Is this Swinging?

[Bob250 74]

BTW I showed your posts to my GF, who IS, in fact, bisexual, and she says that you should be concentrating on your relationship with your BF....and the bisexuality issue can wait until you have a clear, honest, understanding of each others boundaries and desires. THEN see what happens..

Do ONE thing at ONE time, don't try to confuse the issues.

[Scaredstiff 129]

This is great news! Dead chuffed for you guys.

I agree though that the rose bowl get together could be a powder keg , with nerves still raw it could be a recipe for disaster.

[edman 24]

I have shared rooms and beds with couples before. I never had bisexual thoughts or a thought of being sexual with the guy in any of these times. It was usually a financial reason for sharing a room. It was never a sexual situation. The time this happened was a weather condition. They had a room, roads were bad, I drank too much and figured the morning would be all of us going home. I still don't know how it happened. I am not attracted sexually to women. Now I want to be with her again. I have to see if I want to do that.

 

OK. My unsolicited advice may be worth exactly what it cost you. But I am older and wiser and I stand by it. You can ignore it if you want. I will drop out of this thread at this point. I am pleased if things do work out for you and you are happy.

[machiavel55 81]

OK. My unsolicited advice may be worth exactly what it cost you. But I am older and wiser and I stand by it. You can ignore it if you want. I will drop out of this thread at this point. I am pleased if things do work out for you and you are happy.

 

Personally Edman, I thought your previous post was right on the money and before that, when I did not agree with your vision of cheating, your explanation gave me food for thought. Thank you for that.

[Guest luvin eye full]

PSU - Well thank the maker for that - what a ride and i'm only looking from the outside lol

 

So now you guys are on a clean slate take some time with you two put the bi stuff on hold for now - strengthen your LR and be happy.

it will take some time - i know have been though a few bust ups before - but once you ride out some thing like this you will be a stronger couple and then look at what you and him like ( with in the swinger or other things )

 

Man i am so glad for you two - best news so far.

 

Edman - your point of view is always important because it helps us ( and others that may read this post in the years to come )

to understand all points of view - just because i may not agree with you some times or you with me - does not mean i have no respect for your point of view.

it would be a sad day if you stop posting my friend.

 

Regards

[edman 24]

Thanks to Luvin eye full, machieval55, two4youinswva for making me feel welcome. As it turns out, one of the members here is an MD, and we traded a few private messages about my medical problem and I got some useful information. This member noticed me because of my posts in this thread. Isn't it strange how things work out like that? I will be around for a while longer, but will limit my posting because I don't know anything about "the lifestyle", except what I have read here. This board has a wealth of information for anyone wanting to look into swinging and you don't even have to register to read it. My opinions would be based on my experience and my personality. I may be an overly forgiving person at this stage in my life. It is interesting that so many people are involved in this lifestyle thing. My wife told me many years ago that one of her 2 rules was "no extra people" in our sex life. I couldn't imagine what she was saying could be real because I never knew anyone involved in that and wouldn't know how to go about it anyway (there was no internet in those days). It was easy to agree to her requests. I love her and will never go against her wishes on this. Thanks and happy new year to all here.

[WSB421 91]

I cannot recommend strongly enough that you skip the Rose Bowl party. The situation will be tense to say the least if all the parties concerned are in attendance. There will be plenty of time for Penn State fans to look for something else to focus on too; this is basically a home game for USC and they are likely going to win by a lot. What would the advantage be in going?

[EastInWest 1,524]

Glad this is working out, OP. It sounds like he does want it to work, and, importantly, it sounds like it's clear that you do, too.

 

Will agree with the others that the party sounds like it's just too soon.

[PSULioness 857]

So far, so good. Things are getting back to normal. Even our intimacy I feel has returned to the fun we always had. I almost thought our plans for NYE were going to be cancelled and now the plans of going out with friends are going to work.

I have read that most of you say we should go to my friends Rose Bowl party. I brought up to him that maybe we should cancel. He wants to go. He said he is fine with it. He has met most of the people the last time we went out there. I know he did and it was before he knew. He is insisting we go. Says he knows I want to be with old friends for the game. We always kid that his team is lousy and my team is real national team. He knows the guy might be there too. He says he won't say anything about anything to anyone about what happened. It's a few days away and I am not totally sure even though he said he wants to go.

Happy New Year and to the doubter who thinks Penn State doesn't have a chance, remember We Are....

