To tell or not to tell?

[Miishon 20]

Is it better to tell your SO when you had a great time with someone else? I would like to hear from my SO when they had a great time with someone, I would want to hear what it was that made it great! I like to hear all the details but I am not sure if she does. She will tell me to tell her but I am not sure how much she really wants to hear. So how does it work in your world??

[Shore2Please 607]

My husband wants to know. I enjoy separate room swap so he doesn't see what is going on. I tell him what I feel he should know and won't lie if he asks anything specific. I ask him only general questions.

[Lionheart72 2,189]

When we've played separately, I want to know every detail my wife can remember and I've told her so. Conversely, she has told me that she only wants to know if I had fun and doesn't want to a know any details.

 

In the end, the cornerstone of swinging is honesty. If your wife has told you that she wants to know you should treat that an honest request... unless you see real evidence to the contrary. If you do see something that suggests she isn't comfortable knowing than you need to discuss that with her.

[intuition897 2,179]

We play in separate rooms, and prefer it, but not because we can't stomach the idea of our partner being with someone else. If that's the case, we probably should question if swinging is the right deal for us.

 

No, we have no problem with being in separate rooms. It's kind of kinky actually, hearing the sound coming from the other room, or imagining whats going on in there. The thing I like best about it? The feeling that comes from knowing, in no uncertain terms, that Mr. intuition897 is his own person, and has autonomy over his own sexuality. It emphasizes that we are two individuals who are together by choice, and choice alone. There is no obligation to be together. This has a lot of meaning for us.

 

I don't feel threatened by the idea of him expressing himself sexually - and privately - with someone else. I do not own him. I let him own that experience for himself, and he can choose to share it with me or not as he pleases. I just see this as part of the mystery of the person that he is, the one I fell in love with, and the one I want to know. But I respect his boundaries.

 

I feel our commitment to one another, and our bond, runs at a very deep soul level. The crap of this world and its particulars are just dust on the surface; we'll experience it together, and then again in another lifetime, and another. He's my friend. The BS that happens in the here and now is of no consequence.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

I have heard of different dynamics between partners on this kind of thing. But it seems to me that the healthiest way, and the way that the Mrs and I have always done things, is for both of you to openly share the experience and your feelings about it.

 

The Mrs and I have always had a habit of giving each other a Full Report after a play session, whether we were in the same room or different rooms, or even separate play dates. It reinforces the fact that we have nothing to hide from each other, and gives us a chance to describe things that really worked for us, that we might not have tried together yet. And it's hot to hear!

[Psyrex 56]

My husband wants to know. I enjoy separate room swap so he doesn't see what is going on. I tell him what I feel he should know and won't lie if he asks anything specific. I ask him only general questions.

 

You say you tell him what you feel he should know.

In our experience, my wife told me what she remembered, answering my questions to the best of her ability. But if there were parts she didn't tell me, first, how would I ever know? and second, my mind would fill in the blanks. Not to arouse jealousy, but to just be aroused, which can and has led to some amazing sex, as has been stated by others.

After her experience, for a few days, she would mention an extra detail or something that happened between them, or something she thought or felt at that time and it does make me feel that she didn't share everything. But that's ok. I do have a tendency to invent things in my mind but only positive thoughts that turn me on even more. If there were details she left out, they're not that big a deal, to me, because I trust her and she already told me everything I've asked about that night.

She was very honest about everything. She came twice, no mouth kissing, though I wouldn't have minded. He was bigger than me. At the time, she was very eager to do it again, but that part has since changed as she decided to just be his best friend's mom. But she really enjoyed it. He did, too.

[Alura 2,773]

Alex typically doesn't ask much . Yet,once in a while, when I rarely have spontaneous solo play with someone he didn't know (which is allowed in our marriage) he loves the details and I tell him everything and he simply ravages me. I've even made up a stories a couple of times just so I'd have sex like that. I always told him if I made something up,afterwards, and he finds it hilarious that I'd make up a sex story so he'd ravage me. That being said, it's only been a couple of times as I don't abuse the privilege. But the sex is really incredible

 

Laura used to make up her stories before having sex with the guy, and then act them out, to make sure she had an exciting tale to tell me.

[oc1234 435]

My wife and I both like it when either has fun. That's why we play.

[DjRayder 43]

To be honest tell her but downplay it a bit so you get a chance to pair up again if you two had a great time with the person/couple.

[kikonkrome 843]

We typically tell each other what we didn't see or how it felt. I mean one of the bizarre facts of swinging is how differently the same act feels from person to person. My wife recently had an amazing time with a partner going down her. She described it to me (OK I was there, but not really concentrating on her). Now I've lost the throne of the best head she has ever received!! Still I have tried since to incorporate what she described into what I do now to make my wife happy.

 

It's really hard for me to define this is better than that. I can define this was really good and that not so much. I think it's the same for my wife. So I think it's only a positive thing when we share details. No partner I have been with has made me think less of my wife, in fact they have only made me think more of her and I think the feeling is mutual with my wife.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

We typically tell each other what we didn't see or how it felt. I mean one of the bizarre facts of swinging is how differently the same act feels from person to person. My wife recently had an amazing time with a partner going down her. She described it to me (OK I was there, but not really concentrating on her). Now I've lost the throne of the best head she has ever received!! Still I have tried since to incorporate what she described into what I do now to make my wife happy.

 

It's really hard for me to define this is better than that. I can define this was really good and that not so much. I think it's the same for my wife. So I think it's only a positive thing when we share details. No partner I have been with has made me think less of my wife, in fact they have only made me think more of her and I think the feeling is mutual with my wife.

 

I have to agree on the not being able to say this is better than that or that. It's different, thats for sure, but that does not make it better or worse. Its just different.

[njbm 2,863]

I think that we are happy if both of us had a good time. We are not looking to replace each other, just have some fun.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

Yeah, that's pretty much it. As long as we both had fun we're happy. Doesn't matter who was better than who or anything at all. Really, no matter what, sex with my wife is better than sex with a stranger, because we love each other. When we "make love" that is something else entirely that there is no way sex with a "stranger" will even come close to.

[njbm 2,863]

One is recreational, the other is emotional

[Miss_Piggy 98]

To the OP, maybe you could ask your partner to ask you questions to get a sense of how much she would like to know. Then she can be sort of "in control" of how much information she gets. Although, it does seem like it would be a bit of a red flag if you recounted something and she got upset about it. Could she just at that point say nicely, "oh, I don't really need to hear those sorts of details but thanks to sharing." I'd say it's probably best to err on the side of toon much sharing and wait until you're told that that was too much.

[Alura 2,773]

I don't believe "too much sharing" can happen in marriage, particularly a swinging marriage.

 

It's important that neither husband nor wife lives with a fear of an adverse reaction when he/she shares a thought.

[njbm 2,863]

If another partner had a "move" that really turned us on, my wife and I want to know what it was so we can try it. Sex can be improved through education and experience!

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

This can also be a learning experience. Teach me what you liked...