Bigger penises than mine.

invrpm · October 2, 2016

Hello. I have a question about guys with bigger penises than mine. Me and my girl are starting out in the swinging scene and have not done anything yet with another couple but I am kinda freaking out here. I'm on the low side of average and want and have tried to please my girl with extensions but she does not like toys whatsoever. I know in the past the partners she had were all around the same size or an inch bigger and she never really felt anything with them. I have like awakened her sexuality in that I've gotten her to learn to squirt and she enjoys sex much better as she said she never did. However, she said she had sex with one guy she felt something with, the ONLY guy she felt something with and he was big like 9 inch long a 2 inches wide. I know because I had bought a toy and asked her was the guy about this big and she said yeah. But she hates when I bring it up. I know I'm not hitting things in there like I should because unless she's super turned on it just feels like we are going thru the motions. I know there is something to it because we have the liberator wedge and when I get up there on her and can get it a little deeper you can see the change in her face and I know the bullshit line of "you're fine, you're perfect, any more and its gonna hurt" is a bunch of horseshit! I say something about it and she denies it emphatically.

Now I know what your saying, well if you found something and it's working what's wrong? What's wrong is if I got that little bit out of her, what the hell is it going to be like if someone much larger than me makes her body do shit I ain't seen. I tried to give her some pleasure myself with those objects (the dildo and the extensions) but she claims she hates the feeling because its not real. I have seen my girl in great pleasure before but if I see her with another dude who is hung and I hear sounds I ain't never heard before I'm gonna freak and my insecurities will magnify thousandfold. For me it is one thing if I can give it to her first with either a toy or extension and have the satisfaction to know I can somehow give her that magnitude of pleasure I would be ok with her playing with other bigger dudes.

As far as all the people on here who start comparing tight pussies and breast, don't bother. I asked her if that was an issue for her and she could care less. She's not a free spirit as much as her careless attitude might make it sound. She just don't think about and obsess over breast, makeup, and pussy tightness. Now women can tighten their pussies with kegals but men can't make their dicks bigger regardless of all the bullcrap they sell out there for it. Unless someone with real experience and success is willing to back it up with pictures can chime in. But even if she tightened up, I still am on the shallow side of her depth.

I've also read all the oh she's coming home to you stories and all the other people who have no concern for the person's feelings of inadequacy. So please if you ain't helping ease my fears save it!

So my question to the men here is after reading all the back story and can relate to the "you're fine" bullshit women say because their men can't please them like they remember being pleased. What coping strategies did you use to get past it? Yes we talked about all the stuff I said above about how I feel and she agreed that we won't swing with anyone larger than myself until I can get past this. I want her to have fun but not at the expense of destroying me inside. So how do you move past hearing or seeing your girl do stuff you could never do to her? That's gotta rot a man from the inside out and can you ever get past it. Some of you I know it turns you on. I'm not asking you so please don't reply. I'm talking to the guys who it REALLY hurts them inside. HELP ME THROUGH THIS GUYS! I want her to feel good too. I love her and we love each other very much but nonetheless even the strongest love can't at least for me (at this moment) quench that tremendous insecurity.

Now to the ladies, if after reading this backstory and you have gone through it with your man. How did you help him along with it? Saying you're fine and I love your stuff does not help in anyway especially after seeing the woman you love get pleasured like never before. And ladies, if you husband got turned on by it, this is not for you. SERIOUSLY how do you help in get past this. Going home with him, oh yeah that's a winner. Now he knows your head and body is still spinning from what the other guy did to you. He is not going to be able to get that out of his head. So if you got a real solution to mine and other poor less endowed individuals her PLEASE CHIME IN!

Now I know I sound cynical people. It's my frustration coming out because I want this to work but when everyone will tell you it is a hangup and get over it, when you know damn well women derive more pleasure from a bigger man. WTF be in a person's shoes and see if it don't fuck you up. Hopefully the REAL people on here who been through it or are going through it can help. Not to say everyone on here is not real. Just some people are more shallow than others and have no respect for a person's feelings. Thanks to everyone in advance. Look forward to your replies so we can begin having fun without the hangups.

SW_PA_Couple · October 2, 2016

When my wife tells me "you're fine", I do not think of it as bullshit. Neither should you.

to Swingersboard.

Lionheart72 · October 3, 2016

It's my frustration coming out because I want this to work but when everyone will tell you its a hangup and get over it, when you know dam well derive more pleasure from a bigger man. WTF be in a person's shoes and see if it don't fuck you up.

Let me blunt...

It's a hang-up, get over it. It is not true that women derive more pleasure from a bigger man. Some women do. Other women do not. Some women can reach orgasm from penetration. Others cannot. Some only can with certain partners and not others.

I have watched my wife have sex with many men. Some of them where bigger than me. Some were smaller. All were different. I have watched my wife have earth-shattering orgasms with other men. No, it did not "fuck me up" ... it made me so hard I could pound nails with my dick. That's why I do this. That's the while point.

You need to deal with your insecurity, and you need to not swing until you do.

You need to listen to your wife and trust that she is telling you the truth, and you need to not swing until you do.

In fact, I honestly wonder swinging is right for you at all. If you are this insecure about your wife having good sex with someone else, why do you want to do this at all?

Believe it or not, I am actually trying to help. You need to seriously consider why you are feeling so insecure and - since this clearly bothers you so much - why do you want to swing at all.

jeff111 · October 3, 2016

Hi invrpm,

I strongly agree with what SW_PA_Couple says - if you're wife says you're fine, believe her.

I get where you're coming from and felt the same for a long time, before I realised that I was actually above average - but then there's still a bigger cock out there that maybe would make her orgasm stronger etc etc. I realised that there would be bigger cocks that maybe physically could do that - but my wife chooses me and even if there was another cock fucking her that felt better physically, she would prefer me to fuck her overall because of the feelings that she has for me and she knows that I love her.

We started using some dildo's occasionally and I bought a few that were big - some with a good head and others that were so big I really didn't think she'd even ever use them. Well low and behold she did and LOVED the feeling of being full by a big cock (dildo). That's just her though, some other girls would never be able to take them or enjoy them. For some girls there is such a thing as too big. Each girl is different.

Anyway, even though my wife absolutely loves the large dildo's and has massively intense orgasms with them she much prefers my real cock overall. It's me as a whole person she wants fucking her and that she appreciates rather than a large cock or dildo or someone who doesn't care for her. We're both glad for the 'bigger cock' experience and what it can do for her body but it's me that she is attached to and loves for more than what I can do with my cock.

If it was a one night stand would a big cock rather than a smaller one make a difference? Maybe, maybe not, you've already said you've got her feeling and responding to things that no one else has - so you're doing a good job and she enjoys sex with you.

Whilst cock size is a factor to some degree, there are 10,000 other factors that are just as or more important.

If you are struggling with these feelings though, then until you are 100% comfortable with it, I think the jealousy would eat you up and destroy your relationship if you went swinging. I am certainly not an expert - just starting out with the idea, but all the advice is that you need to be confident in each other and yourself!

The other thing to realise is that if she has an intense orgasm etc because you go out swinging together, than you are giving her that orgasm - or at least permission to have that orgasm, which is not far off you giving her that orgasmic experience.

Good luck but tread carefully where jealousy sits and remember, that despite what you see as a lack of size, you seem to be satisfying your girl really well.

For size increase, check out thunders place penis enlargement, If you're sensible and consistent it does seem possible to increase size, but don't neglect other aspects of your relationship.

funcoupledayton · October 3, 2016

I don't think you will be happy swinging. I know you set out a list of things you don't want to hear, but I'm going to tell you some things I think you do need to hear.

My husband is average size and we have great sex. I have had sex with guys who were larger, and some of the experiences were amazing (some not so great). It really depends on the person. I have had orgasms with other people in ways that my husband couldn't. He does not seem to be bothered by this. Swinging is just one of our many fun adventures that we share on this road of life. He gets to play with lots of girls and we play together in unimaginable ways, and that makes us happy.

