Your comments on kissing someone other than your spouse.

[Guest Dvssgrbby]

We only have one rule, we don't kiss anyone but each other. Is it fair for someone else to get upset with you if you tell them this, or should they respect your wishes?

[MCityCpl 15]

the way we do it, is no mouth to mouth kissing (the girls can always kiss each other). Throw that on top of the fact we are only soft, and it sometimes makes you wonder what we do, do. To be honest with you, its one of our personal boundries and we've never run into anyone who hasn't respected that.

[RockrcplOrlando 15]

here is my take on it....if it's not your thing to do, don't do it...It doesn't make you wrong, and people should respect your limits, just like i'd assume you'd respect theirs. For my wife and i...we love to kiss, and while we don't kiss everyone....finding couples that like to kiss rocks for us...

[Handyman69 15]

"To each their own" Never do anything that your uncomfortable with and most people respect that. We love to kiss and I see nothing wrong with that...I feel it really adds to the desire.

[Guest Dvssgrbby]

Originally posted by Dvssgrbby

We only have one rule,we don't kiss anyone but each other.Is it fair for someone else to get upset with you if you tell them this,or should they respect your wishes?

The reason why I asked is because we weretalking to this person and she was all for playing with us but when she madea comment about kissing my hubby and he told her that we don't do that she got pissed.We have never had that reaction before and wondered why she reacted like she did.Thanks.

[imsnowman 34]

Because she's a human being and we are notoroiously illogical:lol:

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This isn't that uncommon of a rule really.

 

As far as others getting upset when you tell them of this rule. I think that most people who don't have the rule don't really understand why someone else would. That doesn't mean tho that they should just accept it as your rule and leave it at that. It's up to them to determine whether or not it is a deal-breaker as far as playing with you goes. But they really don't have any right to get upset about it.

[Brit_Pair 62]

First, our take on the whole 'respect for people's limits' thread:

 

If you have rules that you feel perfectly comfortable with, and meet people who don't/won't respect them, then look for new people to play with. That may sound simplistic, but why should you be pressured into breaking personal boundaries and undertaking activities you don't wish to? If playmates stamp their feet instead of respecting your wishes, then politely show them the door. There are other people to play with out there.

 

Now our stance on the 'kissing with others' issue:

 

When we play with another couple, the two girls can kiss themselves silly, but beyond that, we don't swap for mouth to mouth. We see it as an especially intimate act, and one we prefer to keep for the two of us.

[biblonde 22]

To each his own i guess. Personally i cant imagine having sex without kissing. It is something i love doing!! I cant imagine sticking a guys cock in my mouth but not letting him kiss me?? I have no problems watching other women kiss my hubby either. We have ran into couples where the woman doesnt like very much "french" kissing going on because she feels there is to much passion there . I totally respect that and keep it limited. I always ask new couples their thoughts on kissing before we even meet.

 

I think if you are going to play with someone then all rules have to be agreed upon before hand not in the heat of the moment. That way you all can decide if you want to take it to the next level or not. I always ask....do you guys kiss, do you french kiss, is there a limit on how much kissing goes on. If they dont kiss at all then i think we would have to turn them down...I feel it is just part of sex.....takes nothing away from my feelings tward my hubby and it takes nothing away from how he feels about me.

 

I cant imagine though, getting upset with someone who tells us no kissing. That seems a little to out there. I think i would just say sorry....no match here. We are all suppose to be adults here not children....those that throw fits over others rules instead of just saying sorry...but we dont see a match here....really need to grow up!

 

Always stick to your rules and dont let others change them...you will meet someone who agrees with you in time!!

 

that is my 2 cents for today!!

[jcbicouple 24]

Originally posted by Dvssgrbby

The reason why I asked is because we weretalking to this person and she was all for playing with us but when she madea comment about kissing my hubby and he told her that we don't do that she got pissed.We have never had that reaction before and wondered why she reacted like she did.Thanks.

 

We would never play with anyone who got "pissed" over one of our rules. It's one thing to not agree or not share the same interests, but to get mad is a really really BIG red flag! She obviously wouldn't respect any boundries the two of you set, which could cause for a very unpleasant situation for everyone. As to "Why" anyone would react that way....well, some people are just like that.

[De and Ci 19]

Before we started playing, we thought we wouldn't be kissing other couples. However, in the heat of the moment, I've kissed the other partner, in a sexual way of course. I don't think my wife has-at least openmouthed. But she doesen't care if I do and it doesen't matter to me. Its just part of the sexual experience-I guess we are secure with our relationship

[hfire269 16]

We agree with everyone else. WE all have rules that we follow and if someone doesnt liek them then its their lose not ours:-)

Hfire269 (female half)

[ionsawmill 86]

Originally posted by biblonde

To each his own i guess. Personally i cant imagine having sex without kissing. It is something i love doing!! I cant imagine sticking a guys cock in my mouth but not letting him kiss me?? I have no problems watching other women kiss my hubby either.

