Guys that do not get hard

[kikonkrome 843]

Last night we met a hot couple that we hit it off with and proceeded to head of to a private room to play. These guys were all in, had been drinking and I think they(not us) smoked a bit of weed, and were talking up a good game. Well he wouldn't get hard. I mean the entire time. Super sexy time is going on, and he's got some kind of whiskey dick.

 

We had a good time but a lot of attention was spent trying to get this guy going. This was just never going to happen.

 

My attitude is you should watch what you are doing if you're meeting for sex, don't drink and get high so you can perform in the bedroom. So I must admit I am left with a bad attitude with this couple that this was an issue at all?

 

The thing is, this is not an uncommon occurrence for us. We are guessing either 50%-60% of the time the guy can't get it up. Nerves, whiskey, I don't know. So after last night I told my wife after ten minutes or so of trying, forget it and come over and play with me.

 

I was wondering:

 

Are other people running into this issue?

 

Should I have a bad attitude with this couple?

 

The did not appear impaired, anyway to 'screen' for this?

 

Does our reaction 'Hey ten minutes with the guy and then forget and play with me'? Seem OK? It's just happened so often our patience is over.

 

As always any other thoughts on this would be appreciated

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

You could probably guess that this happens with people in my age category even when whiskey is not involved. My wife's view of this is, OK, the dick will not get stiff but his tongue still works. And for those rare occasions when the tongue is not willing or is untalented, she says this ain't never gonna be given another chance.

[Brad145 58]

I'd say our experiences are similar to OPs, I don't think my wife has ever waited 10 minutes before changing partners though.

[njbm 2,863]

I am a big supporter of Viagra and Cialis. One at a time, of course. I am also a proponent of kindness and sympathy to the guy with erection problems. It is a disappointing experience and a little kindness and patience often pays off in a revived member.

[JandKinBoise 856]

I would say that 50% to 60% is accurate for us as well. Not something I thought would be a problem. The only time I ever had erection problems was when in a group so I'm pretty understanding.

I started asking guys if this is a problem before we ever play, no one ever admitted to it being an issue. One never knows until that situation is at hand.

[cplnluv1 870]

We have met a number of couples that were new to this. I am not sure what percentage have had problems like that though it can be a problem. I think we have found more men that go too fast than can't go at all.

[Guest FunintheSnow]

I think it's hard (ha) to know what was going on. Was it the alcohol, the weed, or something in his head that was causing the problem? I'd say probably the last one. Like with a misbehaving kid, I find the best approach with a "misbehaving" penis is sometimes to ignore it. Too much focus on it and the guy's just going to feel self-conscious and then it will REALLY never happen.

 

I don't think lack of erection is a reason to have a bad attitude unless a)you're sure he knew this could be a problem or b)he didn't apologize or in some way try to make it up to your wife.

 

I don't think there's any harm in switching to own partners more or less right away. Often a guy will feel comfortable enough with his own wife to get hard and then can keep the erection with his play partner.

 

The only time it's happened with my play partner, he was super apologetic afterward and went out of his way to make it up to me on another occasion. It was a sixsome so it wasn't the end of the world or even the night, but it did make me feel a little bad in the moment.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Id like to comment on this post. I am one of the guys that struggles with this. I can get hard for my own wife without a problem, but, struggle with anyone different. It's incredibly heartbreaking to a guy and me. Especially since couples are hard to come by. The opportunity don't exist often. I thought alcohol might be the concern, but, we gave up drinking and the concern still exists. The problem is psychological. Clubs are challenging environments. Your put on the spot to perform. A new partner is a total mystery. You don't know her expectations. If she will enjoy you. Guys need to have confidence for their penis to work. If you can't relax, you won't get hard. It's hard to relax with new partners. I've even had my penis not get hard on cialis and Viagra. The scenario is a recipe for failure until a guy acquires the confidence. Some never do. I am afraid I won't either. I am getting to the point where I may no longer look for a female to play with. I'll just enjoy guys doing my wife. I never fail to get hard for this scenario. I hate this as I feel I am being left out. But the frustration of disappointing the lady is adding up. So, ladies please be understanding. You may be disappointed. But I bet not as much as the guy is. It is something he has to deal with long after your done playing.

[njbm 2,863]

Mr. Sexyhornycouple, most males on this site feel your pain. One never knows if it is going to work or not. We are older and most men have trouble performing at this stage. We've lately had fun with massaging, caressing, touching the other partner, then having sex with our own partners. It reduces worries about erections, disease transmission and pregnancy if premenopausal.