You will hear your girlfriend making sounds you never heard, it's not just their cocks, it's them and everything about the experience. If that isn't appealing to you, you shouldn't swing.

I think swinging happily requires a long term commitment and a deep understanding that comes from years of togetherness and enduring the ups and downs of life. Unless a relationship is explicitly non-monogamous or polyamorous from the start there is so much security and communication you need to build before swinging. You don't say how long you've been committed to each other, but I really think it takes years and the intensity of living together or being married for quite some time before you can swing.

Perhaps you can tell us how you and your girlfriend came to the idea of joining the swing scene? What are you or she hoping to find?

intuition897 · October 3, 2016

Now I know I sound cynical people. It's my frustration coming out because I want this to work but when everyone will tell you it is a hangup and get over it, when you know damn well women derive more pleasure from a bigger man. WTF be in a person's shoes and see if it don't fuck you up. Hopefully the REAL people on here who been through it or are going through it can help. Not to say everyone on here is not real. Just some people are more shallow than others and have no respect for a person's feelings. Thanks to everyone in advance. Look forward to your replies so we can begin having fun without the hangups.

Welcome to Swingersboard. A very nice place where people love to help each other out with their problems, questions, and quandaries. Just give us the benefit of the doubt, please. We're the real deal, I assure you, but one thing you'll find that we don't do here is just tell people what they want to hear. You want advice, you got it. But it may not be what you want to hear. If you're okay with that, you'll get some killer advice from some long-time veterans in the lifestyle.

So let me take a shot at your predicament. So yes, you're going to run into couples with women who prefer men with gigantic schlongs. You're going to just want to avoid those couples, because you're not a match with them. But whatthefuckever. Plenty of fish in the sea, and there is really, really, REALLY no reason to let that make you feel inadequate. There is always something that you will never be physically, and that goes for either gender. There will always be bigger dicks, bigger tits, tighter pussies, smoother skin, more glorious ass, tinier waist, blonder hair, bluer eyes, more washboard-y abs, on and on and on. It. Doesn't. Matter. The sooner you can get your head wrapped around that simple fact, the sooner it becomes true. For you. This is all about you feeling good about who you are and what you've got to offer. So you don't have a huge penis. Apparently, you've got some skills though: congrats on the squirting thing. Don't underestimate the power of physical chemistry, enthusiasm, and an authentic desire to please your partner.

We recently had a great time with another couple and while the other husband was not as big as my husband, we had wicked chemistry. Holy fuck, this guy had me dialed IN. Dick size had NOTHING to do with it. In contrast, I've been with partners much bigger than my husband, but didn't have a really great connection with them chemically. I didn't enjoy myself nearly as much with them. Okay, sure, the big dick thing was an interesting experience, but then again...I'm not a size queen. Give me a confident, enthusiastic guy who knows how to use what he's got, and adores seeing a woman in the throes of ecstasy, and I'm all over that.

The thing is, penis size is just one of the variables of getting to explore other people. It's not better or worse to be this size or that, it's just different. Hey, are you interested in anal sex? Ask how many well-hung guys get invited in the back door. You've got an advantage there. Just saying.

Mr. intuition did have a hang-up about it at one time, many years ago. I'm not sure what he did to get over it, but he did. He seems to have evolved his thinking and now embraces a more humble attitude about it: he can't be everything to me. But he can be the very best of everything that he is - which is what I love about him - and he can give me everything else in the world by proxy. He doesn't make me choose between the world or him. I get to have both. I would be insane to leave a man who loves me so much!! The emotional connection and chemistry that I have with my husband are beyond words. Transcendent. No other man is even in his realm. He has no competition, and I don't care what they're packing. Yes, I've come home buzzing and high from getting my brains fucked out by some other guy (again, penis size didn't matter). Honestly, he's more turned on now by the idea of me being with bigger guys than I am. His attitude about it? These other guys are almost like extensions of him; he makes it possible for me to have this kind of pleasure because he allows it in our relationship. He recognizes that he's not competing with them; they're helping him out by giving his wife something that he can't (if that happened to be her thing). His focus is on my pleasure, because that's what brings him the most pleasure. And likewise, I just want him to have the whole world as his candy store and get as many beautiful, passionate, confident and sexy women into his bed as he can handle. Thinking of him having that intense chemistry with someone else gives me an instant lady boner.

I don't know if this helps you at all, but it's a peek inside our minds at least, and how we look at and deal with "the size thing".

enhancer · October 3, 2016

Welcome to the board! Everything said above by others is good advice for you and the same way we look at it.

You have no idea how many men fail in this lifestyle, because they think their big unit alone is going to get them some! It just doesn't work that way for most people out there. A bigger or better body part does not make someone attractive. A dude can have the biggest most magnificent penis in the world, but if he has the personality of a toad and looks like a troll he will be the only one playing with it. Ms Enhancer has never in all the years we have been online said even maybe to the guys with just a picture of their massive penis and a couple of lines of how they are going to use it. It is laughable.

Being insecure will also not get you very far in the lifestyle! Nobody wants to be around that. It is one of the things that will bring the drama so many talk about into the lifestyle. It is also not a very attractive quality to see in someone. Own who you are and if that isn't good enough for someone oh well move on. You will never be for everyone. No one is.

Lionheart72 · October 4, 2016

Thinking more about this, I thought I'd weigh in again with my personal "that guy had a huge dick" stories...

The first huge dick actually helped save my marriage. During a rough patch, my wife decided to cheat on me... a one-night stand with a guy she knew, as a way to say "see, I fucked another guy, I'm over you." As it happens, the guy in question has a serious huge cock. Unfortunately... no, check that, fortunately... he's also an idiot. He just hammered away on her with it and it hurt. She's since told me he kept slamming up against her cervix, which is very painful. The whole experience was miserable for me... and so the "I cheating on you with a guy who has a huge cock" conversation afterward really didn't go the way she'd planned. (I honestly don't know what she thought it would in the first place, but that's another story.)

Our second huge cock settled the question of skill vs size for me. A few years after the incident above, my wife and I had reconciled (obviously), rebuilt our trust and gotten back into swinging. She was playing with a couple of guys in one of the "public" beds at our local swingers club, putting on a show for me and whoever else was watching. One polite older gentleman sitting next to me muses that he would love to have a chance with a women like her. I told him he should ask her... and my wife being a friendly sort agreed. Well, this gent reveals a penis of Olympian proportions. My wife later confessed to being a little nervous, after her last experience. However, the fellow proved himself a polite gentleman in all respects, handling himself with skill and concern for my wife's comfort and pleasure. It was a great experience for us both.

So, from these experiences, I have concluded that simply having a big dick does not make one a great sex partner. Though, handled properly, it can encourage one to develop good skills.

invrpm · October 4, 2016

Hi invrpm,

I strongly agree with what SW_PA_Couple says - if you're wife says you're fine, believe her.

I would agree with you on this but like I said in my post when I had used a liberator wedge and was able to get a little deeper I could see the look on her face change when I was hitting something in there. And while we were doing it and in the moment I asked her does it feel better deeper and she replied yes. And then the next day I go so you do like it deeper and she flat out denies it. I used to have a girl who was shallower and she too was a squirter and I'm all too familiar with that face she made and she straight lies about it, frustrates me. It's like her defense mechanism not to hurt my feelings, which I get but I rather her tell me the truth that she liked it and maybe we can move forward on it. Any advice on that?

GoldCoCouple · October 4, 2016

It's the skill of the magician, not the size of the wand.