[Scaredstiff 129]

I still think you should say to him "yes I'd like to watch the game with old friends but you know what? You're more important to me, let's do something for us"

[EastInWest 1,524]

I'm really glad that you guys seem to be moving right along, but I'd also be cautious about trying to resume your full slate of regular activities the first day after you think you're over the flu. If I were in your shoes, I'd want to be more cautious about giving you both plenty of recovery time. Why risk the stress at this time?

 

Obviously, it's all you. We're just trying to be helpful.

[cplnluv1 872]

I'm a little of a contrarian, I don't see a real problem going to your party. Your boyfriend came back and he says he is fine with going. If you don't go I see future problems. He knows what you did. You still say you are attracted to the woman you were with. You are going to be in a crowd and unless they are all in the lifestyle the odds are it's only going to be cheering for your team. There isn't going to be sex. Your boyfriend most likely will want to get closer to your friend. Hopefully he will better understand why you let happen what happen. He already knows her from your last party. Were they friendly before he knew?

 

I think Lioness you still have that curiosity that you want to explore. How would you feel bottling up that feeling? Possibly your boyfriend wants you to explore and given that he had a few days to think about it and then coming back he might be accepting of a future tryst.

 

Go with no sexual expectations or wants. She is a long time friend, she may be afraid you will say something in front of people and may want the secret to be just that a secret. The only question is the other guy. He would be a real jerk to start anything.

 

Have fun and cheer your team.

[TricianMike 772]

Happy New Year. What I'm reading is you are back together and you are going to visit the people you cheated with. I agree on both sides of the advice you are being given. The don't go advice is giving you time to reconcile. Let what happened go away. I think I wrote to you before that he may come back to you just so he can experience two women too. Be careful if you go to the bowl party that it might be his way to accomplish his fantasy. The other side saying go to the party. Maybe you want to repeat being with your girlfriend. It awakened something you didn't know you would enjoy. It is fun to watch a game with a crowd. You don't need to travel to enjoy the game. There are sports bars closer that you can go to. I am thinking that your party is not a sex party. My fear is not your roommate but the other guy. I think I read you had no attraction to him. Now my advice if you go is watch the game. Privately talk to your friend. Tell her you enjoyed being with her. See how she responds. Maybe you were used by her. You were there as she acted out. Or maybe she enjoyed being with her. For what it's worth, I think you need to be with her alone at another time to see if this is for you. Don't jump into a thing with her and your boyfriend. Then you have to see how he takes it when you tell him you and her are going to meet her if she wants to.

This isn't simple. You might get hurt again. My feeling is you will always have a doubt of what if, if you don't.

[PSULioness 857]

We went to the game party. My team lost in a heartbreaker. My boyfriend and I had a talk before going that he wouldn't make a scene. Of course my old roommate was there and so was the guy I cheated with. No mentioning of what happened before.

On the way home we talked and he said that he thought my roommate has a hot body. That he looked at her differently this time. I asked if he thought he want to f her and he said No he rather f me.

[Guest luvin eye full]

We went to the game party. My team lost in a heartbreaker. My boyfriend and I had a talk before going that he wouldn't make a scene. Of course my old roommate was there and so was the guy I cheated with. No mentioning of what happened before.

On the way home we talked and he said that he thought my roommate has a hot body. That he looked at her differently this time. I asked if he thought he want to f her and he said No he rather f me.

 

PSULioness you are going to have to make this into a blog lol, glad to here you two are able to talk openly about it all as well.

 

Regards

[Scaredstiff 129]

Ha yeah this thread has been so addictive , glad it seems to have a happy ending.

[PSULioness 857]

I agree it is a happy ending. At the party was also someone I dated when we were in school. My bf didn't seem to have any jealousy. I was nervous the guy I was in the threesome with would be a dick. He wasn't. I did wonder if any of the other girls there had been with my roomie. I was paying attention to who she was close with. I think I was hoping she would say something to me about what we did. I was hoping she would say something about doing something again. I still won't say I'm bi but I do have feelings of wanting to be with her again. Maybe not the smartest thing but I brought up her body on our drive home. Looking back while writing here, I was trying to get him aroused. I asked him pretty leading questions. I don't think I would do anything with her behind his back. I think if he agreed to have her join us. If it does it won't be soon. Maybe I'm lucky she doesn't live near us.

[Scaredstiff 129]

I'd wait for him to bring up the subject of this other girl, if he's like most guys it won't be long before he does, thinking about it at the moment might still be painful for him but you can be sure that you have planted a seed of thought in him about you being with another girl and it probably won't be too long before curiosity gets the better of him , but for now you should definitely take things at his pace

[cplnluv1 872]

Sorry about you team.

