How did you ease yourself in at a club?

[Curiouscouple61 64]

Hello everyone. The hubby and I are considering clubs to start off with because we like the idea that we can just hang out and meet people first and ease into the whole thing. I don't know what to expect, and I know everyone's comfort level is different, but I'm curious about what other people did to dip their toe into the water.

 

I'm not sure I'd want to just rush right in and go full on sex right away, but I'm wondering how I might want to start. A big thing is that I want to gauge my husband's reactions and ease into things in a way that allows me to observe his responses, as well as make myself feel relaxed as well.

 

I kind of have the feeling I'll be that one that sort of breaks the ice on this when we are there, so I'm wondering about what to start with. If I find someone that I like and am chatting with, do I maybe start by inviting him\her to feel free to grope\fondle me a bit? Start with maybe a handjob? I don't know. What have others done?

[Lionheart72 2,191]

First, every club is different... but all of the ones I've been to have some common features. First, they include a "social area" and a "play area."

 

The social area are is much like a typical bar, only without the bar (I have never know a swingers club that could get a liquor license... byob seems to be the norm). There are tables to sit at, often a dance floor and a dj, sometimes a pool table. In this area, people hang out and socialize. The big difference between the social area and any vanilla hang out is that you're more likely to see someone flashing a tit or just wearing lingerie... but most of the time people stay dressed (in my experience, the odds of nudity increase as the evening wears on).

 

The play area usually consists of several small rooms with one or beds and a door, and often (but not always) an area for "public" play for those so inclined. This is the area where couples, threesome, foursomes and moresomes will retire to play. Some people like to be watched, so will play in the public play area or will just leave the door open. Other people prefer privacy and so close the door.

 

An absolute rule in every club I have ever known or heard of is 'look but don't touch (without express permission)'. Just because someone is standing next to you naked, you don't have the right to touch them. Just people a couple (or group) is have sex right in front of you, you don't have the right to join in.

 

As for breaking the ice, the simplest thing to do if you find someone you are interested in is to ask them if they would like to "play" (swinger lingo for engage in sexual activity). Or, you would prefer you can certainly as them to grope, fondle etc. My wife has been known to drop her top and invite people to fondle her or simply agree to being fondled when asked. Things usually progress from there at greater or lesser rates depending on everyone's interest levels.

 

My biggest advice is relax and have fun. Swingers are, by in large, a friendly bunch and always willing to welcome new folks while letting them move at their own pace.

[Curiouscouple61 64]

Okay, great info. I (we) are learning more and more. We have looked at one possible club we may check out so far. It's a drive and out of the way, but maybe that's a good thing. Less chance of being spotted by someone we know and less anxiety since we don't have to worry (or at least worry less) about bumping into people outside as well unless we feel the urge to exchange info with someone we like.

 

I have read some people suggest starting off instead with a private party at a house or hotel and those are better for newcomers, but in honesty I kind of like that these clubs have bouncers and security that are there in case something gets out of hand and the hotel\house parties don't have that.

 

So I'm guessing in general, if we say we are open to "play" with someone we meet, that can be followed by a discussion about ground rules and boundaries and whatnot right? It also sounds like the play rooms are much more "anything goes" in those rooms which may be a bit more advanced for me starting off, but as you say, if people are respectful and don't generally engage without being given permission I suppose it might be okay.

 

I was thinking about the "groping\fondling" thing because it seemed like something we could do out in the common areas in case I'm still a little anxious about going to the play rooms. I feel like I need a warmup to get there. Do most clubs tend to frown upon any kind of play in the common areas, or is some mild play usually okay? I know each club is different, but I'm wondering if there is a norm to this.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I think a club is a good choice. Since you are new you are unlikely to be able to get an invitation to what I would consider a better party, which are invite only and arranged by someone who knows a group of friends. The open invite parties can really be hit or miss and sometimes rules and security are quite lax. A club is a good bet for safety and variety. I would go on a couples only night if that is what you are interested in.

 

Personally, to get things going after flirting, I think dancing and then kissing is preferable. I don't like groping/grabbing much. I wouldn't know how to ask someone to grope me, but it's easy for me to ask someone to dance or if I can kiss them. Groping doesn't get me going like kissing does. You can also tell a lot about how things will go based on how someone dances and kisses. So, it is a low stakes way to test the waters.

 

I would recommend you go very slowly and make sure you are both on board. So talk to a couple together. If it seems like your husband likes her and you like him, say, "I love this song, let's dance!" Dance with the other husband. Keep an eye on how things are going with the other two. After the song, say you need a drink, grab your husband and talk quick and then go back to the couple if you like them and want to go further.

