Dealing with shifting levels of desire guys vs girls

[couplers 4,614]

Hi this is Petra, member of a three-woman, two-guy closed poly family. I am a long-time member of the Swingersboard, so if you want more background, you can look at previous posts. We are all now in our thirties and have found that while it used to be that the two guys could adequately take care of us three women, that is shifting. The guys have slacked off a little, while the women's desire for sex has increased. While it helps that we girls are bisexual and can help each other, we also seem to need (or at least want) more frequent sex with the guys. Penis-in-vagina intercourse is what we girls want, and the three of us women cum relatively easily, so a quick screw is satisfying.

 

Anyone else facing a similar situation? The way we have primarily addressed this is by making one of our guys service two girls, her cumming while he holds back, then taking care of the second. Any thoughts?

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Maybe consider opening your relationship to swinging (again)?

 

When the girls play do you use strap-ons? Maybe more of that type of play.

 

I'm 43 now and my libido is less than it was in my mid-thirties. It's always an ebb and flow through life it seems.

[couplers 4,614]

Maybe consider opening your relationship to swinging (again)?

 

When the girls play do you use strap-ons? Maybe more of that type of play.

 

I'm 43 now and my libido is less than it was in my mid-thirties. It's always an ebb and flow through life it seems.

 

Thanks for the suggestions.

Swinging is something we've talked about, and hubby's definitely OK with it, but having a closed group has its advantages. Having said that, when Walter (Lora's ex-husband) visited we played with him like old times and it was good.

 

We women don't use strap-ons; something to consider, but I'm not sure it would substitute for what we need from a guy. None of us use toys and enjoy fingers, lips and tongues.

 

The situation isn't bad at all, just that our libido has gone up a little, the guys down a little (mostly not being up for a second round, even when working it with oral), and the guys are working more, harder and longer.

[kikonkrome 844]

Are the guys hitting the gym and staying in shape? Seriously, we seem to run into a lot of guys that have 'performance' issues and I would hazard a guess this was the number one cause.

 

I would also say a bit of variety may help their libido as well? I mean right you would think having two or three women to choose from would do it but, I would certainly believe that they would still desire a total stranger, or somebody outside of the family group. We have a new partner and I am fired up for months with my wife. I am also talking about somebody outside our normal swing circle. I would be really curious if I am the only one?

 

I know both of those things effect mine.

[couplers 4,614]

Are the guys hitting the gym and staying in shape? Seriously, we seem to run into a lot of guys that have 'performance' issues and I would hazard a guess this was the number one cause.

 

Actually, hitting the gym (and trail, and pool) is part of the problem. Red and David always make time to work out, but then after work and what they do at home, they're tired. They can perform , then lights out. We women work out, especially Lora and I, but not to the same degree as the guys; it's more of a calorie consciousness with women.

 

I would also say a bit of variety may help their libido as well? I mean right you would think having two or three women to choose from would do it but, I would certainly believe that they would still desire a total stranger, or somebody outside of the family group. We have a new partner and I am fired up for months with my wife. I am also talking about somebody outside our normal swing circle. I would be really curious if I am the only one?

 

Would the guys take to having some variety? I'm sure they would, and it would be exciting, but it would be a further time drain and I fear that after the enjoyment they would fall asleep. Maybe another couple would work better with a fellow to get excited about us. I don't know.

 

A point jumped out at me when you said "you would think having two or three women to choose from would do it." It's not so much the guys any more that choose and initiate sex play, it's us women.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Have you sat the guys down and told this to them? They may have just become lax in their duties and haven't even noticed. That they are in a situation like they are (the lucky bastards), they need to once again remember how lucky they are and place a higher priority on taking care of the women.

[couplers 4,614]

Have you sat the guys down and told this to them? They may have just become lax in their duties and haven't even noticed. That they are in a situation like they are (the lucky bastards), they need to once again remember how lucky they are and place a higher priority on taking care of the women.

 

Thanks for your suggestions. Don't worry, we remind the guys every day how lucky they are to have us in their lives. But we recognize as well our good fortune in having two really hard-working, intelligent guys to father our children and take good care of us. And we recognize that as just part of human nature and human history, it was usually men that had plural marriages, not the women. We women are lucky to have men that unjealously allow us to seek love and sex between the two of them.

 

Lora and I spoke to hubby and Red about how us girls would like/need more sexual attention. They know all three of us are multi-orgasmic, and while in the past they could go two or three times in a session, especially when switching to another woman, it's now sort of one-and-done. They'll do oral on us, but hell, we can do that ourselves.