Just wondering if you think about being with your friend still. The way I read all these comments, the real issue is you are still curious. We have met a number of women who are curious. Some are just that curious and want to see what being with a woman is about. Some of these do it because of partner pressure. Some do it at true curiosity. Some enjoy being with a woman. You say you enjoyed it. You don't want to lose your current relationship. Can you give up that curiosity and put it behind you?

[PSULioness 857]

We are now invited to a Super Bowl party in PA. We also can stay here in NJ and go to a friend or one of the bars that has a party. It is not that either one of us like either team that will be playing. Like most people we Super Bowl is just a party. We can stay local with friends or travel and be with what I am guessing will be people we met at the Rose Bowl party. We haven't talked about me past threesome and only joked about my bi experience, no deep talk since the time he split from me and came back. I want to ask my boyfriend if he is interested in a threesome with her. I know I am jumping the subject before even knowing if she would want to. I know I have played the scenario in my head many times. I think I am fine with him and her as long as it is with me too. I have really played the scene in my head so many times. I am wondering how to bring the subject up with him or maybe just stay local.

[Scaredstiff 129]

Seduce him with a few beers and some girl on girl porn

[findinganswers 369]

I was talked into swinging with friends by my wife. We had never even discussed swinging before. I see your situation is different. Many men would be turned to watch their partner with another woman. I was. If your friend is open to a 3some and not having another male there, I would mention the possibility to him, you may be surprised how willing he might be. I never knew my wife had a bi side to her. I am happy now that she does. He already knows you have that side to you.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

I want to ask my boyfriend if he is interested in a threesome with her. I know I am jumping the subject before even knowing if she would want to. I know I have played the scenario in my head many times. I think I am fine with him and her as long as it is with me too. I have really played the scene in my head so many times. I am wondering how to bring the subject up with him or maybe just stay local.

 

Just ask him. Be honest. Heck, tell him what you're fantasizing about. As before, there are only two possible answers - he's ok with it or he isn't. The only way to know is to talk to him. While you're at it, talk to her too.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Why don't you fantasize with him about a threesome - you, a generic woman, and him. See his reaction. If it's good, take it to another level, talking about your girlfriend. See what happens, take it from there.

[PSULioness 857]

We had a threesome. Sort of. I thought he would be more into it. Prior to meeting my friend I did the fantasy thing with him. I know he gets excited about two women having sex. I asked him if he wanted to watch me and my friend, who I think is pretty hot, play. He answered that if I wanted he didn't have to be there. He finally agreed. We did invite her to hotel the night before the Super Bowl. The night was more me and her than a threesome.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Don't take this personal or the wrong way, but what the heck is wrong with the man?!!!

[cplnluv1 872]

We had a threesome. Sort of. I thought he would be more into it. Prior to meeting my friend I did the fantasy thing with him. I know he gets excited about two women having sex. I asked him if he wanted to watch me and my friend, who I think is pretty hot, play. He answered that if I wanted he didn't have to be there. He finally agreed. We did invite her to hotel the night before the Super Bowl. The night was more me and her than a threesome.

 

It is the opening of dialogue that is the key. He sees you are interested in exploring your sexuality. Not sure if he approves but he is accepting. A threesome has many ways of developing,usually the focus is on the guy. From reading your post you were more interested in your friend and that your boyfriend was there just so you wouldn't feel guilty. I am sure there was opportunity during the night he had opportunities or did you even try to get him involved.

[TricianMike 772]

Don't take this personal or the wrong way, but what the heck is wrong with the man?!!!

 

How much did he do? Did you encourage him or was it more important for you to play with her. I am positive you talked about your night when you went home. I hope you did. If you are truthful with him he will tell you his feelings. Honesty has to be the bottom line.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

We had a threesome. Sort of. I thought he would be more into it. Prior to meeting my friend I did the fantasy thing with him. I know he gets excited about two women having sex. I asked him if he wanted to watch me and my friend, who I think is pretty hot, play. He answered that if I wanted he didn't have to be there. He finally agreed. We did invite her to hotel the night before the Super Bowl. The night was more me and her than a threesome.

 

Sounds like he's willing to let you explore this side of yourself and he doesn't feel the need to be directly involved himself. That might be a good thing, if it's a measure of him feeling comfortable and secure.

 

My question - why do you feel the need for him to be there?

[PSULioness 857]

Sounds like he's willing to let you explore this side of yourself and he doesn't feel the need to be directly involved himself. That might be a good thing, if it's a measure of him feeling comfortable and secure.

