Feeling like I'm the ugly one

[Sweetcheeks85 16]

Ok, so the husband loves to go to the club in the city. We have a great time playing with others. We have both taken one for the team, not a problem no jealousy.

 

We decided he could set up an account on our local swingtowns. He can chat, send pics, whatever. Not really a big deal as long as I can read them. We ended up making plans with another couple. Hung out a few times. We set up private and group chats with each other.

 

She is super flirty and so is my husband, not a problem, but now I'm feeling insecure about myself. The husband is flirty on chat with me but every time we meet face to face he avoids eye contact, doesn't really talk to me, and he will kiss me only after either his wife or my husband tell him to and it's a peck. After we leave or they leave he sends me a text saying how much sexual tension there was and how hot I made him feel.

 

The first couple times I thought he was shy or something but now I feel like I'm unattractive and undesirable. My husband and his wife have amazing chemistry. I feel like eventually it will lead to jealousy. What are your thoughts?

[njbm 2,878]

It does not sound like you are a match with the other couple. No one should be taking one for the team. You have to find a couple with a four way attraction, which is not that easy.

[kikonkrome 844]

I would say the husband of the other couple is an introvert.

 

Some people really have a hard time in the presence of people they don't know well. We all do, except most of the level of anxiety is not so overwhelming. Some of us the level of anxiety is so high it's overwhelming. What you have descried in my opinion are classic symptoms/presentations. No eye contact, has a hard time with intimacy, etc., add to that the ability to be really flirty, etc via text, where he is more comfortable.

 

Up to you whether you want to continue this or not? I would actually believe him when he says that he finds you attractive at the end of the night.

[padoc 1,703]

I'm not clear from the original post if you have been intimate with the other couple. If you have and you are left feeling unattractive it's time for you AND your husband to move on. If you have not been intimate, you and your husband need to make that happen soon, if and it's a BIG if, you find the other guy attractive. He may be an introvert, he may be quite shy or he may be sensing mixed feelings from you. Whatever it is, your husband and the other wife seem to be attracted so if you feel some attraction, give it a shot.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

I'm not clear from the original post if you have been intimate with the other couple. If you have and you are left feeling unattractive it's time for you AND your husband to move on. If you have not been intimate, you and your husband need to make that happen soon, if and it's a BIG if, you find the other guy attractive. He may be an introvert, he may be quite shy or he may be sensing mixed feelings from you. Whatever it is, your husband and the other wife seem to be attracted so if you feel some attraction, give it a shot.

 

That's kinda what I was thinking too but didn't want to say anything because of my lack of experience. If he finds you hot, which it seems like he does because he tells you, and you find him attractive, next time you guys go out, just say hey, let's go to our place/your place/hotel and get it on. If they refuse because of his shyness or something, then I would just move along and not contact them anymore. If they go for it, it may solve the issue.

 

I dunno, maybe my wife and I are different than most people, but we are in this to get laid. Period. It's great if we can make some friends along the way as well, but we want to fuck at the end of the night. As long as there is nothing about the other couple that completely turns us off on the first date, we'll go home with someone on the first date, so we can fuck, cause that's what we're there to do. If they don't want to after the first date, we see little point in a second date. Maybe we move too fast, but from the few dates we've been out on, it seems others are on the same page. At the end of the night, as long as we are all attracted to each other after first meeting, let's get to the fucking.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Move on and find another couple where there is true four way chemistry. In the end, you will be glad you did. Not sure exactly what the dynamic is that is going on here, but you can spend a lot of time and frustration trying to figure that out and in the end be no closer to that answer than you are now.

 

Since you mention clubs, there may be another option since your husband and the other wife have such great chemistry. Assuming they are open to play that isn't straight couple on couple, go to a club together but with no expectations other than you are just going out for the night together as friends. That will give her and your husband a chance to play, while you also have the opportunity at the same time to find someone you want to play with. It might be him, it might be someone else, but I think the club environment might be the "put up or shut up" situation that is needed to answer the question for sure while still leaving things open for hubby and the other wife.

