Need advice how to make wife more open on swing

[jomanli123 18]

Hi All, I am new in this board & always have this fantasy of showing my wife to other people in more revealing clothes. We are couple of late 40's & have kids who are going to school. I am in a awkward position as I have this fantsy which is pushing me & then I have a family life which I don't wanna ruin. First my wife don't even wear tight clothes in which you can see her sexy body but now she is more in to wearing revealing clothes. She has some idea what my fantasy is none of us talk about it just because of fear. How can I proceed from here to make my fantasy to reality. I start taking some of her naked pictures & now she don't mind which I can share so you guys have idea how she looks.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Is your wife onboard with her naked photos being on the internet forever? I would be really cautious.

 

Is her face visible or any tattoos or anything in the background someone could recognize? You never know who will find them. Once you share, someone will put them on porn sites and they will be copied to more sites. What if a neighbor, coworkers, kid's teacher finds them? For me I am fine with any pics of me being seen by anyone. Not everyone feels that way.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

That's kinda similar to how my wife and I got started honestly. I loved it when we went out and other guys would check her out. Maybe just start there. Tell her that. Don't start with swinging, just start by saying you love it when other guys check her out, so you want to go out on a date night, but for her to dress very very sexy and then just go out together. After doing that a few times, maybe suggest going to a place separately, so you can watch guys try to pick her up. My wife and I did that a couple times, was very hot. She was never planning on going home with anyone, but it was fun to watch guys hit on her, buy her drinks and you could tell they really wanted to go home with her. After we did stuff like this, the later that night after hot sex we would talk about it. I would tell her how much it turned me on seeing the other guys check her out or hit on her. Then one time I just brought up how hot I thought it would be if she actually brought one of the guys home and I watched them fuck her. That turned in to us looking for a couple to swap with and here we are.

 

Now of course every woman is different, and you definitely can not force anything. Best thing you can do is start slowly and communicate. Tell her about these things that turn her on and hopefully she will talk back about things that get her turned on. However, you go about it, love, trust and communication are the keys.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Love/trust/communication. Start by talking to her about fantasies. Find out what hers are and tell her yours. Then see if she is willing to take the next step towards making them come true. If she is, then do it. One step at a time...but first you have to take the first step. Oh, and as for places to post them that isn't so 'out in the real world', if only there was someplace like...here. Good luck and looking forward to seeing how things go.

[jomanli123 18]

That's kinda similar to how my wife and I got started honestly. I loved it when we went out and other guys would check her out. Maybe just start there. Tell her that. Don't start with swinging, just start by saying you love it when other guys check her out, so you want to go out on a date night, but for her to dress very very sexy and then just go out together. After doing that a few times, maybe suggest going to a place separately, so you can watch guys try to pick her up. My wife and I did that a couple times, was very hot. She was never planning on going home with anyone, but it was fun to watch guys hit on her, buy her drinks and you could tell they really wanted to go home with her. After we did stuff like this, the later that night after hot sex we would talk about it. I would tell her how much it turned me on seeing the other guys check her out or hit on her. Then one time I just brought up how hot I thought it would be if she actually brought one of the guys home and I watched them fuck her. That turned in to us looking for a couple to swap with and here we are.

 

Now of course every woman is different, and you definitely can not force anything. Best thing you can do is start slowly and communicate. Tell her about these things that turn her on and hopefully she will talk back about things that get her turned on. However, you go about it, love, trust and communication are the keys.

 

I have been working on this for the past 2 years. At first my wife was very upset that I want her to wear revealing clothes as in our culture its against manhood but I told her that it make me proud of her since she has a body which should be appreciated. Slowly she agreed on that but always worried about if someone who knows us see her in that dress. I haven't told her that how hot it will be if she is blowing some other person as I am not at that point. I am thinking to take her to all nude clothing optional swinger resort. Do u think if its a good idea

[jomanli123 18]

Is your wife onboard with her naked photos being on the internet forever? I would be really cautious.

 

Is her face visible or any tattoos or anything in the background someone could recognize? You never know who will find them. Once you share, someone will put them on porn sites and they will be copied to more sites. What if a neighbor, coworkers, kid's teacher finds them? For me I am fine with any pics of me being seen by anyone. Not everyone feels that way.

 

I hide the face & make sure that no one recognize it. I am aware of the consequences. Thanks for letting me know

[Scaredstiff 129]

A swinger resort sounds like a step too far too soon if your wife is only just comfortable in a revealing dress.

My way of thinking is that comfort is key, she has to feel comfortable, do you think she would feel comfortable being naked?

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

I have been working on this for the past 2 years. At first my wife was very upset that I want her to wear revealing clothes as in our culture its against manhood but I told her that it make me proud of her since she has a body which should be appreciated. Slowly she agreed on that but always worried about if someone who knows us see her in that dress. I haven't told her that how hot it will be if she is blowing some other person as I am not at that point. I am thinking to take her to all nude clothing optional swinger resort. Do u think if its a good idea

 

It couldn't hurt to ask, but it also sounds like that may be too much too fast. It kinda sounds like she just might not be the type of person for these types of activities, but that doesn't mean you should give up. I wouldn't just take her though, I would ask her first. Before asking her even, I would just bring it up and ask her what she thinks of those types of places. Just talk about it and try to get her to talk about it, then you can talk about it more. Communication is really the key here. You just need to keep talking about it and keep talking about it. Realize that it is not for everyone and she may never come around or want to do anything. That's ok, as long as you have love, trust and communication, you'll be fine. You may never get to experience swapping, but keep working at it. It took me over 10 years before my wife was ready, and now we have jumped in and she's talking about all sorts of stuff she wants to try and do. 8 years ago though, I would have thought it was never going to happen. Sometimes, these things take time, and lots of it. Sometimes, they just will never happen though.