 

One of the things we've agreed to is once again set aside Saturday nights for sex with the guys and two of the women (the third can watch the children). Our past Saturday evenings reserved for sexual play were some of the best, crazy sex, loving nights we ever had among the three (Red, hubby & me), four (when Clair came along), and five (when Lora joined our group) we've ever had. The guys agreed to cut back on the gym/track on Friday and none on Saturday. During the week they will be more conscientious.

 

In theory the women having one or more new men to share would be great and acceptable to the guys, but finding someone who meets all of our requirements (whatever those are) and be safe, safe, safe would be hard.

[couplers 4,614]

From another thread on gangbangs:

 

We don't have a problem finding the guys. We play with 4 other couples, so it always involves them.

...

We prefer to GB with our own little group. We think it is safer and more enjoyable. Plus, we can do bareback with them. The other couples feel the same way. We recommend couples considering GB, try to form a close-knit group, where everyone enjoys each other. It is an awesome experience, with the right group.

 

Hi, this is Petra just bitching and making unreasonable demands on life.

 

Were not looking for gangbangs, but this might be the right direction for us. We like the intimacy and safety of a closed group, and the ability to go bareback. It was fun when Walter played with us before Lora professed her undying love for hubby, divorced Walter and joined our family. It seems odd to me, now that I have two children and think I'm done reproducing, that my sex drive and desire to have sex with other men is higher than ever. (More children in our family would be ok, both Lora and Clair want one more.) In any event, Lora and Clair have the same increased desire for more sex with men.

 

The problem with other couples is that another woman is included and that would place demands on the male resources we already have. What we girls would like is a guy or two or three that we could meet at lunch, on the way home, or for a quick weekend diversion. What are the chances that there are married women or committed couples out there that would be interested in some good-looking early 30s women to satisfy their man? We could be the third to a couple, since we're bi, but that involves more alignment of chemistry. Who knows? Writing this makes me have to find one of the guys I already have.

[couplers 4,614]

Not much time, so a quick update; more if anyone asks. Clair has found the solution to our (the three women's) desire for more sex (male sex) than hubby and Red have been giving us. Since Clair is the only one of the adults in the family that is a stay-at-home parent, she has the opportunity to interact with other moms. One woman ("Becky") confided in her that she has totally lost interest in sex and feels sorry for her husband ("Frank") because she only occasionally and reluctantly gives in and puts out. Over the weeks and more with discussion (actually, Clair is a skilled listener), Becky said she wished her husband could find someone she felt comfortable with who would give her husband unattached sex. Clair slowly revealed some of who we are and our family to see how she would react. Becky was open minded and accepting of how such a thing could work.

 

 

We all got together socially a number of times, then after a discussion among our family the question was posed to Becky whether she would consider Clair, Lora and me suitable partners for Frank. Long story short, it has all worked out. We feared that Becky would have regrets once the sex began, but she is very positive. She comes over to our place with him sometimes or is at home when one of us women visits their place. Frank, of course, is quite happy and has been persuaded to engage in some group activity with us as well. Goes to show, there's a solution for just about every problem.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Thanks for the update!

[couplers 4,614]

More detail. The situation is going pretty well but has one weird aspect. First, hubby and Red have become more sexually interested in us, the women in the family, since Frank appeared on the scene. Competition, or merely the eroticism of seeing your women with another man, I don't know, but Red and hubby have definitely been more interested in having us, both apart from and with Frank. Frank didn't have any group sex experience before this, but our guys have taken to occasionally getting involved when he is with one or more of Clair, Lora and me.

 

The weird thing is Becky. I/we thought at first that she didn't like the idea of sex, but that's not the case. She has no problem being around when Frank is doing whatever with us; she is even proud of Frank performing, enjoying himself, and will be affectionate with him afterwards. She has no problem seeing any of us nude or the one brief time, being nude herself. From what she says it is the physical feeling of sex that gives her problems. Becky says that being made sexually excited makes her feel physically ill and that while she can orgasm fairly easily, it leaves her terribly depressed for about a day. According to Clair, who knows her best, Becky said that she was never abused or sexually traumitized, it's something that started slowly and took hold. From all we can tell (and this includes a lot of socializing with them as well), her relationship with Frank is really good. When she is affectionate with Frank it only goes as far as hugging and pecks on the cheek - and blow jobs. She says anything to do with her pussy, nipples, bum, or deep kissing sets her off in the wrong direction of feeling physically bad and mentally depressed. Becky and Frank have offered "in return" that Becky would be willing to give David and Red blow jobs, and once Becky said she would be willing to lick pussy. We said it wasn't necessary for any kind of reciprocity, but if she wanted to get involved in any way that would make her happy we would welcome it. Becky hasn't made any moves.

