Advice on trying a second time

[Jnh4fun 15]

Okay, so we tried it before, a few club visits, a house party, etc. Had a blast! Then we met a couple, and from there things went south! At first it was all good but then we realized that they were very odd! Way not what we had anticipated! Pushy and way crazy, I'll just say that. Anyway, it really turned my wife off of the entire thing! It's been a few years now, and we've been recently talking about a MFM threesome, I don't want her feeling pressured so what do you suggest the approach should be?

[funcoupledayton 2,710]

It's probably not for your wife if it takes a few years to get over a bad experience. You do meet a lot of weird people and it takes time and patience to meet good ones and find a good group of friends. I guarantee you will have another weird, bad or crazy experience. We've had several.

 

Our experience trying to find good single males over the last 8 years has been much worse than finding couples. We have played with 2, one is now with a steady girlfriend and we see them a lot. One was fine, but not in a stable position job/housing wise. We've probably interacted with 50-100 guys over the years and not played with any of them. We have played with dozens of couples, most were good.

 

I'd say if you had fun at clubs and your wife wants to do that again, go and have fun. Otherwise, just find other ways to entertain yourselves, life is too short to be traumatized by crazy swingers.

[Miss_Piggy 98]

Wow, Sandra! That truly is a weird story and Alex's response is just perfect. A line worth memorising!

 

To the original question, I don't think it's a big deal that you took a few years off. You just go at your own pace and do what seems right for you. I think that if your wife is the one who gently has a foot resting on the brake pedal she needs to be the one to lift that foot. The best way to keep her feeling like she's not being pressured is not to pressure her. Just listen to her and let her take the lead.

[Jnh4fun 15]

Thanks for the input!

[Guest]

For MFM, we typically go to a nice bar, a hotel or resort bar. I dress on the sexy side and usually some guy starts chatting with us, it may be about the weather, the game on the TV, where to go for jazz or whatever. Frequently, it ends of in MFM. Now, we do have the advantage of being in a large city, a convention city with lots of business guys with hotel rooms. But, we have similar resorts at vacation resort hotels and bars in resort areas. I think its a matter of me being a little flirtatious along the way, maybe a bit seductive. But, these guys are always much more of a gentleman than some of the single men we meet in swingers clubs or on SLS where they arrive thinking they are going to have sex with you and perhaps don’t even need to wait to leave the bar.

[kikonkrome 845]

life is too short to be traumatized by crazy swingers.

 

Perfect!!

 

To the original question, I don't think it's a big deal that you took a few years off. You just go at your own pace and do what seems right for you.

 

I would agree with this. We have taken time off and then gotten back in. I mean you are married to your partner for life, that's a long time and allows for a lot of change.

 

Sandra here: If you're playing at the fringe of anything, once a while, you might get your nose bloodied. The key thing for us is that we do not ignore warning signs. Also, if it looks like things are going badly, we extract ourselves from the environment, politely when possible. We've never really gone the route of hoping it will get better with a person or couple or group as the evening went on.

 

We've only had one truly weird experience. The other wife and I were really going at it while our husbands watched. I was going down on her and she was really into it. All of a sudden the husband started crying because now , his words," his wife couldn't get into heaven."

 

No further discussion needed. We got our clothes on in short order. Said that we obviously needed to go and left. One tip: Never let them think for a moment that you're going to reconsider. Polite and firm and you don't even have to explain why, everyone already knows. I think Alex said something like," You two have some very important chatting to do. We are going to leave right now. We wish you the very best and our leaving right now is for the best."

 

Yeah that's weird. We try and do the same, watch for any warning signs.

 

We also don't expect a whole lot after playing with people. It's nice to stay friends but these days we don't expect it.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

Our first experience left us, more my wife but of course that affects me too, a little turned off on the whole lifestyle thing. We took a break for about a year, mainly because neither of us brouhht it back up. When i logged in to the email i use for the site for something else, i noticed we had some notifications so briefly mentioned it and later that night she brought up checking it put again. So ee got back in to things.

 

As others have said, you just need to put the bad experience behind and move on. If something is not what you are looking for just remove yourself and dont dwell on it. There are some weirdos out there, but they may think you are yhe weird ones. Just forget it.