How to convince my wife

[Brandnew692 15]

Hi everyone. I have had a fantasy about a mfm for awhile and my wife will play along here and there in the bedroom with dirty talk about it, but she has stated that she is not interested in a 3 some. Is there any way to maybe ease her in to it? Maybe by convincing her to let someone watch us or anything like that??

[Lionheart72 2,190]

Short answer - no.

 

There is sometimes a long high wall between what we enjoy as fantasy and what we want as reality. It sounds like your wife has been very clear - she enjoys the fantasy but is not interested in the reality. You've asked. She said no. The first rule of sex is always "no means no." Enjoy the fantasy and don't push.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I would say to just keep doing what you are already doing, talking. She may never become interested, but the more she knows about what your thoughts and motivations are, and the more she examines her own thoughts and motivations, then it's possible she will start to break through the barriers she has about it. It's no guarantee, some people, most people actually, just aren't cut out for swinging, and that's ok. I should also say that even though the idea is very exciting to you, make sure talking doesn't turn into nagging from her perspective, because no one likes to be nagged at, especially on a subject they aren't that comfortable with.

 

Should she start to have interest in expanding your sexual horizons together, then the idea you mention about letting someone watch is on the right track I think. Instead of trying to make that happen, just let it develop on its own. Go away for a weekend together and go to a swingers club. Go with absolutely no intentions or plans other than having a fun night out with each other. If she finds that environment sexy and she is open to you two having sex with each other in one of the open playrooms where others can see you, then try that. If she isn't that comfortable, then don't push it. Everything should be about letting her decide what is right for her.

[Fantasyfetish99 18]

Hi everyone. I have had a fantasy about a mfm for awhile and my wife will play along here and there in the bedroom with dirty talk about it, but she has stated that she is not interested in a 3 some. Is there any way to maybe ease her in to it? Maybe by convincing her to let someone watch us or anything like that??

 

I'm in a similar situation as you when it comes to my wife. We fantasize about a Mfm/mff experience during sex, but she is on the fence about actually doing it. We talked about starting out just having sex in the same room with another couple (no swap) and see how we both feel after that. I 100% want to do mfm and it is something that I suggested first, but she has mixed feelings about it.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

If anything will ever happen, it will happen because you have talked about it enough that she realizes that she is 'safe' (in your relationship and that you will protect her) to proceed. Talking will increase your trust which will improve your relationship...win/win. Just keep talking and be patient. If it happens, it happens, but don't try to force anything to happen.

[afterwork 89]

Could be that you are posing the wrong fantasy. Maybe she would prefer an FFM, FMFM, FFFFFM or some other coded arrangement. We agree with earlier posts, "No" means NOOOOOOOOO

 

Or, again...maybe it is the wrong question and more importantly asked by the wrong person. Sometimes the concept of MFM might impart a thought process..."oh, you want to farm me out to some dude?" Guess our experience is that all sorts of threesomes happen eventually for those that enjoy full swap.

 

We have had couples that were vanilla with a hint of interest in becoming a swirl being driven by their hubby's inclinations. Sometimes there is a "courtship" needed to entice a solution which leads to a LS entry. But, at this juncture she has said NO. That's the rule. No mean NO.

 

NO is also the first basis to establish a point for negotiations. Go read good books on negotiation and filter your inquiry to help her breakdown her own barriers to the concept. After all, it is a pretty radical choice being offered. The safest answer is always a, "NO," especially in the absence of a good set of data to suggest otherwise. The real help comes from someone that offers a third party point of view. Think of it....you already have a position you would like to see become reality. Man, you are selling something. A sale is the ultimate negotiation.

 

Someone tries to get me to eat Liver & Onions, I want to be sold on that concept as being something I just have to do.

 

Of course, that's easy....if I eat the Liver & Onions, will you go down on me and make me cum? Ahhh.....negotiations.

 

Good luck (hint: get another couple that swings to maybe help you provide 3rd party negotiations...this can take months. Took a couple that seduced us a whopping 10 months...and we didn't even know they were working on each of us )

[Brandnew692 15]

I'd like to thank every one for their advice. My wife is dropping some hints she may be interested. I.e.: we have a stag and doe and she suggested that she should auction off a blow job and I can watch!!! That I know was in good fun because a lot of parents we know will be there but she keeps saying things like that. So I'm becoming more optimistic. And we talked more about it and she now knows that no matter what even if I get jealous I will not hold it over her head and that I'm asking her for this. And that if shes still not into the idea I'll love her no matter what. She even said "what if I don't want to" and that I could go out and find a couple. I told her my fantasy is with her in it not another women. And that it is the connection that her and i have that would make it hot.

