The affair that isn't

[asncpl 728]

I recently met an older gentleman at the animal shelter where I volunteer. He's a fellow volunteer, divorced, and has been hitting on me since day one, despite knowing I'm married. He doesn't know my husband and I are swingers. I told my husband Mr. A about it and, with us playing a lot of hotwife/cuckold fantasy lately, he said I could play with him if I want. But Mr. A wanted me to play along as if I'm having an affair without his knowledge.

 

It's been more than a month now and everyone seems to be getting what they want. The guy basically wants booty calls and doesn't want anything more serious. I've given him blowjobs in the parking lot and has gone to his house in the middle of afternoon for sex. Without being judgmental on my part, he seems turned on by the fact that he thinks I'm cheating on my man. And I have to admit, it's been fun and adventurous. This incident probably sums it up best: One night the two of us were mopping up after-hours at the shelter and Mr. A was waiting for me in the car outside. We had one of those quick, passionate fuck in the storage room and he had one of the strongest orgasm I've seen. My husband was equally turned on, driving home with an erection and couldn't wait to get his sloppy-seconds. In fact Mr. A loves getting his sloppy-seconds every time and we have amazing sex after I get home from my "affair." I get two great sex sessions each time.

 

So now I feel like it's time for me to tell this guy that we are swingers, my husband knows and approves of this extramarital fun, and we can continue doing it if he wants. But Mr. A doesn't want me to say anything. Basically his reason is why ruin a good thing. I'm torn about it. On the one hand, I don't like the deception (gotta love the irony here), but on the other hand it is consensual all around and everyone is getting what they want.

 

I'd love to hear what y'all think.

[Lionheart72 2,189]

Frankly, I agree that honesty is best.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

Difficult.

 

I'm trying to put myself in the place of "the guy". It would be such a vanity to believe that I had captured the attention of a woman as alluring as the woman you are. My ego would be severely wounded to learn that my situation had been an illusion. Is there any way that you could play with him for a while then simply let him down gently?

[Lionheart72 2,189]

Is there any way that you could play with him for a while then simply let him down gently?

 

If I were going to script it as a scene, I'd do something like... have the wife arrange a hook-up with the guy, have the husband "catch them" and then have the husband accept the situation in whatever manner best fit the overall storyline.

 

The risk to that, in reality, is that you have no idea what the other guy's reaction is going to be.

[Sjmar 141]

I think honesty is always best :-)

[kikonkrome 843]

mmm...you could just say that you need to stop it?

 

Or mention to your lover how much you enjoy sex with your husband after sex with him? This might be a good way to feel out your lover's reaction to the truth?

[JandKinBoise 856]

I like Lion's thought. The idea of hubby walking in with a throbbing hard on and asking if he can join in would be awesome. Kinda rough on the guy but we have to remember our later years, when we can sit around and say 'remember when..."

[Glida 250]

On one hand, it is consensual all around and on the other it's not because your gentleman does not have the full picture. I would tread carefully, things can get messy when your 'dipping your pen in company ink'. But having your husband walk in and offer to help sounds like an all round winner!

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

This is a tough one, I agree. The basic foundation of less-than-total honesty with the guy is bothering you.

 

Given that you're a good person whose impulse is to be honest, I think that it is best to open up to the guy. Maybe have him meet the two of you in a neutral, non-sexual location like a restaurant. Spill the beans with him, let him know that you wanted to please him by give him he scenario he was looking for, and humbly apologize for keeping from him the fact that your hubby knew. If he wants to end things then, at least he is less likely to make an angry scene if you're in a restaurant. If he takes the revelation well, then you might reveal what a turn-on it has been for hubby to have you afterwards!

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

Anything based on lies will always be weak. Just tell him that your husband knows and doesn't have a problem with what you are doing. More than likely, this will only make him want you more knowing that there's not a relationship at risk (if not and he likes the idea of destroying your marriage, then he isn't that 'good' of a guy to start with).

[asncpl 728]

I'm trying to put myself in the place of "the guy". It would be such a vanity to believe that I had captured the attention of a woman as alluring as the woman you are. My ego would be severely wounded to learn that my situation had been an illusion. Is there any way that you could play with him for a while then simply let him down gently?

 

First, thanks for the compliment. Did you talk to Mr. A? This is pretty much what my husband said...that he will eventually get bored and move on or I can see him less and less.

 

If I were going to script it as a scene, I'd do something like... have the wife arrange a hook-up with the guy, have the husband "catch them" and then have the husband accept the situation in whatever manner best fit the overall storyline.

 

The risk to that, in reality, is that you have no idea what the other guy's reaction is going to be.

 

Thanks everyone and all the great suggestions! I do like Lionheart72's idea but my two issues are that neither Mr. A nor I are good actors and he may see through the whole thing, and the second thing is like Lionheart said, I don't know how he's going to react. If I have to guess, it probably wouldn't elicit too negative of a response. I think he really sees us in a purely sexual relationship. He has never asked me to leave Mr. A or that he wanted to run away with me or anything like that. In fact, conversations other than sexual topics are rare between us. So he may not even care so long as we continue what we're doing.

 

The deception does bother me, but it happened and it is what it is. There are a lot of great ideas here and I'm going to sleep on this one. I'd prefer to keep Mr. A out of it for now until I test the water and feel him out a bit.

[Bob250 74]

Difficult.

 

I'm trying to put myself in the place of "the guy". It would be such a vanity to believe that I had captured the attention of a woman as alluring as the woman you are. My ego would be severely wounded to learn that my situation had been an illusion. Is there any way that you could play with him for a while then simply let him down gently?

I would be interested in how you would do this. I am assuming that you play until you are no longer interested, then make up some hokey story to end it. Jeez Louise, this is NOT what I would call swinging. The 4 hallmarks of swinging are, IMO, 1. honesty. 2.open mindedness. 3.communication 4. consideration. I see NONE of them here. You and your H are perpetrating a scam on a lonely , old man. Good Job!! So now you think that continued deception is a good idea? This older guy is probably feeling good about himself and what a stud he is. So the choice you have is to continue the scam, invent a new scam to get out of it, or tell the truth and risk hurting somebody's feelings. Tell me, how would anybody like to be in the older man's shoes and know you were played falsely?