 

Most clubs are fine with making out, very dirty dancing, and girls topless in the social area. Many are ok with blow jobs, hand jobs, completely nude women out on the dance floor. Some are completely anything goes. They'll tell you the rules and you can observe the other patrons and follow their lead.

 

Hope you have a great time and tell us all about it!

[Lionheart72 2,191]

Okay, great info. I (we) are learning more and more. We have looked at one possible club we may check out so far. Its a drive and out of the way, but maybe that's a good thing. Less chance of being spotted by someone we know and less anxiety since we don't have to worry (or at least worry less) about bumping into people outside as well unless we feel the urge to exchange info with someone we like.

 

I can understand that impulse... our first visit to our local club, practically the first people we met were people we knew. It was actually quite nice to have a familiar face and helped us ease into the group. I've also seen people who have driven literally across the state run into someone they knew at the club - someone who had driven just as far for exactly the same reason.

 

The thing to remember about running into someone you know at a swingers club is you're all at a swingers club.

 

I have read some people suggest starting off instead with a private party at a house or hotel and those are better for newcomers, but in honesty I kind of like that these clubs have bouncers and security that are there in case something gets out of hand and the hotel\house parties don't have that.[/Quote]

 

I have no experience with private parties, so I can't comment on that. As for security at clubs, it varies from club to club but my experiences have always been positive.

 

So I'm guessing in general, if we say we are open to "play" with someone we meet, that can be followed by a discussion about ground rules and boundaries and whatnot right? It also sounds like the play rooms are much more "anything goes" in those rooms which may be a bit more advanced for me starting off, but as you say, if people are respectful and don't generally engage without being given permission I suppose it might be okay.

 

We've had hook ups that were very "go with the flow" on the one hand, and ones where boundaries and rules were discussed in frank detail in advance of any play. I've even had encounters that were partly scripted out ahead of time, but that was with a regular play partner who had a particular scenario she wanted to explore. What I'm saying is: yes... you can and should lay out any ground rules, boundaries, likes and dislikes with potential play partners ahead of time. And even a play room with doors closed, those boundaries should be respected by all parties. The only time "anything goes" is when everyone has agreed to that in advance.

 

I was thinking about the "groping\fondling" thing because it seemed like something we could do out in the common areas in case I'm still a little anxious about going to the play rooms. I feel like I need a warmup to get there. Do most clubs tend to frown upon any kind of play in the common areas, or is some mild play usually okay? I know each club is different, but I'm wondering if there is a norm to this.

 

I've seen fondling in public areas before. I once saw a lady go down on her partner on the dance floor. Still, most serious play is usually reserved for the play areas.

 

That said, some clubs I've been to have had a space "in between" ... I tend to think of it as the "porn area" because it's often a space with couches and large TV showing porn. At our old club, it was a favorite activity of my wife and I to sit down there and start fondling, transition to oral sex and see where things went from there. It was a good place for it.

[padoc 1,704]

We introduced ourselves to this hobby at a club in Pa. It took us awhile to get comfortable and to ease into limited play which eventually evolved into uninhibited fun. Had we first gone to house party I doubt we'd have persued swinging. The anonymity of the club atmosphere really allowed us to begin to explore our limits without the kind of pressure to play that is often prevalent at house parties.

[Guest]

On our first trip to a club, we visited in the social area for a while and then we noticed folks kind of slipping away to the play area so we followed suit, just the two of us together. We took a bed that was in the room with several others but not immediately adjacent to another and make love, just the two of us. This allowed us to both view what others were doing as well as get comfortable with having sex while visible to others. Next visit, we went a bit further and joined in with another couple.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Search is your friend...there's several other threads that address this same topic (of course, I'm too laz...busy to find them myself). Lots of times the first visit to a club will end up with you both being left alone (unless you do the pursuing). People don't know who you are and what (if any) drama you are bringing so they will keep to the people they already know. As for limits and having people just make 'assumptions', you will find that the vast majority of swingers are VERY polite and respectful. While there are always exceptions, most will ask what your limits and boundaries are and request permission to do anything.

 

As for first visit, it's usually helpful if you let the manager or owner know that this is your first visit and you will usually get a tour and a explanation as to how things work there. Sometimes they will even put you in touch with another couple who are regulars to help make your visit go well. Just go with no expectations other than having a good time and anything else is a bonus. There will most likely be others who are naked and maybe even having sex (sometimes with their partner, sometimes not), this is almost always at least entertaining (look, live porn!), but there won't be any pressure for either of you to do anything you don't want to do. Go, have fun, laugh about how crazy the night was, go home, have hot sex, and report back here.

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

We are in Long Beach, CA. We got lucky for our first club trip.

 

We met a couple online on a very old message board that was about Theater Sex. It so happened that they were going to be in Vegas the same time we were. We met and went to an adult theater, it was fun we all played with each other especially the ladies.