I'm with you, biblonde. I can't imagine sex without mouth-kissing. It's just too big a part of foreplay with me. Not being allowed to kiss would be like tying my hands behing my back. I would like to hear one rational excuse for not kissing someone you're willing to lick, suck or penetrate. If we're confident enough to swing, we should be confident enough to kiss. Anyone who thinks their relationship can't survive a little Frenching should not, in my opinion, even think of swinging.

 

I think it would have to be a deal-breaker for us.

We have ran into couples where the woman doesnt like very much "french" kissing going on because she feels there is to much passion there .

Sounds more like jealousy and insecurity to me. I've expressed my feelings about this on other threads. I can't understand how there can be "too much passion" between two people who are having sex?!?! For that matter, how can any sex act between consenting adults be "passionless". It reveals a very immature view of love and attraction; one that treats love as a limited quantity; once you've given it to someone, you have no more left to give. My wife and I are deeply passionate about each other, but that doesn't mean there isn't passion enough for another partner. To say that I have to "hold back" a part of me, lest I cross some line and go too far, would be a disrespectful underestimation of our relationship and our love.

 

Neither of us is afraid of a little passion. If, by some strange twist of fate, either of us should find someone whom we love as much as each other, then "by golly, we're going poly"! In the meantime, I refuse to treat the rock-solid love I have for her like a porcelain vase that needs protecting.

 

We're looking for friends and lovers, not inflatable sex dolls. If we wanted impersonal, emotionless sex with passionless partners, we'd hire professionals (who, oddly enough, typically don't kiss).

[Guest Dvssgrbby]

I just wanted to know why that person would act that way not get ragged on,So I am done in here..Thanks for nothing.

[RockrcplOrlando 15]

I just wanted to know why that person would act that way not get ragged on,So I am done in here..Thanks for nothing.

 

 

 

If you think you're getting ragged on, I'm sorry you feel that way...no one to my knowledge here has said you are wrong, we've all been pretty sympathetic...if it's because a vast majority don't understand why you don't enjoy kissing...sorry..we're just stating our opinion...

 

now i want to know why someone would think they were being ragged on, because others stated THEIR preference, yet didn't diminish yours.

 

Shawn and Heather

[yawanna 17]

I just wanted to know why that person would act that way

 

The only person with the answer to that question, is the person who did it.

 

We're pretty smart here, but not mind readers

[Guest Dvssgrbby]

I never said we didn't enjoy kissing where did I say that tell me ,I just asked why someone would get upset or pissed that we prefer not to kiss other people.I just got upset because they way some people typed what they wanted to say came out as if what we prefer is wrong and that we shouldn't feel that way,when we are with other couples I only kiss sthe other women but that's as far as it goes.And about being secure in our relationship we are very much so if we werent would we even be in this lifestyle.We are new to this so right now that is how we prefer it.Sorry to offend anyone.

[RockrcplOrlando 15]

Quote

I only kiss the other women but that's as far as it goes.

 

again your choice is your choice...but you will see a vast majority prefer to kiss while playing,don't be pressured into anything you aren't comfortable with...but i do have to ask..why would you be willing to kiss the woman but not the male in the couple...this does sound like some sort of insecurity....but not on your part, if you know what i mean...

[Guest Dvssgrbby]

Quote

Originally posted by RockrcplOrlando

again your choice is your choice...but you will see a vast majority prefer to kiss while playing,don't be pressured into anything you aren't comfortable with...but i do have to ask..why would you be willing to kiss the woman but not the male in the couple...this does sound like some sort of insecurity....but not on your part, if you know what i mean...

The reason why is because both couples we played with had the same rule woman to woman was fine, but that's all, but like I said we are new to this and right now that's how we want it maybe later on we will change how we feel.

[ionsawmill 86]

I'm sorry if I offended you. I actually wasn't referring to your post, but to biblonde's post. In fact, I directly quoted biblonde's post.

 

To paraphrase Julie, people on one side of this issue may never understand the other side. That doesn't mean we shouldn't discuss it. I'm sure you have a perfectly good reason for not kissing. I was just pointing out that no one has expressed such a reason, except for the woman mentioned in biblonde's post. In fact, from this latest post, I gather that we're on the same side of this discussion. I wasn't implying that everybody should kiss everybody, just that I saw no reason, in my opinion, for a man not to kiss a woman who is not his significant other or vice versa. Also, if I understand your post correctly, your wife is the one who doesn't kiss. If that's so, then read below regarding my wife's comments.

 

Give us your reasoning behind not kissing in the situations wherein you wouldn't kiss. Hopefully, we can turn this into an meaningful discourse instead of a sparring match.

