How do we approach this situation?

[Fantasyfetish99 18]

Need some thoughts and opinions on this. My wife and I are interested in a foursome with another couple that we are friends with (no swapping), just both couples having sex in the same room and/or bed. From reading numerous forums, we are already aware that taking the friends path can be a risky and ruin friendships. So what's the best way to approach this situation?

 

1. Talk to the guy first, just so he could talk to his wife and everyone could be on the same page.

 

2. Play a stripping game/adult game with them and then just sexual start kissing my wife and grabbing her chest, hoping they will be turned on and go from there.

 

3. Other

 

 

Just asking, because my wife wants to go with option #2, which I think is a terrible idea. I would go with option #1, because I'm 99.9% sure the guy would be down for it, due to previous things he has said before. His wife on the other hand, is harder to read. If this backfired, I feel option #2 would be harder to come back from than option #1. Another problem with option #2, is that we are going into this and the other couple has no clue what the boundaries are.

 

We know this other couple very well and have gotten naked in front of each other before and even gone skinny dipping a handful of times.

[njbm 2,906]

Option 3, both of you should talk to both of them. It's unfair to make the other man sell it to his wife.

[Fantasyfetish99 18]

I 100% agree with you. My wife wants this to happen so badly, but she is embarrassed to actually bring it up to them. If she is embarrassed to even get the conversation started, then how does she expect to have sex in front of them?

 

Just going to tell her that if she wants this to happen, we all need to talk about it together.

 

Other opinions/advice are welcomed as well.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Option 4: You talk to the man, she talk to the woman and unless they have an issue, use the game to get things started (don't know how many times everyone was interested but nobody knew how to start). Start the conversation with 'have you ever thought about having sex while watching another couple?'. Good luck and let us know how things progress.

[njbm 2,906]

Also, we don't pressure other couples to decide to play "on the spot." We usually have a vanilla first meeting and feel it out there. Usually everyone knows where it's going.

 

Also, we tell hesitant couples to step away and discuss it with themselves. We don't want to pressure anyone to play or it will be a likely bad experience. If they are not sure, that's a no. We rarely accept being pressured, we learned from some subpar early experiences.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Absolutely right...don't talk to the other couple and then expect to play. Give them time to talk together about it and then (if approved) plan a future date to continue.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

Absolutely agree with what's been said here so far... assuming typical American social dynamics, the ladies should talk and the guys should talk, then you and your wife should talk and he and his wife should talk, and then everyone should talk. Basically, there should be a lot of talking. It doesn't necessarily have to be big lengthy conversions, depending on the exact nature of your relationships. After everyone is on the same page then, assuming everyone is on board, break out the adult game.

 

Best good fortune.

[Fantasyfetish99 18]

I definitely don't want to pressure them into doing this. I feel like my wife is avoiding the conversation with them, due to it being awkward and she is probably worried that they will judge our kinky side. If we were to have this conversation with them, she says that there is no way she can do it sober. If anything, I feel that this is a conversation that should be had sober, because then you will say how you truly feel about the idea.

 

Like I had mentioned before, we are really close to this couple and know almost everything about each other. We have gone skinny dipping with each other, played stripping games, and even play games with sexual topics (what's you fav. sex position, how many ppl have you been with, what turns you on, etc.). I know the other guy is sexually attracted to my wife and even jokingly brought up a partner swap before when him and his wife were drunk. Unfortunately, I wasn't around for this conversation, but my wife shot it down immediately saying I wouldn't be interested. Just throwing that backstory in, because my wife is also using the excuse that this is something we have already talked about with them and that they already know we want to do this.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

Personally, if it was me, and these were vanilla friends of mine, I would not even entertain the idea. My vanilla life is completely separate from my lifestyle life. If this couple knows other of your vanilla friends, even talking to them about it could cause problems in your vanilla life. Perhaps I am overly cautious. Perhaps I have just not been doing this long enough to be that comfortable. I dunno. I would stay away though, unless they have given strong signals showing they want something like this or they just do not have any contact at all with any of your other vanilla friends or family. If you really just want to have sex in front of others and/or watch others, I'd find a club near you and go. That's part of what they are for. At our club there are plenty of couples there with no interest in playing with others, they are just there to watch and be watched.

[Fantasyfetish99 18]

Personally, if it was me, and these were vanilla friends of mine, I would not even entertain the idea. My vanilla life is completely separate from my lifestyle life. If this couple knows other of your vanilla friends, even talking to them about it could cause problems in your vanilla life. Perhaps I am overly cautious. Perhaps I have just not been doing this long enough to be that comfortable. I dunno. I would stay away though, unless they have given strong signals showing they want something like this or they just do not have any contact at all with any of your other vanilla friends or family. If you really just want to have sex in front of others and/or watch others, I'd find a club near you and go. That's part of what they are for. At our club there are plenty of couples there with no interest in playing with others, they are just there to watch and be watched.