 

We also found out they went to the Red Rooster, so we met them there. They showed us around got the ground rules. The husband went off to do something not sure what and we didn't ask. So the wife and I played with the woman for a while. We didn't have intercourse that first time. Not even with each other, but this led to other trips on our own,

 

I don't think we would have had the nerve to go there alone the first time.

 

We'll be in Vegas and probably go to the Red Rooster on 9/30

[kikonkrome 844]

You can always just ask a couple, after a few drinks if they would like to soft play with you. That basically means you have sex with your SO in front of each other. Maybe add a little kissing and touching.

 

People understand when others are new to a scene and if there is attraction they will be accommodating to your limits. People accommodated ours and we do the same for others.

 

Please be as straight forward as possible about the limits. Hinting or saying you'll do 'anything' or 'I'm up for anything' when you are not will just make trouble later. It's happened before to us and it is a drag.

 

Also take your time. Go to just hang out and enjoy the sexy flirty vibe and then come home and fuck each other silly. Really, there is no harm in that.

 

Good luck have fun.

[Curiouscouple61 64]

Wow, so much good advice. Yeah, I think maybe the club is the way to go. We got a message from a couple on SLS who go to ClubFA, which is the one we are looking at too. Seems like its the most popular, well known, and established. They seem like a nice couple so maybe we'll meet them at some point just for apps or something somewhere and get comfortable with them and double-date there so to speak. It might help having a veteran there who can help show us the ropes. I guess we'll just take it from there. One thing is for sure though, we as a couple, still have a lot more talking we have to do. After reading through some posts its made me realize that we truly have to be on the same page about absolutely everything and there are plenty of things we didn't even think of that some posts kind of made me stop and go "Huh. Interesting."

 

I guess that's what these boards are for. I'm glad I asked this question now. Thank you all.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

You've gotten lots of great advice, and it's consistent with what we have experienced in clubs too in regards to security, different areas of the club, etc. I always say clubs are a great way to get a feel for swinging since you have everything from mild to wild available all right there in one place in a controlled environment, and lots of swingers too! We don't get a chance to go clubbing as much as we used too, but it was how we got our start and I think it worked out very well.

 

One other thing to throw out there as an option is meet and greets and off-premise clubs. No sex on the premises, so going to be a little tamer, which may or may not be a bad thing at first. They can range in size from small groups just meeting up in the corner of a local restaurant or club for dinner/drinks, to larger events where the organizers rent a hotel ballroom or something like that. Not really a hotel takeover, but since a lot of people attending will also be staying there, then it does provide some options for going back to a room if you want. The larger ones, you will want to do some homework to make sure they are are well run, decent venue, security, etc. The ones that have been around a while, they usually have it pretty much together. New ones that have just popped up, we always made sure they had successfully pulled off several events before we would even consider attending.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

I'm not sure I can add much to the great advice you've already received, but here goes...

 

It sounds like you are settled on going to a club. But I wanted to address the other options you mentioned. Hotel parties can be fun, but there is no one really to provide security. And those kinds of events are more likely to attract people who might not know each other as well- so it is perhaps less likely to be a self-policing environment. House parties can often be smaller, more intimate affairs where everybody knows everybody, and the host wants to make sure that all his friends have a good time and feel,safe. But there are also larger house parties, where the hosts will invite anybody and everybody, where I might feel less comfortable. That second kind of house party is more likely to be widely advertised on sites like SLS, and is more likely to be a money-making operation where the hosts charge a significant admission fee. Personally, I like the kind of party that's among friends, and the price of admission is a dish and a bottle!

 

I thought it might also be good to give you a couple of quick definitions (apologies if this is redundant with what you already know). Here are some different terms you might hear about different kinds of swinging:

 

"Same-room" play refers to a situation where you and another couple are having sex with your own spouse, in the same room (or same bed) with another couple. There is no sexual touching between the couples, but it is hot to see and hear! If you want to take things slowly, this might be a sexy first step for you two at the club.

 

"Soft swap" refers to a situation where you and another couple allow some sexual touching between the couples while you're playing in the same room together, but stopping short of intercourse with the other couple's partner. This can encompass everything from a little cross-couple breast fondling or kissing while fucking your own spouse, to everybody giving oral to their other-couple play partner and bringing them to orgasm. It's a pretty wide range, so if you have limits somewhere inside this range, you'll want to make those clear with the other couple before you're naked and breathing heavy!

 

"Full swap" refers to you and the other couple swapping partners, and having intercourse with the swapped partner. This can be in the same room, or in different rooms. And by the way, it's a big ol' boatload of fun!

 

Hope this helps!