must have been a play account for them, but they used their real name when registering for that account, and did not know how (or that it even mattered) to adjust that in the account settings... and their full legal name showed up in messages they sent me. With just a name (if it is fairly unique) and a state (especially a city too), it can be possible to get someones address, etc., in a matter of seconds, for free.

 

It is easy to connect safely with folks over the web... just be aware of the above tidbits... for starters. Again, after you make one trusty connection with an experienced party, the rest should flow easily. And as always: Keeping your expectations realistic will greatly minimize your disappointments.

 

:-)

[Curiouscouple61 64]

This message forum is the best place I know of (on the Internet) to get educated on what you are looking for. As was suggested, spend some time here. Read. Ask. Talk to each other about it. Make the journey fun.

 

Trust is #1. One person or couple that you can trust, who is experienced in these matters will go a long way to improving your comfort level as you explore this new world. They do not have to be a play partner, just someone willing to help you along.

 

Take it slow... or at least no faster than the collective comfort level of everyone involved. There are lots of ways to ease into the "Lifestyle" (LS), and they are frequently discussed in these forums. Take the time to find your own way.

 

The Internet allows a pretty decent buffer for maintaining some degree of anonymity as you begin to dip your toes in these waters.

 

One thing I can specifically suggest, to answer your question on how to find someone, is to setup an e-mail account just for that purpose. Do not use "real" information on this account, such as your legal name and birth date (something close is OK, within your astrological sign and birth year for example). Do not use that e-mail account to communicate with one of your personal accounts (as a test for example). Many free services are all tied together now, especially through social media.

 

Gmail is my personal favorite. But I tested one of my "play" accounts one time by sending to my personal account. At the time you could use the webcam chat feature (a must for me) only if you signed up with Google+ (their social media service). Imagine my surprise when my play account started suggesting folks I may know, who were associated with my personal (vanilla) account. Yikes! So much for my clever attempts to remain anonymous.

 

On the other side. I have received messages from folks (mostly single women) who had a benign ID for what must have been a play account for them, but they used their real name when registering for that account, and did not know how (or that it even mattered) to adjust that in the account settings... and their full legal name showed up in messages they sent me. With just a name (if it is fairly unique) and a state (especially a city too), it can be possible to get someones address, etc., in a matter of seconds, for free.

 

It is easy to connect safely with folks over the web... just be aware of the above tidbits... for starters. Again, after you make one trusty connection with an experienced party, the rest should flow easily. And as always: Keeping your expectations realistic will greatly minimize your disappointments.

 

:-)

 

Ooh, a suggestion to add to the above, for safety and security. A lot of people like to text or call. You may not want to give out your personal cellphone number. Most people know and use kik for messaging, but for the phone number, I suggest creating a free Google Voice number and just forward it to your cellphone instead. That way if you ever decide to leave the lifestyle behind, all you have to do is disconnect your Google Voice phone number or shut it off temporarily if you just need to take a break. That adds an extra buffer between your vanilla life and your swinger life.

[luv2was 117]

Absolutely! "Google Voice" is an excellent service. I use it every day. You can get an inexpensive cellphone, just to get a local number, and then "port" it to GV. (When I did it in 2012 it cost a one-time fee of $20.) This is a really inexpensive way to get what ends up being a "free" phone (for now anyway). There is a bit of a learning curve to GV, but it is probably worth it.

 

I recently switched from "Net10" to "Republic Wireless" as my actual phone carrier, which are worth checking out if you need an inexpensive phone plan.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Hello, Teased007, and welcome to SwingersBoard!

 

You've gotten some good advice already. I wanted to add a couple more points.

 

You should feel perfectly free to ask for STD test results from prospective play partners. In our experience, that is not common, but not by any means unprecedented. We have been asked a couple of times in our two years in the lifestyle. Just for the sake of full disclosure, I will mention that, regrettably, even a clean STD test is no guarantee of complete safety. Its results are only valid until the person has sex again. Moreover, there are some STDs for which a person can be infected (and can transmit the disease to others), but their status will not show up in an STD test for weeks or months after infection. I say this not to discourage you, but to make the point that everyone in the lifestyle must accept a bit of increased risk of STDs. The only way to be completely safe is to remain monogamous!

 

The other point I wanted to make is that your own potential to participate in the lifestyle more directly is not limited because of your equipment. Women find a lot more to be attracted to, and fulfilled by, than simple penis size. A friendly, interesting, comfortable, relaxed, warm personality can create a lot of chemistry and attraction! And not for nothing, but... I can tell you, as just one example, that my Mrs. has had some very hot play times with smaller guys- they hit her g-spot just right!