Is my wife into swinging?

[Amazing31 15]

My wife and I have a great sex life and both are excited about idea seeing other couple(s) having sex in the same room.

 

Actually, my wife mentioned that several times in the past few months, but she doesn't know much about the "lifestyle", nor have any similar experience.

 

Occasionally when she is super-horny she enjoys playing with a big dildo or masturbating while giving me a blowjob.

 

Does it mean she might be interested into having another guy fuck her - MMF? Or having a full-swap?

 

We were discussing going somewhere where people are having sex, so we can watch and other people can watch us.

 

Is a swinger club good place to go and see how things unfold?

 

Btw, recently we had a couple massage. She was massaged by guy, while I was massaged by a girl. It was just a massage, nothing sensual / erotic.

 

However, the other day when I was massaging her and touching her sensually, she asked what would happen if a guy played a little bit with her during massage. I said - would you love that, honey? She said - I think so, and having him put his cock inside me to increase a pleasure...

 

She rarely brings that subject. How can I really test if she is into that? Which would be hot!

 

Thank you guys!

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Welcome to the board!

 

Great communication is the key to a successful marriage, whether swinging is involved or not.

 

So, you're going to have to ask her what she honestly thinks about swinging when you are not in a sexual environment. Talk about it on your next drive together, or while enjoying a relaxing meal. She will need to feel that you aren't going to judge her in any way.

 

Oh, and you probably will want to change your status on this site from "Single Male" to "Married".

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

 

Yes, the easiest way to find out is to just ask her. If you don't feel comfortable asking, then you now know where you need to start working on your relationship. Get it to a place where you feel comfortable asking. Easiest way to start the conversation is to ask her about her fantasies (and be prepared to share your own). On the surface, it sounds like she might be...but she also might not be. Start reading Curious About Swinging and ask questions as they come up. Good luck and welcome.

[Amazing31 15]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

First off, welcome to the Swingers Board!

 

There are a couple of promising signs there: the couples massage and her feelings about that, and the fact that you have both talked about and agreed that watching others have sex would be hot. Both of those show she may be open to the idea, but most importantly, it's that you two have opened up the lines of communication on that. That communication is by far the most important thing, because as others have said, as some point sooner or later it comes down you are just going to have to ask the question directly and have a conversation about it.

 

To your other question, yes, I think a good swingers club would be the perfect place to start. Just go with no expectation other than having a fun night out together and start off slow just by watching and learning and talking to other people. That will speed up the progression of you both getting comfortable with things and will help you make a good informed decision before you take that final step. I'd recommend going to a club that is couples-only or go on couples night (usually Saturday) when if single males are allowed, they are allowed in limited numbers.

 

Good luck and have fun!

[njbm 2,906]

It's a low risk trip to go to a swing club on couples night. See if you are comfortable to play with each other while others watch. You both may like it or not like it. Maybe on the second trip, you'll meet another couple to play with. Are there clubs in Croatia? I understand there are good ones in Amsterdam.

[Scaredstiff 129]

I would suggest being more vocal with your thoughts while having sex at first, when she's playing with a dildo say stuff to her like " it would be so hot seeing you play with another cock" things that reaffirm it's OK for her to think and talk about such things, and then just straight out ask her if she would do it for real.

Sounds like she would to be honest.

 

How much of a turn on is it for you though? Are YOU ready to explore the idea of swinging?

[EastInWest 1,524]

I think the discussion of the couples massage seems very positive. It's seemingly rare on these threads for the woman to take the initiative to suggest group play. She finds it thrilling and trusts you enough to admit it.

 

As others have said, visiting a club seems like a good idea. The club scene is a little intimidating for my girl, but it sounds like it might be just right for yours since she sounds like she is already putting aside her doubts without needing encouragement.

[Amazing31 15]

Thank you so much for these valuable inputs!

 

I would suggest being more vocal with your thoughts while having sex at first, when she's playing with a dildo say stuff to her like " it would be so hot seeing you play with another cock" things that reaffirm it's OK for her to think and talk about such things, and then just straight out ask her if she would do it for real.

 

You know what, I actually was thinking about asking here that. But at the same time I feel like she might be (innitially) offended by that. Let me explain why. She is very jelous -- wants me for herself only, and she definitely expects me to want her with my whole being.

On the other hand, I SEE how much she enjoys playing with dildo (from time to time) while we have sex and idea of us having sex while others are having sex in the same room is something she finds intriguing and makes her horny.

 

Now, I definitely agree communication is something we need to strenghten first, and I should open-up myself first.

 

This was very well said:

She finds it thrilling and trusts you enough to admit it.

 

Now, about this one...