 

My other suggestion is to swap at home, at a hotel or even in a separate room to avoid distractions and to keep focus. Most men have had this problem and I know how bad it feels. I've met some patient women and I commend those who are understanding.

[machiavel55 81]

 

Should I have a bad attitude with this couple?

 

No worries. Your bad attitude will never come close to how the guy is feeling about himself, as a baseball bat inside is head is destroying what is left of his now defunct male pride.

Well, at least until his next boner.

[bonemeal 34]

Very common problem, I've tried to analyze this many times. I get hard with my wife ALL the time. I get SUPER hard with my wife when another man is introduced into the mix. but with other women I have a good erection probably only 30% of the time. I absolutely have to have a mental connection with the woman or there's a problem. Clubs are the WORST for me. One on one with a strange woman almost never works. I take Viagra, Yohimbine, DO NOT DRINK. it doesn't matter. If the brain is ready the penis will follow. For me, it's a matter of compartmentalizing my sexual function and trying to only be in situations that work for all involved.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Bonemeal, could you describe how you work those situations out?

[DjRayder 43]

As a single male and going up in age I try to stay as healthy as possible. I don't drink or smoke and exercise regularly. So that doesn't happen to me. A woman I played with told me before that I was one of the few who actually got hard. I chuckled and thought this woman is hot how can any straight male not get hard,so its not just you and she is your wife and you want her to get pleased so it was in your right to call her over.

[bonemeal 34]

Bonemeal, could you describe how you work those situations out?

 

Yes, Years back when my wife and I swung together we almost immediately hooked up with a married male guy who played by himself. That worked REALLY good for all three of us. I could easily have 3 or 4 orgasms over the course of about 3 hours. On the contrary when we tried couple/couple sex. I only met two women in the lifestyle I was reliably hard for so for the most part we stuck to MFM threesomes.

 

Now that I recently re-entered the lifestyle as a single Bi-male I have been up front about what kind of couple will work for all. I want to play with her husband and she has to love watching, whatever happens beyond that is a bonus. Lucky for most I love giving oral to both sexes and that doesn't require a hard on. There seems to be plenty of mature couples out there that meet this profile.

[Brad145 58]

It is a disappointing experience and a little kindness and patience often pays off in a revived member.

 

So enthusiastically switching between the women, pounding your chest, and declaring yourself a rockstar is out?

 

Next time I guess....

[EastInWest 1,524]

So enthusiastically switching between the women, pounding your chest, and declaring yourself a rockstar is out?

 

Next time I guess....

 

That's a workable answer to almost all problems, but not this problem.

[njbm 2,863]

If you can do it, more power to you! Use new condoms for each woman! Someone has to show the way!

[kikonkrome 843]

So enthusiastically switching between the women, pounding your chest, and declaring yourself a rockstar is out?

 

Next time I guess....

 

I will say this without the chest pounding and declaring myself a rock star, I definitely typically do both women in this situation, so yeah pretty hard for me to complain:sex:. My wife says thats part of the problem. The other guy see's me going to town and just kinda loses his ego!!

 

After reading all this though I can see that it really is a health issue. I am going to keep working out and stay off the booze and alcohol. I'd rather be the guy with the hard dick.

[kikonkrome 843]

You could probably guess that this happens with people in my age category even when whiskey is not involved. My wife's view of this is, OK, the dick will not get stiff but his tongue still works. And for those rare occasions when the tongue is not willing or is untalented, she says this ain't never gonna be given another chance.

 

My wife's comment to this is 'Isn't that what our girlfriends are for?', just sayin'.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

I literally think confidence is the key in this lifestyle. And it is quite easy for men to have low confidence with all the challenges out their. A low confidence level will definitely drive erection problems. I've learned that MFM are quite common in this lifestyle and I can see why now.

[Erik13 157]

This happened to me the other night...only had a couple beers though. Twice in foursome situations I couldn't get hard. It's never ever happened when I'm alone with my wife...hell sometimes just hugging her makes me hard. I just don't get it....

[BabeAndApe 70]

Standard Operating Procedure:

 

Be comfortable with the situation

Remove distractions from environment

Eat a light meal, or not at all

No booze

[Judy39 145]

It happens. I'd even go as far as to say that it happens to the absolute majority of men at some point in their lifestyle experience. It happens to fit men, it happens to young men, it happens to men that don't drink, it just fucking happens. It's life.

 

It certainly happens more often in the clubs because of all the distractions, noise etc.

 

I ask what the guy wants to do in that scenario, and go with that. Some fool around and recover, some take a break then come back, some opt for oral, it depends.