 

My question - why do you feel the need for him to be there?

 

You ask why get him involved. I originally didn't and I posted on here about it. Everyone said what I did was cheating. Didn't make a difference if you cheat with a woman or a man, it is cheating. I agreed that I cheated. I told him what I did. The other reason is I want to share the experience with him. I know he wants to see two women together and what better than me being one of the women. I really want him there. He is a little shy. He said he was excited. I think he needed a little push. He was good at touching me and I guided his hand to touch her. He didn't stop her from touching him and the oral she did. He just didn't go all the way with her.

[Scaredstiff 129]

I'm sure it must have been quite overwhelming for him, he also might have felt like he shouldn't appear too enthusiastic so as not to hurt your feelings, is it something he'd like to do again? I'm guessing you would like to, maybe he'll be less nervous and let himself go more if there is another encounter.

[PSULioness 857]

I think we are now swingers. After a number of conversation with my boyfriend we discussed why I wanted to do this with him. He asked me if it was because I cheated on him with my friend and another guy. I keep saying no but maybe it is an underlying factor. I do know I enjoyed being with my girlfriend. That has been something I never thought I wanted. After our 3some he saw how much I enjoyed her. Our first time he was not that enthusiastic about having sex with her. Since then he said I was all the sex he needed. I think he said that because it was the thing to say. Then he asked if I would be jealous. I honestly answered that I didn't know. Part of me was happy he wasn't enthusiastic.

Over Presidents weekend things changed. My lucky boyfriend was in a fffm. Yes 3 of us and him. And he enjoyed.

[PSULioness 857]

So essentially: We have a winner !

 

He learned sex could be a playful dynamic that does not interfere with your emotional connection. It just might enhance it.

We got over the first part. Don't think he is ready for a couple or another guy. Right now I am good with that.

[findinganswers 369]

We got over the first part. Don't think he is ready for a couple or another guy. Right now I am good with that.

Your boyfriend may change. First congratulations on breaking the ice. My wife was the first to bring the topic up. Looking back it was a little emasculating to me. I wondered why my wife wanted to have sex with her best friend and husband. It was the other couple that wanted us. You are lucky that you had a threesome first. We jumped in to a full swap. Maybe next time your friend can come back with her boyfriend.

[Guy1964 177]

I've been away for a while, and I found this thread very interesting. I hope boyfriend realizes how fortunate he is to have a girl who is in touch with her sexuality and open to new things. In reading your posts, it's obvious that you're very comfortable with this new facet of yourself. He may realize that he shares a lot of those feelings once he's exposed and then he may decide it's just not for him. When you begin sharing yourself, sometimes it pulls couples closer; sometimes it creates distance. Sharing "This is who I am" and just laying it out there can be very empowering. I remember how great it was when my wife started sharing her fantasies about bondage and games with me. I was initially taken back, and a little freaked out, but when I tried it I realized I liked it too. In all fairness, I suspect you just moved a little faster than boyfriend was comfortable with. You and him seem good together, and I'm going to bet that if you keep the conversation going that he'll become more open and free in sharing with you. That's the way it happened for us. Because of the way our society works, I think it's easier if the woman is the one leading the way.

 

It sounds like you and him are on a great path. I hope you'll post and let us know about your future adventures.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Since then he said I was all the sex he needed. I think he said that because it was the thing to say.

 

Don't think, know...ask him and ask him to be totally truthful. I think that this is still a big part of your issues. BTW, FFFM!!! If he isn't on board with that, he won't ever be on board with swinging.

[PSULioness 857]

Don't think, know...ask him and ask him to be totally truthful. I think that this is still a big part of your issues. BTW, FFFM!!! If he isn't on board with that, he won't ever be on board with swinging.

 

Oh I know he enjoyed. I kid him about being shy. I have tried to convince him I am good with him doing this. He has asked me if I need other men. I don't need. Not even sure if I want other. I am very happy and satisfied with him. I know me cheating on him still weighs in.

He did seem a little uncomfortable with the three of us playing. I am only reading into this that he didn't know what or when to become part of the party. I sort of wish I took a picture of him with them. He was fully excited with what was going on. I was sort of proud that he was MY boyfriend. I know they enjoyed him when he finally acted the way I feel he should have.

[dan63 106]

Two words.

 

LUCKY DUDE!

[qhg11586 16]

Think he is ready for a couple or another guy.

[PSULioness 857]

Think he is ready for a couple or another guy.