There will ALWAYS be someone with a bigger or better ______ (fill in the blank). For women, this is usually breasts, for men this is usually cock, but size DOESN'T MATTER. Too many 'large' men feel that size is the only thing that matters so they just slam away...isn't that great?!! They think that they are hung, there is no skill involved. But even technique doesn't matter, sex is JUST SEX. You and your partner have a connection that goes beyond just sex or looks or anything. If you can't get this into your head, then you WILL fail if you try swinging. Love: do you both love each other more than you ever believed possible? Trust: do you both trust each other COMPLETELY to the point that you can tell each other anything without fear and that you would put your life in their hands? Communication: Can you tell each other or talk about ANYTHING without fear of repercussion? If your answer isn't a certain YES, then you are not ready. If you aren't SURE that she is going to come home with you, even if she just had the greatest, mind blowing, screaming at the top of her lungs, passing out sex, then you are not ready. Size doesn't matter, skill doesn't matter, orgasms don't matter, none of this matters. What matters is the love, the connection the two of you have. If you are not positive that you are both 100% on board and nothing can change how you feel towards each other, then you are not ready. There's nothing wrong with not being ready...you may never be ready and that's okay too. Saying this is easy, believing it in your soul isn't, but until you do, you won't ever be ready.

invrpm · October 4, 2016

Perhaps you can tell us how you and your girlfriend came to the idea of joining the swing scene? What are you or she hoping to find?

We basically wanted to do this to explore multi-partner fantasies like MMF and FFM. We never really talked about full swapping. She is like this closet freak that will only let you look through the keyhole once in a while. If she would just open up instead of me prying it out of her. I guess she's hardcore to appear as the good girl so I don't think any less of her. I told her I won't judge her if she has other fantasies as I tell her mine but it's like pulling teeth to get them out of her. Any advice on that that REALLY WORKS and I'll be in debt for life to you. So the topic came up about penis size and I told her how I felt. We did find another couple we are talking to right now and the gentleman is slightly larger than me and she agreed to only have him in the rear. So for now that is fine by me and I feel soft swinging is what I will feel most comfortable with. I don't think at this point seeing her with a larger man would be good for me but she has great oral skills and I wouldn't mind seeing my girl do that and the like. Are there couples that only do soft swinging all the time or is it always the stepping stone for swapping? Love to hear anyone's replies to this.

invrpm · October 4, 2016

Welcome to Swingersboard. Okay, sure, the big dick thing was an interesting experience,

You say "interesting" experience. Could you elaborate on your experience please?

I'm curios as to what made that experience "interesting" but also your language for it brings me to say that this is what my girl uses to define what she thinks about swinging. "interesting" She is very vague about it and won't exactly say what she finds "interesting".... I wish I could get more from her than this. But that's it. Anymore prying and it's returned with an "I don't know" but like a don't bother me kinda I don't know!

Mr. intuition did have a hang-up about it at one time, many years ago. I'm not sure what he did to get over it, but he did.

I would be very interested to know how your husband got past that. It might just be the thing to help me get past my jealousy. You never know. I would appreciate it if you could ask him.

invrpm · October 4, 2016

It's the skill of the magician, not the size of the wand.

There will ALWAYS be someone with a bigger or better ______ (fill in the blank). For women, this is usually breasts, for men this is usually cock, but size DOESN'T MATTER. Too many 'large' men feel that size is the only thing that matters so they just slam away...isn't that great?!! They think that they are hung, there is no skill involved. But even technique doesn't matter, sex is JUST SEX. You and your partner have a connection that goes beyond just sex or looks or anything. If you can't get this into your head, then you WILL fail if you try swinging. Love: do you both love each other more than you ever believed possible? Trust: do you both trust each other COMPLETELY to the point that you can tell each other anything without fear and that you would put your life in their hands? Communication: Can you tell each other or talk about ANYTHING without fear of repercussion? If your answer isn't a certain YES, then you are not ready. If you aren't SURE that she is going to come home with you, even if she just had the greatest, mind blowing, screaming at the top of her lungs, passing out sex, then you are not ready. Size doesn't matter, skill doesn't matter, orgasms don't matter, none of this matters. What matters is the love, the connection the two of you have. If you are not positive that you are both 100% on board and nothing can change how you feel towards each other, then you are not ready. There's nothing wrong with not being ready...you may never be ready and that's okay too. Saying this is easy, believing it in your soul isn't, but until you do, you won't ever be ready.

This is what I needed to hear. Thank you soooooo very much! And no we are not there yet.

machiavel55 · October 4, 2016

It's the skill of the magician, not the size of the wand.

There will ALWAYS be someone with a bigger or better ______ (fill in the blank). For women, this is usually breasts, for men this is usually cock, but size DOESN'T MATTER. Too many 'large' men feel that size is the only thing that matters so they just slam away...isn't that great?!! They think that they are hung, there is no skill involved. But even technique doesn't matter, sex is JUST SEX. You and your partner have a connection that goes beyond just sex or looks or anything. If you can't get this into your head, then you WILL fail if you try swinging. Love: do you both love each other more than you ever believed possible? Trust: do you both trust each other COMPLETELY to the point that you can tell each other anything without fear and that you would put your life in their hands? Communication: Can you tell each other or talk about ANYTHING without fear of repercussion? If your answer isn't a certain YES, then you are not ready. If you aren't SURE that she is going to come home with you, even if she just had the greatest, mind blowing, screaming at the top of her lungs, passing out sex, then you are not ready. Size doesn't matter, skill doesn't matter, orgasms don't matter, none of this matters. What matters is the love, the connection the two of you have. If you are not positive that you are both 100% on board and nothing can change how you feel towards each other, then you are not ready. There's nothing wrong with not being ready...you may never be ready and that's okay too. Saying this is easy, believing it in your soul isn't, but until you do, you won't ever be ready.

GoldCoCouple, most of your post is right on, particularly from the part where you mention connection and love....but please, I wish people would stop saying that the emotions experienced by women with smaller breasts are similar to those experienced by males with a smaller penis.

These types of emotions are not even in the same universe. But for the rest of your post you have very well described the level of communication and trust a couple must reach before attempting any form of swinging.

Alura · October 4, 2016

We only met one man during our marriage who had a 9.5 inch penis. (My wife measured it; read our book to learn how.) Laura enjoyed the experience very much but the fellow (and his wife) had other issues we didn't want to deal with, so we never played with them again.

Be thankful for what you have, especially that which is between your ears and in your heart.

CostaRica · October 4, 2016

You keep saying how when you got a different angle her face changed, well I don't know about your wife but something new always makes my senses pick up. My husband recently found a new angle that hits a completely different spot for me and I love it, that doesn't mean that I enjoy the sex we were having 6 months ago less, it's just different. The last 2 men I slept with had bigger penises than Mr CostaRica and they were fun, but no more fun that his, just different fun. Sex doesn't have to be the same every time, and where would be the fun if it was, but reaching one type of pleasure doesn't diminish the other types of pleasure you've experienced.

I think you could drive yourself insane if you start analysing every look she gets on her face, especially when you're with other people, what if she moans more when kissing someone else, or sucks their dick longer or or or. You're on the verge of going down the rabbit hole with that line of thinking and it won't get you to a happy place.

GoldCoCouple · October 4, 2016

Are there couples that only do soft swinging all the time or is it always the stepping stone for swapping?

Absolutely! Swinging is as much or as little as you want it to be. From same room sex with no outside couple touching to full swap and everything in between. You decide the limits and boundaries...just make sure that the others involved also know what they are.

I wish people would stop saying that the emotions experienced by women with smaller breasts are similar to those experienced by males with a smaller penis.

I was just trying to show that it isn't limited to just men, that women can have a similar problem too...and I didn't say smaller breasts. Doesn't even have to be breasts. All too often, women seem to be their own harshest critics. No offense was intended either way.

intuition897 · October 5, 2016

You say "interesting" experience. Could you elaborate on your experience please?

I'm curios as to what made that experience "interesting" but also your language for it brings me to say that this is what my girl uses to define what she thinks about swinging. "interesting" She is very vague about it and won't exactly say what she finds "interesting".... I wish I could get more from her than this. But that's it. Anymore prying and its returned with an "I don't know" but like a don't bother me kinda I don't know!

You're probably going to call bullshit on this, but the thing is, we don't always want our eyes rolling back in our heads...every...single...time. At least I don't. It takes a lot of energy for an introvert like myself. I tend to be a fairly sensitive individual, so there is a point when a huge amount of sensation - even if pleasurable - is simply too much for me to process. After this point, it's sort of like when you've burned your tongue and can't taste anything. It's just too much. Everybody likes riding the giant roller coaster at the theme park, but I'm not about to set up camp on the thing. I don't want to live on it. It's just a novelty.

