Are most swingers married?

[Sexylyn 20]

I hope this isn't a dumb question!!! Are most swingers married and does it make the marriage stronger? Seems to be a lot more honesty and trust when you are in the lifestyle.

 

I posted for the first time this week and I am new to swinging. My new relationship is moving fast because he feels I have all the qualities he wants and I am comfortable with the lifestyle. He is really amazed things went so well on first date but it felt very natural to me.

 

So I am just curious. I see a large percent of couples are married, is this usually the case?

[bonemeal 34]

Not a dumb question. When my wife and I got into the lifestyle I'd say it was a very high % of married couples. Back then the lifestyle seemed to attract the over 40 crowd. Today I think it's much younger and maybe more singles. As far as making a marriage stronger? it had better be pretty strong before deciding to indulge in this type of recreation. We met many couples who probably shouldn't be doing this. There was a big misconception on my part before swinging that people in the lifestyle are well grounded, emotionally stable people with rock solid relationships, not always the case. It certainly can make a strong relationship stronger but it will also quickly turn a weak one into a disaster.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Most couples are either married or have been in a committed relationship for awhile...it takes that to get to where the relationship is strong enough to have both partners feel secure that nothing will happen (one won't leave for a better/different lover) and the communication and openness can take place. I saw your intro where you are just started dating your guy. There is no love (maybe really in like), no grounds for trust (you really don't KNOW that much about him at this point), and a lack of open communication. Can you count on him being able to tell that you are uncomfortable in a situation and to guide you out of it? Probably not. Not saying that it can't work, but the two of you don't have a foundation to build on yet. At the same time, other couples will probably be leery about the two of you. Most ads on swinging websites talk about having a lack of drama or wanting to avoid drama...newbies to the LS are potential drama. Two people who just started dating and swinging are probably going to (at some point) bring drama (not saying that you will, but the odds say the chance is high).

 

Okay, I'm rambling here. Answer to your question is most couples have been together for awhile...several years usually before making this step.

[kikonkrome 844]

I think only about half the couple's we meet are married. Seriously, maybe even less. Almost all are surprised we are. I would also say there are a large number these days that are either in a new open/swinging relationship or some arrangement for the evening. These arrangements can get really complicated. There is also my favorite, the single girl that shows up every Saturday night with a different guy.

 

I actually think the hey we're married but swinging together is not exactly disappearing. It's just become common for singles to have fwb that they then partner up with either online or at a swing club.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I would say in our community a large majority are married, a small number in long term relationships, and very few just dating.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Yes, most swingers are married. There is a reason that swinging is called "consensual non-monogamy"--it generally follows the voluntary monogamy of marriage. See this essay for further insight: https://www.swingersboard.com/content/2083-swinging-consensual-non-monogamy-within-marriage.html

[Guest]

We started swinging before we were married but it was the 2nd go around for both of us and we were in our 40’s. Interestingly, neither one of us had done it before, in our prior marriage.

[Sexylyn 20]

Thank you all for responding truthfully just trying to see what I am getting into.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Not at all a dumb question! Please don't worry about that kind of thing- ask us whatever you want.

 

In my experience thus far, I have seen lots of married couples in the lifestyle, and some in committed relationships.

 

The hoped-for thing with married couples is that it does make a marriage stronger, because of the improved communication, the demonstration of trust, and the shared adventure. That does not always happen, and I've seen some couples who I desperately wish, for the sake of their relationship, would stop swinging.

 

In many cases, a successful couple in the lifestyle will have built a solid relationship foundation before they started swinging. I am not sure how successful relationships generally are when swinging is a component from the very beginning. And I do have some of the concerns for you that GoldCoCouple mentioned. But I also know there is more than one way to skin a cat!

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Ummmmm, skinned cat...

[adamgunn 1,460]

in my experiences, we only met two couples that were not married or in a "committed" relationship - and we met our share.

 

In the first couple, she had a husband that was going through dialysis for kidney failure, and therefore couldn't perform. Her husband knew about it. The guy in the couple said his wife was no longer interested in sex, I had the feeling he was cheating.

 

In the second couple, I was considered for the role of the M in the MFm. They were both cheating, and they could only play on Tuesdays during the day at motels.

[Anastasia1999 0]

On 1/31/2017 at 4:26 PM, Sexylyn said:

I hope this isn't a dumb question!!! Are most swingers married and does it make the marriage stronger? Seems to be a lot more honesty and trust when you are in the lifestyle.

 

I posted for the first time this week and I am new to swinging. My new relationship is moving fast because he feels I have all the qualities he wants and I am comfortable with the lifestyle. He is really amazed things went so well on first date but it felt very natural to me.