 

I know what you're saying about the friends. There is definitely a risk of ruining the friendship and risk having this information getting out to our other friends. Just from how long we have known this couple, I don't see the friendship going up in flames with a no-swap foursome, let alone just bringing up the conversation.

 

I recently mentioned a swinger's club to my wife. Just going to one without any expectations to see what it is like, because neither of us have been to one or know anyone that has openly admitted to attending one. She has this image in her head that all swinger clubs are just one large room orgies going on, so she wasn't a fan of that idea (yet). It also sucks that we don't have any swinger clubs/events close to our area, so we would need to drive 3-4 hours to attend one.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

I know what you're saying about the friends. There is definitely a risk of ruining the friendship and risk having this information getting out to our other friends. Just from how long we have known this couple, I don't see the friendship going up in flames with a no-swap foursome, let alone just bringing up the conversation.

 

I recently mentioned a swinger's club to my wife. Just going to one without any expectations to see what it is like, because neither of us have been to one or know anyone that has openly admitted to attending one. She has this image in her head that all swinger clubs are just one large room orgies going on, so she wasn't a fan of that idea. It also sucks that we don't have any swinger clubs/events close to our area, so we would need to drive 3-4 hours to attend one.

 

For me, even that slim chance and I wouldn't do it. Even if there was not the risk of your friendship going up in flames, all it takes is them accidentally mentioning it to someone else you know and bam, all your friends and family know about your "weird sexual perversion." They may not even mean to do it, they may just be out with other friends, have a few drinks and some similar conversation comes up and before you know it they've outed you. Just my opinion, of course, but that sounds way to risky to me. My wife and I have some friends of friends that we would LOVE the opportunity to be with, but unless we run across them on a site or in the club, no way will we ever even consider bringing it up to them. These are people that we had an after Thanksgiving dinner/party with several of our other friends and the theme was to be in your underwear. It was a fun, sexually charged night, and everyone went home and had fun with their other half. Most of the people there, including other friends of ours, you could tell were really uncomfortable, but not them. They were loving it and flirting with everyone. Even at that though, I would still never consider doing anything with them as he is close friends with my best friend and she is very close friends with my wife's sister. Even with the insanely strong signals, we just won't do it. That's us though and every couples journey through this is different. It may work for you, but personally I'm far too uncomfortable with even the thought of it.

 

AS for the club, that was kind of the same image in our heads too, but that is not what it was at all. In fact, early on in the night especially, if not for the play room in the back you would not even know it's a swinger club. It's just like a regular club really. As the night goes on, and sometimes even when you first get there, some people are in various states of undress, mostly topless women. But other than that, it is really just like a regular club and none of the couples we talked to there were the least bit pushy at all. In fact, one of the regular couples we met the last time we were there let us know nearly right off the bat they were not there to play tonight at all. So it's not one giant orgy and there is not really any pressure at all, in my experience at least.

[Fantasyfetish99 18]

For real... I give credit to the couples that are successfully swinging and exploring their kinkier sides. This stuff is not easy to get started. So many variables and potential obstacles in the way.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

I recently mentioned a swinger's club to my wife. Just going to one without any expectations to see what it is like, because neither of us have been to one or know anyone that has openly admitted to attending one. She has this image in her head that all swinger clubs are just one large room orgies going on, so she wasn't a fan of that idea (yet). It also sucks that we don't have any swinger clubs/events close to our area, so we would need to drive 3-4 hours to attend one.

 

To support what SA NewtoLS said, swingers clubs really aren't like that at all.

 

In my experience, a typical swingers club is divided into a "social area" and a "play area." The social area looks like just about any bar you've been too (only without the actual bar as I have never known a swingers club that could secure a liqueur licence... strictly byob) - tables and chairs, probably a dance floor, often pool tables. The play area usually consists of small private rooms - little more than a lamp, a bed or two and a door - and often an area for public or group sex. In generally, people gather in the social area, drink, chat and almost never dance. As the night goes on, inhibitions drop and clothes often come off, but the actual sex is usually taken back to the play area. In the play area, couples usually claim one of the rooms, go in and close the door. Those of us with exhibitionist tendencies may leave the door open, or set in a public play area... but not everyone is into that and some nights you don't see it at all. In my experience, people at swingers clubs are generally friendly, welcoming and polite especially to new couples.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

I definitely don't want to pressure them into doing this. I feel like my wife is avoiding the conversation with them, due to it being awkward and she is probably worried that they will judge our kinky side. If we were to have this conversation with them, she says that there is no way she can do it sober. If anything, I feel that this is a conversation that should be had sober, because then you will say how you truly feel about the idea.

