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Ajkennedy1975

New boyfriend want to swing? Not sure what to do

By Ajkennedy1975, in Curious About Swinging?

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Ajkennedy1975    15

Ajkennedy1975
Posted

My new boyfriend used to swing. He said he didn't want to any longer when we met, but the last couple weekends he has made references to how much swinging did for him sexually. I'm afraid that I'm not enough sexually for him. I'm not sure what to do. I love him and I don't want to lose him. I had an open relationship when I was married but it was not a good experience. I want to see him climax but he has trouble when it's just me. Any advice?

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SW_PA_Couple    4,024

SW_PA_Couple
Posted

Number One: WELCOME to Swingersboard.

 

Next: if you get into swing, it should definitely be for your own reasons. People who do it for the simple reason of pleasing a spouse or significant other are very liable to encounter trouble, especially if it happens early in a developing relationship.

 

Wishing you the best of outcomes.

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funcoupledayton    2,708

funcoupledayton
Posted

Welcome. I think it's great that you've come here to learn more about swinging.

 

I don't have any great advice, I'm sorry. Sometimes, people can be great friends and partners but, they're just not sexually compatible. Unfortunately, that doesn't make for a good relationship. I would continue talking with your boyfriend and getting to know each other.

 

I wouldn't explore swinging or group sex unless it is something you want.

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Scaredstiff    129

Scaredstiff
Posted

I have hardly any experience myself but I have done my research by reading through a lot of the threads here, it really does help to explain and understand all aspects of swinging.

 

The part where you say he struggles to climax with just you is the bit that worries me, it is my understanding that swinging should be something you get involved in to add some extra spice to an already raging sex life and not seen as something to fill in the gaps.

 

I would suggest concentrating your efforts on improving your sex life first, learn what does it for him, it's not unusual in my experience for a new relationship to not quite hit the right spots straight away, sometimes some time and attention is required to learn what turns each other on.

 

I think coming here and learning about swinging is a great thing to do though, reading these forums and having discussions about swinging has brought my wife and I closer together than ever and we've been together nearly 20 years, also it will demystify a lot of what he got up to before he met you

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GoldCoCouple    4,065

GoldCoCouple
Posted

:Welcome:

 

Another new relationship mixed with swinging (I'm assuming it is still fairly new).

 

I'm afraid that I'm not enough sexually for him.

 

Swinging isn't about you being good enough or active enough or daring enough for him. It's about variety and pushing boundaries and so much more...but if you are not on board (and there's NOTHING WRONG with you not being on board, some people can't or their relationship isn't ready for something like this), then you and he have a choice to make. Either he stops with bringing it up and (at least for the short to medium term) gives up on the idea or you end the relationship (it's much better to start over before you've invested too much time than wait until it crashes on its own). If my SO were to say she wanted to stop swinging and never do it again...we're stopping. She is and always will be way more important that recreational sex. So you love him and don't want to lose him, but if he wants to swing...if swinging is more important to him than you are, and you don't, you've already lost him. Better to start again now than a month/year/decade down the road.

 

Thinking that you will 'try' it once or twice and he'll 'get it out of his system' is also just another :trainwreck:. If you are not 100% on board with swinging for your own reasons (and not just because he wants to), things will still end badly.

 

Swinging REQUIRES enormous amounts of love, trust and communication...more than most couples will ever have and usually much more than what new relationships have. It also requires a very open progressive attitude that some people just aren't 'wired' for. It can be wonderful and take a couple to unexpected heights, or crash them into the rocks at light speed. You are not ready, and you may never be ready, and that's okay. The two of you need to have a talk to see how important this is to him. Good luck and we wish you the best.

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