First Time Foursome

[220Somethings 17]

So the last and first time I had a threesome with my wife, I ended up getting smacked upside the head with a guitar. There were no negotiations, it was spur of the moment thing with her friend that I had a past flight with before we were together. We had drank a lot, A LOT, got 420, cabbed it back to our place (the kids were at grandma's) and before I could blink my eyes we were all over each other and it was going fantastically... So I thought.

 

I'm kind of hazy on the details, but my wife felt as though I was favoring the 3rd over her, and perhaps I was I couldn't tell you. At one point, the third turned to me and grabbed my dick and said she wanted to see me inside her (my wife). Now, I remember in my idiotic drunken head thinking I was engaging in some lame ass cryptic dirty talk but for some reason out of my mouth came "Thanks for reminding me".

 

Then all hell broke loose.

 

The rest is all drama, I ended up taking the third home and my wife ended up coming back but I was sure I was fucked. Now, she had brought up that she is bicurious, tried to pull me into multiple three ways (which I resisted), and had been expressing in the weeks leading up to New Years Eve that she was interested in being more Freaky in the bedroom. So I asked her if she ever considered polyamory, she asked why it was cool that I had another pussy but she couldn't have another dick. And at first my macho pride flared up, and for a few weeks we avoided the topic and returned to our usual sexual activities, and I thought about her question and it fucked with me. We both have sexual desires and why is it cool (or had it been cool my entire sexual history) to claim my fantasies a priority while hers are simply being ignored? If we loved eachother we would be clawing over one another to put our lover's pleasure and satisfaction before our own, right?

 

So we talked again, had a couple drinks, revealed our kinky and dark sides to one another, and we both settled on a threesome with a girl again (but one who we did not know, or a couple that we both felt comfortable with - whichever came first. And we met a couple we both liked enough on a dating app And we set up guideline's.

 

-Equal attention at all times

-any women involved had to be at the very least bisexual

-No contact with sexual partners following a tryst without the express permission of the other

-One Time, One Night only unless we both agree to double back

-No kissing

-No creampies

-Meet First, No first date fucks

-No right to be jealous if the rules are observed

 

So, in summary, my questions concerning rules, swinging, and foursomes are as follows:

 

What rules would you add? WWhich would you take away?

 

How are foursomes initiated respectfully? Who starts on who first?

 

Are you supposed to match the pace at which she is being pleasured, or move to the beat of your own drum?

 

What happens if he cums first? Does he just watch me fuck his wife until I'm done?

 

Is it less awkward (my experience being solely in anonymous, unattached group sex) to have sex with a large group than couple on couple?

 

The couple says they usually like to "date" other couples if they like them, what does that entail?

 

Should we keep couples we like around, or keep it one time and anonymous?

 

Any big do's and don'ts?

 

Any advice on our past shared experience and how it may or may not effect this one?

 

Should I take it easy on my new partner out of respect to wife, or give her the full treatment?

 

What if her husband is bi and I'm not, am I obliged to give him a reach around or blow him?

 

Afterwards, is it awkward? What's a good way to break the post-cum tension?

 

Some of these questions may seem asinine, and the list isn't even complete. Lol. I've been serious with three women in my life, and two of them had only slept with me until we broke up and were in no way sexually adventurous - leading me to exercise my kink outside the monogamous space. So being in love with a woman who matches my inner freak toe to tip and loves it is exhilarating and absolutely unknown at the same time. I appreciate any advice you take the time to give, maybe I'm putting too much thought into it. Haha.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Welcome! That is a lot of questions.

 

I would say the no kissing rule is probably the one that is going to be the hardest to work with. I would talk about that and re-evaluate. It is often hard for men to get an erection without kissing, it makes sex awkward and unnatural, most couples won't play with non-kissing couples.

 

Also, nothing is ever equal, so you can't make a rule for that. Maybe he can't get it up? Maybe she comes 20 times? Maybe he can go two rounds? You just don't know. You have to roll with it, do your best and have fun.

 

You can say, we only agree to play if there is attraction for both of us.

 

Being bi doesn't mean the girl and your wife will be attracted to each other.

 

What about condoms? Does no cream pie mean not coming inside someone or not eating it out of someone?

 

It is a good idea to meet for dinner or drinks and then go home and talk before setting a time to play. That is smart. Make sure the other couple know that is your intention so they don't get a hotel room or super clean their house or something. At the meet talk about your rules, what you would like to happen, is she or he bi, how do they like to play? We like to switch sides of the table to flirt partway through. See how it goes. Kiss them good-bye. That will give you the best idea whether there is chemistry. Don't go to their house or a hotel with them if you don't plan to play. It will get confusing, awkward.

 

Bi guys are not common. No one is under any obligation to perform any act.

 

The biggest thing is to limit drinking and drug use, really limit. 2 drinks max.

 

Ask the other couple what they mean by dating. The best policy is always to ask if you are not sure what they mean.

 

If someone tells me they are one and done I would not play with them. I don't expect that we will play again, but if it's good I like the option. we have played with many, many couples, many times. It is very rewarding.

