Good books to read about swinging?

[dkcouple123 22]

Hey y'all!

 

I was in Barnes and Noble tonight picking up a new book and one of the topics that I have no problem staying focused on is sex. It is kinda hard wondering around the book store looking for a swingers book so I thought I would ask here...I want to pick up a book about sex/swinging more on the informative side, less erotic. If I wanted to read sex stories I could just hop on here!! :-) Does anyone have some good titles that are well rounded in terms of the lifestyle as a whole? Thanks!!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I would recommend Opening Up by Tristan Taromino

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

My wife and I are familiar with swinging and are active to the extent of considering it to be a lifestyle. Having read other books on this subject, some good, others not so good, we were wondering if there was really much more to be learned or anything that could actually surprise us. Well, there is and we were. Both of us regret that we did not have access to a book like this when we first discussed the possibilities of jumping in. We might have avoided some early mistakes and have been a little less puzzled by some of the situations we encountered.

 

This book is organized into chapters that roughly follow a hypothetical time line for prospective swingers. So in addition to being stimulating it is easy to read. In more than one small sense it is a how-to-do book. It also contains warnings for people who should really not be doing it as well as how to know when it is time to quit. It would certainly be a good reference for mass-media journalists who so often incorrectly apply the label "swinger" to people in the news. It has a lot to say to beginners but also explains a lot to those who are experienced.

 

Hoping that nobody will perceive a complicity in the fact that I am a moderator at this bulletin board and the book is a creation of the bulletin board’s hostess. I had received some forewarning that a book was going to be published and that it would contain excerpts from material posted at The Swingersboard. So I think, why do I need to relive what I have probably already seen at the board. There is, however, real synergy here – the whole is more than a collection of its parts. The observations provided by the author stitch the real-life stories and observations of swingers together such that the narrative is seamless. There is no doubt. Experience salted with insight gives it all a ring of truth.

 

I like The Swinger Manual and I recommend it without reservation.

 

Also Happy Swinging by Sue Gould, published by Club Adventure.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Have a look at the selection Books at Openlove101.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Reading this book makes me sad to think that Sue is no longer with us and can no longer provide the wonderful example she was to all those in the lifestyle. Sue and her husband, Ron, ran one of the most well-known clubs and conventions in the country for many years. In addition, she often spoke at other lifestyle conventions and was a regular contributor to several swinger magazines. I'm not sure but I got the feeling reading this book that many of the chapters may have originally been articles that she wrote for the various magazines compiled with other info to make a really good book.

 

Sue was known as the "Swing Mom" and the advice she gives in this book is just as down to earth as any good mom would ever give. Her advice is very real and honest, it's not the fluff that many books give you but the straight facts with good information thrown in. Despite over 20 years of experience in the lifestyle and running in her club she never comes off as pretentious or as if her way of swinging is the only way or the better way.

 

Each "chapter" is presented as a question (a letter to mom) and an answer, and she covers everything from questions about fitting in, self-esteem, performance issues, jealousy, alcohol, is swinging cheating?, bisexuality, age issues and many more in between. There were a few chapters on topics that I rarely see discussed and she discussed them in such a wonderful way.

 

I found Chapter 8 "Whatever Happened to Common Sense" to be especially good as it discussed our (swinger's) need to be discrete in vanilla settings, and just as non-swingers have no right to come into our swinger parties and get upset with what they see, we have no right to take our swinger ways and flaunt them in front of those who did not wish to be involved.

 

The last paragraph of Chapter 11 "For Better or Worse" is one of the best I've read on the concept of being open-minded and not judging people.

 

And Chapter 18 "Help! I'm not Perfect and I'm Scared!" addresses and issue that I rarely see addressed in a most honest way. The question of how do those with physical limitations (or even differences) progress in the lifestyle.

 

I would list this book as a MUST READ for any swinger or want to be swinger, new or experienced. This is by far the most honest and real book on swinging that I have read, no fluff and no trying to cover up the scars or skidmarks, just the truth.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I was convinced I would hate this book based on the title. I think it's because of how turned off I get when I see the question "How do I Convince (or get) My Wife to Swing". You can't convince someone to do something they don't want to do, and the idea that someone would try really bothers me.

 

However, this book is actually pretty good. It is written by women, from a woman's point of view directed at men who are interested in swinging but don't know how to bring it up to their wives.

