They got a better offer - is that acceptable?

[Shemurmurs 36]

Hubby and I are new to the club and I sought out a person for a specific fetish/fantasy that I knew they were also interested in. It put me in a very vulnerable spot emotionally. I was told yes, they were interested in playing and to come back at a specific time as they had other obligations. I stopped play with someone else (we were winding down and they had another partner) and explained that I had a planned event. When I found the fetish player they said they were sorry but they couldn't pass up playing with a couple saying we could play another time.

 

In my mind this is very bad form. But because I am not an assertive person I didn't push it. If I accept play with someone, make an onsite date I expect to keep it even if a super model is begging to go down on me. Make a date for later. Or am I being too rigid because of the vulnerable mindset I was in?

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

I would have been miffed, too. If someone makes a commitment, they should keep it. It's simply the golden rule in action!

[Shemurmurs 36]

Thank you for that. I wasn't sure if this was common in the clubs and I should lower my expectations of behavior or if that person just needs more emotional intelligence.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

I am going to draw an analogy. At a social event of the 1940s, a woman would have a little booklet suspended from her wrist that was called a dance card. If a man requested a dance, she would smile and write his name into the little booklet and invite men to dance with her in the order that the names were written.

 

In the year 2016, dance cards are no longer the normal way of making invitations to dance, except maybe at the cotillion of a military school. The same is true for invitations to do the horizontal Mambo at a swing-club party. My wife and I, if asked to meet up with somebody at a certain time, would smile and graciously accept the invitation with a diplomatic qualification, "hope, then, that we will be able to get together with you later this evening."

 

Experience has taught us that the emotionally charged atmosphere at a swingers' club means that encounters will be spontaneous rather than planned.

[DigginIt 1,132]

People you meet swinging are just like anyone else, some are considerate, some are not. This person would be off our play list.

 

I'm going out on a limb here and assume that this was a single male? It was hard to decipher. If that is the case then my response is men pay upwards of 100.00 or more to get in a club. If they have three offers on the table, they will try to accommodate all three offers but they are going to go with the one they are most interested in (not talking about beauty necessarily here, just sexual interest).

 

If it was a couple, we have found that many times in the club scene, there are circles or cliques. It doesn't mean you can't participate but you are never priority.

[kikonkrome 844]

Things get really flaky, happen quick in the club scene. If somebody else had suggested 'later' as a time to meet I would have taken that with a grain of salt. I mean you were wrapping up with your partners anyway, so no foul. What would have happened if you were not wrapping up?

 

In general in the club scene, it's on now or I wouldn't worry about it. Now might wind up to be later, but that can be just a fortunate thing.

[Shemurmurs 36]

Thank you everyone for your input, this has been good feedback. To clarify, yes, single male who set a specific time for me to return. Sorry, trying to keep a high level of anonymity for those involved. As for wrapping up, the parties knew of my obligation. Hope that helps.

[njbm 2,901]

You have to have a thick skin in this hobby. Be thankful you are a couple with a husband to return to. Everything else is play. I think that you were dissed. Maybe someday you'll show that guy what he missed. Or maybe not if you'd rather forget him.

[Guest]

If it were me, I would want to think that they didn’t really get a better offer, they simply made a big mistake.