[padoc 1,703]

@SA….Couldn't agree more. We look for playmates first. If friendship happens, that's great but for us, this is purely recreational. We know within 20 seconds to 20 minutes of meeting a couple (our 20/20 rule) whether we'll EVER want to be naked with them. We'll play on the first date providing there is a mutual attraction and available time and venue, and providing of course if Mrs Doc says so. Swinging should not be much more complicated than physical attraction. Multiple dates, friends first, meeting the in-laws, etc can inhibit playtime rather than enhance it. That being said, we're still friends with the first couple with whom we ever played and that was more than 15 years ago.

[Miss_Piggy 98]

You don't mention much about how you feel about the man. Are you attracted to him? Maybe he's attracted to you but sensing that you're not attracted to him and thus he's getting awkward when he's actually around you. Still sounds more complicated than I would be comfortable with and I would agree that you should keep looking for a solid four way match, but I'm just thinking that he's probably not acting this way because he thinks your ugly. Maybe he's worried that he's the ugly one.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

@SA….Couldn't agree more. We look for playmates first. If friendship happens, that's great but for us, this is purely recreational. We know within 20 seconds to 20 minutes of meeting a couple (our 20/20 rule) whether we'll EVER want to be naked with them. We'll play on the first date providing there is a mutual attraction and available time and venue, and providing of course if Mrs Doc says so. Swinging should not be much more complicated than physical attraction. Multiple dates, friends first, meeting the in-laws, etc can inhibit playtime rather than enhance it. That being said, we're still friends with the first couple with whom we ever played and that was more than 15 years ago.

 

20/20 rule, I like that. Going to tell the wife about that one and we may adopt it.

[Thenotoriousdud 25]

I have had the experience of feeling like the "ugly" one. By no means am I ugly IMO but, I have felt a few times that a wife has agreed to "take one for the team" so that her partner can get at my wife. Total turnoff feeling and it can kill an encounter. Communication is key. Get it out there and you may find that it is a matter of simple misunderstanding. That's what happened with us.

[Sweetcheeks85 16]

Update:

Thank you guys,

I learned some information yesterday and will definitely never be talking to them again. I now feel better about myself. Turns out he's not really in to the lifestyle anymore but gives her passes as long as he can watch. and his wife was the one sending me messages pretending to be him according to him he never sent one nor was he aware there was even chat set up. He thought we were doing all the talking on a couple finder website or in person. She told him thAt I was like him and just there to watch.

My husband received an invite to meet up with her yesterday we have made sure that everyone knows from the start.

We play only as a couple.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

Update:

Thank you guys,

I learned some information yesterday and will definitely never be talking to them again. I now feel better about myself. Turns out he's not really in to the lifestyle anymore but gives her passes as long as he can watch. and his wife was the one sending me messages pretending to be him according to him he never sent one nor was he aware there was even chat set up. He thought we were doing all the talking on a couple finder website or in person. She told him thAt I was like him and just there to watch.

My husband received an invite to meet up with her yesterday we have made sure that everyone knows from the start.

We play only as a couple.

 

Wow, that's shitty. It's also kinda weird, if she just has a hall pass, why are they not just looking for single males that will let him watch. There's a plethora of them out there, she can easily have her pick. Or even just pick up random single guys in bars. Why do people feel the need to go and try to ruin someone else's fun?

 

Sadly, it seems we've been the victim of this as well, though the guy did at least eat my wife. Afterwards it did feel like they wanted us there more just for me and that left us very uncomfortable afterwards, leading us to consider not swinging at all. Glad you found out before it ended up in the bedroom.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Late to the party here, but sometimes when there seems to be too much of a connection between two people, and the other two don't have much of one...well, it might just be best to walk away. Oh, and neither of you should ever 'take one for the team'. There's too many other couples out there to be lowering your standards for anyone.

[SteadyAsWeGo41 18]

I tend to agree with kikonkrome here. I know from personal experience how hard it is for me to be as comfortable being flirty and touchy-feely with other women as my wife is with other men. I have always been very respectful of women and it didn't feel natural for me to flirt with someone else. I prefer to find couples where the wife is more aggressive so I don't necessarily have to be bc it's not my comfort zone.

 

If the guy is telling you through text/ chat that you turn him on then he probably wants you to somehow assure him that you're ok with him being more flirty. If you decide to see this couple again, try being the aggressor and see if that changes his demeanor.

[samandtammi 99]

I have to strongly agree that when there is too strong of a connection between 2 of the 4 it's time to walk away. Either all 4 are into it or nobody plays... That's how we roll.