Something to ponder: are you jealous of her vibrator? I've got a magic wand thing that can do a real number on me, and Mr. intuition's penis, nice as it may be, does not produce the same sensations. Should he feel inadequate because he can't make me drool on myself the same way that thing does? Should he worry that I might replace him with that? Not remotely. I know, you're thinking, but that's a plastic sex toy, not a human being. True, and I'm not comparing our playmates to toys - we always treat our playmates with the utmost respect! - I'm just trying to draw a parallel and perhaps suggest looking at it from that angle.

"Interesting" means that I'm curious about it, and excited to satisfy that curiosity. Getting screwed by a huge penis does produce unique sensations, I won't lie. But not all of them are comfortable, as mentioned above. Having someone slamming away at your cervix probably feels a bit like having your nuts slapped repeatedly. It's also likely that we're going to be a little sore the next day. Plus, men with big equipment may have a tendency to rest on their laurels a bit, and not develop a whole lot of skill (I'm generalizing, guys). If you're not intuitive about your partner, and insist on just making giant piston-like thrusting motions the whole time, thinking that's going to be enough, you're going to disappoint most of your partners. Size does not trump technique.

Experiencing the intense sensation of being fucked with a really big cock is fun. Sure. But so is being mind-fucked by a playful, mischievous, keenly intelligent partner. I LOVE the build-up, feeling one another out, flirting, teasing, testing each other's energies and personalities. I would MUCH rather play with a partner who can make me weak in the knees with a seductive kiss than a guy with a big dick and no personality.

I would be very interested to know how your husband got past that. It might just be the thing to help me get past my jealousy. You never know. I would appreciate it if you could ask him.

I'll have to ask him for you. I would just leave you with the suggestion that you ask yourself why you care whether or not it's you giving her pleasure, or someone else. Explore why you feel that matters.

machiavel55 · October 5, 2016

Absolutely! Swinging is as much or as little as you want it to be. From same room sex with no outside couple touching to full swap and everything in between. You decide the limits and boundaries...just make sure that the others involved also know what they are.

I was just trying to show that it isn't limited to just men, that women can have a similar problem too...and I didn't say smaller breasts. Doesn't even have to be breasts. All too often, women seem to be their own harshest critics. No offense was intended either way.

Yes, and no offense was perceived. Men have issues like that too with weight, hair, etc...it has to do with appearance and can be unpleasant or make us feel less attractive but that's about it. Larger penis size, on the other hand, has been associated with a symbol of power, masculinity, and social status and that's a totally different concern. A situation, where a male feels dwarfed by another male in front of a female partner that is very important to him (wife, long term gf, etc...) can be devastating. I don't think women have a part of their body that can trigger such strong negative emotions. Since we are on the subject, something else that bothers me every time I see it, is when someone like invrpm expresses possible concern about seeing his SO being pleasured by a larger penis and a member here just tells him to get over it. Now, if we look at both males..first invrpm who seems to be a pretty typical male, if he ever enters LS will probably swing mostly with couples because he likes women and second, the member who gave the advice and who's couple swings predominantly with single males, these two men are very very different from each other in what they like, what turns them on or off and the perception they have of themselves among other men.

invrpm · October 5, 2016

You're probably going to call bullshit on this, but the thing is, we don't always want our eyes rolling back in our heads...every...single...time. At least I don't. It takes a lot of energy for an introvert like myself. I tend to be a fairly sensitive individual, so there is a point when a huge amount of sensation - even if pleasurable - is simply too much for me to process. After this point, it's sort of like when you've burned your tongue and can't taste anything. It's just too much. Everybody likes riding the giant roller coaster at the theme park, but I'm not about to set up camp on the thing. I don't want to live on it. It's just a novelty.

It is funny you said this and you sound a lot like my girlfriend as an introvert and that I can get her to orgasm till she cries with all these emotions. She says she don't know what she's feeling, it's like all her emotions at once and it's like an overload to her and wants me to stop. She says she don't like the way that feels but, I think it is hot to let go like that, but she wants me to stop every time but I want her to let go and make it even more intense. But she says it feels annoying. So I stop but wishing I could drive her over an edge she hasn't been to yet. As an introvert like yourself can you relate to this and offer any advice? BTW in case your wondering the orgasms she getting are from fingers and mouth. Not my penis.

Something to ponder: are you jealous of her vibrator? I've got a magic wand thing that can do a real number on me, and Mr. intuition's penis, nice as it may be, does not produce the same sensations. Should he feel inadequate because he can't make me drool on myself the same way that thing does? Should he worry that I might replace him with that? Not remotely. I know, you're thinking, but that's a plastic sex toy, not a human being. True, and I'm not comparing our playmates to toys - we always treat our playmates with the utmost respect! - I'm just trying to draw a parallel and perhaps suggest looking at it from that angle.

Not at all. If you read my original post I said I had extensions, toys, dildos and vibrators and the like. But she don't really care for toys at all. Was trying to find one that would make her happy and she would change her mind. But to no avail. I would be perfectly fine with her having a toy that could do that for her. It's not attached to another male! As trivial as that may seem to you from a female perspective it is Very personal to a man to be able to satisfy his woman. And if I can do it with a toy to her or watch her do it herself...... it is totally different watching another male do it to your girlfriend or wife regardless if its an extension of yourself. Its not.

I'll have to ask him for you. I would just leave you with the suggestion that you ask yourself why you care whether or not it's you giving her pleasure, or someone else. Explore why you feel that matters.

Because shes MINE! and me, and a lot of other guys can relate, that with our women, we are very possessive of, and when we feel threatened by someone who can do something we can't, we take a flight or fight stance on it.

invrpm · October 5, 2016

Larger penis size, on the other hand, has been associated with a symbol of power, masculinity, and social status and that's a totally different concern. A situation, where a male feels dwarfed by another male in front of a female partner that is very important to him (wife, long term gf, etc...) can be devastating. I don't think women have a part of their body that can trigger such strong negative emotions. Since we are on the subject, something else that bothers me everytime I see it, is when someone like invrpm expresses possible concern about seeing his SO being pleasured by a larger penis and a member here just tells him to get over it. Now, if we look at both males..first invrpm who seems to be a pretty typical male, if he ever enters LS will probably swing mostly with couples because he likes women and second, the member who gave the advice and who's couple swings predominantly with single males, these two men are very very different from each other in what they like, what turns them on or off and the perception they have of themselves among other men.

Thank you! Well said. At least you actually empathize with a hurting man which is awesome. Not that anyone Else's advice hasn't been good. Just the first person who sounds like they feel it.

Lionheart72 · October 5, 2016

Because shes MINE! and me, and a lot of other guys can relate, that with our women, we are very possessive of, and when we feel threatened by someone who can do something we can't, we take a flight or fight stance on it.

OK, being blunt again... you really, really, really, definitely should not swing.

enhancer · October 5, 2016

OK, being blunt again... you really, really, really, definitely should not swing.

This may seem to come across as an attack, but in the context of the quote it was referring too I would have to agree! It is okay to be in a monogamous relationship and not share your lover. The fact that mine is in bold letters tells me the OP would probably be better off staying in a monogamous relationship. Nothing wrong with that. If you feel possessive of someone how is it a good idea to get into a lifestyle where you will be sharing them?

jeff111 · October 6, 2016

Yeah - have to agree - at this point in time it would seem that sharing is not compatible with how your emotions would deal with it. By all means go ahead and do it, but the people who are experienced in this and trying to provide genuine answers for you are giving you fair warning. Otherwise it could end up in disaster for you and your partner.

Option 1 - you keep this as a hot fantasy and wonder what if - but everything stays good or enhanced by the fantasy.

Option 2 - you try it and the jealousy eats at you, destroying your peace if mind and your relationship.

Option 3 - you try it and it all works out fine.

Problem with option 3 is the people who know how all this works thinks that it ain't gonna work for you at present.

