Should we swing? Your thoughts please thanks

[cokey30 16]

Hi everyone and thanks in advance for any advice given.

 

A little background on my wife and I before I get into it. We've been together since I was 16 and her 15 we are both 33 now. We have never broken up. Both of us has stepped outside of the relationship when we were younger (growing pains), but we continued to stay together after each of these occurrences.

 

Fast forward to now, we went to Vegas last summer for our anniversary. We usually go to strip clubs out there because I enjoy seeing my wife interacting with other women lap dances and etc. This time I wanted to switch it up by giving her some male entertainment. She usually is more into women strippers and doesn't really care for males but I wanted to see how she'd respond. So we went to a club and she didn't have on any underwear btw and she was wearing a skirt. After getting a dance from a guy that she found attractive she revealed that she liked it. I watched as he was laying on top of her grinding her with her legs wide open and no underwear on, and I had feelings of excitement while feeling indifferent at the same time.

 

The next night we went to a swingers club. Upon entering it was very relaxed with no pressure to do anything. So went down stairs and found a couple that was playing around. The wife of the other couple started blowing her husband which turned my wife on and she took my cock out and give me the best blowjob she ever has.We asked the couple did they want to go into a private room and they replied yes. After going in we watched the other couple start to go at it so we followed suit. The wife eventually comes over snd starts to finger fuck my wife followed by her husband it was very intense and exciting as this was our first time doing this, but thats about as far as it went because my wife wasn't attracted to her husband, and we hadn't had a ground rules conversation.

 

The next night we brought a women to the hotel room from the club and she gave my wife oral sex which drove me crazy to see.

 

Now after this my wife was stressing to me how she wasn't gay and etc idk why she needed to stress that to me , but anyway I think I want to move forward with letting her try a guy and a woman for me, but she dosent want to try another guy but I want to be fair.

 

So my question is how do you deal with any jealousy that may arise i.e. if he turns out to be better bigger then me or whatever the case may be, what kinda signs do I need to look for to know if I'm ready for this and if I find that I'm not how do I get prepared ?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

As far as signs you are ready, I'd say you have already done more than the vast majority of people who at least consider swinging at one point or another in their lives, and no real issues that can't be worked through, so probably safe to proceed on cautiously if that's what you both want to do.

 

Did seeing her happy and having fun and sexually fulfilled make you happy? If so, then what does it matter whether it was another woman's tongue and fingers that did that or whether it's another guy's tongue, fingers, and cock? You two above been together for a long time and have matured together and gone through some challenges together. Some other dude's dick isn't going to break that bond, doesn't matter what size it might be.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

quote: Now after this my wife was stressing to me how she wasn't gay and etc idk why she needed to stress that to me , but anyway I think I want to move forward with letting her try a guy and a woman for me, but she dosent want to try another guy but I want to be fair

 

I would say you need to give it time and more conversation.

[Scaredstiff 129]

Try and change your outlook a little, you should want her to have an amazing time, whether that's because he has a bigger dick or great technique shouldn't really matter, but it might take you time to see things that way, your other half needs to understand that a lot of reassurance may be needed.

 

Your wife was probably stressing that she's not gay because she's worried that you may see her differently and she doesn't want things to change between you, again you need to provide plenty of reassurance that it's ok.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Your wife was probably stressing that she's not gay because she's worried that you may see her differently and she doesn't want things to change between you, again you need to provide plenty of reassurance that it's ok.

 

...and the pressure from society about doing something that is totally against what polite society demands. She is just bi-curious and there's nothing wrong with that (be sure to tell her that you don't have a problem with her playing with other women).

 

You need to start talking more about fantasies and limits and what is and isn't okay. Not put a name on what you are doing other than having a great time.

 

So my question is how do you deal with any jealousy that may arise i.e. if he turns out to be better bigger then me or whatever the case may be, what kinda signs do I need to look for to know if I'm ready for this and if I find that I'm not how do I get prepared ?

 

You can't. This is a Pandora's box that you really don't know what will happen until after it is over. The enemy of jealousy is trust. Stronger trust comes from better communication. Talk to her, let down your defenses and let her know how you feel about all of this and the worst thing that can happen is you become closer to each other. You still never have to go forward unless you both decide to. Take your time and talk...but I think you are already well on your way and you already know what her answers will be. Good luck and let us know how things progress...

[cokey30 16]

thanks for all the replies, I can't lie like I'm not nervous about letting some other guy have his way with my wife, but at the same time I'm excited and aroused at the thought of it. I think I'll just start off slow like letting the other guy give her oral and go from there.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Nothing at all unusual with some degree of feeling nervous, we still feel that leading up to a playdate with someone we have been with many times before. But, it's a good nervous, anticipation type nervous. The "OMG this will wreck us and wreck our life together forever" type nervous to where it's almost paralyzing, that's the one if someone is having then they may want to think long and hard about the swinging thing and proceed very very cautiously, if at all. Everyone wonders and worries at first about what swinging will do to their relationship. That's perfectly normal, and to be honest, if you didn't have some of those thoughts then one would have to wonder what kind of relationship it really is. If those thoughts are controlling you instead of you controlling them, that's when that tips from normal feelings to red flag.

 

One other thing, and this may just be semantics, but I think looking at it in a different way than "letting some other guy have his way with my wife" would be helpful. Remember, you and her are calling all the shots here, it's all about what you want together as a couple. To the degree anyone is involved is totally up to you. Keep thinking of it that way, and it will feel more like a controlled jump instead of just a blind leap into the unknown, and the first is much less scary than the second.

[katcha 28]

One other thing, and this may just be semantics, but I think looking at it in a different way than "letting some other guy have his way with my wife" would be helpful.

 

What if you looked at it like she is having her way with him?

 

C.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Swinging is a team sport...something that the two of you do together. Don't you OR her ever do anything that you aren't 100% on board with (that includes taking one for the team...you may be tempted but don't do it). Take your time and take small steps, there's no prize for finishing fastest here. Enjoy the trip and have a good time. If it isn't fun, stop.

[EastInWest 1,524]

It stands out to me that you want her to have another guy "to be fair", even though she isn't expressing interest and you are concerned you might be jealous.

 

Maybe there's no reason to do this. Maybe her idea of "being fair" is different from yours. There's more to talk about here before you act on it. Plenty of couples seem to have very particular dynamics about what they're interested in which aren't necessarily.......gender-symmetrical, whether it's the ladies playing or hotwifing/cuckolding, etc.

 

Going into this, my very specific fantasy was to watch Mrs. E suck cock and other men cum in her mouth and on her. While it snowballed from there for both of us, each of you like what you like for reasons that are unique to you, there's no scoreboard.

 

(Unless keeping score is what you're into, I guess.)