Does your spouse have a double standard?

[obkabc 19]

I just want to start off by saying this isn't even a big issue, just a small annoyance.

 

The wife and I are both average weight and size people, we don't stand out in a crowd. I also have to say the I am a very lucky guy because my wife gets off on watching me with other women. First few times we played they were FFM situations.

 

My wife wanted a MFM so we started looking for other males and my wife was only picking really built cut guys, which I get, because if I was single looking for a partner I would obviously want a total bombshell. So I had no problem with her choices and we've had a couple of MFM now and they have all been better looking than me.

 

The double standard comes in because my wife will only let me play with BBW's. I am ok with that cause I like women in all sizes. However Friday night we met a couple who we've been talking to and when we got home after dinner my wife says it's not gonna happen. When I ask why she says she had no chemistry with them, however I know its because the female was in really good shape. I want to call her on it but I know she will blow it out of proportion saying I don't find her attractive etc etc.

 

Has anyone else had a "problem" like this before?

[padoc 1,703]

We decided to each pick our partners. We play primarily with couples and long ago discovered that finding four people who were equally sexually attractive to both of us was an incredibly tall order. Neither of us are willing to take one for the team (in the males case nearly impossible anyway) so we have refined our selection process to reduce our expectations of a "WOW" factor. If the female half of a couple is extremely attractive to me, Mrs Doc will assess the male as doable or not, same applies if she finds a male very attractive. If either of us say NOT doable, neither of us plays. Its simple but it works for us. You two aren't looking for people whose picture you'll put on the mantle next to your wedding picture so try to remember, this hobby is supposed to be recreation, fun and sexy. We have each experienced swaps where one of us had a MUCH better time than the other and we have learned to take pleasure in the others erotic fun.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

I'd stop play. She is threatened by you playing with other women based on their looks.

[njbm 2,880]

Jealousy not good in lifestyle.

[DjRayder 43]

It sounds like a little bit of insecurity. She wants to be worshipped by the best looking guys so to speak, but as soon as you make a connection with some one above average it seems "to not work with them". Best bet is to talk through it make some type of rules where you pick the guys and she picks the girls. It seems the way you're talking that you are not to upset about it but if you let it fester emotionally you might blow up. It happens to even the most level headed guy so take care of it now before it wears on you.Good luck man hope it works out with you two.

[Tahoecple 319]

It sounds to me like the two of you need to talk about this. The thing to remember is you’re not looking for people to run off with, you’re looking for people to get off with. I’m also in the same camp as some of the other posters in that it sounds like your wife is a little intimidated by good-looking women. You may want to take a break until you can convince her that she is the only woman you love and the only woman you want in your life. The thing you want to convince her of is that she isn’t competing with these other women any more than you are competing with any of the men she plays with.

 

There is an old saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it’s also true that lust is also in the eye of the beholder. To make this thing work you each have to allow the other to have fun with somebody that turns them on, and neither of you can say who it is that turns the other on. The “go – no go,” call should be based on the individual you are going to be with for you and the person she is going to be with for her. If either of you are not secure enough with the other to allow them to be with a person of their choice you may want to rethink this whole thing.

 

I look at it like going out to dinner; you each read the menu and make your choice. It’s not about making her eat what you’re craving or her making you eat what she’s craving, it’s about each of you enjoying what you are craving. What I can tell you is to make this thing work you must have an open line of communication between the two of you. If the other is doing something that upsets you, tell them about it. Talk, talk, and then talk some more until you are both on the same page. Let her know what your concerns are, listen to, and be considerate of hers.

 

You may want to suggest that she comes on here if she has any questions she doesn’t feel comfortable in talking to you about. She can ask questions with anonymity that might put her mind at ease. Sexual subjects are sometimes hard to express when you’re worried about upsetting your significant other.

 

Have fun.

[Sexykitty6364 38]

If either of you are not secure enough with the other to allow them to be with a person of their choice you may want to rethink this whole thing.

 

I agree with this sentence. I actually look for the hottest women for my hubby to hook up with. But then I am confident in myself and his love for me. Sounds like your wife is not.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I just want to start off by saying this isn't even a big issue, just a small annoyance.

 

If it is a small annoyance, then let it go.

If it is affecting your ability to enjoy swinging, sit down with her and talk it out.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I once-upon-a-day had the problem the other day around. If I wanted to play with a 'big' woman, she would reproach with, "how could you f**k that?" Time resolved the issue. She now accepts my choices while I accept hers.

[Guest FunintheSnow]

As someone who hasn't always felt totally secure in the LS but who keeps plugging along and seeing things getting better...I don't think you should stop playing over this but I agree with the folks who say you should talk--not necessarily about her insecurities, but about your feelings about the LS, what pushes your buttons (in a bad way), etc.

 

I've felt more comfortable and less jealous of other women because of a number of factors: my husband and I are getting closer all the time (partly because of exploring the LS together), I've had the experience of seeing him with a number of women without running off with any of them, and I have more experience in feeling attracted to other people myself and yet knowing that other guys don't hold a candle to my husband.

 

In my case, it's not so much looks I worry about as brains! :-) The more the other woman has in common with my husband, the more insecure I feel about her. Give me a gorgeous woman without a thought in her head over an average woman who's smart and funny any day--at least, that's what my insecurities say. My higher self enjoys being with the smart woman and knows that both of us will have more fun with her.

 

It's a process--at least for us! We both have veto power, no questions asked. In the beginning, my husband hoped I wouldn't play with tall men. He's over that now.

 

Anyway...don't pull the plug. But make sure she knows, more than ever, that she rocks your world in a way no one else ever could.

[DjRayder 43]

Anyway...don't pull the plug. But make sure she knows, more than ever, that she rocks your world in a way no one else ever could.

I love this part! @Funinthesnow I'm glad you put this up.