 

The one disappointment I had with the book is that I didn't feel it spent enough time early on in establishing that a couple must have a very strong relationship and good communication before anyone considers bringing up the topic. Instead it jumps right into telling you that your desires are normal and that your wife has fantasies too. The book explains to men the questions they need to be able to answer for themselves, as well as their wives, before they ever bring up the topic. From there it goes into explaining why women typically think differently about sex than men do. After that it jumps right into the discussion on how to move forward in your plan to "Get Your Wife to Swing".

 

Honestly, Chapter 6 is a must read for all men, regardless of whether or not they want to swing, or are already swinging. It is a primer on romance and a great reminder about how important the non-sexual things are in building romance (and from there a great sex life). Chapter 7 guides you into taking things to the next level by incorporating porn into your diet, taking the wife to a strip club, etc. The strip club idea kinda bothered me because it does assume that all women are turned on by other women. We know this isn't true, and we also know that many women completely knew to the idea of swinging may be even more turned off by the idea of a strip club than they would be a swinger club (simply due to the idea that it's all women on display).

 

Chapter 9 bugged me a bit as it goes into the different ways you can actually bring up the subject of swinging. The first two ways require you to have a conversation with your wife while having a hidden agenda (sneak attack). Personally, I don't think any conversations between husbands and wives should have hidden agendas, especially not conversations of this magnitude. To me the only way to bring it up is the final way they introduce - the Straightforward Approach. Even if you are using porn or the mention of something you saw on the internet as a conversation starter, it is always best to be honest about your intentions.

 

Chapter 10 addresses what are likely to be the wife's initial reactions to the discussion of swinging. The potential reactions are true, but the suggested responses to her reactions are more than a bit over-simplified.

 

Overall the book has some good ideas and some good ways to initiate discussion regarding swinging, as well as to continue discussion as you go along, but I feel it skips some very important issues - most importantly how important it is to have a well grounded relationship to start with. I also feel that it may encourage some men to be deceptive in the way that they approach their wives/girlfriends about swinging.

 

Other areas that the book attempts to address, the authors seem to try to get too specific and their information is based on their own experience and preferences rather than addressing it from the perspective that many things vary throughout the swinging world (ie. what to expect at a club, what the rules at clubs are, dress codes, etc).

 

I think this book is a good read in addition to other books on the lifestyle, mainly in terms of helping you get some good ideas on how to initiate communication, and like I said Chapter 6 should be read by everyone just for great ideas on how to improve your own relationship. However, it should not be a "be all end all" in terms of books to read on swinging, nor should it be taken as gospel. For those guys are "trying to convince their wife/girlfriend" to swing, this is NOT the answer and if you try to follow it without first ensuring that the parts they skipped (making sure your relationship is solid and communication is already established before bringing it up) are taken care of, you'll likely do more damage than good.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Book Review: Swing Stories - First Person Tales of Sexual Adventure by Bridget and Jan Abrams

 

Overall, I liked Swing Stories - First Person Tales of Sexual Adventure a lot.

 

The introduction is a little boring. It describes how the authors gathered information for the book and their theories about why swinging is popular today. It gives good information about the types of clubs operating in different areas of the US and Canada. I felt like there was a bit of a judgmental attitude toward play with single men in the beginning. They say something like if you go to a club on a singles night you should prepare yourself for raunchy scenes. I'm not really sure why multiple men with one woman is raunchy and multiple couples or fmf is cool. Honestly I'm not even sure what raunchy means! But to me it has a negative connotation. Otherwise the authors were pretty balanced and open.

 

The first section describes the authors' introduction to a lifestyle club and their communication about entering the lifestyle. The club described sounds fabulous and possibly a bit embellished.

 

The book continues with other positive and negative stories related to swinging. The positive stories seem to be a bit exaggerated (the main characters are the most gorgeous people on the planet, biggest cocks, blah, blah) but they are pretty hot and interesting. The negative stories are sad, frightening and sometimes fueled by stupidity. Most of the negatives resulted from dishonesty and lack of communication.

 

There is a long story about a single guy. He does not seem to really grasp the idea of swinging and gets very attached to the first person he has swinging sex with. It's basically anonymous sex so he can't pursue a relationship with the wife. Later he meets a single girl in the lifestyle and starts a relationship with her. I'd like to see more stories from single guys. Especially ones who are not prone to love at first sight and truly interested in no strings fun.

 

There are brief stories about how playmates made contact, met and played. It's an interesting cross section.

