Reconnecting with your spouse after playing

[Jare1998 62]

We're still very new to the lifestyle and there are so many emotions/feelings to work through. We've been with the same couple on 3 separate occasions now and also had an encounter with a new couple over the weekend. We are really excited about our experiences and have both had a great time, it's getting better ever time. What I'd like to know is how does everyone else reconnect with their significant other after playing, especially after full swap. We keep it same room but we each have separate emotions and experiences that we need to talk about to keep each other informed about everything that went on. Is there anything in particular that any of you all do to reconnect and if anyone has any great ideas please share! We want to keep this fun and exciting for both of us. Mr. Jare wants us yo tslk about ehat we liked/didn't like, what we want to do again or try out. I'm all for it, just dont really know how to get started. Thanks

[kikonkrome 844]

Yeah we have a lot of sex too...I mean a ridiculous amount of sex...I mean like lot.

 

But we also talk a lot of what we liked and didn't like. So no so much coffee, just kinda quieter times. Really part of the bonding fun. Never, really thought that much about it, but I would certainly guess it helps the bonding experience.

 

Not really sure what you are having difficulty with? How do I ask what I liked?

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Part of our after-play ritual is to give each other a Full Report on the play time, from our own point of view. We make it pretty detailed, and we do make a point of describing what we liked and didn't like. Sometimes, especially in the beginning of our swinging career, giving those Full Reports in the car on the way home got us worked up enough so we be ripping each other's clothes off as soon as we got home! But we do it, whether we have played in the same room or different rooms, mainly to reiterate to each other that we have nothing to hide from each other, and are open and sharing everything.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Sounds like this is one thing that's pretty much universal across the board.

 

We were fortunate to have a little break in the middle of our first play session to take a shower. It was a good chance to talk privately and make sure neither of us secretly just wanted to go home, and to check that we didn't need to discuss any of our rules. After round 2, we just slept. The next morning? We fucked, worked out, talked about all the fucking over breakfast, went back to bed and fucked, talking about it over dinner, met our friends for drinks, ended up playing with them again, then fucking each other, then falling asleep and fucking again in the middle of the night... I haven't gotten to the "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" stage for a long time.

 

To your question, a lot of our conversation was about things we'd seen but weren't completely sure what had happened. How did she feel about a woman going down on her (good, it wasn't as uncomfortable as it seemed in her imagination, but she prefers cock), did I really like watching her swallow someone else's cum as much as I told her I would (almost to a fetish level), was getting spitroasted the way she thought it would be (great, she wasn't ready for it to end), did I feel as intense about looking her in the eye while I fucked her friend from behind and her friend's husband fucking her from behind as she did (yes), did it turn her on to see her friend get off with me (embarrassed yes). It's always been the technical details about sex that get us to have better conversations about what we're actually doing and why. I thought it was going to be a much more delicate conversation than it actually was, and I was surprised by that.

[Scaredstiff 129]

Wow such a brilliant insight

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Reconnecting with your partner is the best part about the LS. It speaks to deep affection, honor,...and unbridled lust. Swinging enables and encourages couples to view their partners in an erotic light that is often extinguished by work, routine and so forth. Seeing ones partner as the object of others' attentions and desires -- and knowing that they are truly your partner--rejuvenates relationships in ways that vanillas cannot comprehend. Yes, the after-party sex with one's spouse is breathtaking in its intensity and duration.

[adamgunn 1,460]

If it's an extended play date over hours with (perhaps) multiple partners, every once in awhile both partners should simply ask, "You okay?" if the answer is yes, keep on playing. If the answer is no, both should stop until the situation is resolved.

 

Afterwards, lots of sexy talk and sex. That way, you find out what was great for your partner so you can help make it happen again.