I think its good that you feel that way about your partner. It shows you care a lot and thats part of how you express it.

Fir the people who can share - they love their partners just as much but are able to express that in a different way.

Neither is superior - just different with how we handle it.

I'm reading and listening carefully myself and we are considering our options too, as to whats best for us! and theres a good chance that that will mean it stays a fantasy.

I want my partner to have maximum pleasure - but if either of us cant handle the emotions of a third party, maximum pleasure means being monogamous.

Best of luck

intuition897 · October 6, 2016

It is funny you said this and you sound a lot like my girlfriend as an introvert and that I can get her to orgasm till she cries with all these emotions. She says she don't know what she's feeling, it's like all her emotions at once and it's like an overload to her and wants me to stop. She says she don't like the way that feels but, I think it is hot to let go like that, but she wants me to stop every time but I want her to let go and make it even more intense. But she says it feels annoying. So I stop but wishing I could drive her over an edge she hasn't been to yet. As an introvert like yourself can you relate to this and offer any advice? BTW in case your wondering the orgasms she getting are from fingers and mouth. Not my penis.

Yes! I completely identify with this. Pleasure is pleasure, btw - whether you get it by a penis, a tongue, a vibrator, a hand or...whatever works for you. It's supposed to be fun. I don't get why you can't take her word for it that "it feels fucking great, so quit trying to make my head explode already!" Believe it or not, physical sensation is not the be all and end all of sexual experience. Sure, it's part of it, but it's not everything. That's what she's trying to tell you. You want to leave her drooling? Get inside her head.

Sensitive types are just that: sensitive. And yes, it can be annoying. Mr. intuition likes to see me lose control, too, and I often have to remind him that - okay, that's enough now. It's like you guys get to the end of the video game and you don't know how to handle the fact that there just aren't any more levels to play. Like the other night, we were both very wound up, and he pushed me to some extreme limits. He's been teasing me because, once I got there, I'm close to passing out with pleasure, and I'm confused as fuck as to what to do with it all, and I'm saying, "I don't know what to do!" Well it's true. I have no idea what to do when my cup runneth over like that.

And then you said this:

Because shes MINE! and me, and a lot of other guys can relate, that with our women, we are very possessive of, and when we feel threatened by someone who can do something we can't, we take a flight or fight stance on it.

Okay. There's your problem right there. Especially since you felt the need to highlight the word 'mine.' Happy swinging couples are happy doing what they do because they do not feel okay with possessiveness. If you feel that your desire to own your mate is normal, natural and healthy, you are not cut out for swinging. Like...at all.

I think I'm actually better at separating love and sex than Mr. intuition. He admitted as much to me. And possessiveness/jealousy is not gender specific, either. So the men-are-territorial argument doesn't hold water with me. It's the same as the oh-HELL-no-biatch-you-did-NOT-just-flirt-with-MY-man (head wiggle) attitude from women. Mr. intuition and I have an amazing emotional and - dare I say - even spiritual connection. I'm his best friend. His "wing-woman". I have no desire whatsoever to own him, fence him in, or control him. We've moved away from the idea that sexual pleasure is equal to love. This now means it's okay for him to experience sexual pleasure elsewhere without it impacting our relationship. It also means the pressure is off of each of us to be some super-human god/goddess that provides all our needs. We get to be exactly what we are: imperfect human beings. For us, now, love is measured by how much pleasure, joy, happiness, etc. that we wish for our spouse, regardless of where it comes from. I just want him to have it, whether by me or by someone else. The love part is found in that wish that we have for each other. Sex is just one of the media we use to enhance each other's lives. Other expressions might be, for example, working at a job you don't necessarily like, but that pays well, so he can retire early from a job that's eating him alive. Or hopping on the tractor and mowing the lawn when he's sick. Kicking him in the ass when he's overreacting to something. Or maybe losing that extra 10 lbs because you want to make his coworkers envious of him with his arm-candy wife.

I would strongly recommend NOT swinging at all until you are able to move away from your possessiveness. It's actually counterproductive, in my opinion, and will hurt intimacy in a relationship rather than helping it.

invrpm · October 6, 2016

If you feel possessive of someone how is it a good idea to get into a lifestyle where you will be sharing them?

Yes I feel possessive but I don't mind sharing her with someone of the same size as myself. I don't even mind if she gave a bigger guy oral or a hand job. Where my anxiety come in at, is a guy with the bigger tool doing something I can never physical do to my girl. And yes I've been listening to everyone. Not so much one person. you know who you are. And all your advice does not fall on deaf ears. I know in the lifestyle there are different people out there but you can pick and choose who to play with right? So if he's bigger we stay soft swing and if around the same size we can have more fun. Also, and this is going to sound selfish but the misses is insisting she don't have a problem if the woman is tighter or boobs are bigger or not etc because her words exactly "I don't obsess over that shit like other girls do" She said if it's soft swing she don't mind if I am with the other woman even though she isn't having sex with the other man. So, with what I said above, and she's ok with it because she don't want to hurt me, why can't I just do that? I know my emotions can handle it to that point. Now I want her to have fun too but maybe one day I might be ready for the bigger guy to step in. But I can tell you today is not that day. So any advice on this level of play would be welcome and thanks to all who have been helping thus far.

October 6, 2016

I think you will come closer to solving your underlying problem ("Why can't I just do that?") if you could try to see that you are mistaken in thinking that feeling insecure about the size of your cock is fundamentally different from anyone else being insecure about their body parts. I have tiny breasts. We live in a breast-obsessed culture and every last swinger club has freaking wet t-shirt contests. I can't titty-fuck my husband, and that bothers me. It's a pleasure only other women can give him. What's more, when I walk into a room, everyone knows my size. You could learn a lot from other threads if you could take a step back and stop feeling like you have a biological imperative to resent bigger guys fucking your wife. It's keeping you from really looking at why this is bothering *you*--a unique person with a unique history and a unique relationship with his wife, but a person who has a lot in common with the rest of us here (those with big cocks, small cocks, or no cocks) as well. :-)

enhancer · October 6, 2016

Yes I feel possessive but I don't mind sharing her with someone of the same size as myself. I don't even mind if she gave a bigger guy oral or a hand job. Where my anxiety come in at, is a guy with the bigger tool doing something I can never physical do to my girl. And yes I've been listening to everyone. Not so much one person. you know who you are. And all your advice does not fall on deaf ears. I know in the lifestyle there are different people out there but you can pick and choose who to play with right? So if he's bigger we stay soft swing and if around the same size we can have more fun. Also, and this is going to sound selfish but the misses is insisting she don't have a problem if the woman is tighter or boobs are bigger or not etc because her words exactly "I don't obsess over that shit like other girls do" She said if it's soft swing she don't mind if I am with the other woman even though she isn't having sex with the other man. So, with what I said above, and she's ok with it because she don't want to hurt me, why can't I just do that? I know my emotions can handle it to that point. Now I want her to have fun too but maybe one day I might be ready for the bigger guy to step in. But I can tell you today is not that day. So any advice on this level of play would be welcome and thanks to all who have been helping thus far.

Yes you are correct that you can pick and choose who you play with and the rules you want to play by! Just like the people on the other end can do too! If you can find couples that are willing to play with you that are okay with you fucking their wife, but your wife not fucking their husband, because his penis is bigger then yours all the power to you. That would be a situation we would have to take a pass on and I can honestly say we have never meet anyone who would be okay with that, but I am sure someone would be.

jeff111 · October 6, 2016

Yes I feel possessive but I don't mind sharing her with someone of the same size as myself. I don't even mind if she gave a bigger guy oral or a hand job. Where my anxiety come in at, is a guy with the bigger tool doing something I can never physical do to my girl. And yes I've been listening to everyone. Not so much one person. you know who you are. And all your advice does not fall on deaf ears. I know in the lifestyle there are different people out there but you can pick and choose who to play with right? So if he's bigger we stay soft swing and if around the same size we can have more fun. Also, and this is going to sound selfish but the misses is insisting she don't have a problem if the woman is tighter or boobs are bigger or not etc because her words exactly "I don't obsess over that shit like other girls do" She said if it's soft swing she don't mind if I am with the other woman even though she isn't having sex with the other man. So, with what I said above, and she's ok with it because she don't want to hurt me, why can't I just do that? I know my emotions can handle it to that point. Now I want her to have fun too but maybe one day I might be ready for the bigger guy to step in. But I can tell you today is not that day. So any advice on this level of play would be welcome and thanks to all who have been helping thus far.

invprm, this isn't meant as a criticism, but in some ways it seems you're trying to justify, not feeling good about your partner being fucked by a bigger cock than yours and her enjoying it. There's no need to justify it, it's a normal feeling that many have, and can be difficult for some to overcome. For me, the way I'm trying to approach it is - "well, that's the whole point, she gets something I can't give her, two cocks worshipping her and if one's bigger than mine, that's even better, because she will reach places (physically) that I can't generally and maybe orgasm harder than she normally would with my cock - which is likely to happen just from having two cocks to play with".

