How to bring up idea of gangbang to girlfriend

[Jmshare 15]

I am relatively new to the scene. I have always wanted to have a relationship that is full of group sex. My biggest fantasy is to have a threesome (ideally a gangbang) with gf. I don't know how to present it to her without scaring her. I want 3 or 4 men to take turns including dp/dv the whole 9. I like her and want to share my fantasies. But I don't wanna scare her off. And even she would be open. How do I organize? She is very open sexually. But how would I even start? Any help would be appreciated!

 

Thanks

[njbm 2,871]

I think there are very recent threads on this. I don't think that you want to start with a gangbang. You should see how conventional swinging goes over first. No one starts on the slalom, they start on the bunny hill. Go to a club or meet and greet with your gf's consent. With experience, she can go on single guy night at a club or at a gb event posted on a website. Make sure she likes the idea and it's not just your fantasy.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Before you start looking to make your fantasy a reality, you'd better talk to your girlfriend about it. If this isn't her fantasy as well, it probably won't ever happen.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

All good advice. Swinging is about trust...less than total trust, no swinging. So, first I would really evaluate what sort of trust you have in one another, and that takes introspection as well as communicating, really communicating. Even getting to that level of communicating can and probably will take some time, and then once you are there, only then can you really start to evaluate and being to build upon the trust.

 

Short answer - talk and then talk more and take your time

[Naughtyvanessa 49]

start with a gangbang porn and talk to her about it. My fantasy is to get pleased from 3 or 4 guys...

[Guest]

start with a gangbang porn and talk to her about it. My fantasy is to get pleased from 3 or 4 guys...

 

 

NaughtyVabessa hit the nail on the head.

 

There are many things you can do before suggesting this to your girlfriend.

 

It can be a long process but if you really want to make this a reality and want it to work then putting time and effort into the subject is vital.

 

BEFORE asking your girlfriend for group sex you could try the following suggestions......

 

1. STUDY: Read forums, study articles, read success and horror stories about this lifestyle, make sure YOU as a person have got a good idea about this subject and WHY you would like this subject, why you want to do this with your girlfriend. When you first mention this to your partner its not uncommon for them to have a LOT of questions and fears, these questions and fears could include:

 

Why do you want to do this?

What are you hoping to gain by doing this?

Am I not good enough for you?

What about safety surly its dangerous?

Do you want to leave me?

Where would we meet people?

How would we meet people?

Where would we play with these people?

What if we caught an STD?

But isn't it really dirty?

What would you expect me to do?

What if I lose you by doing this?

 

The list of questions and fears goes on and on........

 

The point however is you need solid good answers in your mind, you need to give clear direct answers without been nervous, in a confident happy way. When you ask your partner about this subject they will have a lot of worries, fears, questions and they are looking AT YOU for the answers. They are looking to see how much you have planned this subject, how much you really know.

 

Lets look at a simple example:

 

BOB: If you friend Bob at the pub asked you to try out his new bungee jumping rope with him then what would you say? Bob actually has 0% experience in bungee jumping, he doesn't really know what he is doing, he bought a bungee cord for a laugh because he thought it would be fun, now he wants you to be his test pilot?

 

ANDY: Well Andy is actually a bungee jumping instructor, he has been doing it now for 5 years, he has all the relevant training and experience, he has all the safety gear, he knows what he is talking about, he explains the entire process to you, he has the answers to your fears, he obviously has put in a lot of study into this subject.

 

Who do you chose the person who hasn't got a clue, or the person who has clearly put time effort and study into this subject?

 

If you ask your girlfriend about this subject but haven't actually got a clue what your doing it will SHOW, she will see that. So my first suggestion is to study, research, try and figure out what questions she will ask, what fears she might have and prepare yourself for the talk. A lot of people are looking for a leader, someone who knows what they are talking about, someone who gives honest direct answers with the knowledge to back it up. If you don't have the answers, if you stutter and don't really know what your talking about people will go off the idea quickly.

 

So in my eyes the first step is knowledge and understanding this subject so you can provide the answers your partner needs.

 

 

2. YOU: Perhaps another good question is to truly search your OWN REASONS for wanting this?

 

You see it would be lovely to think we are all open minded sensual people just wanting fun, but actually people want this subject for all sorts of reasons, some of the common ones are:

 

NOT GOOD ENOUGH - Some people fear they are not good enough sexually for their partner, maybe they are over weight, maybe they have a small penis, maybe they have erection problems, maybe they cum very quickly, maybe they are shy in bed but basically a lot of people fear they are not good enough sexually for their partner so they decide meeting other people who are better sexually would help.

