Does swinging fracture a very good relationship or make better?

[wcaspe 16]

Hi Folks, My wife and I are seriously investigating this lifestyle. We are looking for adventure but do not want to hurt our bond between each other in any way. What are your thoughts on swinging for a Husband & Wife in love?

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Swinging is a magnifying glass: It can make a great relationship sharper, more in focus, take it to the next unimaginable level, but if there are any cracks or fractures, it can also point those out as well. If there are real problems in the relationship, it will most likely burn both parties.

[cplnluv1 874]

If you are open and truthful to each other it is an exciting way to make your own sex life and relationship fresh. You both need to be on the same page and both want to do this you will enjoy. You must be aware of jealousy. We have been with a number of newbies. We have seen couples who were sure they wanted to swing but have seen jealousy roar.

 

Good luck on your journey.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

As long as you have good communication and trust it can make a relationship stronger. Beware though, you can think the trust and communication is there, and swinging can make you realize it is not. That's what happened to my wife and me. After our first full swap, we were a little rocky. Took a little time to talk about things and get over it, now our relationship is better than ever and back in full swing mode. So yes, it can make a very good relationship better, but it can also tear one that's not very good apart. It's a risky thing, but as long as you both do not rush in to things, stay open and honest with each other throughout everything and are ready to take a step back and say this might not be for us, things should be fine.

 

At first, I did not agree with what I am about to say, but after experiencing it, I totally agree with what others have said. Start slowly, go to a club and don't plan on anything at all happening, just go check the place out, see how it feels, talk to others there but let them know you are not looking for anything at this time, just checking things out. Being around and talking to others in the lifestyle can help you see if it is for you or not.

[sweetsnspeed 52]

So, on a related note, would you recommend to newbies to have their first experience with someone who is experienced, or, if possible, another couple also just venturing out for their first experience?

[adamgunn 1,461]

SnS, I don't think the experience level of the other couple really matters. The questions I would ask are, "Is there attraction all the way around," and, "Are you both comfortable with them." If the answers are yes, you'll probably have a pretty good time.

 

When it's forced, that's when troubles begin . . .

[Lionheart72 2,191]

Hi Folks, My wife and I are seriously investigating this lifestyle. We are looking for adventure but do not want to hurt our bond between each other in any way. What are your thoughts on swinging for a Husband & Wife in love?

 

A wise man once said to me "If I can watch my wife suck another man's cock, I can talk to her about anything." Since we were watching her do just that at the time, I've always assumed they had a pretty solid relationship and that's become my touchstone. If I can talk to my wife, openly and honestly, about anything - any concern, any desire, anything from my thoughts about a song I heard on the radio to my deepest secret hearts desire - than we're good to go.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

All of the replies in this thread have been spot on, but two things that I often say myself here are the ones about swinging being a magnifying glass, and about using a club visit to ease your way in. If it truly works for you, swinging can make a great relationship even better, better than you ever dreamed of. It just adds another layer that is hard to fully explain in words.

 

On the topic of new couple or experienced couple for your first time, I personally think experienced couple is better, and I say that from personal experience. We thought just the opposite and intentionally were looking for a new couple for our first experience too. That turned out to be a case of the blind leading the blind and resulted in a bit of a disappointing experience. Not horrible or anything, but an experienced couple I think would have better known how to navigate some of the issues to where they weren't even issues at all. While we didn't have any actual experience then, we had been hanging out here for a while and had spent some time with some swingers who had also passed on some great advice, so we did have some knowledge. So, we were the "experts" in that first experience, a role for which we really weren't suited for. Our second experience was with an experienced couple, and went much better, and a large part of that is because they knew how to lead the way.

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

Your priorities seem well aligned. A key question relates to why the two of you are considering swinging now, at this point in your marriage. Couples in the lifestyle often frame their discussions around three questions. What are our fantasies? What are our intentions? What are our boundaries? Answers to these questions can provide something of a space to explore both your marriage and the LS. Good luck.

[Guest]

It’s been great for us. This was a 2nd go around for both of us and we started the swing thing early in the relationship just as part of the fun that we were having once we found one another. To me, it’s all been good, no bad at all. Most importantly, it’s give me a much stronger self-confidence when dealing with men and with my own sexuality, something I wished I head realized 20 years earlier.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

I have to agree that an experienced couple is probably better, if only for the reason that you KNOW that they are not going to have any issues or drama during or later. No matter how ready you are, too many times the other nubies are not really 'ready' for what they are experiencing and that can lead to problems you most likely don't want to be involved with.

[Scaredstiff 129]

From our limited experience we've wasted a lot of time with other newbie couples. If we come across too keen they seem to go into a shell and vice versa. Having two couples that are cautious and unsure can really slow things down, at least that's been our experience.