 

After reading my post, my wife said she didn't agree with me. She has a problem with kissing, too. So you see, this has already been a learning experience for me.

 

I'm sorry my post sounded abusive. Sometimes, when I'm truly dumbfounded, I lapse into rant-mode. Please forgive me.

[Guest Dvssgrbby]

Originally posted by ionsawmill

I'm sorry if I offended you. I actually wasn't referring to your post, but to biblonde's post. In fact, I directly quoted biblonde's post.

 

To paraphrase Julie, people on one side of this issue may never understand the other side. That doesn't mean we shouldn't discuss it. I'm sure you have a perfectly good reason for not kissing. I was just pointing out that no one has expressed such a reason, except for the woman mentioned in biblonde's post. In fact, from this latest post, I gather that we're on the same side of this discussion. I wasn't implying that everybody should kiss everybody, just that I saw no reason, in my opinion, for a man not to kiss a woman who is not his significant other or vice versa. Also, if I understand your post correctly, your wife is the one who doesn't kiss. If that's so, then read below regarding my wife's comments.

 

Give us your reasoning behind not kissing in the situations wherin you wouldn't kiss. Hopefully, we can turn this into an meaningful discourse instead of a sparring match.

 

After reading my post, my wife said she didn't agree with me. She has a problem with kissing, too. So you see, this has already been a learning experience for me.

 

I'm sorry my post sounded abusive. Sometimes, when I'm truly dumbfounded, I lapse into rant-mode. Please forgive me.

 

Tainted Homily (living up to his nickname)

My wife is the one that does kiss but only other women right now,we just started swinging and arent ready to kiss other people other than our spouse, but eventually would like to .But so far the couples we have played with have the same rules woman/woman is fine but everything else is nil.We definately enjoy it and would love to find the right people to do so with.We both consider it very erotic but just aren't ready to share that yet,have only been in this lifestyle for 4 months.And thank you for your reply.

[biblonde 22]

I am sorry also if i sounded offensive. I too at the start of this lifestyle didnt want to kiss another man....but as i became comfy with the people i didnt mind and did like it!...I wasnt saying it was wrong of you to not want to, just that is not my choice. I also said that dont let anyone change your rules that you set. If it makes you uncomfy then dont do it. I dont see why anyone would get upset with you guys as long as it was discussed ahead of time...then still there shouldnt be any fussin. If another couple says hey we dont.......then we say okay fine no big deal...there is always other stuff to do. Anyone who gets upset by the rules you set down isnt someone you want to play with....shows lack of respect on their part and well if they dont respect one rule.....the rest will get trampled on soon after that.

 

I wish you all the luck and again if i sounded rude or offensive i apologize!

[good times 991]

For us if the other couple isn't into kissing it is, as Julie said earlier, "a deal breaker" for us. That being said, we would never get mad or angry about it, as many have said here, we all have personal limitations and if that is yours we would totally respect that and simply decline to play.

[ionsawmill 86]

I wouldn't get mad. This is something that should have come up in chat or on the first couple of "dates". We would never get as far as sexual contact without discussing something like this.

 

Although we haven't swung yet, we have a plan that we discussed when we first started investigating the possibility: chat or email for a few weeks; go on a couple of G-rated outings (dinner, drinks, dancing); move to a more intimate stage, including sexual contact. If we do it right, issues like where we can touch and what we can do should be pretty much ironed out by the time we reach the first meeting.

 

Of course, not everything is going to come up in the first few chats, emails or even meetings. These things have to be taken as they come, while keeping the lines of communication open and being considerate of others' feelings.

[angihay 15]

I think everyone has their own boundries and feel that these should be discussed ahead of time and should be respected. If someone does not wish to respect them then their loss not yours.

[riffnbrat 15]

That is one of our rules no mouth kissin (only the ladies can do that) That is just to intiment that i saved for us

[ionsawmill 86]

If it's too intimate and you're saving it, then why is it ok for your wife to kiss another woman? Yours is not the first post to include the caveat "only the women can kiss". Basically, what I am asking is this: what is "less intimate" about your wife kissing another woman? I'm curious:

 

• Is this part of the same double standard that edifies female bisexuality?

 

• Is it just that women-kissing-women is "eye candy" for the men

involved, and therefore acceptable?

 

• Is it that kissing is inherant to same-sex contact amongst

women, so you're willing to overlook some intimate kissing in order

to maintain the female bisexualism, or appearance of such, which

seems to be so important in the lifestyle?

 

I would think that if the intimacy of kissing were so important to you, that the "women only" disclaimer would be unnecessary, if not contridictory.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

I'm glad you asked these questions, ionsawmill. I've wondered the same things but didn't know exactly how to go about asking.

 

Curious minds, you know.