How to have a 3 way

[Funnyhat 15]

We do all the dirty talk about another woman touching, feeling, and sucking with us. We watch porn lesbians- this drives her wild.

 

She says she doesn't want it in real life. Is this a lie because of what we do? Is she scared of it?

 

Asked her before, and she said, "I do and I don't."

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Obviously, we here on the other end of the Internet can't tell if your wife is telling you the whole truth about her level of desire to act on an FMF fantasy!

 

You mention the possibility of her being fearful, and you refer to "what you do". I hope I'm not trying to read too much into what you say, but are you saying that you two have jobs that would be impacted negatively if you were outed as being in the lifestyle? Is your wife worried about the discretion of a woman who you might play with, and the woman's willingness to keep a secret?

 

I will say that many people in the lifestyle have a desire to keep their swinging private. No one has an interest in "outing" anybody else, so people naturally tend to be sensitive to another person's desire for discretion.

 

I recommend that you try again to have a more in-depth discussion with your wife about this. Make it clear that, by wanting to talk about it more, you're not trying to force her into anything- you just want to understand her feelings and possible concerns. Her saying, "I do and I don't" is the beginning of a conversation, but it shouldn't be the end!

 

By the way, it's also possible that she simply has no desire to act on the fantasy, and that she is perfectly satisfied with the naughty talk!

[kikonkrome 844]

My wife was similar and tried it eventually after a few drinks with another woman. She now says she prefers penis. We now try to act on our fantasies.

 

It's a difficult thing for people to really act on their fantasies. I would suggest soft encouragement. Have her watch it in real life somehow? Take her to a strip club? I think it can be more of a process than people realize.

[Scaredstiff 129]

It's quite possible that when she says " I do ... and I don't.." What she means is "yes I'd like to be with a woman" but "no I don't want to see you with a woman"

 

Maybe start by reassuring her that it could be for her only.

You could bring up the idea of making a swinging profile on a website to see what's out there in your area. You don't know if you don't ask

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Ask her...if she still avoids answering, do the strip club thing and see how that goes.

[Sexykitty6364 38]

While she likes the fantasy, could it be that she is afraid to REALLY admit her desires? Talking and joking about wanting to do something is far different than doing them. I know for me that I have always enjoyed "playing" with a woman. We use to soft swap/same room and the other woman and I would touch, kiss, etc. I never considered myself bi. But recently at a party, I went off with a woman and her BF. I was with her, not him. And hubby said to me-- this is something you should be honest to yourself about. And he was right....but even though I knew what I liked....it made me nervous to admit it out loud. Maybe your wife is the same-- she wants it but is afraid to admit AND act on it.

[Guest]

When our discussion of swinging came up due to an invitation from another couple, we talked and both thought about it and I just couldn’t see myself in a bi situation. If we were to start, it was MFM, and I’m a girl that enjoys going to a nice strip club, had even had a lap dance once, and enjoyed i. After a few MFM,a couple of swaps, I ventured into bi but still, not my cup of tea. Hubby is quite understanding about this. As he says, he knows he wouldn’t enjoy bi, he can fully understand why the same might be true for women as well. So, my suggestion is to accept what she is saying and explore with her the many other possibilities for entering into “swinging”.

[sweetsnspeed 52]

We are in the same area as the OP. She is interested in touching and kissing, but is unsure about going below the waist. As far as any type of swinging, she has expressed concern as to "What if she likes it a lot and wants to do it again and again". Perhaps that is part of what the OP's wife is thinking as well?

[HornyCouple 15]

Wife and I were discussing fantasy other day and had a disagreement on something that I will throw out there to get opinion.

While discussing fantasies can one say while 'fantasizing' would consider doing something but after the moment say 'gross, i could never do that'. I certainly understand that fantasies are exactly that and don't usually become reality.

The specific was that she fantasized about kissing another woman but later when I reminded her about that she responded no way that is gross, i could never do that.