How much of a turn on is it for you though? Are YOU ready to explore the idea of swinging?

 

I think I definitely want to take is slow. Its really strange... while we have sex I often think about some other guy (not anyone specific, but masculine with a big cock) having here and seeing here enjoying it. That idea makes me so horny! However, once I cum, that idea doesn't sound as much as exciting.

 

BTW, its not like cuckold think, as I am not into humiliation, but more like a "here is a beautiful big cock for you, babe, enjoy it".

I simply want her to enjoy it, but still stay fully commited to me.

 

Am I asking too much?

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

In a word: No...but it's not up to just you. It is something that you must both agree on and continue forward as a team. She may not want to...she might be shocked and appalled that you even suggested that the dildo could be another man, but she may also not be and embrace the idea. Only you can find out. Good luck and remember to accept whatever her answer may be.

[EastInWest 1,524]

You know what, I actually was thinking about asking here that. But at the same time I feel like she might be (innitially) offended by that. Let me explain why. She is very jelous -- wants me for herself only, and she definitely expects me to want her with my whole being.

On the other hand, I SEE how much she enjoys playing with dildo (from time to time) while we have sex and idea of us having sex while others are having sex in the same room is something she finds intriguing and makes her horny.

 

I feel that if she already brought up the subject of a man playing with her during a massage, she shouldn't get mad at you for asking about something similar.

 

That doesn't mean she will not get mad at you, I'm just saying that I think it's reasonable for you to talk about it without hurt feelings.

 

Am I asking too much?

 

No. It sounds like a perfectly normal fantasy. It's not for everyone, though, and if it isn't for her, well, it isn't.

 

...and if it doesn't sound like fun anymore after you cum, just remember that you will cum eventually and you might find that you regret it. Yes, this is definitely something to take slowly.

[Scaredstiff 129]

If you don't think she's ready to be asked about swinging then don't ask just yet, just continue with your play and fantasies and ramp it up a little every now and then , I would start introducing fantasies of a woman joining you too, but that's just how I would do it because although I find the idea of mfm threesomes very erotic I also think there needs to be balance, a bit like the force.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

It's true that non-monogamy is not for everyone. Hell, it's not for most anyone! Even if 10% of people are swingers, that leaves 90% of the world who say "no way" to swinging. She may not be among that small minority who are comfortable with the idea of sharing their spouse, or themselves, with others in the context of a solid relationship. That small minority is able to separate in their minds the fun and pleasure of sex from the deep emotional commitment of a loving relationship.

 

Even among those who are disposed to be OK with the idea, it still is a thing that requires a solid foundation of love and trust. Starting with a solid foundation like that is important before broaching a subject like this. My advice is, before you raise the topic of doing this, you make absolutely certain that your wife knows that you are solidly, irretrievably in love and committed to her. She needs to understand that this idea that you're floating is in no way any reflection of anything g missing or lacking between you; rather, it's an expression of your trust, and your desire to share an exciting adventure with her.

[Amazing31 15]

UPDATE

 

We had a sex last night and we brought in our silicone friend - dildo. After some fun I wanted her to lick it (it was hangining attached to wall) while I fuck her, and it so enjoyed it.

 

Than conversation starts:

 

She: you like idea seeing my sucking another man's cock?

Me: oh, yes, babe! Yes, I do...

She: mmmm... and what if he wants to fuck me?

Me: well, if thats whats you want, go for it babe and enjoy it!

She: show me how you would like him to fuck me...

Me: like this...

 

You can imagine the end.

 

Anyway, we were talking a little bit about that and she told me she was thinking about me and another guy fucking her hard and competing for her, a few times before - and thats here fantasy. However, she couldn't stand seeing me fuck another woman.

 

She told me she had more nasty ideas while I fucked her, but was afraid to tell me as she was afraid I won't be able to digest it.

 

I expect that conversation to continue tonight

 

Any suggestins how to moge forward? Some ideas?

 

What do you think she might be up to but is affraid to tell me?

 

Thanks!

[Scaredstiff 129]

That's great advice.

Whatever she ends up telling you and no matter how shocking it is always remember it is just a fantasy and until there comes a day where you act it out it will always be just a harmless fantasy.

You might be pleasantly surprised and find it a turn on , you might be disgusted and find it a turn off, but however you feel about it at least try to listen with a non judgemental open mind , you may not like this particular fantasy much but there will be other fantasies further down the road and you want your other half to feel comfortable sharing them with you so try not to freak out at her, and remember sometimes the most sordid fantasies are a turn on because of the very fact that they are far removed from reality.

Good luck and be sure to let us know what it is! I'm nearly as intrigued as you must be