 

We may be finding out soon.

[luvin eye full 140]

Lioness , what do you mean by this statement? "I was sort of proud that he was MY boyfriend. I know they enjoyed him when he finally acted the way I feel he should have. "

 

So your not proud of him when or if he does not act the way you think he should? is that thinking not the same as what started this post?

[PSULioness 857]

We have officially become swingers

[sexyinakilt 47]

Tease. We need details.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Yes, you're not officially swingers until we at the board have determined that you qualify as swingers (). Spill!

[PSULioness 857]

Yes, you're not officially swingers until we at the board have determined that you qualify as swingers (). Spill!

I think a foursome and a house party in the same weekend qualify.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Depends on what happened...I guess you are not the kiss and tell type. Anyways, congratulations and welcome to the club!

[TricianMike 772]

This is a long thread of a journey. You have shared many thoughts and questions. Like others we would like to know how things evolved and if your relationship with your fiancé is still solid. Have both of you been honest with your feelings and wants for the future? I read you got what you want and am not quite sure if he was pressured to go along. In all relationships one will be more of the risk taker. In successful relationships decisions are made jointly.

[Shore2Please 612]

It looks like your bisexual side is what is drawing you into swinging. I am just wondering why you are more comfortable having sex with another woman in front of your fiancé and are repressing your enjoyment of sex with a man. I am assuming you are afraid that enjoying another man is more threatening than being with a man. Have you had this discussion?

[PSULioness 857]

It looks like your bisexual side is what is drawing you into swinging. I am just wondering why you are more comfortable having sex with another woman in front of your fiancé and are repressing your enjoyment of sex with a man. I am assuming you are afraid that enjoying another man is more threatening than being with a man. Have you had this discussion?

 

After hard thinking and going over what has brought me and my boyfriend to this point I am going to try to answer honestly where we are.

 

I never thought of myself as bi at all. I can honestly say I never had thoughts of what it would be like to be with another girl. Maybe it was a repressed desire but I don't think so. After my first bisexual experience the guilt was more that I let a guy I never met before have sex with me and not so much what I did with a friend from college. I mentioned before I just let it happen and I had fun with her. Letting my girlfriend be with me and my boyfriend was part guilt and part I wanted to be with her again. I later encourage my boyfriend to have sex with 2 girls. I know he was hesitant and not comfortable and after thinking about it I know I pushed him because of guilt on my side. We later talked about how he enjoyed watch me with the friends, not so much about how he enjoyed the sex with them. At that point he never saw me with another guy. That changed recently. We went to visit my college friends and we knew there was going to be sex at a party. We had met some of these people before but not in a sexual way. We decided to take a hotel room near my friend and the first night she and her boyfriend joined us for dinner and we went back to our hotel room. She had been very open with her boyfriend about what we had done in the past with my boyfriend and another girl he knows. He knew my bf had sex with her. We started talking and things progressed first with the guys watch me and my friend. Then the guys joined. I wasn't ashamed or anything but I didn't want to seem I was enjoying the guy that much. Things went pretty good and they went home and we knew we would see them the next day for more. Afterwards my bf and me were a little quiet but finally we talked about it. He said it looked like I didn't have fun and I said I did. He knew I was quiet during sex and I was. I said I was afraid that he was mad at me but he said he did the same thing that I did. We agreed if we were going to go to a sex party we were going to go for fun and we shouldn't hold back He did tell me it was strange watching me with the guy. He said it was much easier watching me with her than him.

 

The next day both of us were nervous about the party. There were five couples and we were the newbies. One couple was married, all the others weren't. Of course the married couple approached us first. They are about our age and it didn't make a difference that they were married. I found out she knew I enjoyed the bi side they invited us into one of the bedrooms. Just a funny thing, she asked my bf if she could undress me and he said only if he could undress her. Her husband said go for it. I can say we all enjoyed, I know I did. We then joined everyone in the other room who were all in there own party doings. Both my bf and I were welcomed into the going-ons. I know I had sex with four guys that day. I never did that in my life. I once, in college, had two dates in one night, not together. My bf told me he was with two others.

 

So that is our first time. Things are pretty good back home. We have talked about the people who were there and some of what we did and what we saw. so far, so good. Oh I did have other girl contact too.

[luvin eye full 140]

So finally you get the point from all those posts from a while ago lol

 

Sex with no guilt is great - I hope you two have a great time of swinging now and to answer your question now - YES this is swinging.

 

PSU you should write all this down and make a book of it one day.

 

But of course without pics it never happened lol.