2 days to go and nervous

[Scaredstiff 129]

We have planned our first club visit for Saturday night, we have no swinging experience (unless you're willing to count 1 social meet) we are very nervous and very excited.

 

We have read a lot of what is written on these forums , particularly the stuff about clubs and first time experiences and we have also read a lot of the swinger manual but not yet all of it.

We would like to thank everyone here at swingersboard , reading the advice given to others who have been in similar situations has been a great source of information and has been reassuring and comforting at times.

We are going with no expectations and we are both happy to just have fun with each other and just see the night as an introduction to what things might be like, however we have discussed boundaries should anything progress further.

 

So we were wondering if anybody had any last minute advice or funny stories to ease the nerves a little?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

You've probably read it here already but here it I'd again -- go in having no expectation other than to have a good time. Wishing you the best.

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

1. You are there with each other, you are there to have a good time with each other.

2. Talking through your fantasies, intentions and boundaries among the two of you the day before the party can help frame the evening and make sure you both enjoy it.

3. Have as much fun prepping and primping as you can. Let the excitement build!

4. Keep the alcohol consumption low. It's more fun.

5. When you arrive, don't put yourself in the corner. Be in the middle, introduce yourselves, be social. Have fun.

6. You get to flirt! If it's a skill that you haven't used for a while, it's time to have some fun.

 

Notice the emphasis on fun? That's what it's about. Don't overthink it.

[Scaredstiff 129]

Great advice , thankyou

[kikonkrome 844]

Talk to as many people as possible, until you 'click' with somebody.

 

If people aren't that chatty blow it off and go to the next one.

[Scaredstiff 129]

Yeah I'm usually pretty good at socialising, well we both are , so we're really looking forward to that part of it , our social was with a couple that haven't swung yet so apart from online messages we are yet to interact with genuine swingers lol and we're really looking forward to seeing for ourselves if they are mostly "normal" as that's what we keep reading, if they're all weirdos I'll be back here first thing Sunday morning demanding an explanation haha

 

We have picked the club specifically because it has tons of glowing reviews from newbie couples that claim they were genuinely taken aback by how friendly and welcoming everybody was , the only negative thing people ever say about the place is that it's a bit on the small side, but we figure that shouldn't be a problem as the middle of January will probably be one of the quietest times of the year , or at least that's what we presume.

 

It would be nice to experience a little bit of swinging though , like just some kissing or something , I think that will be the brick wall for us, I mean how does it go from chatty to smoochy?

That will be the hardest part for us and definitely out of our comfort zone.

Hopefully a smoking hot experienced couple is going to seduce us haha

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

DON'T DO IT, YOU'RE NOT READY YET!

 

Just kidding, it sounds like you really are. Reread what Fundamental Law wrote again and don't forget them. I would also add: Make sure that both of you know your rules and boundaries and in the heat of the moment, don't violate them.

 

I mean how does it go from chatty to smoochy?

 

This sometimes can be a problem where both couples are interested but don't know how to go from talking to the next step. Easiest way is for one person just to ask 'would it be okay if we kissed?' (this especially works if it is one of the women asking the other woman if they can kiss). Don't be afraid to ask since everyone is thinking about doing it anyways. Take the jump. Good luck and let us know how things go.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

The Mrs and I went to a club "cold" just last Saturday, for the first time in a while. Usually, when we go to a club, we go on a prearranged double date with another couple, because we feel that we kinda suck at meeting people in the club setting.

 

So, we went with no expectations of playing with anybody except each other. We figured on having a relaxing evening, fun having an adult beverage (not too many!), doing some people-watching, being friendly and welcoming, enjoying the hot tub, and having some hot play with each other. We had the mindset that we didn't need to play with anyone else, but that if we met people we were already friends with, and we ended up playing with them, it would be a happy bonus.

 

So, we were enjoying the evening, had met and chatted (OK, maybe flirted a little) with a few new-to-us people, and were relaxing by the bar. We spied a woman, half of a couple, who was wearing a very nice turquoise teddy, and as she and her boyfriend were stepping off the dance floor, I went over to compliment her on how good she looked. She and her boyfriend invited us over to sit with them.

 

We came over to the table, happy to chat, but knowing that the Mrs was probably not up for playing with new people. We had a nice chat, though, and it seemed like everybody was getting along pretty well. Lifestyle-wise, the other couple were a hybrid of sorts, with an experienced guy, and a very new woman. The other woman was talking about maybe doing some kind of soft swap, and hoping that her boyfriend could maybe get some attention from my Mrs. The Mrs and I used our secret code phrases to check each other's levels of interest in playing, discovering that while I was good with playing with the woman, the Mrs was not up for any play with the other guy. I let the woman know that we were not really up for any swapping that night, but were enjoying their company.