 

Still would like input if anyone thinks it is going in the right direction or if it is not.

 

Thank you

[lnw 145]

You share a fantasy many guys have once they have been in a secure relationship for a while. It was my fantasy as well and one I never thought or dreamed I would see but time and patience made it all happen. And the outcome has brought us closer together and the sex is even hotter.

 

I learned a couple of things along the way and it verifies what others have said that have had success as well:

1. Don't push the agenda. Needs to be slow and patient.

2. You will not be able to convince her. She needs to come to a level of comfort on her own terms and time.

3. Provide opportunities that allow her to explore a little further each time.

4. Reassure her that you love her and her only. And you are not jealous of seeing her pleasured by others.

5. Make it all about her. She makes the final decisions each time as to how far she wants to go.

 

It has taken some time but it is unbelievable now where we are and we continue to explore...together!

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

 

and just keep talking to each other.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I learned a couple of things along the way and it verifies what others have said that have had success as well:

1. Don't push the agenda. Needs to be slow and patient.

2. You will not be able to convince her. She needs to come to a level of comfort on her own terms and time.

3. Provide opportunities that allow her to explore a little further each time.

4. Reassure her that you love her and her only. And you are not jealous of seeing her pleasured by others.

5. Make it all about her. She makes the final decisions each time as to how far she wants to go.

 

If there is such a thing as a "get my wife to swing road map", then this is it. There's really no "get" to it though, it's all about just giving her (or him) the opportunity to decide for themselves in a way they feel safe about.

[Curious37 15]

Hi all,

My wife has the same issues. However I know my wife well enough to know that she would go through with it if the right opportunity and couple presented itself. She likes the idea of multiple men around and is super flirtatious however it is hard to find that right couple, that just wants to hang out until it happens. We have found other couples in the past but it's rare you like both of them and have the same energy between you. in the past I set it up with the right M, but then we ran out of time and really needed another day and the right atmosphere, to get the chemistry where it needed to be! We had her between us in the shower in her bikini and really looking back all I needed to do was untie it in the back and it would have been on, but I was waiting for the other guy to start it and he was still a little unsure of moving forward, so the opportunity passed. My wife did turn around and start kissing me and bumping her ass into him, I know in an effort for him to make the move and get him turned on, but he panicked and got out of the shower. Later he told me that he thought we wanted to be alone. I knew what my wife was doing but he didn't. We had amazing sex when he left though cause she was really turned on by him just being around and actually in the shower with us. That's the hard part, is my wife would feel better about it just looking like a trip that turned into an accidental sex party then actually planning it out and having it happen! I still get mad thinking that had I just dropped her top I would have had an amazing MFM in the shower for the first time! But damn I had never seen her so turned on before! So it was still pretty fun! Haven't had the right timing again since. Lol

[swingster 17]

Tell her what you want to test, but unable to go the next step without her approval. Also tell her what it's about sex, not about love. Also tell her what only now can get such experience, to talk about when will older.

[Guest]

Talk to her about leaser fantasies she might have that are more easily realized. Baby steps, perhaps.

[lnw 145]

Curious37 - It sounds like she might like to explore or she would not have been in the shower. The bikini on was her "safe guard" in her mind. At that point, you should have asked her if you could remove her top. She very well could have been waiting for someone to make a move. If she did it herself, that would appear in her mind that she was "easy".

 

As far as waiting for the other guy to remove it, he did the right thing by not removing it, especially if he knew you were newbies. While he could have asked as well, most likely he was waiting also for you to make the next move. I know that is what I would have done if I was the other M in the shower.

 

Don't beat yourself up though. I assume you talked with her after the shower and he left. Did you ask her how she felt about it? Ask her what if you had requested/suggested she remove her top, what would she have done and would she have been alright with you removing her top.

 

If she was comfortable with all of that, then look for a future opportunity to explore a little further. The fact that she allowed another guy over and be in the shower with both of you tells me she is curious but, perhaps not fully ready. Give her time and opportunity.