Arguing at party

[Sexylyn 20]

I attended my second party it ended horribly. My new guy and I were getting along fine. We even spent time together one on one things were going great.

Well at this party things were moving slow. One couple asked could I play with them and he seemed cool with it. Eventually another guy joined in and he wanted to have sex with me. I was caught up in the moment and I did it. He watched the whole time so I thought my partner was ok he said he was. Afterward he was furious and we argued all the way home. He is now speaking to me again we both apologized. How can I make sure we have solid rules and a good understanding so this doesn't happen again.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I think you should agree ahead of time how you are going to play. Perhaps, you decide only to play with couples and only play if it is a four way match and everyone is going to play in the same room. No matter what, stick to that for the evening. Don't try to renegotiate if some other opportunity presents itself. Go home and talk about that for next time.

 

Honestly, I don't believe many couples who are in newer relationships can negotiate swinging successfully. What kind of commitment do you have to each other? What is the motivation for both of you to swing? Those are a few questions you should talk about.

[padoc 1,704]

Back off away from swinging until you have built a strong and trusting and honest relationship between you. Once you do that, you'll have something worthwhile to share with others. Unless you've hooked up with the main goal of having a swinging partner, you two are clearly not ready to play with others.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

This is what I have been saying...you haven't been together long enough to establish that love/trust/communication bond. It just takes time for it to develop, there's no way to rush it. Also, you don't have that 5th sense being able to tell what they are thinking without talking (also takes years to develop). The only thing that there is before that SOLID bond of trust is formed is jealousy, and it sounds like that is rearing its ugly head. You are on a difficult path with having a new relationship AND trying to start swinging. It's probably best to pick one and spend your efforts on that instead of dividing it between two difficult projects (or just expect more of the same to happen and keeping that in mind when you are at these parties).

[kikonkrome 844]

I would like to know if the situation was reversed would you be happy?

 

It kinda seems to me just to be courtesy not to abandon the person you came with at any party? Like if you go to a bbq and leave your partner, not really knowing anybody, and then magically reappear later? Am I missing something?

 

Why did you go with the new BF? Why didn't you go alone?

 

Just leaves more questions than answers with your behavior and what happened.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

So, I understand and agree with the point that others are making about you two being very new, though I'm not inclined to hit it as hard as some others have.

 

It seems to me that the thing that really got to your BF was when you decided to play with the second guy, without checking in with your BF first. Do you think that this was a break of the rules and the trust that you and your BF had established beforehand? My advice is this: no calling audibles, and certainly no changing the play without talking it out and agreeing first.

[Sexylyn 20]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I did break his rules but we hadn't talked about solid rules. We have been talking and I did explain that he has to be patient with me. I guess it's hard starting a new relationship and setting rules for swinging.

After we talked about it I think he was more upset that the guy wanted to talk to me after sex and hang around me. He felt I should have left the room faster than I did. I sense there was some jealousy so I will take note to be careful. I notice some guys there seem to want to pick you up even if they are with someone. I was only talking not trying to flirt but it came off that way. Again thanks everyone I am paying attention to all of your posts.

Thanks

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

It sounds like you both are treating this as a good lesson learned, and moving ahead with a greater understanding of how you each want this to work, and a better knowledge of each other in general. I think that goodwill on both sides counts for a lot here, and it seems like this was an innocent misstep.

[Sexylyn 20]

Yes we are talking more but I think he is still a little upset trying to get past it. I really think I misunderstood how everything works. I took things way to lightly and I wasn't taking this serious. I feel stupid because I now see that this requires a bond and I feel like I acted recklessly.

By the relationship being new I didn't read his feelings for me combined with not understanding the lifestyle it was just a disaster.

He has been a little withdrawn from me and I have tried to be patient. I would like it to work out with us so I am giving it time.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Most important is that you are willing and able to learn...and ask the questions. All good signs

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I did break his rules but we hadn't talked about solid rules. We have been talking and I did explain that he has to be patient with me. I guess it's hard starting a new relationship and setting rules for swinging.

After we talked about it I think he was more upset that the guy wanted to talk to me after sex and hang around me. He felt I should have left the room faster than I did. I sense there was some jealousy so I will take note to be careful. I notice some guys there seem to want to pick you up even if they are with someone. I was only talking not trying to flirt but it came off that way. Again thanks everyone I am paying attention to all of your posts.

Thanks

 

That's the big problem right there. That is something that MUST be done. Also, as soon as you engage in an encounter with anyone else, you should talk about expectations not just with your bf, but with your partners as well. Set the ground rules for what can and can not happen. My wife and I had the firts part down, but failed a bit on the second part and it was a tough time for us as well. Pretty normal to make mistakes the first go around. We stepped back, took a break and did not even try to do anything else for a while, almost a full year now. We are going back out there, but will discuss things with the other couple more this time before play starts.