 

There is a section about bisexuality, both male and female that I liked a lot.

 

I think this book is an interesting and hot read for new and experienced swingers. It's nice that both sides are presented, although some of the negatives are really awful. It would definitely give a new couple a lot to talk about.

 

I'd love to hear what other swinger's board members think of it!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

The Book of Vice by Peter Sagal

 

Whether this is a book about swingers or not a book about swingers might be up for debate. But the first chapter of this book was written about the writer's and his wife's visit, with permission and knowledge of the owners, to a well-known swingers' club. They came away with the notion that it is definitely not for them but the people they found at the club are as normal and normal could be. An interesting observation from a writer and his wife who knew nearly nothing about the lifestyle before they started their research. I read this chapter out-loud to my wife and we came to several points in the narrative where were where both paralyzed with laughter.

 

Sagal's dry sense of humor is not going to be appreciated by everybody but if you like his style (you can hear samples of it on NPR on Saturday mornings), you'll love this book and not only the chapter about swingers. One of the observations that slayed me was his comparison of single men at swingers' clubs as Tribbles with Erections. I found it significant his serious observation that the shots are not really called in the lifestyle by females. If the females were calling the shots, the club really would be full of single males. His supposition is that the husbands of the swinging wives do not want competition from the single men and have concocted the rule to make sure that are not crowded out of the action. He seems to have quickly and accurately identified plenty of other typical personality types who inhabit the lifestyle.

 

Beneficial to have this view from an outsider. Very entertaining as well.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

If this is the first introduction for someone to the lifestyle I would think many would run screaming, I'm amazed to see the positive reviews this book has on Amazon... but then again most of those are from people with no experience in the lifestyle and this book as truly their introduction.

 

This book should be called "How to Swing with Drama".

 

This book is admittedly based on her personal experience and opinions and it is full of both. Some of the "personal experiences" are entertaining and some make good points, others left me wondering what the point was. Overall, the book left a really negative taste in my mouth because of how much of it was just her opinion. The book is written in an overall light tone which should make it easy to read. The problem for me is that I kept having to put it down to bang my head on something or write out my thoughts about what the author had said.

 

Here are a few of the comments from the book that left me scratching my head as I read them.

 

It [swinging]means that you're not willing to risk your relationship by having an affair

this one left me thinking that the author had the idea that swinging was a good choice to avoid cheating.. or to save a marriage.

 

Most men , unless extremely jealous or insecure, will jump at the idea of swinging....

 

if you can't handle your partner going off to be alone with someone else, you can't really handle swinging.

 

The author completely contradicts herself from one page to the next on the topic of standing people up. One page she talks to those who back out basically saying that it's ok to do it. That it's ok if you are just all about the fantasy and you can't handle the reality. Then on the very next page she talks to those who have been stood up and calls the people who do the standing up Bastards! Granted I agree with the second page, but it just didn't make much sense in light of her comments on the previous page.

 

She uses a personal experience (not her own) to relate how important it is to follow others rules but no where in the personal experience that is shared does it appear that the rules were ever made clear to the person who broke them. Yes, it's important to follow the rules of others, but you have to take responsibility and enforce your own rules as well. Too often the personal experiences are negative and after reading so many from the author I can't help but feel that she is full of drama (and so are her friends), for that many bad things to happen to one couple (and their friends) within swinging.

 

She refers to a husband who after going to a swinger party decided he wasn't comfortable and wanted to leave as a "crybaby".

 

She encourages using false names and information on documents you may fill out at a swinger club even after addressing the fact that those documents are a legal formality.

 

Her advice for breaking it off with a couple who has gotten too close to you... tell them you are taking a break from the lifestyle. If they don't get the hint from that... just ignore their emails until they do.

 

The book does have a few gems but they are rare and buried amongst too much personal opinion (that I couldn't agree with) to make buying (or reading) this book worthwhile .... and that's my personal opinion.

 

I would not recommend this book as a "an introduction to the lifestyle" or a guide for beginners to get an understanding of what to expect. You will get an understanding of how this particular author views and has experienced the lifestyle... a view that is just too narrow to help many.

[kikonkrome 844]

From the title and descriptions of this book online you would think it has a lot to do with wife swapping, and/or swinging. This is pretty far from the case. However, anybody interested in modern sexuality should definitely read this volume. What this book attempts to do is take a historical look at obscenity and what this means to the American public.. In reading other reviews and references to the book, it is often pointed out how the author directly participated while researching the subject. The reality of this book is very little direct experiences are shared. The majority of the book is old school journalistic inquiry, libraries, public record and second hand corroborated reports.