 

For me, and this could be really bad advice, but I think if you got her wearing revealing clothing now, the next step would be to go to somewhere separately and watch guys try to pick her up. Just tell her you think it would be really hot if you dropped her off at a bar or club or something, then you yourself walked in 10-15 minutes later and just watched guys hit on her. All she has to do is flirt back. No dates, no going home with anyone, no phone number given out, nothing, just flirting with guys at the bar. Heck, you could have her give them your number, then when/if they call, tell them she must have given you a fake number, because this is not her number. Do that a few times, if she is willing, then bring up the idea of bringing one of them home. Slowly ease her into the idea. Just taking her to a swingers resort is kinda jumping off the deep end and could just cause the whole idea to shut down permanently.

[jomanli123 18]

Agreed to both Scaredstiff & SA_Newtools. I also think its too much too soon. I'll try ur tips. thanks

[jomanli123 18]

Update. I told my wife that I am thinking to take her this All Adult resort. I didn't tell its a swinger resort but instead email her the Desire RM link & told her to check reviews. I also told her that its clothing option resort & he said that she is fine.

I am confused if she is ready or don't know what she will get when she go there. She did some search & then told me that its ok. Any comments

[cplnuswing 4,713]

You showed her the webpage, so you were being up front about what kind of resort it is. A simple "ok" though does seem like a strange response. If she truly has at least some interest, or is in the least bit excited about it, I would have expected lots of questions.

 

Have you tried asking her what her thoughts are? What she liked, didn't like, etc.? Is she going along with this because she thinks she has to? I'd want to know all of those answers before I gave it any more serious consideration.

[Scaredstiff 129]

Maybe you should read through the brochure together and talk it through?

It almost sounds like your trying to trick her into going and that won't be a great start

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

First of all, Desires is AWESOME! I'm sure that no matter what you will have a great time. But more importantly, TALK TO HER. You shouldn't even be thinking about swinging if you can't talk to each other about it (I know right now you are just trying to get her to show her body off more). You also don't want her to 'find out' that you are trying to get her naked and/or to swing (sure, Desires is a nude resort...but it is also where swingers go to swing, that can't be mistaken by her) at a resort in Cancun. Things could just go very wrong. If she is fine with going, I say then go, but you really need to do more talking before you get on the plane.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

It's very hard to tell what exactly is happening between you and your wife with just the words you write here. That's true for any of us; text is very limiting. But, from what I'm reading, it seems like you and your wife are not fully communicating about this. You say you don't talk about your fantasies, and apparently she doesn't either, out of fear. This is a big, big, red warning flag. The two of you need to be much more open with your communication, much more at liberty to discuss your fantasies.

 

You say you've been working on this for two years, yet you are still fearful of her knowing your full fantasies. I would not be too eager to take many steps forward before you and her have a much better understanding of each other's deepest fantasies. Two years might seem like a long time, but for some couples this is nothing. I've read here of couples that took more than 10 years before getting to their first swinging experience.

 

Going to an adult resort or club at this point I think is too much, too soon. You could easily overwhelm her, and turn her off of the idea forever. I like the ideas that people are proposing, of going to a nice nightclub. Have her dress in something very appealing that she feels comfortable in. If she doesn't feel comfortable, it will not go well. Even if it's less revealing than you would like, if she's more comfortable it will go better. Just having men hit on her would be a nice step.

 

Going slow is ok, but be willing to be more open with yourself. Make sure she feels welcome in talking with you about her fantasies. Never say anything negative. Be supportive, appreciative, and loving.

[BobGann 40]

jomanli, not to make light of your attempt to enter the lifestyle, but I think you are falling into one of the traps I've seen other guys fall into here who want to get their wife interested in the lifestyle. That trap is asking a bunch of strangers on the internet how to best communicate about some intimate topics with your wife. You are the expert in this one, not us!

 

People can give you anecdotal advice as to how they got things rolling, but hopefully you know your wife better than any of us...just tell her what you want. It's a yes, no, or maybe, and then you'll have your answer. I think too many guys think they have to lay a trail of breadcrumbs to lead their wife into this, if you'll pardon the analogy.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

You HAVE TO BE ABLE to completely OPEN UP about EVERYTHING. It's not easy to do and it comes with making yourself extremely vulnerable, but if you want that from her, you must give it first. How do you make your wife more open to swinging? Trust her and tell her your fantasies and she will hopefully do the same (no guarantee here). But YOU have to take that first huge leap of faith. We all keep saying the same thing: You have to talk to her...not in the bedroom when your are having sex, but somewhere where you aren't playing and can be serious and honest. This is the only way to get to where you want to go. If you want to get there, we have shown you the road, it's up to you to try and take it, and then see if she comes along with you. Good luck and let us know how things are going.