 

The other weird thing is our own - Lora and I still fight. By "fight," I mean going at it when by ourselves: swearing, insulting one another, peeing on each other, slapping, even a little bruising. There is also a stong component involving her ex-fiance and my husband, both the same guy, David. Lora insults me for letting my husband fuck her and give her a child; for me being a whore and sleeping with other men. I racially insult her and remind her that she wasn't able to hold onto David, I did. It ends with us having sex, demanding to finger or be fingered; lick or be licked. We have tried to involve David occasionally (it does amp up the sting of the insults when he is there and the orgasms thereafter), but he doesn't understand it or know how to play it. In real life, however, Lora and I are deeply and maniacally in love.

[couplers 4,614]

This past weekend was the greatest. Not only did Frank come over and Becky (who doesn't play, see above) came as well to watch the children, but also Walter (Lora's ex-husband) was visiting the city nearby and we invited him. (When in our earlier poly family incarnation of 2 guys/2 women, we used to swing with Lora and Walter when they were married; after they split and Lora moved in with us, we sometimes invite Walter to play.) So for two days this weekend we three girls had four guys to satify us! In our usual family situation, two of us girls gets one good session from a guy, the third girl gets second efforts from them, then we're left still wanting, trying to suck up flaccid dicks to interest and hardness again. But with Frank and Walter there, there was a guy for every girl with one left over, and the competition got David's and Red's interest going again much faster.

 

I've been with five guys in my life and four of them were with me (and in me) this weekend. Nice.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Couplers, congratulations on your weekend, and your lifestyle.

 

Because guys peter out much faster than girls do, in group sessions I always thought that there should be more men than women. 60% guys vs. 40% girls seems fair to me.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Couplers, congratulations on your weekend, and your lifestyle.

 

Because guys peter out much faster than girls do, in group sessions I always thought that there should be more men than women. 60% guys vs. 40% girls seems fair to me.

 

The amount of girl-on-girl play is a factor here, too, I think. It's absolutely true that our 3-on-3 sessions would have benefited from another male if it weren't for the fact that two of the women were able to help keep each other occupied.

 

All of the successful FMF play I've heard of among vanilla couples also needed chemistry between the women, or else the female partner would invariably seem disappointed. By comparison, it's pretty rare to hear a woman from a vanilla couple say their MFM experiment was boring. Same reasons, I think.

[couplers 4,614]

The amount of girl-on-girl play is a factor here...

 

The three of us women in the family are bi and into the others. And that's fine as far as it goes, but sometimes a woman wants a man and his particular parts in her even if another woman is paying attention to her. They actually supplement on another pretty well.

[couplers 4,614]

We did have one minor set back with Frank and Becky. Frank is willingly available to give us women some satisfaction when we call, either at our place or theirs, and Becky is happy it's happening. But on a Saturday evening group play situation, she went beyond merely exposing herself to us and performed oral on David and Red; Red to completion, swallowing. Frank was upset, Becky was more upset. Things were tense and although we went on with our play, they remained tense. They must have sorted it out, however, the next Wednesday they asked to both come over and before we women started to play Becky did oral on Red, David while Frank watched. Toward the end Becky ate out all three of us girls' sloppy pussies.

[couplers 4,614]

couplers said:

The weird thing is Becky. I/we thought at first that she didn't like the idea of sex, but that's not the case. She has no problem being around when Frank is doing whatever with us; she is even proud of Frank performing, enjoying himself, and will be affectionate with him afterwards. She has no problem seeing any of us nude or the one brief time, being nude herself. From what she says it is the physical feeling of sex that gives her problems. Becky says that being made sexually excited makes her feel physically ill and that while she can orgasm fairly easily, it leaves her terribly depressed for about a day...

 

What Becky suffers from is an extreme case of “post-coital dysphoria” except it seems to start even before orgasm, just when she starts to get aroused.

 

There was a recent article in the Huffington Poast about it.