 

There are multiple stories regarding the sexual morals of American culture told through the book's 8500+ locations in Kindle (I guess pages are obsolete now?). Of course no discussion of American public sexuality would be complete without Playboy Magazine, Hugh Hefner, and his multiple partners. There might be more material here than Playboy deserves. Especially since the other big names in men’s magazines, Penthouse and Hustler are barely mentioned, but that would be a matter of taste. Talese also gives a highly detailed history of the Sandstone retreat, one of the first swing retreats in the country. Other stories in the book include the Oneida commune of the 19th century (fascinating reading). Other topics include the proliferation of massage parlors throughout the United States and what their business really is. Detailed accounts of many of the first popular men’s magazine models is included. Finally Talese also investigates the Kafkaesque obscenity laws that have existed in the United States, and how these have been addressed.

 

Of particular interest was the story of the Sandstone retreat. The initial characters involved were all interviewed and provided their story of what happened there and what it mean to them. The author also did his own investigation and became a regular. It was interesting reading about the ideals behind the founding of the retreat. The story was more about the why they did it, rather than what they were doing. Talese spends some time examining the unexpected consequences of participating and living in an environment with complete sexual freedom of all members.

 

I would say that the stories behind the slow defeat of the obscenity laws takes up the majority of the book. It’s a long fascinating history. Including multiple men that served up to and including 25 years in prison for violating the laws. Talese goes into exhaustive detail of all the characters on the front line of this battle from both the conservative and liberal sides. He culminates this story with a final fully detailed account of the Supreme Court decision, that was lost by the liberal side, but gave a definition to obscenity, thereby opening the door for our modern interpretations.

 

Overall anybody interested in progressive, open and liberal sexual morals in American society should read this book. It was fascinatingly eye opening how extreme the laws were. The book also gives a concise yet detailed historical view of America’s sexual morals and how and why they have changed. It is an easy read and outside of a few parts covering the Supreme Court trials and decisions. But this book is a fascinating page turner.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This was the first (and for many years the only) book I read on swinging. I read it when it first came out and ever since had remembered it having some great advice for newbies. I was a newbie myself when I read it.

 

I just read it again and overall my opinion has not changed I would still highly recommend this book. It has some great information and Patti has shared much of herself in this book in an often humorous way. There are interviews with other swingers as well as her own stories of how she got started in swinging, and even how she became the Editor of the largest swinger contact magazine around. This is not a long book and will probably take you less than an hour to read all the way through.

 

The magazine (Connection Magazine) is no longer around in magazine form and unfortunately much of what was included in the book back in 1997 is no longer current either. However, much of it is. Out of 15 chapters only 3 have become outdated over the years since the book was written. Chapter 10 on Conventions, Campouts and Trips starts out talking about the LSO convention (which unfortunately is no more), it also includes several other events that no longer exist. However, it has great information about going to conventions and such overall, so it's still worth a skim. Chapter 11: "How to Connect with other Swing Partners" is primarily devoted to contact magazines. And Chapter 14 is a listing of Swing Clubs and Organizations. Much like Chapter 10, much of it is outdated and many of the current clubs are not included in the list.

 

The other 12 chapters in this book are well worth reading; whether newbie or slightly experienced there are good points throughout. The Chapter on Single Men in the Lifestyle makes some excellent points and provides some great advice for the single men. Chapter 6: "Getting out of a Bad Situation" is a must read for anyone. And Chapter 7: "Various Types of Swing Parties" is a great primer on clubs, socials and house parties.

 

I had previously reviewed the book "Together Sex" by Ed & Dana Allen and said that I recommended it to those who were interested in throwing house parties. That recommendation still stands due to some of the great content on hosting a party. However, I would also recommend those same people read this book as well, especially chapter 8: "Erotic Ice Breaker Games for Parties". The chapter contains just what its title claims.

 

Overall, this is a great book and I recommend it to everyone. Just understand that there are a few chapters you'll probably end up just skimming through or skipping altogether.

[Tanman aka Mike and Marie 16]

Read the book "Why women have sex"?

 

First of all I am not a book promoter but I was in the bookstore the other day and of course the title caught my eye. I picked it up, put it down...later at home I read some reviews and decided I have to buy this book.

