Can't seem to get the hang of swinging online

[Lionheart72 2,190]

So, this happened and I wanted to get some folks take on it...

 

A couple weeks before Christmas I got the nerve up to message a lady whose online profile I'd read, who seemed to be someone we might like to meet. She was nice, enthusiastic and encouraged me to message her husband. So I did. We chatted a bit. They seemed relatively new and their number one thing, which they said a lot, was that they wanted to be friends first... maybe meet for dinner and get to know each other before any playing. I was fine with that, and put on the brakes, respected their pace and all. The husband and I chatted online a couple of times, and we seemed to have a fair bit in common - similar hobbies, liked a lot of the same movies, etc. I didn't really manage to chat with the wife much... she just didn't say much and her husband, who was included in the chat, did most of the talking. He kept saying that she really like me, but that she was shy.

 

So, a few days go by and the husband is all gung ho about we really need to meet. I say I'd love to, but with family it's a difficult thing to schedule at at the best of times and with the holidays coming up (it was now a week or so before Christmas) I just didn't think we could do it soon. Probably after the holidays, I said. Meanwhile, the a host of increasingly explicit pictures of the wife keep getting posted on her profile (at one point the husband says he has posted them). Finally, the husband and my wife manage to chat (she was busy and didn't have time)... she said he came on very strong, which turned her off.

 

At this point, I'm starting to wonder - so I message the husband and tell him that I'm feeling some mixed signals. He'd started with "let's be friends first" and by this point he's asking me if it would be alright for his wife and I to go to our local swingers club together while he stays at our house with my wife. (We still have not met in person yet). He apologizes, says "things change." I say, well let's meet for dinner after the holidays.

 

A few days later, he's "unfriended" me and blocked my profile.

 

I really don't feel bad about that, as I'd been seriously considering doing that to him anyway... but still. I just don't think I've got the hang of this.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Sounds like you have the perfect hang of it. You just ran into a flake and he did what flakes do; he flaked.

[asncpl 729]

Either they have a change of heart or the husband and wife are not on the same wavelength. I think you handled it just fine. I don't even try to guess the reasons when potential playmates go 180 degrees turn on us during the pre-meeting phase. It's rather a waste of time and we move on to others that are more sane and stable. I think this actually saved you from saying "no" later if you all have met and you discovered it afterwards.

[Guest luvin eye full]

i agree with two4youinswva

 

You sound like you did all the normal things, perhaps he was pushing her and she just said no ( who knows it could of been a 100 different things )

so that he did not have to explain himself he just blocked you.

 

I think you just keep doing what your doing and every thing will work out.

 

Good luck

 

Regards.

[Scaredstiff 129]

We've had some very similar experiences online, and it is why we have diverted our attention away from newbie couples.

Originally we thought it would be nice discovering things slowly with another couple as we are complete noobs also, but there's just way too much miscommunication , it sounds to me like she was going slow and he got horny home alone and decided to escalate things at his own pace, she found out and got scared , quite often we have found the male half gets carried away with himself and promises the earth and then a few days later it turns out the wife hadn't even read the messages yet.

[padoc 1,703]

You dodged a bullet on that one!

[Alura 2,774]

My guess is that the guy either has no wife at all or the one he has is not interested in playing.

[njbm 2,868]

It's not you, it's them.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

I think you did the right things, too. I suspect there was another surprise (an unpleasant one) waiting for you, had you agreed to the guy's revised first-meet plan.

 

There are some bizarre people out there! But it's kinda the cost of doing business. I hope you shake it off and move ahead undeterred!

[kikonkrome 844]

I think this actually saved you from saying "no" later if you all have met and you discovered it afterwards.

 

You dodged a bullet on that one!

 

I think you did the right things, too. I suspect there was another surprise (an unpleasant one) waiting for you, had you agreed to the guy's revised first-meet plan.

 

There are some bizarre people out there! But it's kinda the cost of doing business. I hope you shake it off and move ahead undeterred!

 

I just look at it as a law of odds things these days...the quicker you get through the no, weirdness flakiness, the faster you find people that are really into it.

 

That's how we handle swinging online.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

At first. We ran into a lot of this too. It seems like with online the failure rate is much higher. Some we even got the feeling that maybe there was no female, it's just some guy getting his jollies talking to the women. It doesnt matter though. Dont waste your time even thinking about people like this afterwards. Just keep on messaging and responding to people and you should eventually find some that work.