However, although I've rationalised that in my mind, I'm not so certain about my emotions, hence we are taking our time, and she is also not there yet either. So although I'm champing at the bit for her to be fucked silly by a bigger cock than me and by me at the same time, I need to slow down.

I can take advice as you've been doing but if it doesn't change my emotions, then it can't happen. So, maybe you're feeling a bit defensive over it all - which is another reason for you to slow the whole thing down - until you realise that your wife wants you overall (even if she has a great time with a large cock - and she may not) and it's just a fun experience for her - or you have to somehow avoid all larger cocks? Don't know how that will go.

What if a guy with a similar size or even smaller cock, manages to fuck her in a way that you can't replicate and brings her to shuddering orgasms? What will you do then? The whole focus for me is on pleasing my partner, and that's where I feel for me I should be able to overcome any feelings of inadequacy or jealousy - oh and that I'm very very secure in how much my partner is faithful and loves me. Not that you're not.

Best of luck, but I think the only thing is to stop or to work out in your mind better how to deal with what will eventually happen, if you continue.

This isn't meant to be rude to you, but if you're defensive over it, it might be time to examine why.

Enough said from me!

Astridcouple · October 6, 2016

What's the problem?

I have a slightly above average size penis. We are in this lifestyle partly because I would like my wife to fuck men with a thick and big penis.

You should enjoy seeing her groan and squirm.

machiavel55 · October 6, 2016

What's the problem?

I have a slightly above average size penis. We are in this lifestyle partly because I would like my wife to fuck men with a thick and big penis.

You should enjoy seeing her groan and squirm.

Ok. That's a response based on ignorance.

machiavel55 · October 6, 2016

FunintheSnow said:

I think you will come closer to solving your underlying problem ("Why can't I just do that?") if you could try to see that you are mistaken in thinking that feeling insecure about the size of your cock is fundamentally different from anyone else being insecure about their body parts. I have tiny breasts. We live in a breast-obsessed culture and every last swinger club has freaking wet t-shirt contests. I can't titty-fuck my husband, and that bothers me. It's a pleasure only other women can give him. What's more, when I walk into a room, everyone knows my size. You could learn a lot from other threads if you could take a step back and stop feeling like you have a biological imperative to resent bigger guys fucking your wife. It's keeping you from really looking at why this is bothering *you*--a unique person with a unique history and a unique relationship with his wife, but a person who has a lot in common with the rest of us here (those with big cocks, small cocks, or no cocks) as well. ?

He is not mistaken. The rapport women have with their breasts and the importance of breast size in the sexual act can absolutely not be compared to the importance of the penis for a man. Also to say we live in a breast-obsessed culture is somewhat accurate. Except that there are nowadays a lot of other obsessions and as far as breasts are concerned, the solution has been around for many years and is now very affordable. Nothing like that for the penis. Plus, most men growing up are exposed to society concepts about penis size. Also, in most cases, we grow up being taught we must be providers, protectors and that makes us feel, in most situations deep inside, like warriors. Sex can sometimes, feel like a battle with the woman's previous partners and we must prevail.

Here is just one of the many articles you will find: Penis Envy: How Size Influences Self-Esteem – PsychologyTomorrowMagazine

Believe me, there is no comparison possible. Ever.

Lionheart72 · October 6, 2016

Yes I feel possessive but I don't mind sharing her with someone of the same size as myself. I don't even mind if she gave a bigger guy oral or a hand job. Where my anxiety come in at, is a guy with the bigger tool doing something I can never physical do to my girl.

The problem I have with this is that your making rules based on this specific hang-up... but not addressing the underlying problem of your basic insecurity. What are you going to do when some guy with a perfectly average sized dick make her feel something she has never felt with you? Because one of these days, it's going to happen and, unless you deal with your possessiveness and insecurity, I'm betting when it does there will be Drama all over the place.

October 6, 2016

Oh,I'm sorry. I forgot men are the only ones with legitimate issues, machiavel55. Silly me. And that anyone can have or have enhancement surgery, because no one has medical or financial issues that would preclude it. And that you've had remarks made on the size of your cock by strangers since you were 12. Oh, wait, maybe not that last one.

Believe me, the dismissive attitude expressed by you and the OP is way more unattractive than the smallest cock. I can tell you guys are in pain, and I was trying to be helpful.But you are way too busy congratulating yourselves on having the Worst Problem Ever to listen.

Wornsilver · October 6, 2016

To FunintheSnow, your breast size is a visible and important issue to you, but you also have to know that there are guys out there, like myself, who think tiny breasts are extremely sexy and really big breasts are kinda unattractive. Part of all the "makes-the-world-go-round" thing.

Most of my life, I have thought that I had an average/smaller than average penis, and it is especially obvious since I am a grower, not a shower. But it turns out that while my unit may be average in length, it is above average in thickness. But here is the kicker--I just recently discovered the thickness business, and it doesn't erase decades of insecurities.

My guess is that some people are prone to insecurities and we will grasp whatever we can to satisfy that "need." I have balanced all that out with being pretty successful in the other things a husband is supposed to do, the providing, protection, etc. So, I may not be well-rounded, but I'm balanced?? Hee, hee.

Revel in your small-breasted beauty knowing there is a whole regiment of guys out there who think you are luscious.

October 6, 2016

To FunintheSnow, your breast size is a visible and important issue to you, but you also have to know that there are guys out there, like myself, who think tiny breasts are extremely sexy and really big breasts are kinda unattractive. Part of all the "makes-the-world-go-round" thing.

...

My guess is that some people are prone to insecurities and we will grasp whatever we can to satisfy that "need." I have balanced all that out with being pretty successful in the other things a husband is supposed to do, the providing, protection, etc. So, I may not be well-rounded, but I'm balanced?? Hee, hee.

Revel in your small-breasted beauty knowing there is a whole regiment of guys out there who think you are luscious.

Thank you, Wornsilver. I have learned the truth of that through posts here, responses to my own insecurity thread, and guys in the LS. And you know, I prefer smaller cocks. My husband's is average, and I love that I can get the whole thing in my mouth and *just* start to gag. I love the way he can angle it with such precision. I love that he never bangs my cervix. But the OP did specify that he didn't want reassurance about penis size not mattering, because it matters to him. Apologies to him for this segue.

machiavel55 · October 6, 2016

Oh,I'm sorry. I forgot men are the only ones with legitimate issues, machiavel55. Silly me. And that anyone can have or have enhancement surgery, because no one has medical or financial issues that would preclude it. And that you've had remarks made on the size of your cock by strangers since you were 12. Oh, wait, maybe not that last one.

Believe me, the dismissive attitude expressed by you and the OP is way more unattractive than the smallest cock. I can tell you guys are in pain, and I was trying to be helpful.But you are way too busy congratulating yourselves on having the Worst Problem Ever to listen.

Wow! the vitriol...

Dismissive?...no, only the truth. I did not say that a woman can not have negative feelings about having small breasts for example when confronted with other women with a bigger cup. I just said that the penis represents much more to a man. I understand that you don't get it. You're not a man. I've read your posts and understand that maybe you have had an issue with your breasts. I do not know. But do some research or just use some common sense and you will discover that men in general attach a huge importance (probably exaggerated) to their penises from a very early age.