 

I'm almost done and at this point I think its a "must read" for any man today, especially if you are in the "lifestyle" alone or with your wife.

 

What kind of woman pursues sex outside her marriage? Answered in the book.

 

Why men are "easy"...answered in the book.

 

etc.

 

The book is authored by two psychologists (a man and a woman) so there is no gender bias. Different races, religions, regions around the world are discussed.

 

Like I said a "must read".

 

After I finish I will probably read through it again.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

A while after kikonkrome wrote this review, I also finished reading the same book. Great review, kikonkrome.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Together Sex (The Playful Couple's Key to Enjoying Swinging) by Ed and Dana Allen

 

This book was originally written in 1976 and revised in 2001. According to the introduction the book is about swinging as it relates to group sex (sex parties). Personally, I wish they'd spent more of the book on just that, and less on a lot of other things.

 

Too much of the book was, in my opinion, useless or outdated. Too often it seemed that the authors tried to sound over-educated and parts of the book came off too scientific and, in turn, too negative.

 

While the book was revised in 2001, I'm not sure how much revision was actually done. The authors still focus their discussion on ad writing to doing so for contact magazines and pretty much state that they find little to no use with the online swinger sites (even though at that point they've already set up their own to promote the book).

 

I would suggest completely skipping over the first 4 chapters and starting at Chapter 5, where the book finally gets into a bit of discussion on actually partying. From Chapter 5 on each chapter has some good points and some not so good.

 

Chapter 7 discusses "Physical Matters" (from attraction to performance). The way the chapter started I thought they were going to say that beauty is relative and that beauty is about being who you are. But, they took a strong turn away from that to say that beauty is about being the best you that you can be, whatever it takes... even if that means plastic surgery - then you should do it. Once I got past that little "WTF?" moment, the rest of the chapter was actually pretty good, including their discussion on performance issues and how to deal with them.

 

Chapter 8 "A Swinging Attitude" was also a good one and had a very good discussion of "tolerance" (aka the idea of being open-minded) something that has come up on this board many times.

 

Chapter 9 "Handling Emotions" did a great job of covering the various emotions you may encounter as you swing, but really did very little in the way of discussing how to actually handle those emotions.

 

The best chapters in the book were the last 3 chapters which were the most focused on actually sex parties and primarily gave instruction for how to throw a house party. Everything from what you need to have on hand, to how to properly invite your guests, to ideas for theme parties and contests (if you feel the need to go that route).

 

Overall, I'd say this is not the book for those who are new to swinging and seeking to understand (or help their partner understand) swinging. I would most recommend this book to experienced swingers who would like a good guide to "how to throw a house party".

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

How to Work a Room is NOT a swinger book, but you may find more info in this book to help you improve your swinging than you will in most any swinger book. It is a must read and a life-saver for anyone who admits to even the slightest bit of shyness, trepidation or fear of entering rooms full of strangers ... even moreso if you have any hopes of actually talking to said strangers.

 

93% of people admit to some level of shyness - from the introduction.

 

The first chapters go into the 5 Roadblocks to socializing in a room full of strangers and then how to overcome said roadblocks. Who would think that the good advice of our mother "don't talk to strangers" would still be ringing around in the back of our subconscious, but it is!

 

If I took away nothing else from this book it would be the advice that whether you are a guest or a hostess, you should consider it your job to make an effort to make OTHERS feel more comfortable. If you focus on others, you stop focusing on yourself long enough to get past the shyness and get to know people (because you are doing it FOR them).

 

This is probably one of the few books you will find that will help you not only improve your swinging life, but your business and personal life as well. The book is geared towards business social functions but it is very easy to take her advice and apply it to any social function. And from reading it, you can garner some wonderful tips on how to be a better host (if that is your goal).

 

So remember, whether you are a guest or a host, try to act like a host and do what you can to make everyone around you feel more at ease (after all that's the hosts job, right?).

 

After reading this book I can honestly say that both of us feel much more comfortable in social group situations and have made a huge improvement of stepping away from our chairs/tables and getting out and mixing and mingling, making new friends and are having a much better time. This is one of those rare books I will hang on to and I will return and re-read it whenever I start allowing the shyness to seep back in.

[aboveaveragejoe 16]

Being one of the 93% of shy people, I feel better now after reading it. It was very informative and helpful in social situations should they arise.