 

CHEATING - A lot of people who get into this subject have been cheated on before, at first they were very very upset indeed, they had been cheated on, they had been lied to, they lost their relationship because of this cheating person. Yes at first they were heart broken, then after a few years they wasn't upset anymore in fact suddenly the thought of their partner been with another man / another women was a big turn on and they find themselves getting aroused by the idea. What was cheating suddenly becomes a viable fun option in their mind, turning cheating into sharing sex with others as a team.

 

ABUSE - Some people who get into this subject do so because of previous sexual abuse by old friends or even family, that a lot of young people end up having sex pushed onto them and it kind of becomes a normal thing for them. That they want to take back control or simply explore the world of sex more.

 

GAY / BISEXUAL - Sometimes people get into swinging because as a teenager they had a gay or bisexual relationship which often ended in heartbreak or disaster, now they have grown up and are in a straight normal relationship they want to re-visit their old experiences so they want to add another man / another girl so they can have their normal relaitonship but still explore with the same sex as well.

 

SEXLESS RELATIONSHIP - Some people end up in relationships where they hardly ever have sex, they imagine adding other people would change that.

 

The point been there are a LOT of reasons people get into this subject and it helps a lot if you know / understand YOUR REASON for wanting this?

 

 

3. ENVIRONMENT: One area that is often overlooked totally is your home environment, lets say for example your live in a home that is a little messy at times, that its needs some repair work doing, that there is no locks on your bedroom doors, that its a bit over crowded with boxes and pointless stuff you have saved over the years, that actually your bedroom could do with painting, the bathroom needs a good scrub and painting. Sounds familiar to a lot of people, but basically such house issues can not only cause stress in your partners mind but its hardly a clean sexy environment.

 

Having a massive house clean / de-clutter / decorate can spark a period of change in your lives, that having new decor, fresh paint, clean bedroom can all impact your sex life. To build an environment where your partner feels safe, clean, sexy can be useful. Adding a simple lock on your bedroom door can settle your partners nerves about anyone walking in whilst your having sex, such as your children or family simply walking in. Having soft lighting that you can dim down can often help create a more sexual comfy environment. Having a clean home, clean bathroom, clean bedding can all help your partner feel more comfy.

 

The point been if you create a environment where your partner feels safe, secure, private, comfy, relaxed then the more willing they will be to invite others into that space. Say for example your partner is nervous about their body, well having soft lighting can help because you can darken down the room a little, make a comfy environment for them to get naked. If your partner is worried someone will see you having sex or might find out about your threesome lifestyle then adding a lock on the bedroom door and blackout blinds on the windows can help. If your partner is house proud and doesn't want people seeing your old dated scruffy bathroom then re-paint it, give it a dam good clean.

 

Your home environment can play a big role in this lifestyle, if your partner feels clean, sexy, confident, safe, relaxed at home it will help a lot.

 

 

4. TOYS: Add sex toys to your relationship, get online an order 3 or 4 different dildo's, buy a blindfold, buy some wrist restraints, spend some time using toys, if your girlfriend can not relax with a toy touching her vagina how will she relax with other men shoving their penis up her? The sex toys represent something else touching your partner, get your partner use to that first.

 

5. PORN: Like stated Naughty Vanessa hit the nail on the head, start watching threesome porn, gang bang porn together. If you want you can start by watching TV programs that have a lot of male or female nudity. Things like Spartacus, Rome, or other high nudity TV programs and get your partner use to seeing other men naked. If your partner can not see another naked man on TV with you how will they be able to see a naked man in real life with you?

 

My advice would be to start with the more romantic porn, the softer more romantic threesome films where two men treat a women well, they kiss her, stroke her, softly make love to her together then after a while move on to the more hardcore stuff. Test the waters, find out if your partner prefers the more romantic side, or the full on hardcore lets fuck side of things.

 

 

6. WHEN: When to ask your partner is also overlooked a lot of the time. Lets imagine its a Tuesday night and your partner comes home after a long day at work, the house is a mess, there is loads of washing that needs doing, there are a few outstanding bills that need paying, your in a little debt, your partner is upset that they face work all week. Then NO asking your partner then is NOT a good idea. The best time to ask your partner is when the house is clean, debts are paid, they are off work and well rested and in a happy mood.

 

7. WHERE: Again this is overlooked but where to ask your partner is also a subject to think about, my advice would be to take a day trip somewhere, wait until its a nice day and get out of the house, the most ideal situation would be a picnic in the country where you are away from people. Find a private place where no one can over hear you and then ask your partner. The issue here is that if you ask your partner AT HOME and they respond badly then your living room isn't a living room anymore its the place where you asked them to sleep with other people.

 

Arguments, big chats, long discussions have a habit of soaking into the walls. I have always had better results if I ask my partner outside and away from the house we live in. The only issues is that you have to make sure you are in private, well away from anyone else or your partner might freak out about speaking about such things in public.

 

 

I better go to work lol, but yes asking your partner in the right way at the right time can help, things like toys, porn, talking will all help greatly.