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Tcav45

Devastating rejection during play time

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Hi all. I was wondering if you could help. We are a married Female/Female couple that recently became interested in swinging. My partner was the one who brought it up initially.

 

She has pretty much been sexually inhibited most of her life. She is now a gorgeous body builder with a rocking body and she has decided that she does not want to be inhibited anymore. She is not very experienced, so she is not very confident. And recently on several occasions during playtime with people she has felt very rejected. Kind a like the odd one out. This rejection has completely devastated her and she wants to quit the lifestyle and just go back to a sexless life. I don't know how to help her deal with this, she is crushed and thinks she is repulsive and unfuckable.

 

Can anyone give me some advice? Has anyone else ever gone through this?

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That's very unfortunate and I'm sorry this has happened.

 

Sadly, going from not comfortable with sex to swinging is like going from not comfortable with driving to formula 1 racing. It's a big, big leap and one which carries serious risks, as you have discovered.

 

You need to talk to her, support her, show her who you love her and help her through this difficult time. My advice, first stop swinging. Second, seek counseling (and I mean that in a positive light, as someone who is big believer in the value of personal therapy). It sounds like your partner has some real insecurities that she needs to deal with and the help of an impartial professional might be very valuable to that process.

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Rejection is a shitty feeling. :(

 

It might help us to understand what exactly caused her to feel rejected. I think it would allow us give more useful feedback if we better understood what happened.

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Rejection is a part of life, a part of sex and a part of swinging. The beauty of swinging is that someone doesn't find you attractive this weekend, there is always the next encounter. There are plenty of opportunities and a myriad of options available in this hobby that are not available to couples in the vanilla world. Our advice is simply this, don't take rejection personally. It may not even be her, in fact, it may be reverse rejection in that she's so trim, fit and hot that the other person cannot imagine that there would ever be an attraction. Write it off as experience and move on to the next experience.

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I agree with what has already been said. Rejection can happen to everybody, happened to me too. That's ok, it hurts, but it's not a big deal.

 

I think she needs to work on her confidence and attitude, swinging should be about fun and not about some mind games. Try to relax and never force anything. Good luck!

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What was the situation when this perceived rejection occurred? A swingers club party? A house party. A private two on two encounter?

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I agree that it would be helpful to know a little more about the situations where she felt rejected.

 

A lifestyle couple of two women is rare in the lifestyle- even more rare than a single woman! In your play times thus far, have you been with other F-F couples, single men, single women, or male-female couples? The dynamics here might be relevant to understanding what happened. And I'm wondering if there might be a little uncertainty in others about how to play with a F-F couple that contributed to the situation somehow.

 

I will mention that it's possible that, if your spouse has a lack of confidence, it's possible that this could be misunderstood as being a little distant or aloof. Do you think she was engaging and friendly with the people you were talking with before playing?

 

I also agree that, as padoc said, she might be so shapely and hot that a potential play partner might be intimidated, see her as out of their league. She may need to make an extra effort to come across as friendly, approachable, and interested in the other person/people.

 

I hope she doesn't give up! Rejection is going to happen sometimes- it is the natural result of putting yourself out there. But it's easier to have a thick skin, and accept the occasional rejection with grace and equanimity, if you've also had the ego boost of being desired and sought-after by some people. I know my ex-wife came into the lifestyle with some uncertainty about whether other people would find her attractive (for that matter, I had the same uncertainty about myself!). But by now, she has been complimented, lusted after, and devoured enough that she's pretty confident. It can happen!

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It is easy for someone that is exceptionally fit to unknowingly intimidate someone else into thinking they would be the ones rejected or, that maybe the fit person engaging with them was just them "settling". That is completely the other person's issues, not your partner being undesirable. I once visited a client and a female employee there was also a body builder (competitive) and had a build that many men would envy, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, she was stunningly beautiful...most fit and healthy people are. I had never been around a female body builder but, just like her male counterparts, her fitness and form just highlighted her beauty and made her all the more feminine and desirable. Granted, I'm male but, beauty is beauty and attraction is attraction and neither know gender combination. I think your partner should be very proud of her fitness and maybe consider being a little less shy and be first to approach. It may very well be that the other (or others) are the ones being shy and would appreciate her making them feel wanted by her.

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