 

We all decided to go in the hot tub, and I enjoyed the view of the Mrs and the other woman very much. Eventually the idea came up of the four of us to go to a playroom together, but each couple playing with their own partner only. That was enjoyable, though the other woman was repeatedly saying how she wanted to play with my wife! We did have a little bit of friendly boob- playing all around at the end, but that was the extent of the swapping.

 

All in all, we had a fun night, great sex, and the pleasure of meeting some new people. I hope you enjoy your evening, too!

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

About making the transition from chatty to smoochy, I recommend that you add a little flirting to the conversation, if you're feeling it with another couple. A few flirty compliments will send a signal that you're interested, and might be receptive to a request to go beyond talking. Also, its not a bad idea to honestly let a couple know that you two are complete newbies at this swinging thing- it's a good conversation topic anyway, and if the other couple is experienced, they might be able to put two and two (the flirty comments, and the fact that you're new) together, and gently take the lead with you.

 

The flirting or other expressions of interest are actually important elements here. The reason is that, while some couples might look at newbies as "fresh meat", and be forward with you, the more sensitive, experienced couples who you actually want to attract might be inclined to take a more careful approach with you, reluctant to be more forward with you unless they see some signs of interest and comfort from you two.

[Scaredstiff 129]

Excellent reading guys , Thankyou again , I love this place

[Scaredstiff 129]

We just encountered a new unforseen problem! We need an alibi! Family member just asked where we're going on Saturday and we were both like "err...some...err..new place maybe...yeah a new place for sure.."

What do you guys say?

 

Also wife has just discovered that she's really uncomfortable having to lie about it lol

[kikonkrome 844]

We use something as close to the truth as possible...we are having dinner and meeting friends at a night club, might do a bit of dancing.

[DjRayder 43]

Just say it's date night; dinner, movie etc. Just the normal dinner date and look on yelp for anything you haven't tried and check the reviews. If you want to be specific.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

This is a non-issue. As said, the two of you are going out for a night on the town...dinner and a movie/club/dancing/fill in the blank. When we are meeting another couple, we usually just say we are going out for dinner with another couple. Don't let what you are doing frighten you from telling 'some' version of the truth. Only the parties involved know that you are doing something 'naughty' (and that makes doing it even more fun). Good luck and HAVE FUN!

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

What do you say to family, co-workers, etc? "We're meeting friends for dinner?" "Who?" "Friends of friends actually--just a small get together." The "friends of friends" thing works especially well.

 

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Okay, you're there with your spouse and the other couple, and it's the awkward moment where everyone is standing around wondering what happens next. Here are three steps that are helpful.

 

1. Have a pre-arranged "are you okay with?" signal with your spouse. Keep it simple but unambiguous. It can be a look, use of a phrase, cleaning your glasses (yep, we both wear spectacles...now you know one of our secrets...) and some response. Provided that the two of you are seeing an opportunity for fun...

 

2. Make physical contact with your spouse. A handhold, an arm around the other, a peck on the cheek, fetching a drink. Just enough to be noticed that the two of you are on the same page. Even a combination, "I'm going to get my gorgeous bride a bottle of water... (peck on the cheek)...anyone need anything?" works. (yep, another secret gone!)

 

3. First, open your eyes and ears. You are seeking a response, and it might be sight, sound or touch. Next, make physical contact with the potential play partner. Keep it subtle--a touch on the arm. Give it a moment--there may be an element of surprise and need to process--and gauge the response. There will either be a move away, or not. If not, move a little closer. This can be as simple as a light handhold or as much as sliding your arm around the other's waist. In any event, it is a bid, a response, and maybe another bid.

 

This little ballet enables everyone to make decisions and if it's a "no", to simply murmur "no thanks" or even more simply move away.

 

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As you get more comfortable, you'll find that consent itself can be sexy:"May I kiss you?" "

" (better when sung, but...)

 

Again, you are there to have fun!

 

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If you need a lifestyle laugh,

and remember that's it's satire with just enough truth to laugh about it...

[Scaredstiff 129]

Wow

Awesome

Sauce

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Wow

Awesome

Sauce

Glad to read this.

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

Bravo...

Get some rest, take some time to reflect, let us know how we could have given you better preparation, advice etc.

We want to be even more reliably helpful for the next new couple.

(That's why we love this board--everyone tries to be helpful.)

[Scaredstiff 129]

Honestly don't think we could have been better prepared , thanks to everyone on here and the swinger manual we fully understood what we were getting into and had absolutely no issues with anything, but, we didn't do any swapping , I will give a more detailed account in the first time thread as it may help other newbies in future