Newbie couple in OC

[Curiouscouple61 64]

Hello everyone,

 

Sorry this is a double post from the intro thread. I noticed this thread after the fact and realized the introductions thread may not be as active.

 

We are a young newbie couple in Orange County (California) and we are getting really interested in checking this lifestyle out. I (the wife) am 31 and tall (6 feet barefoot, but can be up to 6'4" in heels) with long dark hair and he is 33 and tall as well (6'2").

 

We don't really know where to start, so right now we are hoping to make connections with people who can maybe help us become more comfortable. We've been married a couple of years and have been into kink and D\s lifestyle for awhile and are thinking about taking it to the next level. We have been to strip clubs before and have done couples lap dances and had a great time. It was good to do as a early "jealousy detection" test I suppose, but I know its still a far cry from actual swinging so I can't say truly that we know what we are getting into.

 

We've been looking at the options out there. The personals are a little intimidating to be honest. I don't know how well I trust the internet and the people who are on it claiming to be something they aren't, so we are thinking clubs are the way to go because we can meet people in a genuine environment and I like the idea of being able to observe for a bit to ease ourselves in. I think that gives us a better idea if we can handle it. The key for us I think is finding nice mature people who can make us feel comfortable . My husband is really into the idea of watching someone else have sex with me. At first I wasn't sure, but the more I've thought about it the more I am getting into the idea and can see how it can be really hot. I'll admit my biggest concerns are 1) How will we handle it afterward? 2) Will I feel competitive towards another woman pleasing him (I take pride in my blowjob skills, so I'm a little worried about him maybe finding someone better at it? Maybe that's irrational, I don't know) 3) Will he still want to have sex with me solo after this?

 

He's reassured me about all of these things and I trust him of course, but I guess I will always be anxious before actually trying it no matter what.

 

Is there any advice anyone has about how we should get started? Maybe start with a meet and greet? Orange County seems pretty dry as far as these scene goes, and looks like most of the activity is in San Diego, Los Angeles, or Inland Empire (San Bernadino\Corona area) which sucks a bit. I was hoping to maybe try something locally, but maybe for anonymity sake its best to go out of town anyway? I dunno. We have so many questions.

 

Any advice?

[luv2was 117]

Greetings!

 

It looks like you may have gotten your questions answered elsewhere in these forums. From what I saw, it looks like y'all are on the right track.

 

As a brief response to your queries here I will say that that the aftereffects of playing with others, along with any potential insecurities (before or after) can best be dealt with by open and honest communication between you and your partner, and also with the folks you play with.

 

Try traveling only as fast as the slowest person in your group.

 

Enjoy the journey.

 

:-)

[Curiouscouple61 64]

Thank you so much for the advice and support. We actually had a really good night of discussion last night after some waffling back and forth between "Yes, lets do it" and "No I don't think I can do it"

 

I think the cold feet are starting to subside though. After really talking things over and having some very intimate love making - gazing into each others eyes and reminding each other how much we love each other and deep kissing while cumming - really helped as a reminder of our bond we have and I think it was really critical in reassuring each other how strong our marriage and our loving bond really is. I think now that we've had that reassurance, we are both really feeling more confident about doing this.

[luv2was 117]

Sounds like y'all are definitely on the right track.

 

One analogy I see here frequently on the SB is that the Swing Lifestyle can act as a magnifying glass. So what is already good, can be made a lot better. Of course the opposite it true as well, but I sense that y'all are gong in the "enhancement" direction.

 

Keep up the good fun.

 

;-)

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

I'm glad that you two are feeling more secure about things! It sounds like you are reaching a higher comfort level. As long as you guys are not forcing things, it seems like you're on a good path. It's still possible that one or both of you might have second thoughts at some point, and hopefully you are ready to downshift or pause if need be.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Try a meet and greet or maybe a visit to a club, with the rule for the night being it's just going to be a visit...no swapping (of course the two of you are welcome to play with each other). This way you can dip a toe in without getting too wet and finding that Pandora's box accidentally was opened.

 

...looks like most of the activity is in San Diego, Los Angeles, or Inland Empire (San Bernadino\Corona area) which sucks a bit.

 

Okay, I'm from there (but it has been awhile since I've been back) but all of those places are not that far away from each other. Lived in SB co., worked in OC and work sometimes required me to 'travel' to LA and SD Co's...all in the same day. It may be better not to run out and play in your 'backyard' anyways. There's also a resort in Palm Springs...maybe a weekend stay?

 

Take your time and don't do anything that you are not both comfortable with doing...and no changing the rules unless you are able to talk one-on-one outside of the event. Just go and watch...see what is going on, and that will either take you one step closer, or have you decide to back away.

 

One other thing: Make sure that you are both fully communicating everything to each other. When in a D/s relationship, sometimes the 's' is hesitant to communicate fully and/or the 'D' doesn't 'hear' as well as they should (hummm, how would I know that...). It's very important that the D give full permission for the s to speak freely and honestly. Good luck and let us know how you proceed...

[Curiouscouple61 64]

All great points and thank you all kindly for the advice. We are deciding to take it slower at this point. The pressure of rushing and pushing this whole thing has become a bit overwhelming, so we are going to get take a break on the idea of actually going to a club for now and just take some time to sit and process this whole thing. There are still a lot of feelings to sort through and it isn't a decision to take lightly. We'll know when the time is right.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

There's never any rush and taking your time is usually the right action. Sometimes the trip is as good as the destination...so always enjoy both.

[Scont66 15]

How it go? Im visiting orange co next week any leads?