Why You Sometimes Feel Sad After Sex, Even When It's Good Sex | HuffPost

[JessicaJamison 861]

I think from a stamina level two guys for three women is a bad ratio.  It is the reason I do not care for FFM 3sums.  Unless the guy is a serious stud, like you find in porn, he isn't gonna be able to hold off his orgasm till both women orgasm, so one of us is stuck with a tongue.  For me the Sapphic stuff is fun but its a warm up, its foreplay, at some point I want the Dick.  But I have a friend and she is completely happy to be licked, sucked, and fingered, once she has cum she is just happy, while I'm trying to decide who's fucking me in the shower.  I guess different people like different things.  

[mark51687 6]

Well said Jess..

[kittyswinger 260]

Right now, I'm the hinge between 2 guys in a poly relationship. I agree that Coupler's ratio can be challenging for the guys, although she mentioned that she discovered her lesbian side during their journey that might compensate for the ratio.  For me, my ideal ratio, if our polycule will grow, is like 3 guys, and 2 women.

Edited December 21, 2020 by kittyswinger

[Fitlakecouple 451]

19 hours ago, JessicaJamison said:

I think from a stamina level two guys for three women is a bad ratio.  It is the reason I do not care for FFM 3sums.  Unless the guy is a serious stud, like you find in porn, he isn't gonna be able to hold off his orgasm till both women orgasm, so one of us is stuck with a tongue.  For me the Sapphic stuff is fun but its a warm up, its foreplay, at some point I want the Dick.  But I have a friend and she is completely happy to be licked, sucked, and fingered, once she has cum she is just happy, while I'm trying to decide who's fucking me in the shower.  I guess different people like different things.  

Arithmetically speaking: our stance is two guys go into one girl much better than one guy going into 2 girls.

[JessicaJamison 861]

13 hours ago, Fitlakecouple said:

Arithmetically speaking: our stance is two guys go into one girl much better than one guy going into 2 girls.

TRUTH!  I can fit two dicks easy peasy lemon squeezy!

[couplers 4,614]

On 12/21/2020 at 7:38 PM, JessicaJamison said:

TRUTH!  I can fit two dicks easy peasy lemon squeezy!

True, but I prefer licking my girl partners' pussy over sucking dick.  I like DP, but it's not a usual undertaking because of the difficulty in getting it set up right.  Doing guys one after the other (either hole) is easier and more natural. 

 

But what it comes down to for us is who I love, who is in the family, who I have sex with most.  Two other women and me sharing two men, I can live with that because I love them. 

Edited December 24, 2020 by couplers
proper possive

[JessicaJamison 861]

9 minutes ago, couplers said:

I prefer licking my girl partners' pussy over sucking dick. 

I've always been pretty orally inclined and I absolutely love sucking dick.  My favorite part is when he cums and I steal his soul! ??????

[couplers 4,614]

7 minutes ago, JessicaJamison said:

My favorite part is when he cums and I steal his soul!

Regardless of how it starts for me, which is often with his dick in my mouth, it ends with his sperm swimming in my vagina, uterus, fallopian tubes.  I keep a living part of him in me for days!  That's what thrills me.

 

I've probably had sperm living in me continuously for the last 12 years. 

Edited December 24, 2020 by couplers

[couplers 4,614]

8 minutes ago, JessicaJamison said:

I steal his soul!

"I gave her my heart, but she wanted my soul."

[PeterJ 940]

3 hours ago, couplers said:

"I gave her my heart, but she wanted my soul."

“Don’t think twice, it’s alright.”

[couplers 4,614]

57 minutes ago, PeterJ said:

“Don’t think twice, it’s alright.”

Worthy of a Nobel Prize.

[couplers 4,614]

I certainly don't mind a man putting his penis in my mouth or bum and ejaculating, but I always feel sad for those little swimmers and the fate that is in store for them, especially before the swallow.  Here goes, sorry little guys.

 

When Lora was first trying to get pregnant with hubby, we made theater of me having David cum in my mouth and me pushing it into Lora's vagina.  A nice thought, but it didn't work very well; reminds you why guys have dicks.

[PeterJ 940]

1 hour ago, couplers said:

Worthy of a Nobel Prize.

Totally! ??  I went to You Tube and found a strange video of Dylan singing the song over black & white clips of London in the ‘50s and early ‘60s. Odd, but also kinda cool. 
 

https://youtu.be/u-Y3KfJs6T0

[adamgunn 1,460]

I prefer the way Peter, Paul and Mary covered the song.   

 

[dayhiker 83]

Thanks couplers for sharing your story ... I enjoyed reading it.