Now regarding your snide remarks, which are usually absolutely unnecessary between evolved human beings, I personally am not in any pain (maybe a slight headache), I am pleasantly just average and have not had remarks about my cock (as you so graciously say) from strangers (?) since I was 12 or any age for that matter. I, same as most men, can imagine what certain situations would trigger emotions wise in alpha males, just by reading about them or imagining them. That's called empathy. You should try it some time.

machiavel55 · October 6, 2016

To FunintheSnow, your breast size is a visible and important issue to you, but you also have to know that there are guys out there, like myself, who think tiny breasts are extremely sexy and really big breasts are kinda unattractive. Part of all the "makes-the-world-go-round" thing.

Most of my life, I have thought that I had an average/smaller than average penis, and it is especially obvious since I am a grower, not a shower. But it turns out that while my unit may be average in length, it is above average in thickness. But here is the kicker--I just recently discovered the thickness business, and it doesn't erase decades of insecurities.

My guess is that some people are prone to insecurities and we will grasp whatever we can to satisfy that "need." I have balanced all that out with being pretty successful in the other things a husband is supposed to do, the providing, protection, etc. So, I may not be well-rounded, but I'm balanced?? Hee, hee.

Revel in your small-breasted beauty knowing there is a whole regiment of guys out there who think you are luscious.

Oh yes!!!...I prefer by far small breasts too! But of course, who the breasts are attached to is crucial!

October 6, 2016

I, same as most men, can imagine what certain situations would trigger emotions wise in alpha males, just by reading about them or imagining them. That's called empathy. You should try it some time.

Your empathy for those of the same gender is clear.

machiavel55 · October 6, 2016

FunintheSnow said:

Your empathy for those of the same gender is clear.

Well, it is normal after all. I understand men's emotions better. I'm an old French guy, I've lived on 3 continents, 5 countries, seen a lot, laughed a lot and of course cried a lot. Even when I've not gotten along with someone, I've always tried to find the good part of that person, the loving part, the God-like part. I'm an optimist. It's not always well received but after 61 years I keep on being open, transparent and live with open arms. Now what you said about the same gender is actually interesting. In my 40's, (and this is 100% true)in Montreal where I lived for 32 years, there was a group of approx. 15 women, I knew all of them, some were still married, some divorced, but all strong, wise and all living life fully after a lot of ups and downs....they had once a month, a supper held by one of them...it was a girls only night. Sometimes, they would call me and tell me I could come for coffee, after the supper. Through the years I was the only man they asked to join them and talk over coffee...one day I asked why only me..and their answer confused me, for a few minutes I did not know if it was good or bad...they said that when I was sitting at the table with them, they did not feel like a man was there, that my vision and opinions on most topics showed that I was man with a strong feminine side. And then one of them who had been a sex partner in the 80's, reminded me that after our first sex session together (in 1983), she told me that I must have been a woman in a previous life. I love women!

Hope I did not bore you with this story. Remember that we all have hearts, we can laugh, we can cry, but mostly we can love and I'd rather do that.

intuition897 · October 6, 2016

To FunintheSnow, your breast size is a visible and important issue to you, but you also have to know that there are guys out there, like myself, who think tiny breasts are extremely sexy and really big breasts are kinda unattractive. Part of all the "makes-the-world-go-round" thing.

...

Revel in your small-breasted beauty knowing there is a whole regiment of guys out there who think you are luscious.

I'm afraid your argument is essentially the same as ours: that the OP should learn to accept his body the way it is, and that for every body type (and part size/shape) there is someone out there who's a fan.

intuition897 · October 6, 2016

I just said that the penis represents much more to a man. I understand that you don't get it. You're not a man.

Really. Pray tell how you know this. You say the cultural pressure to view one's penis as some magical thing to be toted around before you, nestled on a velvet pillow, with neon signs advertising its glory, is different - and greater - than the cultural pressure about breasts? How many billboards have you passed by lately with scantily clad men thrusting their enormous, barely-covered erections at you? Right or wrong, we can't escape the "breasts = femininity" message that is repeated in the media ad nauseum.

No, I'm not a man, but I know you guys suffer from cultural pressure, too. But please, let's not try to determine which gender suffers more for it! I'm bristling a little at the notion that, sure, women get a little pressure, but it's men who really get the shit end of the stick. Ask a woman who has lost her breasts to cancer how she feels about the removal of something she's been taught since before puberty was a hallmark of femininity. Does she "get over it?" Probably, to some degree...because she has to. I haven't heard much about support groups for guys who have to deal with losing their dicks to cancer.

(I) have not had remarks about my cock (as you so graciously say) from strangers (?) since I was 12 or any age for that matter.

I believe what FunInTheSnow was referring to was the phenomenon of people - even complete strangers - feeling perfectly comfortable making remarks about a girl's/woman's breasts (whether positive or negative), as though they were public property. How often have you had someone comment about the bulge in the front of your pants while you were minding your business walking down the street? Okay, cat-calling doesn't happen much here...because Canada...but this is a real problem for women in other parts of the world.

Oh yes!!!...I prefer by far small breasts too! But of course, who the breasts are attached to is crucial!

I believe this is the very argument I was trying to make to the OP, just regarding a different body part.

machiavel55 · October 7, 2016

intuition897 said:

Really. Pray tell how you know this. You say the cultural pressure to view one's penis as some magical thing to be toted around before you, nestled on a velvet pillow, with neon signs advertising its glory, is different - and greater - than the cultural pressure about breasts? How many billboards have you passed by lately with scantily clad men thrusting their enormous, barely-covered erections at you? Right or wrong, we can't escape the "breasts = femininity" message that is repeated in the media ad nauseum.

No, I'm not a man, but I know you guys suffer from cultural pressure, too. But please, let's not try to determine which gender suffers more for it! I'm bristling a little at the notion that, sure, women get a little pressure, but it's men who really get the shit end of the stick. Ask a woman who has lost her breasts to cancer how she feels about the removal of something she's been taught since before puberty was a hallmark of femininity. Does she "get over it?" Probably, to some degree...because she has to. I haven't heard much about support groups for guys who have to deal with losing their dicks to cancer.

I believe what FunInTheSnow was referring to was the phenomenon of people - even complete strangers - feeling perfectly comfortable making remarks about a girl's/woman's breasts (whether positive or negative), as though they were public property. How often have you had someone comment about the bulge in the front of your pants while you were minding your business walking down the street? Okay, cat-calling doesn't happen much here...because Canada...but this is a real problem for women in other parts of the world.

I believe this is the very argument I was trying to make to the OP, just regarding a different body part.

You know, I can't find the proper words in English to explain what a penis represents through our entire life to us men.

I'm not even going to touch the new direction you brought to the conversation by mentioning mastectomies.

But I'll try one last time, here goes nothing....size of breasts is important to some women,some men prefer large ones or small ones, etc..., but are the breasts women's primary sexual organ? No. Breasts are one element of sexual dimorphism (men don't have them and women do) they are important for male sexual arousal, but they really only need to exist to create that arousal. Regarding the penis, media (TV, magazines and of course internet)bombard us with the idea that there is a connection between penis size and masculinity, that is very important. For most men it starts very early in life and becomes more than a belief, it's created at a young age and is embedded deep into our psyche. It becomes part of who we are, is reinforced by porn and when we become sexually active, it's role in sexual performance seals the deal. It's not so much the opinion of women or society that worry us, it's our own deeply rooted beliefs that if challenged by a comment, a failure to perform or a situation where we feel inferior, can devastate us. And I'm not using that word lightly, devastation is what happens. Now of course this varies from one man to another, depending of sexual orientation, sexual preferences, libido,levels of kink, upbringing, how they experience sex first and with who,etc.