[Erik13 157]

Happened again last night at the club. A really hot girl took me in the corner, unzipped my pants and nothing....hadn't even drank that much yet. I had even taken half a viagra. Got home really late and got hard instantly with my wife. This is really frustrating and making me rethink if we want to stay in the lifestyle.

[Erik13 157]

also forgot to mention that when I watch my wife with single guys I have zero issues getting hard

[njbm 2,863]

I am married and I am 33-0 with my wife. We’re married for 33 years. I do not recall one failure to launch. But it’s happened to me in the LS. I usually will ask my partner to try oral. I also use vitamin “C,” which works.

[Guest]

This happens more than one would think because we (you) are in those exact situations where it is most likely to happen. It happens with “first timers”, it did with us and does for others as well. It may be an experienced guy but his first MFM, he wants to try it but just a uncomfortable about one thing or another. Some place like Desires, we just arrived but the other couple has been there for 3 or 4 days, him perhaps getting off twice a day, things maybe a little slow. I try to make it work and if he gets me off, I certainly do my best to get him off, one way or another.

[findinganswers 369]

I can see that if a partner got an attitude with me if I couldn’t get it up it would leave a very bad mark in my head. The only time I have had this problem is a second or third time. I am usually up maybe too soon on my first of the party. My wife is a saint. She told me that not too long ago we were at a small party and this new partner was having problems. I wasn’t near her and didn’t find out until we got home. I was like apologizing for him and for myself for not playing with her myself. She said it wasn’t a big deal. The guy kept apologizing himself. He made sure he did other things. The award goes to my wife for perseverance. She got him to cum orally. She even told me it was fun giving a blowjob to a semi soft one.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

We have gone to alcohol free swinging activities. I never realized how important it was. We had a couple two weeks ago at the club I’ve had bad experiences at and definitely had success with zero alcohol. I was worried the whole time walking back with the lady. But I got hard and the confidence went way up. I’ve been on cloud 9 since. I don’t need liquid courage anymore. To socialize, without alcohol, is something you have to learn, but, it’s definitely worth the learning experience.

[agreatguy 269]

also forgot to mention that when I watch my wife with single guys I have zero issues getting hard

Watching mine, or just knowing she's horny for another guy and seeing her flirt is all I need to get rock hard and ready to go with the other half of the couple.

 

Some have mentioned confidence. That shit gets in your head and it can spiral quickly. If you can get hard just watching then I'd say it's all about your perception of the other woman's expectations. If they've been doing this any amount of time they've experienced it. Talk to your wife about it. Find couples that are good at flirting, seriously. They know how to set the mood, relax, help you relax and will go with the flow. I know it's easier said than done but get out of your own head. Enjoy it and don't worry so much about what's going to happen, focus on what's happening right now. Is she sucking your cock? Does it feel good? HELL YEAH IT DOES! Just enjoy the feeling and don't worry about what's going to happen next. Watch her, touch her hair be a little dominant if you're both okay with that. Do you like performing oral? I love it. There's nothing like tasting a woman that has those thick/slick juices flowing. That's all for you man, You've gotten to that point so she's into you and will enjoy whatever you're doing to her as long as you're giving her attention so enjoy it.

 

I've had brief issues, usually brought on by just being too tired or something or even just bored with the same routine with the wife. Then it gets in my head to the point I overthink it and I can't get as hard as I'd like the next time, maybe the next. Sometimes while doing the deed I just get frustrated and give up. It never lasts though and I'll forget about it in a week or so whether it's the desire for a really good orgasm, the wife spicing things up somehow or me just watching some porn and rubbing a stiff one out to convince myself everything still works I'm usually able to forget about any performance issues pretty quickly.

[Erik13 157]

Great advice...thank you! We're meeting our regular play partners this weekend. I'll try to just relax and not stress myself out.

[Ems101 24]

Contrary to popular belief, its actually more difficult for men to perform than women in such situations. Basically for vaginal penetration if both are consenting, just apply some sort of lubricant and off you go - no problem when he is able to perform, but for a man to get or stay hard it can rely on so many different things for him to perform - the problem is almost always in his mind not his body.

 

A whole lot of words can be written about this but that is the summary of this.

[adamgunn 1,460]

In the female's defense, yeah, it's physically easy for them to have penetrative sense, but (in general) I think it can be harder on them mentally.

[Ems101 24]

In the female's defense, yeah, it's physically easy for them to have penetrative sense, but (in general) I think it can be harder on them mentally.

Typically because of society, usually religious views/opinions.

 

When any woman can feel as open about sex as any man does about casual sex, then humanity will be equal. Just not under the current definition of (backward) modern feminists.