 

So I am just curious. I see a large percent of couples are married, is this usually the case?

quite possible.

[lcmim 1,082]

The term swinging has morphed over time. At one time it was almost exclusively married couples, thus the term wife swapping. Now in many cases it has been co-opted by what I call the hookup culture.

We will willingly play with widowed singles and,with exception, divorced singles. We prefer the equality of other stable married couples. The frame of reference being the same makes things better for us.

 

Singles have places to go to meet up and it is expected of them. Married couples have more at risk and mostly do not use the same neighborhood meat markets.

 

[Fitlakecouple 451]

Swinging in my view is a couples game. Committed couples (married or not) engaging in consensual non-monogamy are 'swinging'. A hot wife (married woman playing alone - with permission of the hubby) is swinging. A married man, playing on a hall pass, granted by his wife, is swinging. A single, who is playing with a swinger couple is hardly 'swinging'. They are simply hooking up with swingers. There is no underlying societal expectation of monogamy for a single. Two singles, i.e. FWB's - same thing. They are not swinging - they are hooking up with a couple who swings  Now, if those FWB's are in committed relationships to other people and they are playing with their knowledge and permission - they are swingers!

[adamgunn 1,460]

FitLake, I respectfully disagree.

 

In my opinion, 'The LIfeStyle' and more recently 'Ethical Non Monogamy' is the catchall phrase. Other activities are subsets of The LifeStyle.

• Swinging is when a married couple participates in the same place at the same time. Swapping, house parties, orgies, etc.

• Hotwifing is when a woman participates with her husband's knowledge and agreement. MFM, solos, overnights, etc. 

• Open Marriages and Hall Passes are when the couple give each other permission to have encounters without the other's involvement.

I'm sure there's more guys, help me out.

 

And, FitLake, this is my opinion, I respect yours.

[Jane1902 476]

I think of swinging as something of an umbrella term or catch all phrase, generally meaning some form of group sex, but not always.  I notice enough married couples here don’t apply the term for singles. I am not one for labels but will say I have participated in swinging activities as a single female and met my FWB on a swinger site, we have participated in swinger activities together. Currently he is the only one in my social bubble, something we’ve discussed. Plenty of requests for the unicorn or bull to show a desire for the singles participation. There is something about saying it is a married only activity when at the same time there are multiple requests for our company somehow leaves me feeling a little less of a player. I am a little sensitive today. But I also fully understand and respect those that choose to only play with other married couples.

[couplers 4,640]

Couples fall into three categories: casual, committed, and married.

 

The first are just dating without any commitment.  Whether they are non-monogamous together or while apart makes little difference.

 

The committed couple are the most interesting one, they are exploring whether the relationship is turning serious, all the while having sex with others.  I really admire them.

 

The married couples in most cases see it as a joint undertaking, based on their years together.  Less risky than those just starting to get serious.

[Fitlakecouple 451]

On 7/1/2020 at 4:05 PM, adamgunn said:

FitLake, I respectfully disagree.

 

In my opinion, 'The LIfeStyle' and more recently 'Ethical Non Monogamy' is the catchall phrase. Other activities are subsets of The LifeStyle.

• Swinging is when a married couple participates in the same place at the same time. Swapping, house parties, orgies, etc.

• Hotwifing is when a woman participates with her husband's knowledge and agreement. MFM, solos, overnights, etc. 

• Open Marriages and Hall Passes are when the couple give each other permission to have encounters without the other's involvement.

I'm sure there's more guys, help me out.

 

And, FitLake, this is my opinion, I respect yours.

We're more in agreement than not. What I termed swinging - you called lifestyle. All of your "Lifestyle" examples are married couples. That is pretty much my point.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

6 hours ago, couplers said:

 

 

The married couples in most cases see it as a joint undertaking, based on their years together.  Less risky than those just starting to get serious.

It's a different sort of risk. Most marital vows include some commitment to monogamy, so that breaking that vow may be perceived as ---or actually be--a risk to the marriage. We gravitate to long-marrieds, those who are secure in their relationship and genuinely in love with each other. 

[johnbatoN 12]

Most swingers are married because most people start this way of life. They begin to have discord in their personal lives and are not intimately attracted to each other. Everyone can interpret their own way about it differently. I believe that people come to this because they are bored with each other physically and want to try something new. After much persuasion, my wife and I had that experience, but I agreed to it. I even had to take a potency-boosting drug because I didn't want another woman. But in the process, I started to loosen up, and I ended up loving it :)

[NerdsAreFun 226]

We started before we got married.  I was sure to disclose that I was interested in bi swinging fun relatively early in the relationship as I didn't want that to just end up being a point of strife years later.  Worked out well and we've been together 23 years.