Lying after playing openly

[Norfolkcouple 15]

My husband and I have been swinging for 8 years, married for 13. In the past I, the Mrs. have been allowed to venture out on my own and have sex with couples/females/single males. This summer my husband went on a deployment for 7 months and we agreed on giving the open relationship thing a go for the first time while he was gone.

 

Everything went well for the first few months. Then I started becoming very uncomfortable with how close his relationship was becoming with the woman he was dating. For instance we said we would tell one another everything when it happened and he began to not tell me until days later. He also informed me that one time in particular he didn't use a condom (which is a big no no with us).

 

After that incident I asked him to cool things down with her, I told him I didn't mind if they still had sex but she was no longer allowed to spend the night and I didn't want them hanging out as much as they had been. Come to find out a few days later she spends the night again. At this point I am very upset and not willing to do the separate play anymore. He tells me(him saying it, not me suggesting it) that he won't talk to her anymore and he is very very very sorry. (this happened back in October)

 

He got home from deployment back in January and I found out from looking in his phone that he is still talking to her. Come to find out they were hanging out and talking everyday after that incident. I asked him about it and he swears they are just friends and nothing happened between them sexually after he told him she spent the night again. He has been keeping their relationship a secret for months! I'm angry, hurt and not believing what he says. Do I just accept it and try to move on?

[DjRayder 43]

Wow, Having been in the military myself I've seen this happen even with not open relationships. But, you really need to talk with him and give swinging/open relationship a break. You have a right to be angry since he kept breaking rules you two set already. Marriage counseling, couples retreat etc. whatever you need to repair the things you feel is broken. In open relationships there needs to be trust and right now you can't trust him. Good luck and I hope you find the answers what you're looking for.

[kikonkrome 844]

Here is my two cents and it's not the greatest.

 

Some people, predominantly women (but certainly not limited to) have a very difficult time having unattached sex. Particularly long term with the same partner. Luckily for you, your partner has a similar issue. I say lucky for you as he is obviously still very attached to you. Unfortunately for you, it would appear he is attached to his play partner as well, and she is attached to him as well.

 

Apart from getting over your anger regarding his 'behavior' it would be time to reconnect with him. He is obviously getting something from this relationship. So the question becomes, what is he getting?

 

This is where for me this train of thought derails. I have no definitive answer for you. I think time together without outside partners would be the best course of action. The question is will your SO really do it? How will convince him to willingly do it?

 

To those to questions I unfortunately have no answer.

 

Wishing you the best.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

I agree that this is a good time to stop swinging, and focus on saving your marriage.

 

Your trust in him has been broken. That trust needs to be rebuilt, and that takes a little time. He needs to be willing to focus on you two and your relationship.

[Initwithher 40]

Yes I agree with the other post stating that * how will you convince him to break this relationship with he's own willing * that's what should happen in my opinion because the #1 rule is been over looked TRUST