VERY bi-sexual female with a question

[DrakesJenn 18]

So my bf and I are new to this site, and the LS, as a couple. I (the female) have read numerous threads and articles throughout this and many other sites. And I have yet to come across any other couples with similar issues/subjects to discuss.

 

I am in my first heterosexual relationship in a decade. Up until a year ago, I completely identified as lesbian. Now, however, I am in a committed relationship with a man, and we very much enjoy threesomes involving another female. I am not against him having sex with another woman, I actually enjoy watching that. I also enjoy having sex with other women. I do NOT want to have sex or play with other men. It just doesn't turn me on at all.

 

Now, my issue is that we are always automatically put in the 'not serious, only looking for a unicorn' category. But I honestly am not turned on by the thought or act of sex or anything with another man. It is not that I want to exclude anyone. Nor do I want to be perceived as a, for lack of a better term, 'bandwagoner'.

 

We are going to our first swingers club next Wednesday and I would appreciate any and all feedback.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

I think there may be some who might echo that "not serious" opinion, saying that you are "cheating the system" by wanting a woman, and leaving the male half of a couple out in the cold. I would not be one of those people echoing that opinion!

 

As long as you are very clear and up-front from the start about what you are interested in, no one can accuse you of pulling a "bait and switch". If you are looking for solo women rather than couples, your options will be more limited. After all, a solo bi woman is a most rare and precious species in the lifestyle! But they are out there, if you are patient and persistent enough. Will they be at the club next Wednesday? That is a crapshoot. My advice there is to go to the club with no expectations, ready to be friendly and outgoing, and at least have some sexy fun together.

[Guest FunintheSnow]

There are also couples out there who are not ready to swap (and perhaps will never choose to do that) but who enjoy having the lady play with other women while the male half watches. In fact, you'll see in many SLS profiles that some couples go out of their way to say they're *not* looking for lady-only play, which leads me to believe that there are a number of people who are! Now, this option leaves your husband out (unless you find a couple with a guy who also likes a cuckold scenario), but it does expand your pool of potential partners beyond just unicorns.

 

Beyond that, get to know people at the club. When you're meeting them in person, it will be easier for them to see your sincerity and not dismiss you as unicorn hunters. It's been said (on this site--apologies to the original person, because I don't remember who it was!) that online, people are looking for reasons to say no--in person, they're looking for reasons to say yes. Follow CoupleinMD79's advice and have fun!

[kikonkrome 844]

It's not a big deal to go 'Unicorn' hunting. Even to just go hunting for couples where only the females play. They are pretty common. Just be upfront with your intentions. Do not flirt with the other guy in the couple, or make out with both of them and then inform them you only play with the women. I know that sounds ridiculous but we have had it happen on more than one occasion.

 

My guess is you will need a thick skin to find what you are looking for but it's out there.

 

A further option is panty parties. They are pretty common and if you can find that it maybe more of what you are looking for. They are basically all girl sex parties.

 

Good luck/ Have Fun

[DrakesJenn 18]

Thank you for your response. It makes sense. The on-line to in-person differences. I plan to proceed in as open minded of a fashion as i have approached all this.

[DrakesJenn 18]

I have not heard of these 'panty' parties. But I will definitely check it out. Thank you!!

[DrakesJenn 18]

Exactly. Thank you for your response, especially because your opinion very closely parallels my own.

 

To be clear though, I don't intentionally leave the men out in the cold, as you so aptly put it. My man is very capable, and encouraged to secure his own entertainment, if playing together is not an option. I just COMPLETELY understand the reticence of most men...I don't want to play with you both,just her...but please let my man and myself play with your wife. Because that's totally fair, right?

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

My advice is to find a swingers web site/s & look for couples & singles open to what you are looking for. There are a fair number of couples where they play seperately or are open to the lady 'dating' other women. I use Swinger Zone Central. A lot of club patrons are on it, & I suspect on the other swinger sites.

 

Have to say I am curious how a committed lesbian decided to take on a male as a long term partner. Sounds romantic.