[Jare1998 62]

Thank you to everyone who responded. I love hearing how each of you reconnect throughout each encounter and after as well. We're still in the learning phase of how to make swinging work for us, and there is a lot we are working through. But we have found that taking the time to be together after playing, showing each other lots of affection and attention, having lots of sex afterwards, we are becoming closer.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

The most important thing is just to talk about it and what comes up comes up. To bring it up to my wife after our second full swap friday night, saturday morning i just asked her, "so, did you enjoy sucking and fucking that thick cock as much as i enjoyed watching you? Did you enjoy watching me getting her off multiple times right after doing the same to you?" From there she led the conversation, all I had to do eas bring it up. Of course, the conversation ended in morw sex, then more talking, then browsing the site looking for another date!@

[EvolveYourIntimacy 18]

On 1/21/2017 at 2:03 AM, Fundamental Law said:

Reconnecting with your partner is the best part about the LS. It speaks to deep affection, honor,...and unbridled lust. Swinging enables and encourages couples to view their partners in an erotic light that is often extinguished by work, routine and so forth. Seeing ones partner as the object of others' attentions and desires -- and knowing that they are truly your partner--rejuvenates relationships in ways that vanillas cannot comprehend. Yes, the after-party sex with one's spouse is breathtaking in its intensity and duration.

 

This is such an important statement for those new to the LS to hear and understand, as well as a refresher for veterans in the LS to remember. We are using this in our podcast so that others who are not on this message board can benefit from your knowledge. Thank you for sharing.

[padoc 1,703]

If we host a couple, we will occasionally have a nightcap in the hot tub to wash the sweat and other juices of  us and we'll talk about the evening, what we did, what we saw, what we enjoyed or not. If  we're really beat the recap will wait till the next day over coffee but we ALWAYS talk about the evening. If we have been to a house party and played separately, we have amazingly erotic conversations in the car on the way home. Same goes for a club night, our hotel is just 10 minutes from Trapeze so we often just go back and crash. The 2 hour ride back across Alligator Alley is full of erotic conversation. Sometimes, the best part of a swinging experience is discussing it with her afterwards and at some point (including once at the rest area) engaging in reclamation sex.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

On 3/3/2020 at 10:00 AM, KinkyKoachNSilverFox said:

 

This is such an important statement for those new to the LS to hear and understand, as well as a refresher for veterans in the LS to remember. We are using this in our podcast so that others who are not on this message board can benefit from your knowledge. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for your endorsement of our expression. We are pleased  that you found it valuable and happier still that you are sharing it with a larger audience. 

[Billygoat 443]

We have always communicated well and we are not shy to share what we like.  The on thing we have always done, every time, we finish the night with just each other.  No matter the quantity of action or who with ....or how many....we always finish the night with each other.  We also will grab each other during the festivities to have each other or from time to time only play with each other at the party....just cause.....it’s a turn on.   
 

[Guest]

 

I sometimes use a rule of 3 for this situation, do like every time we have 1 group session I'll try and do 3 nice things with my partner over the coming days, so might go for a meal, or watch a film together, walk in the park that sort of thing.

 

Giving a massage could also be nice, you know if every time you have group sex your partner gets a nice massage before bed then might also help.

[Numex 2,416]

This brings back memories of our start in the lifestyle, which was my wife getting back in bed (separately) with two exes who she said had given her great sex.  It actually started with them just getting back together for vanilla "dates," to be catch up on things, and have me call so I could be introduced by phone and make it clear that seeing each other wasn't cheating.  Even that was so far out there, so dirty, we had intense, nonstop sex afterwards. 

 

After my wife started fucking these men, I was pleasantly surprised that when she got home her desire for sex was as great as my desire to reclaim her.

 

Since we started to do couples swaps, that need or desire has diminished.  Somehow, seeing each other fucking someone else lessens the need, which is good, because after me cumming in a play partner or two a couple of times a reclaiming encore isn't going to happen. 

 

 

[JessicaJamison 861]

So, like most on here, we definitely start by fucking!  When we are swapping I like it rough and dirty, but with my husband I focus more on intimacy and connection.  I kiss him a lot and when we finish I lie on him all naked and sweaty and tell each other how much we love each other.  

[Fla-swing99 136]

Regardless of what takes place with others or what the situation is, MFM, FMF, MFMFM, etc.....we have a rule that it ALWAYS ends with us.  Her and I together at the end of the night reconnecting, sexually, passionately, emotionally, and on every level possible for us to reconnect.  We have found this to be a very powerful and necessary feeling we both experience and very much need with each other.  The reconnection is something we have come to look very much forward to.  When we do play with others we never sperate and we always try to be a part of each others experience either by being involved or watching or both.  We do enjoy talking over much of the events either while we are reconnecting, at a later time or both.  For us, its all about being together, sharing in our experiences together and making sure that the end of every situation it ends with just the two of us.  We know everyone has their own way or choice of how that reconnect happens, this is just the way we have chosen for ourselves.