Regarding what FunInTheSnow was mentioning, if it is cat-calling, that again is something different, it comes from other people, not from your own beliefs. There is a long list of negative remarks that people will experience through their life, it could be the cat calls you mentioned, about weight, breasts, kids wearing glasses, skin discoloration, etc...it comes from other people, you walk away. The beliefs about penises come from our own brain, there is no walking away and we are crushed to the core.

intuition897 · October 7, 2016

You know, I can't find the proper words in English to explain what a penis represents through our entire life to us men.

Please, don't put yourself out trying.

I'm not even going to touch the new direction you brought to the conversation by mentioning mastectomies.

It's not a digression; it's directly related to the argument.

(Breasts) are important for male sexual arousal, but they really only need to exist to create that arousal.

*Awkward silence* Well...I mean..that and feeding babies and such.

I think this pretty much seals it: I'm not going to "win" this argument, am I?

So here, to paraphrase, the things that other people/society tell you are internalized and become "part of who we are":

Regarding the penis, media (TV, magazines and of course internet)bombard us with the idea that there is a connection between penis size and masculinity, that is very important. For most men it starts very early in life and becomes more than a belief, it's created at a young age and is embedded deep into our psyche. It becomes part of who we are, is reinforced by porn and when we become sexually active, it's role in sexual performance seals the deal.

But apparently this shit doesn't apply to women??

Regarding what FunInTheSnow was mentioning, if it is cat-calling, that again is something different, it comes from other people, not from your own beliefs. There is a long list of negative remarks that people will experience through their life, it could be the cat calls you mentioned, about weight, breasts, kids wearing glasses, skin discoloration, etc...it comes from other people, you walk away.

So you're saying that we don't internalize all the comments, crude remarks and "helpful" suggestions about how we'd be more attractive if we lost a few pounds? The messages that our body doesn't belong to us (laws regarding what women are and are not allowed to do with their bodies birth control, men thinking it's okay to comment on a stranger's body, etc.)? That being pretty is what makes us valuable? That what we wear somehow makes it okay for another person to sexually assault us? That 12-year-old female children are subject to dress codes that don't apply to their male cohorts because their prepubescent bodies have been sexualized? Please. If you really believe that these external influences don't seep into our psyche and wreak their havoc through all stages of our lives, you're not quite as in-touch with women as you claim to be.

My point is that you don't get to qualify how a woman values her breasts (or any other part of her body). The woman in the hospital bed, prepped and ready for surgery that she never asked for, looking down at the crude sharpie marks made by the surgeon, and saying goodbye to a part of her sexuality FOREVER, at that moment doesn't really give a shit what you think of your penis. She's not going to have a whole lot of sympathy for you.

I was going to go on, but I think I'm done. Like I said, I won't be winning this argument, so I'm throwing in the towel. Best of luck to the other master debaters.

machiavel55 · October 7, 2016

I was going to go on, but I think I'm done. Like I said, I won't be winning this argument, so I'm throwing in the towel. Best of luck to the other master debaters.

Agreed....I'm not crazy about debate either, especially not in my language...Ciao...

Alura · October 7, 2016

intuition897 said:

My point is that you don't get to qualify how a woman values her breasts (or any other part of her body). The woman in the hospital bed, prepped and ready for surgery that she never asked for, looking down at the crude sharpie marks made by the surgeon, and saying goodbye to a part of her sexuality FOREVER, at that moment doesn't really give a shit what you think of your penis. She's not going to have a whole lot of sympathy for you.

In a nutshell, Intuition, this is a masterpiece!

invrpm · October 8, 2016

jeff111 said:

However, although I've rationalized that in my mind, I'm not so certain about my emotions, hence we are taking our time, and she is also not there yet either.I can take advice as you've been doing but if it doesn't change my emotions, then it can't happen. So, maybe you're feeling a bit defensive over it all - which is another reason for you to slow the whole thing down

I think this is where I would wind up. Rationalizing it in my head but my heart/emotions, I couldn't get it. I guess you can tell yourself something all you want but if your heart isn't in it with you it won't show in your actual demeanor. Kinda like confidence. If you don't believe in yourself it will show to others. If you or Anyone had any advise to how they got their emotions to be alright with all this I would love to hear from you.

Quote

What if a guy with a similar size or even smaller cock, manages to fuck her in a way that you can't replicate and brings her to shuddering orgasms? What will you do then?

Ok this is cynical but any women here ever had their world rocked by a 3 or 4 inch cock better than someone whose sporting a big tool (oh and let me add that in this scenario, yes, he knows how to use it and not pound away). Love to hear it.

Quote

The whole focus for me is on pleasing my partner, and that's where I feel for me I should be able to overcome any feelings of inadequacy or jealousy - oh and that I'm very very secure in how much my partner is faithful and loves me. Not that you're not.

I too want to please my partner but I feel like I'm all alone going into this too. She has like no fears like the women on here about breast size or pussy tightness. I don't really know, but I feel like if we both had a fear about another partner I wouldn't feel like the outcast or the ass for having such a huge insecurity. Any advice on that? Not quite sure whats going on in my head with this one.

Also to those arguing about breast and penises; boy did I spark a controversy. Listen I don't discount anyone's insecurities any less than the other. I think it boils down at least from my perspective as a deeper level of intimate fear for a man. Just follow me. As one had said that yes, women are bombarded with billboards and yes, people can see your size in your shirts which of course has very negative effects on a persons perception of themselves. The positive side to that is that you are filtered out from the door as to who will approach you based on attractiveness and your breast size. So if the guy likes YOU your breast don't matter to him because he can see what your packing already. Now the other side to this equation. A man meets a woman, say they are co-workers. The sparks fly and they hit it off. It gets to the big moment and the big reveal. She may not say anything but a micro expression to show her disappointment can devastate a guy. Then the next day, the girls are snickering and looking at you and you know what its about because girls talk. Not to say snide remarks aren't made to women with small breast its just a little more intimate in nature for a guy so adds a level of intensity to it. Not that women hurt any less. I never said that. I just said its different in our experiences. BTW this very scenario has happened to me. And yea that shit hurts. It happened more than once too.

jeff111 · October 9, 2016

Hey Invrpm, I don't know your cock size (& don't need to) but from reading Here and elsewhere, some women have commented about some guys with smaller penises providing just as good or better orgasms than guys with larger cocks / thats just what I've read from some.

Also, that we do generally over emphasise penis size compared to women. If you provide sexual satisfaction then its large enough to do the job! Sure a larger penis would feel different, but really, what can you do.

In regards to the jealousy issue, thinking about a MFM, how turned on she would be and how much pleasure she would get from it helps. Also, the selection of the other guy would be very important - it definitely would not be someone we knew.

So, although I am very keen for a MFM so she can have maximum pleasure, it won't happen until I am very sure that I will feel good about it all and think that I wont feel jealous. Because even when I think I will be at that stage (of non jealousy) my thoughts are that I would still have to deal with jealousy feelings.

Hence why we wont go into any situations until we feel 100% ready. And she is not there yet either.

So you might wish to consider whether you really are of a state of mind to continue.

I may never get there and fantasy would have to suffice? It wouldn't be worth destroying our relationship over.

Sophy · October 25, 2016

I have suck and sat on men in front of my hubby with different penis sizes and shapes, none of these made my hubby feel insecure.

Wornsilver · October 25, 2016

I just scanned a few of these posts again, and it occurred to me that not only have we, collectively, decided to advise this husband against swinging until he gets some things figured out, but that there seems to be a missing ingredient in his description of sex with his wife. I am referring to a component of my sexual activity and my marriage that I find to be essential--the act of taking.

Hell yes, I'm really concerned with "giving." I want to give my wife or sex partner the best experience possible, I will go the extra mile to do that. But there is a complex relationship between that giving and the obverse of the coin. Without my taking pleasure, the giving is somehow hollow. A bit lacking. And the same goes for my wife/sexual partner. They need to take, too.

So many of you are more eloquent than I am, and you can probably express it better, but am I describing anything that resonates with you? There's an old description of a guy with ATTITUDE. He has a micro-penis and the lady laughs, points and says, "Who the hell do think you're gonna please with that little thing." And he says, "ME!"

From my standpoint, essential.

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