 

I would have expected something more along the response of 'i don't think so' or 'not sure I could do that' or something that kind of leaves the door open but certainly isn't agreeing to doing it.

I said that when he response later was 'gross no way', it kind does not compute.

 

thanks

[HornyCouple 15]

Well, you nudged it closer to reality and then she became more adamant in her thoughts. There are women who have absolutely no interest in the bi-girl thing, others love the idea and some change their minds and try it, if only once.

 

For me, it was our second time Swinging, we had been lined up with a couple. I was so revved up, I was wanting anything sexual and it started with being undressed, a gentle kiss and again, I was really into the sexual moment, I was going down on her in no time flat. Now, we were in an amazingly positive and trusting environment and she was plain gorgeous. We've played with them many times since. My husband simply adores her, as do I and frankly, her husband is no slouch either. Yet, if you had asked me earlier that night, I'd have said I wasn't going to try a girl. I simply changed my mind in the moment. It was incredible.

 

Now, it helped that she knew what she was doing, very sensually revved me up in a non-threatening way, and when I started going down on her, because I simply was not going to deny her anything, she even said,"Good girl." That was so hot.

 

thanks

 

it wasn't my attempt to nudge closer really at that time. I was just 'testing' what she had said earlier. I kind of think that like everything it a sliding scale. while drunk/horny you are probably more willing to try and think about things you might not while sober and not in heat of the moment. I am not sure one can go from a 0 to a 10 on something really. You can't tell me that it would be disgusting, gross and NO WAY in HELL would you do that but when in heat you say yes? to me that seems to much extreme.

 

just my humble opinion that is not worth much. I get that when in heat of moment or drunk you are more adventurous but when sober might not be so excited about it.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

You could ask her what she thinks is gross about it. Maybe it's not actually gross, maybe it's something else. If you clarify what she means by gross you might find out more about what she is thinking.

[HornyCouple 15]

You could ask her what she thinks is gross about it. Maybe it's not actually gross, maybe it's something else. If you clarify what she means by gross you might find out more about what she is thinking.

 

thanks. my debate at moment isn't about what it being gross or not. I get that there are certain things that people just aren't turned on by and sometimes think it is just gross. not a problem.

 

my question for anybody is do you think that one would go from one extreme to the other on an sexual act? I understand that one may say I like or would try something but when not in heat of moment or drunk, typically i have seen people certainly back off from what they said. but rarely, if ever, have I seen somebody go total opposite to saying it is totally gross, and no way in hell they would do something.

 

just a philosophical debate really.

[Sophia&David 29]

thanks

 

I am not sure one can go from a 0 to a 10 on something really. You can't tell me that it would be disgusting, gross and NO WAY in HELL would you do that but when in heat you say yes? to me that seems to much extreme.

 

just my humble opinion that is not worth much. I get that when in heat of moment or drunk you are more adventurous but when sober might not be so excited about it.

 

I'll agree with that. Not many years ago, the thought of sex with a woman was an absolute turn-off to me. And then, I began to fantasize about it, and enjoy dirty talk about it. And now? We are actively talking to a couple where the Lady is bi and wants contact with me with the potential to swap, and I am excited about the possibilities. But three years ago, no way, would never happen. I would say she may feel ashamed, embarrassed, perhaps her desires go against everything she has ever known about herself. That is a huge bridge to cross, and I doubt it can happen quickly, if ever. Be supportive, encourage her to accept herself and her desires, be sure she knows you are her safe place. That may be what she needs to open up to new possibilities.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

There are a great many things that some people wouldn't consider doing if they took the time to think about it, yet in the heat of the moment jump into with both feet. I've known people who even after doing something like what you described deny that something that HAPPENED ever happened ("I would NEVER do anything like that..." but they DID). Social pressures and morals can make people deny the truth ("I did not have sex with that woman"). I wouldn't place too much into either thing that happened with your wife. If it happens, it will happen...