 

I agree the conversation should be had sober, or at least mostly sober.

 

Our first almost-swinging experience was with a nice young couple who we never actually managed to hook-up with because the lady of the couple always need a little liquid-courage... and a little quickly became a lot and soon she was too drunk to actually consent to anything.

[Fantasyfetish99 18]

To support what SA NewtoLS said, swingers clubs really aren't like that at all.

 

In my experience, a typical swingers club is divided into a "social area" and a "play area." The social area looks like just about any bar you've been too (only without the actual bar as I have never known a swingers club that could secure a liqueur license... strictly byob) - tables and chairs, probably a dance floor, often pool tables. The play area usually consists of small private rooms - little more than a lamp, a bed or two and a door - and often an area for public or group sex. In generally, people gather in the social area, drink, chat and almost never dance. As the night goes on, inhibitions drop and clothes often come off, but the actual sex is usually taken back to the play area. In the play area, couples usually claim one of the rooms, go in and close the door. Those of us with exhibitionist tendencies may leave the door open, or set in a public play area... but not everyone is into that and some nights you don't see it at all. In my experience, people at swingers clubs are generally friendly, welcoming and polite especially to new couples.

 

Even though I have never been, I know 99.9% of them are not like that from just listening to other people's experiences. Unfortunately, my wife has this image in her mind that I think most people share.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

Even though I have never been, I know 99.9% of them are not like that from just listening to other peoples experiences. Unfortunately, my wife has this image in her mind that I think most people share.

 

I admit the "room full of naked nubile young women, locked in the throes of passion and dragging you down to join them" is an appealing image and sells better to the public imagination than a bunch of middle aged folks in jeans and t-shirts sitting around chatting... but alas, I haven't found that first kind of club anywhere.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

I admit the "room full of naked nubile young women, locked in the throes of passion and dragging you down to join them" is an appealing image and sells better to the public imagination than a bunch of middle aged folks in jeans and t-shirts sitting around chatting... but alas, I haven't found that first kind of club anywhere.

 

Boy would I love to find it though!!

 

But yeah, talking to other people at the club, that was what many of them expected as well. It's just not like that at all though. It's really a much safer way to check things out and see if they are for you than trying to hook up with vanilla friends though. Again, this is totally from my point of view, but I could just not imagine hooking up with any of our vanilla couple friends. It doesn't take much for your first experience to go wrong, either just between the two of you or between all four of you. Maybe once your more experienced then it could be something to attempt, but to go in to a first encounter with a couple who is not only new, but you don't even know if they are interested in anything like this? Just seems to me like it is asking for trouble. I've said my piece though, so take it as you will and I wish you the best of luck. Please do come back and let us know how it goes. People around here love hearing about that stuff, myself included.

[Alura 2,775]

Do you and your wife talk to them about other life's issues? Politics, Music, Books, travel? If not, that should be your first step.

 

My late wife (Laura) had a great question she would ask, "How do y'all feel about..." "... swinging?" may not be a good first choice.

 

When y'all do feel comfortable, your wife should ask, "How do y'all feel about Soft swinging?" Notice that this question is not an invitation. It is only asking for their opinion and is intended to start a conversation.

 

Women are considered to be less sexually predatory, which is why your wife should initiate the conversation.

 

My wife asked this question throughout our twenty-seven years of marriage. She only got one negative response, in which the woman clammed up. We had just met them and never saw them again, so there were no ill effects. (We met them at a hotel swimming pool in Texas.) She got all kinds of answers including "We love it. Do it all the time!" to "Not our thing," and (the most common) "Well, we've talked about it... !"

 

For awhile we had a few porn flicks. She tried "How do y'all feel about couples porn?" That started an interesting conversation.

 

Keep in mind that y'all are asking them to have fun, not to risk their marriage.

 

Good Luck!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We were out drinking and dancing vanilla friends (who know we swing). The four of us were driving home together. My friend said let's go swim in your pool. I said we are going to fuck as soon as we get home, so if you're ok with that we can.

 

They actually started fucking first. We watched each other and it was pretty hot.

 

That being said, I am not sure if I would do it. It did make our friendship more awkward. We are more distant now. I think you are probably better off going to a swing club than risking your friendship.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

The swingers club...that's the lead in for your wife. She can ask the other woman if her husband had ever suggested going to a swingers club and/or if they had ever gone to one. Much easier lead in and it's something that your wife is trying to find out more info about. Who knows, they might even be willing to attend with you...