 

You can't tell someone they can't feel jealous. You are going to feel what you feel. It is better to agree to be open and honest, to own your feelings and work through them, not blame someone else for them. You don't know how you'll feel til it happens. If something comes up, call a time out. You can switch back and forth during a foursome. Let the other couple know you are brand new.

 

The mechanics of starting out is different almost everytime. Sometimes my husband and I will start making out. Sometimes the girls, sometimes me and the other husband. Just do what feels right. There is no law against talking and asking questions/consent in swinging.

 

The biggest thing is to treat everyone, the other couple and your wife with respect and empathy.

 

Good luck! Ask more if you have more questions.

[adamgunn 1,461]

Seems to me that you're overthinking this. Swinging is supposed to be about both of you having fun.

 

My advice for you is before you focus on whatever 'rules' you need to have, focus on your fantasies. Is her fantasy one that turns you on? Is it something you can live with? And vice versa.

 

After that, agree on the kind of experience you'll have, then just have fun with it. Afterwards, talk about what worked and what didn't. Then have another experience. Repeat as necessary.

[Tahoecple 319]

Swinging, is all about both of you having fun having sex, nothing more nothing less. Drama is not fun; the quickest way to introduce drama into swinging is to set up a bunch of rules beforehand.

 

Rules:

1. Be respectful to each other at all times.

2. Never be hurtful toward you spouse.

3. Only go forward if both parties are ready to proceed.

 

If you start making a bunch of rules, you are going to be spending your time trying to remember what you not supposed to be doing and not spending enough time having fun.

 

If your relationship isn’t strong enough for you and your spouse to allow the other to enjoy themselves sexually with another person, you’re not ready to be in this. I think in many cases “rules” are just another way of saying I’m not comfortable with all this and only going along with it is because you want it so much.

 

If you are both ready for this, if you are both into this, then you don’t need a legal document between you two of what is acceptable behavior during play time. Acceptable behavior should be whatever moves you at the time that’s not disrespectful to your spouse.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

When we started, we had a bunch of rules similar to yours...almost all fell by the wayside as we moved forward, but they were IMPORTANT (to us) at the time. They didn't become unnecessary and silly until later.

 

-Equal attention at all times

 

Who is going to judge this? Will there need to be an official timekeeper? Are your and her definition of 'equal time' the same? This is going to be a hard one...

 

-No kissing

 

Had this rule too. In the end, it was gone the second time it came up in our conversations. Kissing isn't emotions...which is what we were both thinking (i only kiss the one I love). In reality, we only love each other and kissing is only lips touching (and those same lips were touching other, much more personal areas of other people).

 

-No creampies

 

Always condoms takes care of this rule. Technically, if you are wearing a condom, you really aren't 'touching' the other person (as long as you are careful with your hands and feet...inside joke).

 

-No right to be jealous if the rules are observed

 

Might as well say 'no right to be tall or blonde or whatever'. What we found is that as long as you communicate and trust each other, jealousy keeps it's head out of the way (your results may vary). It might pop up every now and again, but it usually is just making sure that everything else in the relationship is solid. I used to be insanely jealous when I was younger, and I expected more of the same when we first started, but I was surprised that when we got going, I wasn't jealous anymore. I KNEW she was coming home with me and that I wasn't ever going to leave her (no matter how good the sex may be with someone else...if it ever is better with someone else). Just that we were able to do something this intimate together is amazing!

 

How are foursomes initiated respectfully? Who starts on who first?

 

Ask...ask about their rules and limits and then progress from there. It seems like it is easiest if the women start. In the case of the couple we've been seeing for some time, it's up to her (she sets the limits and boundaries).

 

What happens if he cums first? Does he just watch me fuck his wife until I'm done?

 

Usually you try and pace things so everything is moving at the same speed, but if it ends too soon, then watching your wife getting pleasured can be very hot.

 

The couple says they usually like to "date" other couples if they like them, what does that entail?

 

Just that, dating. There are two camps in swinging: quantity and quality (for lack of a better term). Quantity is usually the 'one and done', quality is usually FWB or dating. There is no right answer here, choose whatever you are most comfortable with. We have been dating the couple we have been seeing for almost four years...weekend get-aways, vacations, movies, dinners, concerts...sometimes it is totally vanilla and we just get together and do something together, other times...well, lets just say the cloths come off. Pick whatever is right for you and enjoy.

 

Should we keep couples we like around, or keep it one time and anonymous?

 

Once again, up to what the two of you decide (swinging is a team sport).

 

Any big do's and don'ts?

 

NEVER move faster than the slowest one in the group is comfortable with

 

If any one of you say no to something, then the answer for the group is no

 

No repercussions, no penalties, no punishment for something after the fact, but also NO breaking any of the established rules until it can be discussed LATER in private and agreed upon by both parties

 

Rules are a fluid thing that are expected to evolve as time goes on, but only after being discussed and agreed to outside of a sexual situation

 

Be careful of ingesting too much alcohol or other substances that may cloud ones judgement (and/or performance)

 

NEVER leave your guitar out in the open. When you are done playing it, put it away

 

I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but I think that's a good start.